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Kieran’s body tensed, his leg shaking violently as he fixed his gaze on the match below. Well, not so much the match; that didn’t matter. The person having the match, however, was someone important.
Blueberry Academy had ties to the Unova Pokemon League. It wasn’t unheard of for their students to be taken into the league, or for league representatives to visit their institution. Typically, representatives would be recruiters seeking talent. Sometimes, if schedules allowed, alumni might visit to talk about their exploits and drum up engagement for the school. But this? This was unheard of.
A member of the elite four was coming to visit. Apparently they were some big name with the academy as a rather notable donor. They’d requested a visit, and a chance to hold exhibition matches with the students as a special event. Those things didn’t matter. What caught his interest was the opportunity this presented.
His eyes were locked squarely on this visitor. Her cool blue eyes were steady, her posture relaxed as she gave her commands. She was completely in control of herself and her Pokemon, so much so that even his sister was on the back foot. Granted, Carmine was still smiling, so he doubted she was truly giving it her all. But even toned down, his sister was incredibly strong. Seeing her lose…it was still surprising to him. He knew by now she wasn’t invincible, but still, anyone who could beat her must be someone noteworthy. And if that was the case…
As his sister’s final Pokemon fell, the stadium erupted into applause. Kieran’s leg shook faster, his nails digging into his palm as he clenched his fists. The two combatants shook hands, bright smiles on their faces. That proved it. His sister must have been holding back; she would never be so relaxed after losing in a serious match.
The announcements called an end to the exhibition matches, as students began to file out of the stadium. Kieran rose to his feet, and pushed his way through the crowd to the field below. He kept his eyes fixed on this woman, who was thankfully caught up with the staff. Her mannerisms, the way she moved; all of it exuded a quiet strength and elegance. Nothing at all like him. But he would get there. He’d battled as many of the students as he could, and pushed himself as far as he could go. He’d become one of the top ranked in the academy, but he knew he had further to go. He still couldn’t measure up to his sister, or to that trainer…
The teachers began to walk away, the woman following with them. Kieran broke out into a run as he reached the field, calling out “Wait, please!” The woman was the first to stop, turning those cold blue eyes back at him. Under the force of her gaze, Kieran slowed his pace, clutching a hand over his chest as that familiar anxiety shook his body. “Please wait,” he said.
“Kieran? What is it?” one of the teachers asked.
“I,” he began, words cluttering in his throat. He swallowed hard, steeling his nerves. “I want to battle, too,” he said forcefully.
“The exhibition is over, Kieran,” another teacher said sharply. Kieran scowled, lowering his head and grinding his teeth. They just didn’t understand; he needed this! He needed this so badly, his entire body began to shake with the stress of being turned away again.
“Very well,” a soft voice answered. Kieran raised his head. The woman had turned to face him directly, her calm expression unchanged.
“Lady Caitlin, are you certain?” one asked. “We have a rather busy schedule for today, and-”
“I’ll find the time,” she said.
“Then, we’ll wait for you to-”
“No, go ahead without me,” she said. The teachers began to protest, but she continued sternly: “I wish to speak with this boy alone.”
After some mutterings, they replied “As you wish, Lady Caitlin. Though please, do not keep the director waiting too long.”
“I’m sure he’ll understand,” she said, waving them away. A slight tightness gripped Kieran’s chest as he watched them shuffle away. She spoke her mind, and got exactly what she wanted. That was exactly what he wanted to be like. And if he could beat her…
“I’d like to battle,” he repeated, meeting her gaze.
“As you wish,” she said.
“But not like the others,” he added. There was a slight twitch in her eye, some small surprise, easily overlooked. “I want you to battle all out. Don’t hold anything back like you did with my sister!”
Her eyes were fixed on him, her expression unreadable. Kieran shifted his weight nervously. Why wasn’t she saying anything? The least she could do was answer. He could feel himself glaring, and tried to look away. He knew he wasn’t being fair, getting mad about it, but was it so hard to respond? Maybe she didn’t think he was worth her full effort.
“If that’s what you wish, I shall hold nothing back,” she said. His body relaxed, hearing that. Maybe she was kinda nice after all? “But indulge me first,” she added. “Why do you wish to fight?”
Kieran clenched his fists. He had his reasons, but… “I need to get stronger,” he said quietly. “Stronger, and stronger. Stronger than anyone.”
She nodded. “Then do your best not to bore me,” she said. “I won’t settle for a yawn-inducing battle.”
