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Ellen looked up from her diary. “Oh, it’s you… Viola…” Ellen looked down at the pathetic creature below her. She had already gouged out her eyes and cut off her legs, but the girl had refused to die, so she had burned her throat too. Yet here Viola was, still crawling her way towards Ellen.
“…Gah…b…i…ahhh…” The monster clawed away at the floor, trying to reach the girl who had stolen her body.
“Give it back? No way, this body hurts way less.” Ellen paused and grinned. “C’mon on, Viola. If you really want it back, catch me,” and Ellen took off running. There was no way in hell, even if the house obeyed Viola, that she would get caught. In fact, she was already flying down a flight of stairs and into the hall before-
“Ack…” Viola launched herself onto Ellen, sending them both into the wall.
“…Shit,” Ellen mumbled as she pulled herself up. “Was not expecting that. Damnit.”
Viola started making frantic grabs for Ellen’s shoulders. Bloody claws started to rake at Ellen’s new body. “Gab… Ba…” Ellen suddenly found herself face to face with the gory visage she had made. Viola’s hands started to tighten, fingernails digging into flesh.
Ellen wrestled with the arms restraining her. Like hell she was going to give up without a fight! Then suddenly, Viola crumpled onto Ellen, dead.
“Jeez, you were stubborn, but I knew it. That body wouldn’t last long.” Ellen stood up and brushed herself off. “Especially trying to do something as foolish as chase me.”
The walk out of the house and forest was calm from there. This was the end of magic and the end of her witchhood. Her nightmares were over. It started raining softly as Ellen made her way down the path to the outside world.
“Viola!” Ellen’s ears perked up. That was Viola’s father. “Viooola!” The man stumbled into Ellen’s path. “Viola! Oh my god, you’re safe!” The man rushed over and hugged Ellen tightly. “I was so worried when you stormed out of the house!” The man sighed and held his daughter out at arm’s length. “What happened to you? You look terrible!”
It was true. Viola’s body was covered in scratches and bruises from her ordeal. Her hair no longer in tight braids, her dress adorned with the reds and browns of the house.
“C’mon, let’s get you home, Viola. You must be exhausted.”
‘Viola’ smiled meekly and fell into her father’s arms. “Thank you…”
The second Ellen fell onto Viola’s bed, she was fast asleep. There were no dreams and no nightmares. It was a blissful darkness that wrapped around her and blocked the tide of growing pain in her head. The day had been stressful. After the waves of adrenaline Ellen had experienced in her new body, she was coming down from the high and crashing into an excruciating headache.
But now it was quiet.
The following day passed by much more smoothly. Viola’s father had forbidden her from going outside. “It’s still a little early for you to get out of bed. Tomorrow you can go back to school, but for now, please rest, Viola. I don’t know what I would tell your mother if she met you before me…” He leaned down and kissed his daughter on the forehead. “Have pleasant dreams until I get back, alright?”
And so Ellen did as she was told. She had thought that adjusting to the life of a little girl who had to follow her parents would be stifling, but surprisingly, she had no qualms about following her dad’s orders. It was comforting, in fact, to know that she was loved.
Soon Ellen had drifted back into the land of dreams. It was a little dark, but still held the same warmth and comfort. Oh, you’re back. Ellen’s eyes snapped open. A voice? Whose was it? Ellen glanced around for the source.
Nothing around her seemed to be able to make a sound. Ellen got out of bed and wandered the house. She was alone. Daddy had gone off to work, and her new living space was sparsely adorned, mostly practical furnishings.
Shaking her head, Ellen returned to her bed and sunk into the cushions. Daddy was right, she should just rest for the day.
Soon Ellen was swimming again in her thoughts. Still dark and still the same calmness surrounding her. Ellen? Ellen didn’t bother to open her eyes. She would probably find out what was going on sooner or later anyway. Are you staying this time? Ellen tried to focus on her form. Maybe she could open a set of imaginary eyes into her own head? Worth a shot.
Who is this? Ellen sent out. It came out a little more sharply than Ellen would have preferred, but she was too concentrated on getting a mental image of what was going on.
Did you already forget about me?... The voice sounded disappointed. I know I meant nothing to you but… It sounded familiar. Someone Ellen had probably talked to for a long time. It’s me, Ellen. Viola.
The surprise at hearing her own name in such close proximity to Viola’s snapped Ellen’s mental eyes open. It was a rather jarring experience, suddenly having one’s awareness opened to another plane of existence.
V-viola? Ellen cast about in her mind. There was Viola, sitting on a pool table and looking sadly at her.
Yeah… bet you’re surprised to see me.
