Archive of Our Own ^beta

“Are you fucking kidding me!?” Catra yelled as she ran in the direction Entrapta pointed. She couldn’t believe that the moment she took her eyes off her ex-best friend, distracted by the alarm and ordering Scorpia to go check it out, she’d manage to wake up and run off. She’d almost be impressed with Adora being able to sneak away undetected by Catra. If she wasn’t pissed about it.

Which she was. Very much so.

Leaping up on some of the crates, Catra looked around, until she caught a flash of blonde disappearing into the door that led to the storage dome.

“Gotcha,” Catra smirked under her breath.

Gotta be careful though, if she is anything like she is before, she’ll be aiming to kill. She shuddered as she thought back to those red eyes directed at her, filled with a gleeful malice that Catra could never have imagined on Adora.

It scared her. The only thing that had ever scared her like that in her life was when Shadow Weaver would turn her magic on Catra. And thinking of that made her even more angry.

She ran across the room following after Adora, entering the door and going down the corridor to the storage entrance. She took a moment to prepare herself, assuming Adora must be planning something once she realized there was no way out other than the one door. Catra slipped up to it, opening and peering around before stepping in, but saw no sign of her quarry. Then she saw a silhouette pass between some crates in the back.

Smirking again, Catra ran over and jumped up on the crates. Looking down, she spied Adora laid out over one of the crates, like she was passed out, or maybe just really tired.

She leapt down with an imperceptible thud, sneaking up just out of arm's reach of the blonde.

“Hey Adora, where you going?”

Catra expected the blonde to spin around ready to punch, or perhaps give out a shriek of surprise like she used to when Catra would do this back in the Horde. But instead, she just rolled around, still leaning against the box, her head lulling to the side, like it was too heavy for her, with a goofy smile, almost like she forgot how the muscles in her face worked.

But when she saw Catra, her eyes lit up, and the smile grew bigger.

Catra prided herself on staying calm under pressure. After years of having to hide her vulnerabilities, and the last year facing down She-ra, she was more than capable of keeping her wits in even the most demanding situations.

But this, seeing Adora look at her like that after fighting each other for over a year, like she was the daymoon on one of the rare clear days in the Fright zone?

This might be even scarier than when she was trying to kill her.

“Catra!” Adora yelled, a weird quality to her voice that Catra couldn’t quite place underneath the bizarrely gleeful tone she had. Then she launched herself at Catra, wrapping her in a hug that was somehow more crushing than Scorpia’s

“What the… Get the hell off me Adora!!” Catra screamed, struggling to get out of the hold, while internally panicking she’s hugging me she’s hugging me oh stars why please don’t–

Adora just continued holding her, making weird snorty giggles and humming as she seemed to be rubbing her face into Catra’s stomach, like Catra used to do to her when they were much younger.

Catra’s face immediately rushed with heat, feeling Adora doing such an blatantly intimate gesture.

“Is this some weird tactic to get your sword back?” She yelled, managing to get her free hand out of Adora’s grasp and started pushing Adora’s face away. “Well, it isn’t gonna work!”

Adora paused, looking at Catra through squinted eyes, which combined with Catra squishing her face trying to push her away, made Adora look ridiculous.

She looks so cute… Catra thought, before immediately berating herself for it.

Adora’s eyes darted to the sword, then back to Catra.

“Whhhy, I’ve got you to hold.” She said with that weird slur in her voice.

Catra’s brain froze, that sentence just stopping any and all higher thought processes, and Adora used the moment to get back to putting her face in Catra’s stomach.

This is a trick, Catra screamed in her mind. There is no way that Adora would actually choose you over the sword, she’s never chosen you.

With that, the anger came back. She unsheathed her claws, and pulled them along one of Adora’s hands.

“Ow!” Adora cried, pulling her hand back, looking at Catra with clouded confusion.

The hell is wrong with her? Catra was getting tired of whatever game this was.

“Don’t fucking touch me, “ Catra growled out. “What are you trying to pull Adora?”

 Adora blinked, her eyes refocusing on Catra, and her head rolled to the side as that weird smile appeared on her face again.

“Oooh can I pet on your tail? I miss the feeeels...” She says, reaching out with the hand Catra scratched, blood pouring from the cuts and dripping to the floor.

Shit that was a bit deeper than I thought… Catra winced, but immediately shook her head. You let her fall into a damn cliff, you don’t care! She deserved it! Deserves more.

“No, you don’t get to touch me at all. Did you forget that we’re enemies? ” Catra demanded, feeling frustrated, but also getting more concerned as this continued. She’d never seen Adora like this, even at her sickest Adora was able to still speak like a normal person, if a bit strained, this was something else. How did the First One disk go from making her a killing machine to this? And how could she act so… embarrassingly? 

