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Everyone always wanted something from Wilhelm, everyone other than Erik. His brother, the rightful Crown Prince.
Yet, here Wilhelm was. The once spare, now thrust into the spotlight. The former 'party prince' now holding the weight of a country on his shoulders.
Fuck, he still hadn't even adequately grieved his brother. Yet, he was required to stuff his emotions into a box and perform his new role with the utmost dignity and respect.
He was supposed to be the spare… never the King. Sure, growing up knowing he was only there in case something happened had fucked with Wilhelm in more ways than he’d probably ever understand, but he didn't have to.
He had Erik.
And then, when he was sent to Hillerska, he began finding out things about himself he never dared to before…
Simon.
He swallowed back the pain, the image of Simon's broken face when he told him he couldn't do this anymore, hitting him like a ton of bricks.
Wille—Wait, could he go by Wille anymore? Probably not. It wasn't formal enough.
Pulling in a deep breath, deciding it would be something he would figure out later, he looked around the courtyard; most everyone left him alone since he'd arrived back at school. Sure, he had a few condolences, but when his response was always one-word answers, people soon gave up trying.
Which was fine by him. He didn't need friends. Friends weren't a priority. His country was. Everything he did now was for his country.
As he watched his classmates mingle about, his eyes focused on two Third Years cuddling by a birch tree. His heart squeezed, the image of Simon once again hitting him.
Even if he wanted it, he'd never get the chance now.
Closing his eyes, Erik popped into his mind. Fuck, he had such big shoes to fill, and he knew there was no way he'd ever properly fill them. Erik was made to be King one day. Wilhelm wasn't.
Wilhelm was the spare. That's all he was ever supposed to be. Erik would have made a remarkable King. He would have ruled like no one else could. He would have helped change Sweden into a better place. He held his responsibilities in a way Wilhelm never could. And he sure as hell wouldn't have fallen for someone he wasn't allowed to. Erik would never—
Shaking his head, he pushed the thought aside. What he wanted didn't matter anymore. Forcing his eyes away from the couple, he looked around, analyzing everyone who walked by. There were some focused on their phones, engrossed with their social media. Some were studying. Some were resting on the lawn.
That's what he'd been reduced to. People watching. Studying their every move, all while cataloging what he could to hopefully help him rule a fucking country in the future.
His eyes moved once again to the couple under the tree. They now were embraced in a deep kiss, reminding him of the kiss he'd shared with Simon. He'd never be so lucky to experience it again.
His life would be planned out for him. After he graduates, he'll be sent off for his military training. He'll have countless meetings to attend. His mother would most likely pick who he'd marry. He'll never get the chance to explore the side of him he'd only begun to learn about.
He closed his eyes as he filled his lungs with crisp air. He had to learn to let it all go. He had to accept it.
There was no other choice.
He's jarred out of his thoughts when someone sits beside him, causing him to straighten. Refusing to acknowledge them, the person must have gotten impatient since they bumped into his shoulder.
"Wille…."
Simon's voice cuts through him like a dagger to the chest. His eye instantly snapped to the couple under the tree. After a few seconds of longing, he tears his eyes away and moves them back to the middle of the lawn. "What can I help you with?" he finally asks, his voice firm.
"Wille."
The plea he hears in Simon's voice makes the Crown Price turn and face the one person he'll never be allowed to have. When he does, there is so much pain and concern in his eyes it's too much for Wilhelm to bear. He swallows, forcing his eyes back to the courtyard once again.
"How are you doing?" Simon asks, his shoulder pushing into Wilhelm's again.
"I'm fine."
Simon huffs out a laugh. "You're a liar."
"It doesn't matter, does it? I don't get to have feelings. I have to prepare for the future." Wilhelm blows out a heavy breath.
"That's bullshit."
"It's the truth."
"No, it's not." Simon places his hand on Wilhelm's knee, making his eyes dart to it. The warmth under his palm crept into the very part of him. And he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to figure out a way to lean into it. To let Simon pull him away from all of this. To fall into his arms and never come back.
"Have you talked to someone?" Simon asks.
"About what?"
"Erik, your new responsibilities, everything you have going on now? Hell, even just sharing memories you have with your brother could help."
No. He'd never be allowed to do that.
Building up the walls around himself, he steadies his heart. "Why are you here?" He cuts his head toward Simon.
"I wanted to check on you."
His eyes narrow. "Why?"
Simon sits back, his lips pulling between his teeth. "Despite everything that happened, I still care."
Closing his eyes to will away the emotions, Wilhelm moves his head back to focus in front of him. "You shouldn't."
"But I do."
"Nothing can ever come of us."
"Because I'm poor or a boy?"
Wilhelm's brows snapped together.
"You're going to be King, right? You get to make the rules."
"It's not that simple."
"Then make it that simple. They need you to take the throne, Wille. Without you, what would they do? You don't have to let them rule your life. You're your own person. I get wanting to make your mother happy, but what about you? What about what you want?" He snorts. "If we had a monarchy that for once threw away outdated traditions and actually gave a shit about their people, maybe I'd actually like them? I mean, I'm still forever in the "fuck the monarchy, let's get with the times", but still. They'd have a better shot of winning me over than they have now."
Wilhelm darted his gaze back to Simon, his head cocking to the side. He had a point. He actually had a really good fucking point. There wasn't another spare behind him. He was it. They needed him. Not the other way around.
As gears moved in his head, things started falling into place. It was like, for the first time since his brother's passing, a part of the weight had been lifted off his shoulders.
It all happened so fast, Wille grabbed the sides of Simon's cheeks, bringing their lips together. He didn't care about the people around. He didn't care who could see or that they were out in the open. All he cared about was the boy in front of him. The one that made him want to be a better person. The one that caught his eye and stole a piece of his heart.
"Wille," Simon whispered, pulling back to look in his eye.
He searched Simon's confused face before settling back on his eyes. Behind the confusion, there was pride and excitement. God, he loved that. The boy in front of him made him want to be brave. He made him want to make changes. He made him whole. "Do you want to hear about Erik?"
A small smile spread across Simon's lips, his eyes soft as he nodded. "I'd love to hear about him."
Wille placed his forehead on Simon's. "Thank you."
After a moment Wille stood and held out his hand. Once Simon took it, he laced their fingers together before they walked openly through the school, heading toward his dorm room so they could talk freely about his brother.
With each step he took, hand in hand with the boy who made him stronger, the weight of the world slipped away.
He might not have everything figured out, but he knew no matter what would happen going forward, as long as he was honest and stayed true to himself and the people of Sweden, and he had Simon, he’d be okay.
He’d make Erik proud.