Work Text:
This night was very different from most other nights.
For once, Hitoshi had gotten a half-decent bedtime and was sleeping rather soundly. He wasn’t plagued by nightmares of his last home, and he didn’t end up in a spiral of intrusive thoughts and anxiety over whether his friends and family loved him. He had been planning to sleep through the whole night uninterrupted for the first time in months.
Of course, that plan was swiftly derailed when Hitoshi was gently shaken awake.
He ignored it at first, brushing it off as the cat crawling in his bed like she often did. However, the shaking only got stronger, and he couldn’t ignore it anymore. Deep sleep like this wasn’t common for Hitoshi, so he was somewhat pissed at being awakened. However, he couldn’t stay mad once he turned over and saw Eri standing there. She didn’t seem freaked out or panicked, like she had just had a nightmare, but she didn’t seem happy either. Hitoshi rubbed his eyes and said,
“Eri? What are you doing here? It’s the middle of the night.” Hitoshi wasn’t sure of the time, but it was surely way past her bedtime, and they both had school the next day. Eri didn’t make eye contact with Hitoshi, but she softly said,
“I know, I'm sorry. Can I stay with you?” She looked up at him. Hitoshi couldn’t read her expression. She seemed sad, but also kind of lost in a way. He couldn’t put his finger on it.
“It's fine, you can stay,” Hitoshi said. He didn’t know what she was feeling, but he didn’t want to leave her alone in this state. Eri climbed up into his bed. It took a minute for her to get under his weighted blanket, but she made her way underneath and settled next to him.
“Are you okay?” Hitoshi asked, a level of concern highlighted in his voice. Eri nodded but didn’t say anything else. “Did you have another nightmare? Should I get Dad?” At this, Eri shook her head, and said,
“No, just thinking about stuff.” Eri didn’t say anything else after that. The two of them stayed quiet for a few minutes, as Hitoshi tried to think of what he should say. Finally, he simply asked,
“Do you want to talk about it? No pressure if you don’t want to.” He hated it when he was pressed to talk about feelings or trauma he wasn’t ready to share yet, so he gave Eri the choice to do whatever she felt was best.
“I’m not used to talking about this kind of stuff. It feels kind of weird.” She seemed kind of awkward, as if she had things she wanted to say, but didn’t know what to say.
“I get what you mean. You want to talk to people, but you're scared you'll be burdening them with your problems.”
“Yeah. It's not anything too scary, It's just one of those big sad things.”
“I think we all have one of those,” Hitoshi replied, trying not to think of his own big sad thing.
“I just…” she paused, as if she knew what she wanted to say, but didn’t have the words. “Hitoshi, I have a question. If I ask it, will you get upset with me? Also, don’t lie to me, I want to know the truth.”
“No, I won't get upset. What’s your question?”
She looked away from him for a moment, seemingly sorting out her thoughts. After a moment, she sucked in a deep breath, and looked him in the eye, her expression a mix of anxiety and shame.
“Hitoshi… was I a bad kid? Did I deserve any of the stuff that happened to me?” her voice shook as if she was scared to know but also desperate for the answer.
“Why do you ask?”
“It’s just that I don’t understand why all this happened to me. Everyone says that I didn’t deserve it, but why would it happen if I didn’t? It just doesn’t make sense!” Tears welled up in her eyes, but she seemed more frustrated and angry than sad. “Just... Why? I must have done something! Or else why would this happen?” her sentence descended into angry, sad sobs. Hitoshi held her close, letting her bury her face into his chest and rubbing soothing circles on her back.
“No, Eri, you're not a bad kid,” Hitoshi said once Eri’s sobs had calmed down. She lifted her face to look at him, her eyes red from crying.
“Then why? Why did all the bad things happen to me?” Eri wailed, and it made Hitoshi’s heart feel like it was being torn in half. Eri was burdened with the same question he had asked himself so many times as a child.
“You're not a bad kid Eri, you just happened to love bad people,” Hitoshi said, looking Eri dead in the eyes. “You didn’t deserve to be hurt or scared or made to feel bad. I don’t understand why they did the bad things, but it has nothing to do with you or anything you did. if they're bad, it's because they're bad, not because of you.” Eri looked at Hitoshi, her eyes still teary.
“How do you know all of this? How do I know you aren't lying to me?”
“Because I was just like you once. I was hurt by bad people, and I didn’t understand why.” Hitoshi’s voice broke as he remembered when he was her age and asked himself the same questions. “Then, I was saved by Aizawa and Hizashi, and now I know I didn’t deserve any of the things I went through, and neither did you.”
Eri didn’t say anything for a while after that. She seemed calmer, her sobs quieting to the occasional soft sniffle. Hitoshi eventually broke the silence with another question.
“Have you talked to either of them about this? Shouta or Hizashi, I mean.” Eri shook her head.
“No, just you.”
“I'm sure either of them would be happy to help you, why did you come to me?” Hitoshi asked. Aizawa and Hizashi were certainly far more qualified in dealing with this kind of emotional trauma, so Hitoshi was confused as to why Eri would seek him out instead.
“I guess I was worried they would just say what they thought would make me feel better. I knew I could trust you to be honest with me.”
“Well, maybe it would be good to talk about some of this with them. It would probably be good to let them know how you’ve been feeling.” Hitoshi said. He loved his sister and was always happy to help her with anything, but he knew that he wasn’t fully equipped to help her the way she needed.
“Okay, but do we have to do that now? I don’t want to wake them up.” Hitoshi chuckled at the idea of waking up Shouta at this time of night.
“No, that’s a matter for the morning.” At that moment, Hitoshi yawned and seemed to remember what he was doing before Eri woke him up. “Speaking of the morning, we should probably get some sleep before then.”
“Yeah, but can I stay here with you? I don’t really want to get up.”
“of course, you can stay here.”
“Thank you, I love you Hitoshi.” Eri’s eyes fluttered shut, and within moments, she was fast asleep.
“I love you too Eri,” Hitoshi replied, speaking softly so as to not wake her. Once Hitoshi was sure she was asleep, he closed his own eyes and let himself drift back to sleep.