Kieran winced, turning his glare away from her. To think, he almost believed she’d be nice. She must have just seen this as an opportunity to humiliate him. “Let’s get in position,” he growled, taking his place.
The woman stood silently, Pokeball in hand, waiting for his signal. Kieran had watched her earlier matches, and was familiar with what to expect. She was a Psychic-type user. And that meant, with a rounded team, he held the advantage, and could take an early lead.
“Go, Yangmega!”
“Indeedee, let’s get started.”
Their Pokemon burst onto the field, Yanmega’s wings beating furiously in the air. Indeedee gave a cordial bow, as a wave of psychic energy lined the field around them. Kieran grit his teeth, but smirked. She hadn’t done this in the exhibition. At least she was honest; she was holding nothing back.
“Take it down, Yanmega! Bug Buzz!”
“Expanding Force.”
Yanmega’s wings whipped into a frenzy, a furious buzz echoing from its body in a powerful wave of energy. As it approached, Indeedee raised its arms, its psychic powers erupting in all directions. The power expanded along the terrain, dispelling Yanmega’s attack, and swallowing it up in the field. Yanmega’s body twisted and writhed as the energy tore into its body.
“No, no, no, no,” Kieran muttered to himself. “Yanmega, push through! Hit it with your full power!”
Yanmega’s eyes locked on its target. Folding its wings, it propelled itself forward, through Indeedee’s expanse. As it reached its opponent, it flapped its wings violently, releasing another wave of energy that connected with Indeedee. Indeedee gave a shout, then fell to its knees. “Don’t let up!” Kieran shouted. Yanmega continued to release its power, a deafening hum cutting through the air, until finally Indeedee fell.
A wave of relief washed over Kieran. “I can do this, I can do this,” he chanted to himself, steeling his gaze on his opponent. Her expression seemed unchanged, but he could tell from the look in her eyes, she hadn’t expected that. She was on the back end, and she was sure to be frustrated, maybe even angry. Those calm, blue eyes wouldn’t deceive him. He knew how she must feel.
“Reuniclus, it’s your turn,” she said. Another Psychic-type; Yanmega would have this under control.
“Bug Buzz!”
“Trick Room.”
Kieran grit his teeth. If Yanmega couldn’t finish this right now, Trick Room would be trouble. Yanmega seemed to sense the urgency of the situation, whipping itself into a great frenzy, an ear-shattering screech piercing the air. Reuniclus recoiled at the noise, it body seeming to droop to the ground. “I can do this. I can do this!” Kieran repeated, watching Yanmega’s efforts.
Yet as the sound died down, Reuniclus let out a cry and stretched out its arms, a strange power enveloping the field. Kieran grumbled, but gave his call.
“Once more, Yanmega!”
“Psychic.”
Yanmega began to beat its wings, but its body moved as if in slow motion. Reuniclus began to glow, the psychic energy rising from the field to fill its body. It released a powerful burst toward Yanmega, knocking it from the sky before it could move.
Kieran grit his teeth as he recalled Yanmega. This wasn’t going how he’d hoped, but his team was carefully built. He wasn’t that easily defeated. “Go, Shiftry!” Dark types were immune to her Psychic attacks. Still, no sense playing around.
“Focus Blast.”
“Shifty, Fake Out!”
Shifty snapped to attention, quickly moving in on Reuniclus and slapping its fanned arms against it. Reuniclus recoiled, shaking itself as it regained its focus. Kieran kept his eyes on the field. This wouldn’t last forever, he just needed to wear it down.
“Don’t let up! Dark Pulse!”
“Try it again, Reuniclus.”
Shiftry built up the malevolent energy in its body, preparing to launch its attack. Yet before it could act, Reuniclus created a swirling sphere of power between its hands, releasing it toward Shiftry. “Come on, come on,” Kieran chanted, following the attack, as the sphere connected with Shiftry, sending it flying across the stage. Of course he thought irritably, recalling Shifty.
His best options were down, but he’d worn down the clock. Now it was time. “Gliscor, let’s finish this! X-Scissor!” Gliscor burst into the field, clacking its claws together as it charged toward Reuniclus.
“Psychic.” The clear command echoed in the stadium, as Reuniclus gathered its strength, and released it into Gliscor. Gliscor cried out as it was propelled into the sky, falling to the ground with a heavy crash. Kieran stared a moment, waiting for it to rise. Yet it held still, unable to move.
“That was just one attack,” he growled, turning his eyes to his opponent. Her expression was calm, confident; condescending. She tried to hold it back, but he knew, he knew she was laughing at him. That she didn’t consider him worth her time. His body shook, the tension rising in his chest. He had to turn this around.