As she pondered this, Adora’s eyes widened, and Catra saw as her eyes began filling with tears.

Then she started bawling.

Catra had never seen Adora breakdown like this. Nowhere near the quiet sniffs and held back tears Adora would try to hide when they were younger and she would feel like she had failed in an exercise, or even Catra’s own tears of pain and rage when Adora first left the Horde.

It was just… so loud, so sad. Catra thought it was the most pathetic thing she’d ever seen. The hero Adora, Shadow Weaver’s protege, breaking down like a child. Catra should be disgusted that this is her rival, gloating about how she really is just so pathetic. 

But despite it all, despite the epiphany Catra has back in that First One’s ruin, she couldn’t help the heartbreak that was tearing into her, as she watched as Adora’s eyes streamed tears and she hiccuped through heavy sobs.

“H-hey, stop crying, you idiot, it’s okay...” Catra said with her hand held out in a placating gesture, edging slightly closer.

“N-no it’s not. Y-ou h-hate m-me,” Adora chokes out.

No I don’t, but she smothered the thought before it could get any louder.

“Of course, we’re enemies, what did yo–”

“I don’t want to be enemies!”Adora shouted, tears streaming down her pouting face, a look that reminded Catra so much of when they were children and she would beat Adora in a race.

Catra would have found it hilarious, if her brain was actively working, and not stuck on what Adora had just said.

“What do you--”

“I hate fighting you, a-and hurting you, and being hurt by you! I hate this war and how tired and sad I am all the time. I just wanna cuddle you in bed and forget everything,” Adora said, tears and snot streaming down her face. .

Catra’s face felt like it must have lit on fire. There was no other way to explain the sheer heat on her face after hearing that statement. She knew Adora enjoyed cuddling back when they were younger, before Weaver decided it was no longer okay for her protege to mingle with a mongrel and made sure they'd never do it again. But to hear her say she would rather not deal with the war, and instead just stay in bed with Catra...

She was dead. Catra died and went… somewhere, because there was no way this was real.

Was this what Adora always thought? Ever since she deserted, she had told Catra she was sorry, tried to sell her that line that she left the Horde and not Catra, even said she had missed Catra back in the castle, but this was different. 

Adora telling Ctra she missed her, but more than that, she was more important than the war, than her ‘destiny, her need to play hero.

Was this what Adora actually thought? Had the disk somehow ripped away every filter she had? Could Catra use this chance to learn everything the blonde knows and thinks?

Could she use this to finally get total advantage over her old friend and the rebellion? This might be even more of a boon than using her as a weapon!

The implication of this, how it could give Catra such an edge over She-ra and the rest of the Alliance was tantalizing. That kind of information could topple them, and finally prove Catra’s superiority over them, over Adora. 

But before that…

“What, don’t you get enough cuddles from Sparkles?” Catra goaded, looking for an answer to that nagging thought that had been plaguing her since she first saw Adora with that pint-sized princess.

“Sparkles…? Oooh Glimmer! That nickname is so funny, you’re sooooo clever. Hahaha,” Adora snorted, and Catra’s heart stuttered in response.

Stars, she missed that dorky laugh. 

Dammit, stop thinking like that, you’ve already proven you’re better off without her!

“Oooh, but don’t tell her I said that, she gets reeeal cranky about it!” Adora told her, giving Catra what she thought was supposed to be a serious look, but the idiot just looked cross eyed. “Yeah, we cuddle.”

Catra’s heart stopped. She did replace me with that sparkly bitch, she actually did it. All that bullshit she spouted about missing me and leaving teh Horde and not me! Did they doall the things we used to do together? Has Adora replaced all our memories together with ones of being with the purple eyesore? Has she made new ones with her? Did that Sparkles actually take Catra’s place as her best friend, or was she more—

“ And Bow too! They’re good at cuddles and all, but it doesn’t feel like it does with you. It’s nice n’ comfy, but with you it felt safe. Like home...” She started to sniffle again.

Catra felt her chest loosen. Okay, so they hadn’t done anything, maybe they actually weren’t together like Catra feared. And Adora even said she preferred cuddling with her, that Catra felt like home! Holy shit! She still hates the princess for taking Adora from her, but she certainly won’t feel as strong a need to tear the princess apart when she sees her next.

Catra looked down at Adora as she started to sniff again, and sighed. Crouching down in front of her, Catra poked her in the forehead, the old familiar gesture causing Adora to stop sniffing and go cross eyed trying to look at the finger.

