Chapter Text
“Of course he’s more like a dog, your Puppy’s essentially a pomeranian with access to highly dangerous weapons.”
“He is not a pomeranian.”
“Then what is he?”
“...A labrador retriever-husky mix,” Angeal tried to best describe the human version of a well-meaning doggo who needs exercise and attention or they will eat your entire couch. “Or a border collie. Those make good search and rescue dogs.”
“You have put way too much thought into this, old friend.”
Genesis and Angeal were arguing again. This wasn’t anything new. In fact, there were several betting pools around the SOLDIER Department that thrived on this…from a safe distance, mind you.
“Well, you have to at least agree that Seph’s more like a cat.”
“You see our esteemed general as aloof, mysterious, and independent to a fault?” Genesis quirked an eyebrow.
“That and I’m pretty sure I remember him knocking a cup off Hojo’s desk when he was angry with him.”
“I couldn’t agree more.”
And that was all the time they had for debating about coworkers behind their backs today.
Zack stomped through the automatic doors, entering the office suite with a frown. They already knew he was grumpy because it was Infusion Day for Sephiroth. That magical time of the month when SOLDIERs were given their mako boosters to keep them in tip top shape. Because you never know when you might have to suplex a train. (Even though the shots often made SOLDIERs feel like they were hit by a train first).
And Sephiroth’s mako dose was beyond anything any of the other Firsts received.
“We can swing by his apartment later with soup,” Angeal offered. Zack would not be pacified by Chicken Noodle. (Obviously he already dropped off the batch he made this morning, but that was besides the point).
“It just…it doesn’t sit right with me,” huffed the younger First. “Anything strong enough to make Seph of all people sick can’t be good…”
“Unfortunately, we don’t control the doses.”
“Well, why can’t they just give him the same dose we get, then?” Zack waved his arms, as if swatting flies that sprouted Hojo heads.
“Because then he would be reduced to the Silver Mediocre, instead of Elite,” Genesis smirked from his desk, proud of his joke.
Genesis’s brand of said ‘jokes’ never landed well with the Pup, so Angeal tried to intervene quickly. “There’s more than enough paperwork to keep your mind off things for now.”
“Seriously, ‘Geal?”
“Sephiroth hasn’t even been released from Medical yet, so it would be better to get your work done now and help him out later,” the larger SOLDIER explained. “Head on over to your desk.”
Zack huffed, but complied, making his way over to the desk adjacent to Angeal’s. He hated paperwork and he especially hated his ‘kiddie desk.’ It was half the size of all the other desks in the room and he’d had it since his Apprentice days. Being sent there was like being sent to the Kids Table on Thanksgiving…but with less dignity. And absolutely no pie. It was so unfair!
He picked up a pen and got to work with a grumble. It was a shared office space for Shinra’s top four SOLDIERs, meaning they shared the room’s atmosphere, as well. And right now it was positively sour.
Genesis was surprisingly the first to try to improve the mood of the office (and stroke his own ego) by offering dumbapples to the others. “Naturally, they’re from my family’s orchard, so they’re the best of the best.”
Zack took the offered snack, staring at it for a moment.
“Lost in thought?” chuckled Angeal.
“You said Banora White trees like mako, right?” the younger man asked. “They should plant those trees in public areas here. Especially the Slums.”
“Why?” Genesis threw a mocking look at Angeal. “So people can steal the dumbapples?”
Zack was unbothered by the inside joke. “That’s the problem right there—why should taking fruit off a public tree be stealing?”
It made sense to him (and would’ve gotten him out of Angeal’s Awkward Storytime on his first Wutai mission way back when). Zack didn’t have time to gauge their reactions. The preset alarm on his phone pinged.
“What’s that about?” Angeal asked.
“Do you know what happens when you fuse a Jump materia with a Quake materia?”
The older Firsts shared a glance. What came from fusing a stabby freefall with a force of nature? Probably nothing good. Zack grinned back.
“Neither do Hojo’s cronies,” the spiky-haired SOLDIER started walking towards the door. “And as long as they keep releasing Seph on time, they won’t have to find out.”
