Chapter Text
Although he can’t pinpoint the exact moment he began to see the other man regularly, he does vividly remember the first moment.
He doesn’t recall what happened that day he had the dream, an unusual occurrence for his usually sharp memory. All he recalled was laying his head against his pillow–the world going dark–and then the boy.
The boy in question appeared to be a young teenager, somewhere in his early teens. He had pale skin, messy black hair, and wore a disheveled school uniform. Yoo Joonghyuk squinted his eyes but even then he could not make out the boy's blurry face. Only the outline of his jaw.
Yoo Joonghyuk tries to speak but his lips do not pry open.
He realizes then, when he looks down, that he is younger. He is a teenager again.
The boy says something.but the words are muffled by a harsh gust of wind that passes by Yoo Joonghyuk. His vision blurs as his hair whips in front of his vision and when the wind slows, the boy is farther away.
Yoo Joonghyuk becomes aware of the fact that they are on a rooftop. The boy stands dangerously close to the edge.
His body does not move how he wishes it to and when he attempts to yell or run or anything, nothing happens.
It appears the boy notices this lack of movement because he turns around then and despite the blur he sees the barest hint of a smile in the corners of his lips.
‘Why are you smiling? Why are you so close to the edge? Stop moving. Please.’
He tries to mentally urge the boy but the boy is unaffected as he turns back around and faces the edge.
He slips his shoes off. A pair of worn in, dirty, once white, sneakers.
He steps closer.
The tips of his toes dangle off the edge.
He turns slowly.
He says something but Yoo Joonghyuk cannot hear it. He doesn’t know if it’s because of the rushing in his head or just that he simply cannot hear like before, but none of that matters at the moment because the boy slowly takes a small step back and then drops.
Yoo Joonghyuk thinks he must be screaming his throat raw but the rooftop is silent. The traffic below is a muted buzz and the casualty of everyone around him is perhaps what hurts most because the boy is dead and no one cares.
The boy is dead.
And Yoo Joonghyuk is awake.
His eyes shoot open and his heart pounds quickly as he shoves the blankets away. His body is drenched in a cold sweat. His breath comes out in short, stuttered breaths and he simply cannot get enough air.
None of it was real.
He flexes his finders and then squeezes his hand into a fist before releasing it.
At Least he could control his body again.
He opens his mouth and becomes aware of how parched his mouth and throat is but he ignores it in his still hazy state as the words he had so desperately wanted to yell leave his lips in a mere broken whisper.
“St-op.”
His head falls into his hand and he distinctly remembers not going back to sleep that night as images of that boy play over and over in his memory like a broken tape.
The next morning Mia would ask him if he was alright and he would tell her nothing of the dream or the boy. Just simply state that he didn’t sleep well. Not quite a lie but not the truth either.
—
The boy stays present in his mind like a looming force that waits whenever his mind begins to wander. Thus, Yoo Joonghyuk busies himself with work and taking care of his younger sister.
He should have known though, that eventually his mind would bring itself back to the anomaly that was the boy of his dreams; said boy stood away from him again just like before. He looked exactly as he remembered him all for the bruises that covered his legs and the dried blood below his nose.
That wasn’t the only thing that was different, he slowly realizes.
The boy’s face was still blurry but he could make out contempt in those features and for some reason it pained Yoo Joonghyuk’s heart. Once again he desperately tried and failed to open his lips.
The boy’s mouth opened and it moved quickly as the boy appeared to be ranting but same as before his words did not meet Yoo Joonghyuk’s ear though it appeared the boy couldn't tell as his face contorted into one of pain and despite not knowing what made the boy upset, Yoo Joonghyuk felt the need to comfort him.
He opened his mouth but the words that formed and left his tongue were not his.
“It was for you.” He did not say it and yet he did and the sound of voice was strange, a tad higher and shaky, strange and nothing like him.
The words were not the ones of comfort that he meant to say but it seemed that the boy took the words that ‘he’ had uttered to heart and his anger wavered, the corner of his eyes softening.
It didn’t last however and soon he seemed to regain sense as he turned away and his face contorted into what Yoo Joonghyuk presumed to be a yell.
The useless, younger, body that he resided in only shook with clenched fist and said nothing more.