“Hey dummy, you're gonna turn into a husk if you keep crying like that,” She put on a smirk, trying to deflect from her own inner turmoil.

Adora smiled at her, that weird goofy one she’s had since this whole mess started. “Know what might help me save water…?”

Catra quirks an eyebrow at her, amused. “What?”

Adora leans over with her hand held up towards Catra’s head. “Let me pet your ears?”

Catra’s face flares up again. “Seriously? That doesn’t make sense! How does that help with water?”

Adora blinks at her and tilts her head. “What about water??”

This… cute… idiot… UGH! Catra looks away, lashing her tail. Then, she slides herself slightly closer, and sends a glare at Adora out of the corner of her eye. 

“You get twenty seconds,” she mumbles. 

Adora’s dumb grin gets even wider, and she starts giggling loudly as she leans over more, using her injured hand to hold herself up as she reaches for Catra’s ear with the other.

Catra rolls her eyes, propping her elbow on her leg and leaning her head on her hand. “I should’ve left you outside…” She snipes, though the words ring hollow as her tail goes and curls around Adora’s arm.

“Cute ears… Big floofy ears hehe~” Apparently Catra’s empty threat flew over Adora’s big forehead, her fixation on the cat girl’s ears taking up all her attention. 

Eventually, she finally gets to Catra’s ear, and Catra is prepared for clumsy and rough pets, but the moment she feels Adora’s hand softly brush down the side of her ear, Catra’s breath stutters as the familiar feeling of Adora’s gentle caresses flood back to her, and when Adora starts carefully scratching in just the right spot, Catra can’t help the deep purr that rumbles up.

Damn, even all messed up she still remembers this? Did she seriously miss me afterall..? Catra couldn’t help herself, and her eyes started closing, leaning harder into Adora’s hand as her purr continued rolling.

“I missed this so much…”

“Mrp?” Catra opens her eyes to look at Adora, and sees that she is smiling at her. Not the goofy one she has had this whole time, but more soft, more like the smiles they would share in the private moments together back in the Horde, almost like she was actually back in her right mind again. Then she leaned in and wrapped herself around Catra again.

Why does she keep hugging me like this? Catra’s mind spun, reeling from everything that had been happening. Has she always been like this? Was she really just holding back because of the Horde, of Shadow Weaver’s, rules? There is no way she actually cares about me, none of this is real, it’s just the virus! I’m better without her! I don’t need her, or her approval, or care!

But will I ever get another chance like this?

Catra dropped the sword, and wrapped her arms around her best friend, as Adora tucked her face into the space between Catra’s neck and shoulder.

“Then why,” She whispered, as she laid her cheek on Adora’s head.

“Hrn?”

“Why did you leave that day? ”

Suddenly Adora shot out of her shoulder, hands coming up to grab Catra’s face as she stared intently at her.

“I didn't want that!” Her eyes darting between Catra’s blue and yellow, both focused and unfocused somehow. Her hands were acting like they wanted to hold Catra’s face in place so she could look in her eyes, but were just squishing up her cheeks. “I was soooo confused, I found out everything we were told was a lie, and the people out of the Horde’re actually good people. Like Kyle but only some of them are that useless!” Catra actually laughed a bit at the shock of hearing that.

“But then you and the others attacked Thaymor, and I couldn’t just let’em get hurt! They wer’ sooo NICE and gave me food!! So I fought, which confused me more because hey I was on your side, but not now? And then you showed up! And I was so happy! But then you wanted to go back, and I couldn’t, and then you said you knew the Horde was evil, and it hurt, cause I thought maybe you had been lying to me too, and then you said you didn’t want to come with me, and I thought you didn’t want me, that you wanted to be fight in the Horde more than be with me, and it hurt so bad…” Adora’s eyes were pooling with tears again. Damn how did she still have so much water in her?

Catra’s brain started ticking away again, processing what Adora just told her while the blonde continued to smoosh her face. She felt like she was abandoned by Catra? But that’s bullshit! She was the one who left Catra for the stupid sword and her new princess friends! She decided Catra wasn’t worth staying in the Horde for, discarding her like-

Weaver always said she would.

Catra brought her hands up and grabbed Adora’s, stilling them. She had been sitting there, unfocused, but then she met Adora’s eyes with intensity, a question burning on her tongue, eyes stinging with the frustration of all this.

She didn’t know if she could trust anything Adora said, let alone what this Adora said, but she needed an answer to this. And maybe this was the only Adora that wouldn’t give her bullshit answers about doing the right thing, or how Catra should leave because she knows she is good or whatever.