How are you-
Alive? Viola nodded and hopped down to be by Ellen’s mental body. Ellen imagined they must have looked like twins, since she had thought of herself in Viola’s body. Ellen had never particularly liked her own. Well, magic of course…
But, but-
You didn’t know any magic that could bring people back to life? Ellen nodded. Yeah, but you knew the body-switching spell.
That-
Doesn’t work without consent? Another nod. What do you think happens when one person consents but the other doesn’t? Viola paused and looked at Ellen. The consenting conscious gets moved. Viola shrugged.
So…
Viola laughed. No, you still needed my consent for the spell to have the results you wanted. Viola lifted both of her arms and stretched. As it is now, I can’t control my own body. Well, I guess it’s yours now, Ellen.
Ellen just stared at Viola.
Yeah, I guess you’ll just have to live with a mind roommate now. Viola grinned weakly. Though could you deal with that cat for me? I don’t think he’s very happy that I escaped…
How many years had it been since that day? Ellen mused to herself as she ordered another drink. Fifteen years. And yet she had managed to carry on in life, even with Viola tagging along. In some ways, Viola had made her new life even more enjoyable. Every night in bed, they’d talk about Ellen’s day, and then Ellen would fall asleep mid-conversation. It had been a remarkably easy transition. She could still talk to the only girl who knew who she really was, and Viola would sometimes give her advice on how the modern world worked. Plus, Viola only came out right before Ellen went to sleep. It’s hard to maintain consciousness when you’re fully awake, Ellen. Are you subconsciously trying to strangle me?
Ellen grinned and shook her head. Viola was still a goofball after all these years and everything that had happened between them, and a large part of her was grateful that the girl was still willing to put up with their unique situation.
“Hey, is anyone sitting here?” Another woman looked down at Ellen quizzically and gestured to a seat.
“No, you’re fine.” Ellen said nonchalantly before looking at the speaker. She was a tall and statuesque woman in her mid-thirties. Ellen almost missed the drink that was being slid her way.
“My name’s Kimberly Brooke, you?” The woman grinned and reached out to shake Ellen’s hand.
“Uh, Viola. Viola Mare.” Ellen’s mind froze for a second before answering. She supposed she could have gone by her actual name, but it was honestly easier to go by Viola, less to keep track of that way. The real Viola agreed with her.
“So what’s an upstanding woman like you doing here?”
Ellen grinned. “I could ask the same of you.”
That was only the start of the night.
By the time Ellen fell asleep, Viola had already been up for hours. Have a nice day?
Mhmm. Ellen nodded. It really had been nice. Talking with Kim had turned out to be quite fun, and at the end of it…
“Here, take this. It was nice talking to someone intelligent at this bar, and you’re a lot better company than the prick who stood me up. Call me, alright?”
How was she?
She was great. Smart. Stable job. Got her life together. Generally likable.
Are you listing the pros to marrying her? Viola elbowed Ellen’s ribs as she teased.
No! Besides, it’s my body, it doesn’t concern you!
Viola chewed on that piece of information for a minute …Do you like her?...
Ellen glanced down at nothing in particular. Yeah… I guess I do…
The next morning Ellen had called Kimberly and arranged a meeting for the following day. From there she could just take it one step at a time, right? Viola had poked fun at her for that. Are you sure you’re the same person who stole my body? You’re acting like a chicken now. But in the end, that was how Ellen and Kimberly grew close.
Their chatting turned into talking, and then into discussions, then coming over to Kim’s house for meals. Quick, shy pecks turned into innocent kisses and cuddling, spending a night together watching a rom-com, or B-list horror flick. Ellen loved it. Being loved for who she was, not Viola, and even if she went by that name to Kim, it was still a small heaven for her after work and from being Viola.
So of course it was Viola who snapped her out of it.
… Do you love her?... Viola asked one night. Ellen had just gotten home from Kimberly’s house and had already hit her mattress.
You still on about that? Ellen turned her mental head to face Viola. She was still sitting on the ridiculous pool table. Ellen honestly never understood why the table was in her subconscious.
Viola screwed up her face and stood up, looking Ellen directly in the face. Yes. I want to know.
Then yes, I love her. Why does it matter to you? I know you’re here, but you’re not even conscious when I’m with her, and like I said, it’s not your body anymore.
Viola nodded and looked away. Yeah, I know that…
Cuddling soon turned into something else entirely.
“Did you enjoy it?” Kim pulled back and surveyed the work put in by her French kiss.
Ellen blushed and pressed her forehead against Kim’s. “Yeah, but… I’m not that good at it. It’s a little awkward.”
“Oh, you’re so cute!” Kim leaned forward. “Don’t worry, you’ll get plenty of practice.” And she kissed Ellen again.
And as days passed, they became something even more intimate. All it took was Kim throwing her onto her bed.
Ellen was gasping. “Kim… Kim, please…”
Kim looked down at the girl begging beneath her. “What do you want, Ellen?”