The dream continues like that in silence as he watches the boy in front of him cry and shout to his deaf ears. The boy once again notices his lack of response and moves forward and says something and although he could not hear the words, they were now close enough he could read the simple word on the boy’s lips.
‘Why?’
—
The response is on his lips but it dawns on him that the boy is not real and he will never be able to answer.
He pushes his face into his hands and is aware of the slight wetness at the edges of his eyes.
It was all so stupid.
He doesn’t sleep after that.
His mind drifts to the boy’s expression, the way such anger had manifested out of nowhere without context.
HIs brows furrowed and a heavy sigh left his lips.
With nothing else to do and sleep clearly not returning to him, he rises from the bed and heads for the kitchen to make himself a cup of coffee and start on breakfast for Mia in a little bit. Maybe start filling his schedule for the upcoming week.
—
He did not dream for a while after that.
Perhaps filling his brain with nothing but work and his younger sister or perhaps he had let go of the strange boy and decided to not let it bother him, nevertheless, the boy seemed to finally leave him and after a month or two he began to feel peace again. Of course, there would be moments when his mind would drift and the boy’s face would scrunch up and tears threatened the edges and then there was that wobbly smile he had gave Yoo Joonghyuk before–
Yoo Joonghyuk shook himself of his thoughts and resumed making dinner. He turns to the fridge, opens the door, and finds that he is missing key ingredients. Yoo Joonghyuk mentally scolds himself for letting the boy take up more space in his mind then he thought. How truly idiotic.
“Mia! I’m gonna go get some stuff from the store real quick!” He calls from the kitchen as he slips on his shoes and pulls his black coat over his shoulders.
“Okay!” He hears Mia call back before quickly closing the door behind him and heading off.
—
Plastic grocery bags hung in his hand as he swiftly walked home.
The sky had begun to darken slightly and the street bustled with people and cars on their way home.
Lost in thought, he doesn’t notice the person who hurriedly rushes past him and causes him to fall slightly, the other person falls backwards completely.
Yoo Joonghyuk is about to yell something about how they should be watching where they’re going but then he sees their face, his words die at the sight of an anxious man, with dark hair and wide eyes that observes the scene with fear. He wore a disheveled suit and scuffed black shoes.
He stood immediately and grabbed an onion that had rolled out.
“I’m so sorry!” He placed the onion in Yoo Joonghyuk’s hand, bowed quickly, before running off.
Yoo Joonghyuk stood slowly and put the onion back in the bag and looked to where the man had run off to but Yoo Joonghyuk could only see a vague silhouette of what could be the man’s back.
He walked home in a daze.
It surely was the boy from his dream, with the same dark hair and scrawny body but for once, he could get a good look at the man's face for that split moment. He had dark eyes, an almost black gray, he had dark circles under his eyes and exhaustion was clear in them.
Yoo Joonghyuk can’t help but wonder what kind of life the man must have lived and if it really was the boy from his dream.
The matter was heavy in his head, but then he got home and caught in the cycle of daily life, the matter (somehow) left his head completely.
That’s until he saw the man again, standing anxiously in his workplace for an interview he was probably underqualified for, and all Yoo Joonghyuk could think of was the young boy who stood on the edge of the roof with a similar smile the man now wore.
Uriel was saying something to him that caused his shoulders to relax just slightly before a knock on the door and then the both entered.
“Mr.Kim, sir.” Uriel bowed slightly and left them.
“Sit down.” Yoo Joonghyuk waved with no care to a chair in front of his desk. He studied a paper in his hand with no interest and was, in reality, taking in the appearance of the man who appeared to be less disheveled and less afraid.
“Name.”
“Kim Dokja.”
The name rings no bells and Yoo Joonghyuk becomes even more perplexed.
He shakes his head slowly.
“Previous work experiences.” The man goes on to list a few nothing jobs and proves Yoo Joonghyuk’s assumption to be right. He should've ended the interview there. Closed the door and went on with his life.
He didn’t do that. He couldn’t do that.
“Age.”
Kim Dokja paused like he knew that wasn’t truly important to the interview but answered anyways.
“28.”
They were the same age.
“And you filled out the form.”
Kim Dokja produces from his bag, a ragged thing, a form with most of the same information that he had already been told. The only things he hadn’t known was his birthday and phone number.
He nonchalantly set the paper on his desk and picked up a different, unrelated one up.