Zack used to worry about Sephiroth’s unusually long mako infusions. They lasted twice as long as the other Firsts’ appointments. Worry would always get to him and he’d impatiently head off to find the guy. Things had gotten better when Sephiroth started texting that he was fine because Zack would meet him at his apartment with get-well soup. But those few times that Sephiroth wasn’t able to report in…
There was no lab monkey Zack feared… No trap he couldn’t escape... No door he couldn’t open…
And after the day he broke the supposedly SOLDIER-proof reinforced glass and launched Hojo a good ten feet through the air for standing between him and helping his friend, nobody tried. Professor Rayleigh started overseeing Zack’s mako infusions (with the exception of the extra-painful year-end 'regenerative therapy’ spinal injection that Hojo positively delighted in administering). All of Sephiroth’s post-infusion tests were completed in record timing (which Hojo claimed was a testament to his superior skills, not his fear of some little punk barging in and quite literally throwing people around).
Zack arrived in the lab. He was greeted by a new face. Or at least a scientist unfamiliar with the way this procedure was going to go.
“You’ll need to wait,” the stout man tapped his clipboard. “Professor Hojo hasn’t authorized his release forms yet.”
“So, do you have his anti-nausea meds ready?” replied Zack, arching a calculating eyebrow. “Or do I need to drag his IV pole back through the door?”
“This door is locked, sir.”
“That’s not what I asked.”
Two of the nearby whitecoats more familiar with Zack’s…protocols quickly made their way over and released Sephiroth to his care. Time to go home!
“They just let you into the exam room again?”
“It wasn’t locked.”
Sephiroth was too tired to argue. He was already seeing colors he was pretty sure weren’t there this morning.
“You okay?”
“I’m fine,” he nodded. “Just a slightly more concentrated dose today.”
“Bastards.”
A thought dawned on Sephiroth. “Please look at me.”
“Something on my face?”
Just as he thought, the taller SOLDIER could see even more new colors dancing in Zack’s eyes. The hidden pools of blue-green were extra vibrant under the spirals of something that looked quite bright, but felt more like purple’s long lost relative.
“Remarkable…”
“Huh?” Zack tilted his head, unaware his friend was seeing the world in a thermonuclear bomb of light and beauty.
“Your eyes…” Sephiroth explained. “They’re mako-flavored.”
“Huh?!” the spiky-haired man took a step back. “Mako-flavored?”
“Yes, they have so much, they’re like a large puddle,” he paused, the haze over his mind growing stronger. “An overflowing puddle.”
“A mako-flavored puddle, huh?” Zack crossed his arms, but laughed. “Gee, thanks. You be sure to remember that one for my personnel review, okay?”
Sephiroth was definitely going for ‘flooded’ instead of ‘flavored,’ but it was too late. The longer he tried to stay awake, the loopier he became. The stubborn man insisted on walking on his own, which did little to help matters. He could remember practically collapsing through the elevator doors before Zack started walking close enough to feel his arm brush against Sephiroth’s jacket—a silent confirmation of support. The dark-haired SOLDIER was the only one in the entire building that could match the General in sheer stubbornness…so when the hallway blurred a little and they were standing in front of Sephiroth’s apartment, he wasn’t even surprised that he was leaning on Zack slightly.
Zack was the kind of guy that would laugh at the latest Director Lizard meme he posted next to the SOLDIER supply pods and take selfies on his PHS with charging Behemoths to send to Angeal (to see what came first—a heart attack or gray hair). He got a kick out of pranking Turks on their own turf and abducting Security’s fancy new vending machines until Shinra upgraded the ones on the SOLDIER floor too. But he never once made Sephiroth feel bad about needing the extra help to make Infusion Days go from ‘bearable, but excruciating’ to ‘tolerable.’
“Let’s get you inside, bud,” Zack punched in the code and activated his keycard at Sephiroth’s door. “I’ll pop some soup in the microwave for you and—Seph?”
The taller man was standing like a statue in front of the doorway.
“I can’t go in there, it could be a trap.”
“You kinda live here?”
“It’s a trap…” Sephiroth whispered, eyes widening. “It’s all a trap…”
This was new.
“Hey, I promise it’s safe. Want me to check it out first?”
“I will examine it myself,” the general insisted, summoning Masamune to his hand.
“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Zack quickly guided Sephiroth’s sword hand away from the innocent door. “Let’s maybe look into it without the sword?”
“You have one!”
“Sure, but I can walk through doorways without getting stuck.”
Barely.