“I… want you…” Ellen wrapped her arms around her lover and brought her into a kiss.
Kimberly pulled back. “See? You’re getting better.”
Did you have fun? Viola wasn’t even looking at Ellen when Ellen closed her eyes and entered her mind.
Of course. Ellen brushed Viola off. She was too happy to really care. They had had their first time together… And it hadn’t been awful! It had almost been perfect. Kim had been so-
Anything else you want to say? Viola’s voice had reached an accusatory tone.
What? What’s got you so interested? Ellen rounded on Viola. Honestly, why did it matter to her? Why do you care?
Why do I care? You’re obsessed! Viola turned around and glared at Ellen. This whole place has been flooded with your thoughts of her. I can’t get a single moment to myself without you sending a sappy memo through my head. You’re spending all your time on her!
Why shouldn’t I spend all my time with the person I love!?
Viola wasn’t looking at Ellen anymore. Her bangs cast a shadow around her eyes anyways. Love?... Is that it?... Viola started walking closer to Ellen. This! Viola grabbed Ellen’s hand and put it over her own chest. Is love!
Ellen looked down at her hand. In her mind, she couldn’t feel a heartbeat. But on the outside, Ellen felt her hand move over her own chest. Viola had never influenced their body before, and now her heart was pounding, erratic, unchecked. It beat against their ribs, a slow ache pervading their body.
Ellen glanced down at Viola. She hadn’t looked at her for a while. Maybe that’s why she suddenly noticed. Viola still looked like she was thirteen. She was shorter and her hair was still done in two braids. Even her dress was the same as that day.
What did she look like? Had she grown up, grown past the girl in front of her, her partner for over a decade.
I’m sorry… Ellen took her hand back. But I don’t love you.
The next few months passed by in a flurry. A combination of routine and being with Kim made the days fly by.
But surely, bit by bit, things changed. Ellen noticed a ring on Kimberly’s finger, but she laughed it off. Kimberly was distant, talking less and less to her, but Ellen was also getting more and more tired from her work too. The holidays were always a killer with the end of the year deadlines looming over the horizon.
And then it happened. Ellen woke up. All it took was one incident. She had come over to Kim’s unannounced. She wanted to surprise her, it was the anniversary of when they had met. She managed to sneak in fine, the landlady knew her from past encounters. Ellen had prepared a present on the kitchen table along with cake, complete with cheap plastic utensils and paper party plates. It was a silly kind of affair, the kind that Viola would have planned for her when she was still bedridden. Ellen smiled. Even with the tension between them, she couldn’t deny that Viola had rubbed off on her, and in some ways it had helped woo Kim too. She had the weekend off, and after so long, she wanted to spend it with the one she loved.
Then Kim showed up. With an unfamiliar man. They were holding hands, chatting excitedly when they entered Kimberly’s apartment. They stopped when they saw Ellen sitting at the table.
Ellen blinked.
“Oh.” Kimberly faltered for a second. “Ah, Ellen, meet my fiancé Matthew. Matthew, this is Ellen, one of my best friends.” Kimberly fumbled around with her hands as she tried to articulate a coherent excuse to her fiancé that a woman could just show up with presents and a cake in her apartment.
“Oh, uhh… I heard the news.” Ellen smiled. “I got you guys a present to celebrate.” It scared Ellen. Just how easy it was to lie. She was tossing everything she was, everything she had ever built with the woman across the room, and it was easy . “I’ll just leave you two love-birds to it!” Ellen winked and ran out of the room. Seventeen years of her new life crumbled beneath the weight of centuries. She had lied, stolen, and murdered so much that something as small as this, as small as her heart, was easy to throw away.
Besides, Kimberly had never known any of that. She couldn’t have ever known who Ellen really was. In the end, she was just pretending to be Viola again. Old habits die hard , Ellen thought bitterly as she walked home.
Ellen didn’t even wait for nighttime. She immediately flung herself onto her bed and squeezed her eyes closed. It was better to just melt into the darkness and forget everything. To be comforted by that warm feeling of sleep. Except…
Oh, you’re back early.
Viola…
Yeah, I get it. You’re not in the mood. I’ll let you go to sleep.
Ellen grabbed Viola’s wrist. Wait…
Viola stopped. What? It was curt, pulled taut, as if Viola was about to break into a scream.
… Won’t you stay with me?...
Viola ripped her arm away. What am I, Ellen? The consolation prize?! The first question rolled into a yell of frustration. Why should I comfort you?! I gave you my body, my life, my love! What more do you want!?
Ellen recoiled.
Huh?! What do I owe you?!
