Chapter Text
Adam got up to flip the record over, moving languidly across the room in his pajamas. His green and grey robe hung lazily at his sides. I inhaled just as an intense wisp of incense drifted my way. The air was suspended in intermingled layers of sandalwood, crisps, and The Who. I laid back against a threadbare pillow and watched amorphous shadows flow across the ceiling. I knew they came from his lava lamp, which sat somewhere behind my head on the egg crate that doubled as a nightstand. I chuckled to myself at how he tried to class up the joint with tapestries and low lighting, but there was still a familiar teenage boy ambiance you just couldn’t disguise.
As the next track began he returned to his spot on the floor beside me. I'm dreaming, dreaming of the day I can control myself. I closed my eyes and let the words wash over me.
"Do you think we could ever sound like this?" I asked.
"Probably not," Adam responded. "We'll always just sound like ourselves."
I’d been ready to fight, but his words gave me pause. Sighing, I admitted to myself he was probably right. I was coming to learn that Adam was wise beyond his years, so I tended to believe him over myself. It was like our future was just hanging there in the air above our heads, and I couldn't quite see it or grasp it, but I got the feeling Adam knew what was coming, even then.
I tried to forget the day and disappear into this room, his room that felt like another world. I studied the scene hanging on the wall just over Adam’s shoulder. It depicted a rocky landscape with tall swaying grasses and water in the distance, from somewhere completely foreign to me. His tie-dyed Bob Marley poster hung on the opposite wall. That was the thing about Adam, he had a worldly air about him, while also being incredibly relatable. I always found myself wanting to go further, to understand more, when I was around him.
The black lights bathed the room in a hazy blue and deep shade of purple, like something that comes from the earth, but is not of this earth. Like something from the inner core of another dimension entirely - a nebula far away in deep space, dying and being born all at the same time.
Adam hopped up to change the record before the last song was even over. I’d noticed he was always a little antsy like that, and had to keep moving. I wasn’t yet sure what he thought would happen if he slowed down for a minute, but I could relate to that feeling too.
"I got this one in London," he said proudly, spinning the coloured vinyl between his large hands. It looked like a giant piece of candy with neon coating, the color intensified by the black lights. That's nice, I thought to myself, reminded of how all the black vinyl was impossible to see in here. I could hardly see anything that was happening half the time, but I was trying so hard to be cool I couldn’t admit it.
Adam stopped at his mini fridge to grab two sodas before returning to his spot again. He popped them open and wiped the condensation roughly on his thigh before handing one of the bottles to me.
"Thanks," I said as he stumbled into me.
"Sorry," Adam said as he steadied himself on my shoulder and smiled weakly.
I shook my head. "S'okay mate." We shuffled our bodies around on the floor until we were both comfortable again. The air in the room had warmed, but the hair on my arms prickled.
I had propped myself up on his pillow again, and took a sip of my drink. What sixteen-year-old has a fridge in their bedroom, I thought to myself as I took another sip. Somehow Adam always managed to surprise me. I didn't know how I was possibly cool enough to be hanging out with him, but I was grateful. I didn't want to be anywhere else right now. Feeling like I could barely exist another second, I didn't want to be in this world anymore. I'd had enough of this life. Somehow Adam sensed this and he didn't question me about it; it was just a fact. He just let it be. It was like he could see things coming before they even happened.
Adam putzed with the small tv, set on another egg crate in front of my outstretched legs. Once he got it going and we saw that a scary movie was playing, he turned it down so we could talk while it played in the background. We didn’t have much choice between the six channels it picked up.
We talked about what was happening at school, and our numbskull friends, and our even more idiotic parents. I could talk to him all night. Adam’s legs pretzeled in between us and the tv, I found myself comparing our physicality, drawn to his flesh and blood form. I barely remember anything about the movie, but at one point there was a young woman confessing in a church and a fucked up priest stalked her out to the street. A jump scare startled me and I grabbed Adam’s hand.
The funny thing was he didn’t let go immediately. He let me hold on to him.
When our eyes locked, I got nervous and made a joke to diffuse the tension. “God, I’m acting like such a girl.”
Adam just laughed, messing his hand through his hair, and I had the momentary thought about all the girls he’d probably had in this very room. My stomach flipped over and I wiggled my fingers out from between his, sliding my palm along my thigh to rid it of the slippery feeling I suddenly had.
“I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admitted.
“Where? Here?” Adam sat up, not missing a beat or allowing my discomfort to spoil the mood.
“Lately? Everywhere, man. I feel like everyone around me is speaking a different language.” I shook my head, feeling lost once again.
Adam just looked at me for a minute, and then with the most tender voice he said, “There are only two kinds of languages. Love languages and fear languages.”
I stared back at him, not able to speak. I was thinking, Are you some kind of prophet or something?
Then Adam continued, “I know you know both of them.” He paused and we just stared at each other for what seemed like an eternity. I wanted to slip out of my skin and somehow see this moment from his eyes.
And then he said something I’ll never forget. “So you just have to learn when to use each one, to make us feel it right along with you.”
This moment felt significant, even then, though it would be many years before I understood its full implication.
I was safe within the four walls of his room, if only for a short respite. After the movie finished, and we cleaned up our snacks and drinks, I left feeling comforted. His bead curtain clinked against itself as Adam held it out of the way for me to walk through, and I looked back at him wordlessly, for now.