“Poliwrath, let’s do this!” Poliwrath flexed confidently, giving a triumphant cry. As it prepared, the distortion from Trick Room began to dissipate. Kieran smirked, waiting for the psychic energy to fade. Yet as if to spite him, it continued to swirl along the ground. “No, you’re joking,” he spat. Both effects should have faded. Indeedee must have used an extender. Of course he would miss something that obvious.
“Whatever. Poliwrath, Liquidation!”
“Psychic.”
It didn’t matter. Without Trick Room, this fight was over. Poliwrath charged in, striking Reuniclus in its core with its full strength. Reuniclus finally dropped to the ground, unmoving.
“Well done,” she said, recalling it. “Gothitelle, let’s finish up,” she said. Gothitelle appeared on the stage with a graceful bow.
“Liquidation!” he screamed.
“Psychic,” she called.
Energy surged up Gothitelle’s body, erupting from its hands. Poliwrath’s punch stopped short, its body wracked by the psychic power as it slammed powerfully into the ground. “Come on,” Kieran muttered under his breath. It shouldn’t have been that fast! The battle was going completely at her pace. Why couldn’t he turn this around?! “Probopass, get in there!” Probopass hummed eagerly, its drones buzzing about its body.
If she could get lucky before, he should as well. “Zap Cannon!” he called.
“Calm Mind.” Gothitelle closed its eyes, channeling its strength. Electrical energy gathered as its drones swarmed, coalescing into a powerful burst. Yet as it fired, the attack flew off course, missing its target.
“Figures,” he spat. “Fine, Flash Cannon.”
“Psychic.”
Gothitelle’s eyes snapped open, as power shone around its arms, enveloping Probopass. With a wave of its arms, Gothitelle threw Probopass into the ground. Probopass endured the attack, and a blinding flash of power arced into Gothitelle. Yet rather than recoil, Gothitelle simply brushed off the attack, its powers beginning to swell once more. Kieran watched as Probopass was again enveloped, and tossed aside, where it lay unmoving.
Kieran grit his teeth as the strange energy around the field began to fade. It didn’t matter; this was already over. But as long as he could keep fighting, he had to push, and push, until everything he had was run dry. Releasing Dipplin to the field, he cast one last, defiant gaze at his opponent.
“Syrup Bomb!”
“Psychic.”
Dipplin endured the attack, then launched a sticky glob of syrup onto Gothitelle. The syrup oozed over its body, restricting its movement in its hands and legs. “Keep it up!” he cried. “Finish it with Dragon Pulse!” Dragonic might erupted from Dipplin’s small frame, roaring toward Gothitelle. Gothitelle stood tall, enduring the attack as its eyes began to glow. Through it struggled against the sap, it slowly raised its hand, and surrounded Dipplin with its powers. With a swift motion, it pressed all the force it could muster against Dipplin, the small dragon being crushed into the ground. Applin glared back, and built up another burst of draconic energy that tore at Gothitelle, but its powers did not relent. Though it struggled, Dipplin eventually fell still, unable to keep fighting.
“No,” Kieran whined, dropping to his knees. “No, no!” he shouted, striking his fists on the ground. He clenched his eyes closed, tensing every muscle in his body to keep from screaming. He held this pressure deep within himself, until his body could no longer contain it. With a final grunt, he struck the ground once more, as his muscles snapped to rest.
Kieran slowly, hesitantly, opened his eyes, casting an upward glance at his opponent. She hadn’t moved at all. She was completely still, her cold blue eyes fixed on him. She was angry. Of course she would be. He’d asked for this, and completely wasted her time. Even after as much as he’d done, he still couldn’t keep up…
Kieran rose to his feet, choking back his tears. Though he couldn’t meet her eyes, and his voice trembled, he managed to softly speak. “You won,” was all he could say.
“So it would seem,” her voice called back, calm as ever. She began to walk up to him, her arm beginning to move. He flinched instinctively. Yet a moment passed, and nothing happened. When he glanced over, she was standing still, hand outstretched. “That was well done,” she said, voice as even as ever.
“I didn’t even come close,” he grumbled.
“Perhaps not this time,” she said, “but it’s clear how well you have trained your Pokemon. Each of them fought to their utmost for your sake. Take pride in them, even if you can’t in yourself.” Kieran snorted. Take pride? What was there to be proud of? “I know it’s a difficult thing to ask in the moment,” she continued.