The answer meant everything, and she needed to hear something different from the borderline propaganda Adora usually says.

“Adora, if I hadn’t been at Thaymor that day, what would you have done?”

Adora looked at her, and got a giant smile on her face.

“I would’ve come n’found you! I always want my best friend with me!”

Catra couldn’t hold back her tears any longer. She wept.

Adora would have come back for her. If Catra hadn’t shut her down back there, Adora would have come back to get her. Catra didn’t know if she would have responded any differently, probably still caught up in her own head at the idea of Adora wanting to leave everything behind for the princesses, but she would have made that effort, would have fought for it.

It was all Catra’s fault, she ruined it all. Shadow Weaver was right, even if it wasn’t in the way the old witch thought.

Adora’s hands, still clutched in Catra’s, went back to the feline’s face, wiping the tears from her cheeks.

“Shh, it’s okay pretty kitty, I’m here,” Adora said, lowering her voice to a quiet whisper, with so much affection and care in the words that Catra felt like it would crush her.

Catra’s tail lashed as a shiver ran through her. She’d never been called pretty before, and to hear it from Adora of all people? 

Catra shook her head. No, forget it, there is no way she thinks that. And how can she talk like that? Like she actually cares? This has to just be the disk…

Because there was no way that this Adora, this even stupider and impossibly relaxed Adora, would be the Adora that woke up when the disk broke. She would remember the castle, the battle at Brightmoon, and the hurt that Catra put her through.And would she even remember all of this? Or was everything she said not even true in the first place, just some weird jumbled version of Adora that the disk scrambled her into? There was no way to know, and Catra couldn’t do that yet.

No matter what, she was going to break that disk. Even if they stay enemies, she couldn’t imagine using Adora as a weapon to hurt anyone. She was high off of victory before, dwelling on how she could use what they discovered to hurt Adora, not thinking about the actual implications of what she was suggesting when she wanted to turn Adora against the Rebellion. But now, the image of Adora slashing through people, hurting people, killing people, because Catra forced her to do it?

The fact that Catra had even contemplated doing that made her sick to her stomach, it made her feel like… she was doing something Shadow Weaver would do.

And that made her self-hatred flair hotter than ever before.

But before she broke the disk, she had to tell Adora something. Hearing Adora say everything she had made Catra feel higher than she has in so long.. And Catra just felt the need to let Adora know at least one thing before the blonde went back to normal.

 Catra wouldn't be able to bring herself to say it if she didn’t at that moment, definitely not to a back to normal Adora. She was still too twisted up in her hurt at what Adora did, but everything the dummy told her today helped soothe that hurt at least a little bit, and wanted to see how Adora would react to her being honest for once… 

“I wish I had gone with you,” she whispered.

Adora just stared at her, a face that made her look like her brain had completely stopped working. She might not have even been breathing. It made a small smile quirk up on Catra’s lips.

What an idiot…

She took a breath. “I never wanted to stay in the Horde Adora. I never really cared about the war, about being Force Captain, or any of that. Hell, I hated it all, especially being stuck under Weaver! All I ever wanted was to feel like I mattered. And with you, I thought I did. But when you left, it felt like everything Weaver said was right, that I really was just some stray to you, that you really did just get tired of me and threw me away the first chance you got.”

Adora opened her mouth wider, but Catra covered it with both her hands.

“Please Adora, don’t talk. I need to finish”

Somehow, this virus infected dummy seemed to finally listen, her body stilling and going rigid, her brow furrowed as she looked at Catra, like she was concentrating so she didn’t miss a single thing Catra said.

Stars what a dork…

“I thought that what I needed was to prove that I was strong, to fight and scrap until everyone recognized the fact that I wasn’t worthless. But everything still feels so empty. I’m a Force Captain, but I don’t feel any happier, any safer, and I constantly miss you, and hating the fact you left me, and hating that I couldn’t bring myself to hate you when you obviously didn’t care. What happened at those ruins was me trying to convince myself of the fact that I was better off where I was, that I was happy, and make you hurt as much as you hurt me.”

Catra reached into her pocket and pulled out the First Ones disk.

“But I’m done punishing you for something I thought you did. It was never your fault, not really. It was Weaver’s before, for treating us, me, the way she did, and mine, for the decisions I made. I never wanted to hurt you either Adora, not really, but I thought it would be the only way for you to look at me, to see me as an equal even if it was an enemy, even if you hated me. Even if this was all a lie, and you hate me when this thing breaks, I’m done.”

Adora just continued to stare at her so full of awe and wonder that it felt suffocating.