…Don’t you love me?... Ellen sounded meek, and she could barely meet Viola’s eyes. Somewhere, she realized that she was eye level with her old friend again. She wasn’t Viola in her mind anymore, she was just Ellen, a small girl with purple hair and cursed golden eyes. That was who she really was, and that was the person who wanted to be loved. Her legs quaked. And Viola was the only person who could ever truly accept her. She knew it was cruel, but at that moment, all she wanted was someone to comfort her.
Do you love me? Viola almost sounded like she was mocking Ellen, but she looked even worse than Ellen, her face contorted between rage, frustration, and hopeless longing. Ellen could see her frame convulse as she bit back her sobs.
Viola waited for a response, then turned on her heel and walked into the darkness.
Ellen woke up the next day surprised to see herself still in bed. The sun was already high into the sky. Ellen never woke up this late, but then again, last night had never happened before either. She wondered, somewhat unenthusiastically, if she should call in sick for the day. No… It was Saturday. The office was closed anyway.
Ellen rolled over and pulled her comforter higher. Surprisingly, she didn’t feel that bad physically. She had Viola’s body to thank for that. Ever since that day, she had never had to deal with the same kind of torture her body had experienced day in and day out while she was a witch.
It was just now, she felt… drained. It was an old, familiar, and sickening feeling. Every time she had killed, every day she had woken up, every book she had read, and every meal she had eaten back then, the same kind of exhaustion had swallowed her. She knew it well, wore it well, the exhaustion of forcing herself to do something she hated. When had she started to forget this feeling? Was it when Viola showed up?
Viola… Ellen gripped her comforter, knuckles whitening. Viola had always been there for her, was the only one who actually knew who she was, and despite knowing that… despite knowing that she was a monster and a murderer, still accepted her, still wanted her.
And she had been so blind as to ignore her feelings, to ignore that Viola was still a person even after losing her body and her life. After giving her body and life.
No, she had stolen them from Viola, and she had never apologized for that.
And maybe that was because she had never wanted to admit how much she had hurt her only companion and how much Viola actually meant to her, because the girl had been a constant presence in her life, easy to take for granted when really she owed everything to her.
Ellen grit her teeth. Damnit. And maybe she had never wanted to admit how she really felt about the first person to love her, because that would be to permit the same kind of weakness that had destroyed her humanity in the first place. She had never grown up from the little girl who gave her own heart to the people she thought loved her.
It was just… Viola had never betrayed her like the others…
It was dark again. Ellen glanced out the window. Now was the time, wasn’t it? She closed her eyes and brought herself to her mind. Sure enough there was Viola, sitting on that stupid pool table. Viola, I-
Viola waved the statement away. I’m sorry, Ellen… She looked down. I know I snapped at you yesterday. None of that was your fault. I know you just wanted some comfort, I just… She trailed away and shrugged. I’m sorry. She ended lamely.
Ellen blinked. That wasn’t what she had been expecting, but then again, this was Viola. No, I’m sorry. Viola glanced up. I should have known how you’d react… Actually, I should have known how you felt from the very beginning, but I… I just didn’t want to think about it. Ellen looked sheepishly at Viola. Look, we’re in the same body, we’ve known each other for so long, I just didn’t want to think that that’s what you wanted, and I didn’t think that it was possible for us to be like that, so… I’m sorry.
Viola gave a small smile. That’s alright.
Look, I want to make it up to you, okay? So… Ellen held Viola’s hands in her own leaned forward. She could see her target getting closer. It wouldn’t take much to just end the whole thing. If she couldn’t say it in words, at least she could answer Viola with her actions. Soon, it’d be over. Soon-
Viola jerked back and shook her head.
What? Do you not?...
Viola shook her head again. It’s not that I don’t want it… I’m just scared…
Of what? Ellen cocked her head to the side and looked at Viola.
Oh, you don’t get it, do you? Here. Viola leaned in this time and kissed Ellen.
It was warm and wet, at least for Ellen. Just the way Kim used to kiss her. It was so tender, like it was about to burst with love.
Viola pulled back, looking disgusted.
What? Am I that bad?
…You thought of her.
What?
When I kissed you. You thought of her. That’s what I’m scared of. Viola turned away. I can’t actually make impressions, now can I? I’m still just a spirit living in your head. I can’t control our body or make it to feel anything. Anything I do to you in here will just trigger your body to remember the closest thing to what I’m trying to do. Viola glared at the floor. I’ll never be able to make you actually feel anything.
Viola… Ellen stepped closer.
Stop.
Viola. Ellen placed her hand under Viola’s chin and turned it so Viola was looking at her. I don’t care if that’s the case. Ellen looked Viola directly in her eyes. As long as I know it’s you. I’m fine with that. Ellen leaned in and kissed Viola.
It didn’t really feel like anything to either Ellen or Viola. Just the image of two girls kissing by a pool table. But somewhere outside, Ellen was sure she could feel her lips being pressed, like a ghost kissing her.