“Have Uriel escort you out.”
Instant defeat appeared to course through Kim Dokja, whose shoulders now slumped slightly and a small hope that Yoo Joonghyuk had seen at the beginning of the interview was gone. Pain prickled in his chest for whatever strange reason. He vaguely noted about bringing it up next time he saw Lee Seolhwa.
The man walked out and the rest of the day was a blur filled only with thoughts of the man. Each one blooms more curiosity and want to see him again.
Of course he saw other candidates who were more than qualified for the job and could be a great asset to the company but his foolish heart could only think of the man and his pitiful face when Yoo Joonghyuk attempted to play it cool and disregard him.
“Mr.Yoo, are you…alright?”
Uriel had come in suddenly and looked at him with a puzzled expression as he sat over the desk with his head in his hands, most likely looking like a fool from her perspective.
He sat up quickly and adjusted his tie.
“Bring the man back in. Kim Dokja.”
Uriel’s eyebrows shot up in shock but then something flashed in those bright green eyes and her lips curved into a knowing grin.
“Of course, sir.”
She took her leave and Yoo Joonghyuk was left alone feeling like the biggest fool of all.
—
Despite what the kind women with golden hair and bright green eyes told him, he expected no call or email back. It was clear that compared to the other candidates that had come in that he wasn’t qualified.
But then just a day later, his phone rang and when he picked up he was met with the voice of the kind woman informing him that he had (somehow) gotten the job.
“Are you messing with me? Are you sure you have the right person?” He asks with genuine confusion. There was no way that he had gotten the job. The call has to be some sort of scam. A cruel prank.
“Kim Dokja right? I can assure you this is no prank. Come in at 8am Monday next week for orientation.” Her voice was serious but kind and his chest tightened. He had gotten the job. It would be okay.
“Thank you.” His voice was tight and cracked slightly but it was okay. Everything would be okay.
She hung up and he was left alone in his small apartment. He fell to his knees, his hands sprawling out beside him and his phone held loosely in his right hand.
Biyoo padded over and rubbed her nose against his open hand for pets and Kim Dokja couldn’t help but laugh as he pet the curly white fur atop her head.
Tears threatened to fall but he held back and just hung his head down and grinned till his cheeks hurt and his muscles spasmed from the uncomfortable position.
When his legs fell fully below him, he got up, wiped the tears that welled, and went to bed that night with Biyoo curled up in his lap, and the determination that he would continue to survive as he always did.
“It will be okay..” He whispers into her fur.
—
The next day, Kim Dokja texts Han Sooyoung with excitement and tells her the news. She matches his excitement and declares that later that night they would go for drinks in celebration.
Once she hung up, he calls the manager of the convenience store in which he usually worked the night shift for.
“Where were you last night!?” His boss yelled. Kim Dokja winced and pulled the phone away from his ear.
“I quit.”
His boss starts to yell something else, but Kim Dokja hangs up before he can.
He was grateful for the job but he always hated it. The manager would often give him strange looks and accused him of stealing weekly. Kim Dokja often wondered why he even hired him in the first place.
It was a weight off his chest and with nothing else to do that day, Kim Dokja flopped back into bed to catch up on years of lost sleep.
—
“You need to quit as soon as possible.”
Kim Dokja gave her an incredulous look in his slightly drunk state. The change in tone from when she found out he got a decent paying job that would allow him to quit his second job, to when she found out who his boss was, gave him whiplash.
“Why??”
“Are you serious?” Her tone was grave and concerned for a reason Kim Dokja couldn’t fathom with his slightly hazy mind.
“Are you??”
“Kim Dokja. You really don’t remember?”
“Remember what?” His voice rose, gaining the attention of some nearby tables.
Han Sooyoung sighed and slumped into her seat, her head cradled in her hands.
She grumbled something under her breath, raised her head, took a long swig of her drink, and slammed her cup down. Defeat was clear in her expression.
“Just be careful. Please.” Even if Han Sooyoung was being unbelievable, the worry in her voice was unmistakable.
“I will.”
The rest of the night was light and airy and although Kim Dokja stopped drinking after about three shots, he talked with Han Sooyoung who continued till her face was pink and her words slurred.