“I’m sorry for everything, Adora.”

She dropped the disk on the ground, and stood, reaching out and bringing the sword up with her. She looked at Adora, who was smiling at her with that loopy grin again, but this time, there was just so much affection in her face. Or perhaps there had been before as well, but Catra didn’t, couldn’t , recognize. Or she was seeing something that wasn’t there, just adding more shrapnel to the bomb that could very well destroy her heart after she broke the disk.

Didn’t matter. She’d made her choice.

The best choice she’d made her whole life.

Catra raised the sword, and brought it down with all her might on the disk, so much so that instead of just cutting it in two, it also fractured and broke into smaller pieces that flew across the room.

The effect was almost immediate as Adora slumped to the ground, face gone slack and then slammed into the floor.

“Oh shit!” Catra yelled, dropping the sword and turning Adora over, looking over her face. Fortunately, she was close enough to the ground already that she wasn’t hurt, but it would probably sting a bit when she woke up.

Adora started to stir, and her eyes cracked open slowly. She seemed to take in her surroundings, before finally settling on Catra’s face above her. Weakly, her arm reached out to touch Catra’s face.

Hope was bursting in Catra’s chest as she stared down at her oldest friend, hope that maybe Adora remembered everything, and meant everything she said to her in that weird goofy state.

“Hey Adora,” Catra purred, smirking down at her.

“Catra...” Adora breathed, and if Catra thought hearing everything Adora said before was the best she ever heard, hearing Adora say her name like that smashed the rest of it like a skull under a tread tank.

It was like Adora couldn’t believe she was there, that she was happy to see her.

But then slowly, Adora seemed to wake up more, Catra could see her blue eyes coming more into focus. Suddenly, she appeared to register exactly where she was, and yelped as she rolled out of Catra’s arms and backed into a crate.

“Catra!? What the, where are we? What happened?” She said looking around frantically.

Catra’s heart sank. It was over. The beautiful dream she just had with Adora, broken along with the disk. She didn’t even feel like crying, she just felt empty, like whatever was left of her soul after all this time in the Horde left her along with Adora as she ran from her.

She steeled her expression into a neutral one. She refused to let this Adora see her vulnerable.

“The northern reach dummy where we’ve been the last… however long.”

“I can’t remember… the last thing that happened was...” Adora’s eyes widened, as she recalled the moment the disk touched the sword. “You infected me with that disk! And then I...”

Catra didn’t want to hear the idiot berate her for something Catra already regretted. “Yeah well, you’re back to normal now, so get over it,” Catra bit at her, trying to keep a measure of anger in her voice to hide the sadness that wanted to creep in.

Adora looked confused, and then saw her sword by Catra’s feet. She narrowed her eyes, her gaze darting between it and Catra.

Catra rolled her eyes. She was so obvious.

Stepping over so her foot was near the handle, Catra put her foot under it, and carelessly tossed it towards the blonde without a word.

Adora didn’t even flinch at the sword clattering beside her, too busy watching Catra with a shocked expression.

“ W-why are you…?”

“I’m done, Adora. I’m picking up Entrapta and Scorpia and going back to the Fright Zone, so you and your little friends can go back to Brightmoon,” Catra’s ears pinned back and her tail lashed, her sadness quickly turning into actual anger, into… jealousy.

She had never admitted it to herself, but that had always been such a large part of her anger. Jealousy that Adora had new friends that she clearly cared for. And Catra was going to willingly let her go back with them.

But then again, it’s what they both deserve. Adora deserved to have friends that were good enough for her, that were just as good as she is. And Catra… well at the very least she didn’t deserve Adora.

Adora looked at Catra like she was crazy. Maybe she was.

“ But why? What could have changed your mind? Why was I-?” As Adora began to ask that last question, Catra cut her off as quickly as possible.

“It’s none of your business,” she snapped, growling loudly. “The fact of the matter is that we’re done, so you can fucking leave.” Again she added in her head.

Adora just continued to stare at her in a daze. Maybe that disk actually fried her brain. Great, another thing to potentially feel guilty about.

“Whatever, you can just sit here and wait for your pals to come get you,” Catra turned towards the door, fully intending on opening it up, and then run as fast she could away from all this, from this whole situation.

She took one step, lost in her need to get away, when she felt a grip on her wrist, and immediately heard a thud behind her.

She spun around to find Adora clutching her wrist like a lifeline, fallen on her knees, like she had used all her strength just to make sure she could get to Catra before she could go too far.

Adora looked up at her, her eyes shining.

Catra has become all too familiar with what Adora’s eyes look like with tears in them.

