Work Text:
I’ve lived on, for his sake.
Lived, loved, and allowed myself to be loved, in return. All to ensure his sacrifice- for Paradis, for us…for me, kept meaning.
And I’ve done what I could, in this life. So please…
In the next one...
Please let me see him again.
~
The moon is full; its light is beautiful, as I look at it now.
A glance slightly downwards, to a horizon- to the backdrop of a mountain range I shouldn’t recognize, and all I can think is:
What now?
There’s wind at my back. Water, at my feet. An ocean’s worth of it; a rare sighting, even in my life outside the walls, but it’s warm. And I cannot swim, never learned, and yet it calls to me, like my own name, like a call to return home, and innately I know:
There’s nothing to fear, now.
Not anymore.
I allow myself to take the plunge, and am drawn in.
I traverse the Paths, endless, and surrender.
I float in warm waters, and rest in everything I've ever wanted.
~
There’s flowers everywhere, in this place. Friendship, longing, eternal love- all sewn into roots and pressed into petals. Their scent on the wind, their meaning, and the hope - it all carries me.
The birds take flight; their path along the skies guide me. And like them, I'm lifted.
I am lead, light and heavy-hearted both, all the way back to you.
We walk together, like we always have.
You hold my hand, like you’ve never wanted to do anything else.
And in this dream life, we live.
Flow through time, endless like the blades of grass. Experience the flowers bloom, luminescent, even while picked and held in our hands.
We run, and laugh, and this moment- this world, is ours. Perfect, in all the ways I’ve ever imagined it, and better, still.
Nothing is wrong. Whatever we’ve suffered has been forgotten, ended. Sunlight warms at my back, dapples through the green leaves of our journeys together. It refracts back to me through emerald eyes, and I truly could die all over again, heart bursting and broken from the sheer weight of my love and happiness.
My Love looks me in my face, backlit in sunlight and love, and mirrors me in all the ways I've prayed for.
He’s pure, in the way I always saw him. Pure, in the way he was always meant to be.
I’m complete.
~
She wakes to the scent of flowers she was laid to rest with, and feels the tears well upwards.
Because her twilight-dream life has ended; it fades, continues to slip away as she clings to the memory of it all, desperate. She doesn’t think she’d ever recover from the heartbreak of living another life not having this, and just as she begins to spiral, there’s a warm pressure; a comfort, somewhere on her. She turns her head, looks, and-
Mikasa.
It’s her Love again; the gentle breeze and morning warmth, in human form.
He smiles down at her, sun-haloed and ethereal. Pure still, as if he was never any different (he
wasn’t
).His hand is warm and familiar in hers, and all she thinks of, as he leans down towards her, as she surges up, is-
Eren.
She cries into him, hard, and presses close. His arms come around her, and they feel endless, and strong enough to keep her and their moment both held together. They’re a perfect fit, here in this perfect world that she’s actually awake in, and she can barely believe it. “Eren,” she repeats, aloud this time. It shakes with a lifetime of disuse and is weighed down in hope and tears and love. The nostalgia of its sound, of Eren’s eyes softening in response, of his face, so fond , bring forth memories of lifetimes ago. Glimpses of longing and regret, forgotten up until this moment. Living and loving in her twilight-dream life had cleansed her mind of her life before- of Paradis. But she remembers, now. And she’s so-
“I’m sorry, Eren,” she clings to him, presses her face to his heart-beating and alive , and wills him to believe her. “I’m sorry that I couldn’t live with you. That I couldn't…share my life…”
With someone else. Because you wanted that for me; to be happy, to move on and live, and love again in the free world you gave everything for. And I tried, and I failed.
I lived my life waiting for the end; to meet you again. I was never going to truly live without you.
In response, he brings a hand up to caress her hair. It’s a simple, easy thing, and it's the reassurance she wanted; the forgiveness she never needed, for there is no wrong she could do, in his eyes. Palms splayed on his chest, she gazes upon him, mesmerized. The way she always was, in all their lifetimes.
“I had almost forgotten this,” she whispers, a gentle hand mapping over collarbones, to trace the beauty of his face, fingers brushing over lips, a strong jawline, sun-kissed skin.
“But you never did,” he murmurs, voice soft and reverent, like prayer. Oh, how she missed it- “And I never truly wanted you to.” His hands on her waist and in her hair tighten with the confession. He’s smiling still, but-
I’ve always been selfish.
And he doesn’t speak it, but she hears it anyway, and the love and guilt, it holds.
“You gave your life, Eren. You gave your freedom, to grant us ours." A pause, a brush of hair away from glassy eyes. "And we had it, but you weren’t there. ” Her voice breaks at the end, and she feels no shame in it. Both of her hands are now on his face, moving to bring their foreheads together, her gaze love-soft and heavy. She feels the flutter of his lashes, his breath ghosting across her face, and this-
“But you’re here now.”
All I want- all I’ve ever wanted- is this. I need nothing more.
She looks at him and knows he’s heard her, her heart. There’s a blooming lightness in and around him, permeating from the earth, from the petals on the wind. And it’s all so beautiful. He is beautiful. Beautiful and free , the way he was always meant to be-
“Thank you, Mikasa.”
And he closes the space between them.
His mouth on hers is warm and inevitable. Their kiss, a declaration of every form of love there is, one soft and damp press right after another. There’s a sound- a raw, emotional one. Tears fall, no one beginning nor end to them- they flow from their joint source, the physical manifestation of longing, of grief, guilt, leaving. Finally.
Nothing is wrong. Everything is right.
Thank you for seeing me. For knowing me, and choosing me, still.
They remain bound close even as they pull away to breathe into each other. To simply be , together.
I’ll always choose you. I love you. I love you. I love you.
At long last, Eren and Mikasa, the two of them, rest in peace. In everything they’ve ever wanted.
Together, they’re in Paradise.