Work Text:
"So, where did you lose your husband?"
Vader shimmies his way out from under the huge, drum-shaped body of the broken boiler, looks up reproachfully at the Reverend Gaius. "Firmus is not lost. He is at the pub with his friend, my son and our... guest."
"The blue fellow?" Gaius cocks an eyebrow; from Vader's upside down perspective, the expression looks bizarre.
"Yes, the blue fellow," he pushes himself back under the boiler, towards the valves he's been tasked with examining. "Apparently in his entire naval career he's never partaken in shore leave so Firmus and General Veers are... introducing him to the concept."
"Are they showing him shore leave as done by the Imperial Navy or the Axxilan Anti-pirate Fleet?"
"There's a difference?"
All the valves seem to be in place and correctly set, in which case whatever is causing the boiler to malfunction must be located elsewhere. Vader sits up and opens the drum itself.
"Oh, dear lad," Gaius tuts behind him. "In my experience, when the Imperial Navy go on shore leave all they want is to win at all the pub games. But when the Anti-pirates go on leave... they really want to blow off steam, and, believe me, they have a lot of it."
With a non-committal "hmm" Vader reaches into the bowels of the boiler. The machinery is old but otherwise intact and therefore should be functional. He tightens all the internal valves and the pressure gauge just for good measure.
"There's the classic game of how many people can we pile into a toilet cubicle, Truth or Dare, also known as Dare or Stupid Dare," Gaius continues. "Never have I ever. Fountain wrestling but that depends on what borough and what level you go to, and on how inebriated you are. Bin jousting..."
"Excuse me, what?" Vader shoots him a sharp glance from over his shoulder.
"You know we still use those old-fashioned bins with wheels, right? What you do is: you sit on the closed lid of the bin and have someone push you. Once you and your opponent have collided the objective is to stay on top of your bin for as long as possible and to push the opponent off of theirs."
"May wonders never cease," Vader shuts the boiler. "Could you kindly check the water for me?"
Gaius turns on the hot water tap. The boiler coughs, then goes frustratingly quiet.
"I am left with one course of action," Vader declares. "It may look aggressive and unorthodox but, believe me, it is a method used and acknowledged by engineers throughout the Galaxy."
"Do your worst. I just need this thing working before winter."
So Vader sits back, braces himself on arms stretched out behind his back, bends one knee and delivers a sharp, resounding kick right into the side of the boiler. The hot water tap comes on again and this time the machinery, after a brief splutter, roars into action. Satisfied, Vader rises and dusts off the back of his tabard. "It will work for now. If it fails again do not hesitate to comm Firmus or me directly. We will see what we can do. Is there anything else you need me to check on?"
"No, you've been a star," Gaius, smiling broadly, squeezes his shoulder. "Now off you go, find your husband before he launches a rubbish bin off a bridge."
Thankfully, Firmus et consortes are nowhere near any of the borough's bridges. They're all on the little square in front of the pub, engaged in what Vader gathers is a round of "bin jousting", and they've got quite an audience too. Which is no wonder really: it's not every day that the good people of Oxxan Borough get to see local lad Fir Piett attempt to push a six foot tall Chiss off a rubbish bin.
"He's winning!" A very tipsy Maximilian Veers gushes at twice his usual volume and Vader nods along, very pointedly ignoring the arm Veers has got wrapped around Luke. Whatever's been churning between them since Tinnel he'd rather stay out of.
As Thrawn finally tumbles off the bin the surrounding crowd erupts with whooping and cheering. Firmus graces them with an exaggerated bow and a wave, then jogs up to Vader with the broadest, warmest smile the Galaxy has ever seen, offers himself up for a kiss. Vader obliges, completely undeterred by the wolf whistles of the crowd. "Are you enjoying yourself, Aki?"
"Oh yes," Firmus beams. "Would you like to have a go? Play a game, Anti-pirate Fleet style?"
Vader glances at the two bins, at Thrawn already climbing back up onto his "mount", at Luke and Veers, both vibrating with amused anticipation, at an equally excited Firmus. "Alright then."