“Let go of me Adora,” Catra hissed, trying to cover the quiver in her voice. She just wanted to leave and forget all this.

“It wasn’t a dream,” she whispered so low, even Catra’s ears almost missed it.

“What?” She said, despite knowing what Adora must mean, and that painful hope started to catch in her chest again.

“I have so many dreams about you Catra, that I thought when I was waking up, that everything that just happened was just another one.” Adora mumbled, looking up at Catra through her eyelashes. Then her face flushed a deep red, apparently realizing what she just admitted,

“You dream about… me?” Catra slowly said.

Adora fully looked up at her, eyes as round as a tank shell and face as red as her jacket.

“I, well, uh, you know I think about you a lot and-- no wait, not like that! I mean kind of? I just always have thoughts about you and-- oh stars no...” Adora took her hand back and put both of them over her face.

Catra was in shock, but also preening just a bit. That Adora apparently dreamt about her, and that she could reduce Adora to such a mess. How was it that after everything, this was how she finally brought the mighty She-ra down. She chuckled to herself, squatting down in front of Adora, her tail lashing behind her as her emotions roiled inside her.

“Awww, it’s okay, I know I’m amazing, you can admit it,” She smirked at Adora, because even when she felt like the world was going tits up on her, she couldn’t help enjoying the upper hand she had.

This is way better than one kicking her ass has ever felt.

Then when she heard Adora mutter “You have no idea” under her breath, her tail stilled as she stared. Adora looked up at her and realized Catra heard her, causing her face to flush even deeper, and Catra genuinely worried that an artery might burst in that big head of hers.

They both sat silently for a minute, not sure what to say. Finally Adora spoke up.

“I meant that.”

It was Catra’s turn for her eyes to go wide.

Meant it? Meant what? No way no way no way….

“That you’re amazing.”

HOLY SHIT THE FUCK?!!!

“ I mean, you’ve always been so naturally gifted. You’re so fast while also being strong, you’re a genius when it comes to tactics and strategy that it was honestly frustrating most of the time, you made the Horde into a bigger threat than it has been in years--”

“Alright alright, I get it! What’s your point Adora?” Catra growled at her, blushing furiously, unable to believe that she was hearing this from normal Adora, and not insane-because-she-was-infected-by-First-Ones-tech Adora.

“It’s just.. what you said, about not being enough, not being my equal, I never thought that Catra, ever. You were always my equal, in so many ways I thought you were better than me, and that I had to work to prove myself. Not just to Shadow Weaver, but to you as well, that I could actually be someone who can stand by you at the top of the Horde. When you said that I was the one holding you back, I actually wondered if that was true. Everyone, especially Shadow Weaver was always wrong about you Catra, I need you to know that, ” She started mumbling, obviously embarrassed that she had said so much, and under normal circumstances, Catra would absolutely have teased her being so pathetic and sappy, but at that moment she was so off kilter she couldn’t bring herself to say anything.

She walked over to the crates, leaning back then sliding down, exhausted. Adora dragged herself over to sit next to her. Not quite touching, but so close Catra could swear she felt Adora’s body heat even through her jacket.

“Heh, Shadow Weaver would freak out if she heard you talking like this, saying she was wrong and shit,” Catra chuckled, attempting to get some of her cool back.

Adora stiffened beside her, the relaxed and happy air suddenly becoming stifled. She breathed out a stuttering breath.

“It was always my fault.” Adora said quietly.

“Uh, what was??” Catra asked, confused by the abrupt confession to…

“That Shadow Weaver always hurt you, put you down.”

Now Catra tensed, her previous anger pricking back up under her skin. “Adora, you can fuck off with your big hero complex-”

“No, it’s not that.” Adora quickly said, looking away guiltily.

“Then what is it?”

Adora stared silently at her fidgeting fingers, with Catra cautiously watching her, not believing it wasn’t just another one of the idiot’s needs to feel superior by being the hero who protected the mangy hybrid.

“It’s because she knew.”

“Knew what? Spit it out Adora,” Catra ground out, growing more frustrated.

“Knew how much you meant to me!” Adora blurted out.

Catra's entire body stilled, her face slack and eyes wide, bewildered by what she just heard.

“You, wha--” she started, but was immediately interrupted by Adora’s rambling.

“I’m sorry! I know it’s too much, you deserve to know, even though I know you don’t want to hear it. She always held what could happen to you if I failed over my head, telling me how any mistakes I made could get you hurt, or killed, that if I couldn’t keep you in check, you would have to moved to another squad that could manage you.” Tears had started streaming down her face again, and she turned her head away, refusing to look at her frozen friend.