He cut her off when she started to get too rowdy and called Yoo Sangah to get her. A harder process then it should've been when Han Sooyoung decided she wasn't ready to go home and wrestled Kim Dokja for his phone, garnering more attention then they already had from earlier. He eventually got the phone back and called her with a complaining Han Sooyoung in the background.
She arrives shortly and after he sat Han Sooyoung in the passenger seat, he leans against the car and rests his wrist on the inside of the partially open window.
“How are things at Minosoft? You got a contract right?”
“Yes..but I turned them down. A better company reached out so I’m transferring there in about a month. It’s more in my field.”
Kim Dokja smiled softly for her.
“What about you? Find a new job?”
“I did, actually, It’s a..really good one though I don’t know if Han Sooyoung approves..” He trails off and laughs nervously.
“Why’s that?” Yoo Sangah’s voice is filled with total confusion, meaning that Han Sooyoung hasn’t told her anything. Strange.
“Something about my boss…probably related to highschool–I’m not really sure…my memories from then are kinda vague..” Yoo Sangah looks at him with concern but then Han Sooyoung leans over in one slow move and mutters something that only they can hear. Yoo Sangah looks at him with pity like she doesn't want to leave but has to and sparing her the words he grins.
“It’s getting late. I should get going. I’ll see you around.”
Yoo Sangah starts to say something but stops herself.
“See you around, Dokja-ssi.” He watches puffs of gray as the car disappears and he’s left under the streetlight.
He calls a cab and drifts off sometime during the ride into a deep sleep, only woken by the driver's gruff voice.
He hands him a few crumpled bills and watches the cab leave.
He enters his dark apartment and is instantly greeted by Biyoo, who rubs her head against his leg and purrs. He doesn't bother to slip his beat up sneakers off as he flops back first into bed. After him, Biyoo follows and makes space for herself in the curve of his stomach.
He should slip into an easy sleep after drinking but instead Han Sooyoung’s words ring in his head.
He brings forth Yoo Joonghyuk’s appearance to the front of his brain and tries to remember if it was familiar but he comes up blank. Kim Dokja was certain he would remember such a face, even with his highschool memories foggy and if the man truly was so bad, then he would quit. He was used to switching around jobs anyways, what’s the worst that could happen?
—
The rest of the week passed slowly but in great anticipation for his job orientation. He had never been so excited for a job before.
The night before he eats out at Han Sooyoung’s with some other friends. He tells them the great news as Han Sooyoung shoots him strange looks. After everyone leaves, he stays to iron his suit so that there isn’t a wrinkle seen. He takes a longer than usual shower and washes everything away before he settles into a familiar bed with giddy excitement for the days to come.
—
“Stop that..” Kim Dokja murmurs to Biyoo, who nuzzles his face. In said state of semi-wakeness, he hears the muted blaring of an alarm.
His body reacts to the sound and he shoots up to turn it off when he sees the time.
To no surprise to anyone who knew his life story, Kim Dokja was late.
He shouldn't be too surprised that he slept in considering that things had gone so well that naturally things had to go astray.
He rushes to brush his hair out so that at least most strands rest flatly, he slips on his pristine suit and is glad that he took the time to iron it. He skips breakfast and slips on his somewhat scuffed black shoes and runs for the train. He barely makes it and due to being one of the last people on, he is forced to stand, squished in against the door.
By the time he runs off the train, only bumping into a few people and yelling rushed apologies he makes it only five minutes late.
The building is unfamiliar but he easily spots the blonde haired woman from before in the bustling crowd.
“I'm sorry–woke up late..” He says in between heavy pants.
Her glossed lips slip into an easy smile that dampens his worries.
“Don't worry about it. Just between you and me–” Her voice lowers to a whisper, “I was late my first day as well, luckily with a small lie I got out of it. I’ll just tell him I gave you the wrong time.”
Her words touch him and Kim Dokja mentally sets a reminder to thank her in some way when he gets adjusted.
—
The day went by rather quickly, consisting of a tour of the building, where his office would be and going over hours and pay rate.
Despite all of that, Kim Dokja didn’t see Yoo Joonghyuk once. Only to himself would he admit that he was slightly disappointed.
After lunch (Uriel had previous plans with someone else she referred to as Abysmal Dragon) Kim Dokja was left alone. He wandered outside and across the street just around the corner he spotted a cafe. He leisurely walked in and ordered.