“What would you know?” he spat. “An elite four member, one of the strongest in Unova. What could you possibly know about how I feel?” He’d turned his eyes on her, his expression sharp. He could tell he was glaring, but so what? Why shouldn’t he be angry?
“More than you might think,” she said, meeting his gaze. “Losing has always been hard on me, too.”
“Yet you made it,” he said sharply. “You’re strong. Strong enough to never lose.”
“You think I never lose?” she asked, a note of amusement in her voice. For the first time, Kieran thought she cracked a smile. Was she making fun of him? “If that were true, wouldn’t I be the champion?”
Kieran grumbled. She had a point. “Still,” he muttered.
“I have lost, and often,” she said. “It took a long, long time before I became used to it.” She looked away, her eyes soft, as if recalling a fond memory.
“So because of that, you think you know me?” he snapped. “You think you can understand how it feels, to have someone who you need to beat, but can’t, no matter how hard you try?”
“Yes.”
Caitlin was looking directly into his eyes now, her expression completely serious. “Really?” he asked weakly.
“There is someone, a rival of mine, who I have never once defeated,” Caitlin said. “She was incredibly strong, and I was rather taken in by that strength. But when I tried to battle her, to show her how strong I could be, I failed miserably. I felt that I had embarrassed myself utterly; that she could never respect me, as a person or a trainer. I was so panicked, my powers ran out of control and destroyed the arena we were battling in.”
Kieran felt himself relax, hanging on her every word. “What…happened?” he asked.
“It’s rather embarrassing in hindsight,” Caitlin laughed, “but I hid myself away. I shut myself in my room, until Darach drew me out. I thought for sure she would never want to see someone like me again.” Kieran nodded. That made sense; when you lost that badly, what was left? “But she came back. And she wanted to battle again. She wanted to be my friend.”
“She did?” he asked.
Caitlin nodded. “We’ve been close ever since. She is someone I can depend on. Someone who pushes me to always do my best.”
Kieran lowered his head. It sounded so nice; so idyllic. Impossible. She was speaking from experience, so it must be true. But still… “I doubt they would feel that way,” he muttered.
“Are you sure?” Caitlin asked. Kieran nodded. “Have you asked them?” Kieran hesitated, but slowly shook his head. “Then how do you know?”
“I know,” he said.
Caitlin smiled. “I thought the same thing, once,” she said. “But that was my self-doubt talking, not them. I let myself believe no one would like me, once they saw me angry. That no one would respect me if they saw me lose. But it wasn’t true. And once I could accept that, once I could truly believe that others would still care about me, even if I wasn’t strong…I made many friends, who are all precious to me.”
Kieran fell silent, unable to meet her gaze. “It doesn’t…feel true,” he whimpered.
“It won’t at first,” she said. “But if you push yourself to believe it, little by little, it gets easier.”
Kieran just nodded. He couldn’t think of anything to say. He wanted to argue; nothing about it felt true. But he also really, really wanted her to be right. He’d tried so, so hard, battling as hard as he could to get strong. He wanted to believe that meant something, even as everything he had been trying to work for left him. If nothing else, her words were comforting. There was just one thing he still didn’t understand…
“Why did you tell me this?” he asked. “Why did you agree to battle me? Just…why?”
“Hmm, I wonder,” Caitlin said, giving a mischievous smile. “Suppose I just saw a bit of myself in you, and thought you could use a friendly talk.” Caitlin’s sparking blue eyes fixed on him, smirking playfully. “Did it work?”
Kieran snorted. In spite of everything that happened, and everything he’d been feeling…he smiled, soft and bright. “A bit,” he said.
“I’ll take it,” Caitlin beamed. “Keep trying, young man.”
“Kieran,” he said.
“Kieran,” Caitlin said with a nod. “Take care, Kieran. Perhaps I’ll be able to visit the academy again some day. You’ll have to tell me all about your adventures when I do.”
Kieran nodded. For the first time in what felt like forever, his heart felt light; like he could truly relax and smile, just for a moment. “Thank you, miss Caitlin” he said.
“Just Caitlin, dear” she chuckled. “Now, I must be off. Your director is no doubt frustrated with me.” With a soft wave, Caitlin turned away and left the stadium, Kieran waving slightly after her.
Kieran took a deep breath, then exhaled slowly. Nothing she said felt real in the moment. That he could still be someone important, even if he lost. That they could still be his friend. That he hadn’t ruined everything. It just rang hollow in his mind. But he clenched his fists, steeled his nerves, and made his way back to the academy. Even if it felt impossible, he’d still have to try. For his own sake, too.