“I always knew you were important to me, you were my best friend from the first moment I met you. But at some point I realized that you weren’t just important, you the most important person to me.” Catra’s breath catches, and watched the tension grow in Adora’s neck as she continued.

“Lonnie, Rogelio, Kyle, they were our squad, our friends, and I cared about them, but it was different with you.I tried to ignore those feelings, because I thought it was the only way I could protect you. I couldn’t let how much I want you put in more danger with Weaver because of my failures.”

Adora buried her face in her hands.

 “I was always so scared of losing you Catra, all the time… looking back on it though, I understand why you feel the way you do about me, why you wouldn’t come with me. I said terrible things, calling you disrespectful towards Shadow Weaver when you never really deserved what happened to you, knowing now that I made you feel like you didn’t matter or that you were just a sidekick when you are so, so much more.” 

Catra just continued to stare at Adora as she continued to spill her guts.

“Then I lost you at Thaymor, and I realize it was my fault. I was such a shitty friend, always failing you. What happened at Thaymor and the Crystal Castle just drove home just how much you could never want me because of how much I hurt you. I know you made your decisions, but I made mine too, and I’ll always be sorry for that.”

Adora curled herself up into a ball, burying her face in her knees, sobbing, taking Catra’s continued silence as a sign that she was correct, that Catra was revolted by what she just learned. Adora’s part in her being hurt, and her feelings that were too intense, too much. That were responsible for her pain.

She jolted when she felt a hand thread through her hair.

“Adora, look at me.” Catra whispered to her.

Adora stubbornly shook her head, trying to shrink further into herself.

“ Please.”

That woke Adora up. She’d never heard Catra say any word with such desperation, especially the word “please”. First she said she was sorry, and now this? The only time she ever said either of those words was with the most sarcastic connotations.

But now? Now it sounded like she was asking for something she absolutely needed.
Adora slowly looked up and turned to look at Catra, completely unsure what she should expect. She winced a little as she saw her friend looking at her intensely, her bi-coloured eyes glistening with tears.

“Did you mean that?” Catra asked her, her voice coming out thick.

“W-which part?” Adora stammered, unsure of what was happening.

“That you cared about me.”

Adora sucked in a breath, holding Catra’s gaze, and nodded her head.

“Then, and now.” She said “I never stopped.”

Catra’s eyes turned glossy as she tackled Adora, wrapping herself around her oldest friend's body, burying her face into the blonde’s shoulder.

Adora, stunned, managed to bring her arms up to hesitantly place her hands on Catra’s back.

“D-does this mean… Are we okay?” She stuttered, both from the shock that Catra isn’t raging at her for everything and the force at which the magicat was shoving her body into Adora.

“You idiot,” Catra says, stopping so that she could pull back and look Adora in the eyes. Adora was paralyzed by the look in her eyes, an affection she hadn’t seen directed at her in so long from the eyes she had missed so much.

Catra leaned her forehead against Adora’s, sighing as she relaxed into her, and Adora untensed and wrapped her arms more securely around her.

“It’s more than okay, it’s what I’ve always wanted to hear.”

Adora blinked, her mind reeling, trying to catch up to everything that was happening, everything she couldn’t have dared hope for.

“R-really?”

“Yes, dummy.”

“It’s not too much?” Catra could hear the I’m not too much implied by everything Adora just said.

“No Adora. All I wanted was for you to care, for me to matter to you, and not think that I was just some pathetic kitten for you to protect. I still feel angry about you feeling like you had to protect me like that, but knowing it wasn’t because you thought I was weak… it helps. So yeah, I think we can be okay.” Catra says, her eyes and voice softening with affection.

Something snapped in Adora right at that moment. All the fear, all the pain she had been holding onto for so long, believing that Catra hated her, that she wasn’t good enough to even be her best friend.

But hearing Catra say they could be okay, her tone so light, Adora really believed that this was something she could have again.

It was overwhelming. They both stayed there, their foreheads touching, terrified of this sudden shift in their relationship, but also happier than either of them had ever been. There was still so much for them to talk about, so much pain that they’ve caused each other, but this. This moment let them know that they weren’t a lost cause, that they could finally find their way back to each other.

“What now?” Adora says, her eyes opening to take in Catra’s face, her eyes drinking in every detail.

“I.. don’t know,” Catra said, pulling back slightly suddenly nervous. “I’ve done so many terrible things for the Horde, Adora.I can’t imagine being able to go anywhere else.”

“Come with me to Brightmoon!” Adora said, her… friend (were they actually friends again?) tightening her hold on her. “I promise you that we can make it work, and if anyone gives you trouble or tries to throw you in a cell, I’ll help you escape myself.”