“Your total will be $7.98.” Kim Dokja reached into his pocket for his worn down leather wallet and was met with nothing but the pocket material. He put his hand in his other pocket. Nothing. Anxiety built in his chest as he patted his back pocket. Nothing. He forgot his wallet.
“I’m sorry, this is awkward. I forgot my wallet just go ahead and—“
“I’ll pay for him” a familiar voice said and a man’s arm reached from behind him and set a few bills on the counter.
“Keep the change”
Kim Dokja turned to see Yoo Joonghyuk with a strange expression on his face.
“I'm sorry about that. Thank you sir.” His voice came out awkward and his words strange. He wants to slap himself for it.
‘ Act normal, Kim Dokja. ’
Yoo Joonghyuk nodded.
“Let me pay you back somehow–”
“It’s fine.”
Silence fell between them as Kim Dokja waited for his order and Yoo Joonghyuk stood next to him and waited as well, for whatever reason. Maybe the silence would be comfortable if not for the fact that people around them snuck glances at Yoo Joonghyuk, who clearly stands out in this small cafe with his pricey suit.
Kim Dokja decides it’s for the best to ignore the stares and instead takes the moment to study his appearance.
It was clear by his looks that he really was good looking and once again Kim Dokja was sure if he saw the man, he would remember.
How could he forget such a chiseled jaw, dark eyes that held a wiseness about them, as though he had seen many things. Loose waves of black hair fell just above his eyes. His clothes were fitted in what should've been a very professional manner, but curse his mind, all Kim Dokja could think about was his defined waist and the forearms that emerged from his sleeves that were rolled up to his elbows.
“Kim Dokja.” The cashier called out.
He was thankful for the distraction away from the other man’s stupidly good looks.
He picks up the coffee (a too sweet caramel frappuccino topped with whipped cream and caramel drizzle) and a paper bag that contains a pastry.
He walks over to where they stood, where Yoo Joonghyuk still stood.
Kim Dokja truly couldn’t figure him out but at least he could pay him back.
He set his coffee down for a moment to break the pastry in half. He took out one half and hands the other, still in the little paper bag, to Yoo Joonghyuk, who could do nothing but accept it when it was stuffed into his hands less it fall to the ground and bring more attention to them.
“Thank you again, sir. I’ll see you around.”
Kim Dokja, a little flustered but happy, exited the shop and left behind Yoo Joonghyuk. If he had turned around, Kim Dokja would see that his ears had turned a slight shade of red.
—
The next few days were hectic and stressful at times but there was something nice about falling into a rhythm of working. The few days without it were slow and while he enjoyed the time to read, something about working, specifically there, was comforting almost.
There was also his boss.
He didn’t see him often but there were times when, strangely, Uriel asked him to give papers to Yoo Joonghyuk.
He recalls that one of the times, when he held out the papers and was about to set them down somewhere on the desk, Yoo Joonghyuk held his hand out.
He gave the man the papers and their fingers brushed, they both looked up and stared at each other for a second and in that moment they were the only people in the world and perhaps he was being stupid but there was something in that moment that he couldn't stop thinking about.
He truly felt stupid, feeling this way for his boss of all people but no matter how he tried to ignore such feeling they welled up like an overfilled cup.
It was his second week when something pleasant happened.
Yoo Sangah started working there.
“Yoo Sangah–ssi??”
Yoo Sangah matched his confused look for a moment but then she broke into a grin.
“Guess we’ll be working together again.”
He laughed lightly and the day went by quicker than usual.
—
It was after a month that things truly became too much.
“I’m losing it..” Kim Dokja mumbled mostly to himself while he and Han Sooyoung watched some bad comedy at her place.
It was late and Yoo Sangah had left for bed an hour ago.
The two weren’t even really watching the movie anymore. Now they simply talked.
“Because of him?”
“I know you warned me but..there’s just something..” His voice trailed again and he curled up tighter on the couch.
“There was always something.” Han Sooyoung whispered. Her eyes darkened and in the background he heard the soft sound of the tv laughing at them.
“What do you mean by that? What happened in highschool?” He demands quietly.
“I can’t do this right now..He seems to have changed..Anyways, it’s getting late.”
“Yeah.” He says sharply.
Kim Dokja had wanted to rave to her about the stolen glances and quick grazes of hands between them, but now he said nothing.