Her tone told Catra that she absolutely would. It was so fiercely protective of her that Catra let herself relax back into Adora’s arms.

“Down girl, don’t go fighting your allies for me, that certainly won’t make things any easier,” Catra said, purring as she rubbed her face into her shoulder. She heard spluttering beside her, and she lifted her head to see Adora’s face a mix shock and embarrassment. Why? All Catra said was…

Oh.

Iiiinteresting.

“Adora…”

“Well hey, Glimmer and Bow are here, they could help us figure something out! It’ll definitely go way better than when I first got there!” Adora rushed out, clearly trying to move past what just happened. Unfortunately for her Catra, wasn’t going to forget this little moment ever, and was definitely gonna to be bringing it up again. But for the moment...

“...What happened when you got there?”

“...” Adora looked to the roof, clearly not happy with this turn of conversation either.

“Adora,” Catra grinned widely.

Adora looks at her, face so red that Catra swears it could melt ice, with a pleading look.

“I can tell you about it back in Brightmoon? I feel like I’ve been plenty embarrassed enough today.”

“Pfft, fine, I guess you get a break for now…” Adora gives her a grateful look. “But I won’t be forgetting that reaction you just had anytime soon~” Catra teases.

Adora groans, burying her face in Catra’s shoulder, mumbling something, and Catra grins at the win. But then she thinks about what Adora asked, and her ears tilt down and her tail wags nervously. “Adora…”

Catra went silent for a moment. Adora took up her hand, causing her to start. But Adora just smiled encouragingly and gave it a gentle squeeze. Catra turned her head to look straight ahead at the wall.

“I.. can’t go to Brightmoon.”

Adora’s hand tightens on hers, her smile falling and face turning distraught.

“But, I thought we were okay now! I can’t imagine fighting you–”

“I’m not going back to the Horde.” 

Adora stops her rambling immediately, mouth hanging open.

“I won’t go back. But I can’t go to Brightmoon either. It’s.. too much right now. Everything I’ve done, and everything between… us.” She said, shifting her gaze to Adora for a second and going back to the wall.

Adora sat there for a moment, obviously struggling with what she wanted to say, but eventually just nodded.

“But the big thing is deciding where to go. Obviously I’m still gonna be a big target, so I’m going to have to keep my head down for a while.”

Adora continued to nod.

Catra rolled her eyes. “That’s your cue to give some ideas dummy.”

“OH!” Adora startled, not expecting to be able to give her input. “Well let’s see uh… you could go… uh, there’s always… hm. Yeah I have no idea where you could go.”

Catra groaned and tilted her head back against the crate. “Really? All this time out in the world and nothing to show for it?”

“Hey! I’ve been places! But they’ve mostly been related to the Alliance, so not exactly places I think you’d want to go strolling into! Plus we wouldn’t want it to be easy for Shadow or any spies to find you…“ Adora went silent for a moment, and Catra saw a flash of something cross her face. Suddenly she shot up, her face suddenly filled with excitement.

“I know the perfect place!” She shouted out to the warehouse, while Catra eyed her warily.

“And what is this perfect place?”

“Razz’s!”

“...What the fuck is a ‘Razz’??” 

“She’s an old lady who lives in the Whispering Woods, so already that is a place that is out of reach of the Horde, but she also seems almost impossible to found except by me or if she wants to be found, so not even people from the Alliance could come find you!”

“Seriously? A random old lady’s house in the middle of the Whispering Woods is your idea of a ‘safe place’?”

“Don’t worry, as long as you don’t go picking fights with any of the monsters in there, you’ll be perfectly safe. Razz has been living there for… I don’t even know how long, but she’s obviously able to traverse around it no problem. Trust me?”

Adora looks at her, face full of excitement and so much hope. And Catra, despite everything that happened between them, the pain, hurt, and bad decisions, decided to trust the person who was always the most important to her, one more time.

Catra sighed and leaned her head back. She was really going to do this. She was going to leave everything she’d worked so hard for behind. For what? A chance to actually do something good? A chance of being somewhere maybe safer than the Horde? A chance to eventually be with Adora again?

Catra turned and looked at Adora, surprised to see her eyes glowing in a way that reminded Catra of when the blonde was transformed as She-ra, the bright blues looking at her like this was the greatest moment of her life, that she was so happy that Catra was thinking about leaving the Horde, even if she wasn’t going to Brightmoon and joining the Alliance. That Catra would be out, and safe.

Yeah, Catra thought to herself. I can live with this.