He walked home under flickering street lights.
His thoughts wandered to the man and highschool.
Still nothing. Only an aching pain in the back of his skull.
He shakes it off.
—
He has the next day off.
He sleeps in till the sun lighting the room forces him up and out of bed.
He gets ready for the day and sees a surprising text from Uriel asking him to come in.
With worry, he explains everything and regardless, she asks him to come in.
Kim Dokja finds it strange but money is money so he dresses quickly and makes it to the office by two.
It was a regular day other than that. He worked hunched over the computer and ate at a small sandwich place Yoo Sangah suggested.
That night, when it was time to go home, Uriel held him back.
“Mr.Yoo wishes to speak to you.”
Kim Dokja gulps anxiously. He’s done his best to keep up with everyone but perhaps he wasn’t doing good enough. There were those moments where he had to keep asking Uriel or Yoo Sangah for help…
He walks as slowly as possible and hesitantly knocks on the door.
“Come in.”
Kim Dokja enters and Yoo Joonghyuk does something he never did before, he stands up and walks to where Kim Dokja stands in front of the door.
“What can I do for you sir?”
Yoo Joonghyuk gives him a puzzled look and his eyebrows furrow as he thinks deeply about something for a moment, stares Kim Dokja up and down and steps back so there is a few feet between them.
“Did I do something wrong, sir? I know I’m not exactly qual–”
“It’s nothing like that.” Yoo Joonghyuk shakes his head dismissively.
The room falls into a heavy silence that makes Kim Dokja quite uncomfortable but with nowhere to go he stands stiffly until Yoo Joonghyuk sighs and meets his eyes.
“I know this is rather unprofessional but–” A hand comes up to cover his mouth, “ would you please go on a date with me?” His words are mumbled but clear.
“What?”
Kim Dokja’s jaw practically drops at the confession and in turn Yoo Joonghyuk’s face becomes a little redder.
“Go on a date with me, please?”
Kim Dokja had never seen Yoo Joonghyuk so embarrassed, it was quite cute.
Kim Dokja wanted to slap the thought out of his head because this was his boss…his boss…who just asked him on a date..
“I don't think I can say it again..” His face and ears are redder than a ripe tomato.
“I uh–yes! Um here's my personal number, just text me when!” His hand shakily writes his number on a scrap piece of paper.
Yoo Joonghyuk takes it like it's the most precious thing he's held. He takes Kim Dokjas hand as well.
“Thank you.”
“Um yeah!” Awkwardly Kim Dokja slips back.
“See you around, at work you know, or on a date or–” Kim Dokja shuts himself up before he embarrasses himself more and exits the room.
Alone, Yoo Joonghyuk stares at the paper, scribbled with a phone number. He traces them with his finger. He already had the man’s number from the interview but there was something special and precious about the scrap of paper between his fingers.
He really wasn't one for romantics, but that day in the cafe, he acted without thinking and paid for the meal and like a fool, he waited with the man. He expected him to thank him and leave, maybe insist to pay him back some more, instead, he gave him half a pastry and a bright smile that left his ears burning.
He couldn't forget the man. Not after that.
Mia had taken notice of this naturally and called him out about it. He blamed it on the weather getting chillier and messing with his mind.
And then there were the small glances between them. When he would look forward in a meeting and catch the man staring before he looked away with pink cheeks in quite an amusing way or the way their hands would graze for a second and it should have meant nothing but instead it would be all he could think about that day.
Yoo Joonghyuk had become a love-sick fool and a stupid one at that.
It was all so confusing and so he took the chance and asked the man out. If he said no he would try to accept it and move on. Lock the growing feeling in a vault to never be seen again.
But he said yes.
He said yes.
His lips curled into a smirk.
That night, he made a feast of sorts for him and Mia.
“What’s with all the food, Oppa?”
“I was in a good mood.”
“Oh? Did something good happen recently?” She asked with excitement. Her older brother was a lonely man by nature and she often worried he would grow old alone but judging by his expression perhaps he had finally found someone that would stay by his side. Maybe she would see that wide smile she only saw when her older brother was with him.
She shook her head of such useless thoughts. No one could replace him and he wasn’t coming back. Her brother had made it clear by his actions.
“Mia, dinners ready!”
“Coming!”
She broke herself from her thoughts and together they ate.