This was all very…odd as far as Sephiroth’s usual post-mako infusion behavior typically went. Normally, the guy was either dead on his feet or two ‘I’m fines’ away from puking his guts out. Today he was borderline delirious. Zack would’ve called Kunsel in for ideas, but Freckles was using his brains to solve the terrorists taking over the water line issue in Junon. Genesis was also out on account of his idea of helping someone get through a difficult time was to drone on about Loveless for hours—Angeal it was.
“Hey Seph, you seem a little out of it,” Zack explained calmly. “Do you want me to call Angeal to help out too?”
“I don’t know any Angelas.”
Shit, is his hearing messed up too?
“I said ‘Angeal.’”
“Who?”
Oh, boy. How much mako did Sephiroth have in his system? And why was it breaking his brain? Why was Zack friends with a cyber-terrorist if Kunsel wasn’t here when he needed him to hack into the medical files and figure out what to give Sephiroth to help him feel better? Reaching for his PHS, Zack hoped Angeal had some insight.
“Do not call this ‘Angela!’” commanded the taller SOLDIER. “She sounds…problematic.”
“Only when Gen puts him in a bad mood.”
“I do not like this ‘Jen’ person either.”
“Hm, okay,” Zack tried another tactic. “Let’s go inside your place and you won’t have to deal with either of them. You’ll be safe there!”
Sephiroth did not like that idea. Sephiroth wanted to have Masamune in one hand and a Firaga in the other. This area was unfamiliar. This man a stranger. A stranger calling in Angela and Jen for back-up. How much more obvious could this trap be? Someone was trying to kill him and he had to find out who before it was too late!
Moving like lightning, Sephiroth pinned the spiky-haired man to the wall. “Who do you work for?!”
“Y…you?” Zack sputtered out, surprised by the action. Enhanced individuals always had a boost of speed and strength after mako infusions and right about now, Zack was feeling every ounce Sephiroth was clearly strung out on. “Shinra, if we’re being more specific.”
“How is Shinra connected to all this?!” Sephiroth roared. “And who is Shinra?! Your mob boss?!”
Why, oh, why was this the day Kunsel was out on a mission?
“How ‘bout you put me down first?” Zack tried to smile reassuringly. Like he wasn’t suspended in the air a good foot or so by his combat suspenders. “We’ll figure this all out, bud.”
Sephiroth grip loosened considerably. His eyes were distant. “You already know.”
“Know what?”
“About the scallops…”
“The…what now?”
“And the barbed wire… Can’t you see the barbed wire…?” sweat trickled down the side of Sephiroth’s face. Fevers and paranoia had no business going together like Rufus Shinra and designer coat belts. “No one makes it past the barbed wire, not even the scallops!”
Zack looked around him. If those things existed, they were all in Sephiroth’s mind.
“That sounds like it would hurt,” nodded the SOLDIER. “Can you point it out, so we can walk around it?”
“I will never aid the mafia!”
“I’m not with the mafia,” Zack tried to explain. “It’s me! Zack! We’re friends—”
“—Enough of your lies!” snarled the General. “You will tell me how you know the scallops or you’ll both end up in the skillet!”
“You are Sephiroth, you are safe. We’re right outside your apartment,” Zack made another valiant attempt at calming him. “I’m Zack, your best friend and the guy who’s gonna make sure you lie the hell down and sleep this off.”
Sadly, the last of Sephiroth’s executive functions had crawled into a darkness so deep, not even Friendship Speeches could reach. Certainly not common sense. He had become a force so bizarre, so utterly weird, that even Jenova would have second thoughts about playing puppeteer with this one.
“Sleep?” the taller SOLDIER carefully lowered the stranger down. Once Zack’s feet found solid ground, Sephiroth squeezed his cheeks together with the dexterity of a granny beholding a cute child and the raw power of a fighter jet. “The fish would like that, wouldn’t they? They can die alone!”
Zack did try to protest. It was hampered by Sephiroth squishing his face.
“How did you find me, Mafia Man?” the Silver Elite asked in a dangerous tone. Even if his unfocused eyes dropped his intimidation by a few points. “What the Lumpfish locks up, can’t be easily freed…”
“Are you talking about the labs?” Zack managed to pry one of Sephiroth’s hands off his face. Now he was only half-squished. “They know me. They always let me in to pick you up.”
“Because you threatened them!”
“That’s…” the shorter man began. “Okay, that’s not entirely wrong, but only the ones being complete dicks about—”
“Barnacles…” hissed Sephiroth, releasing his fellow SOLDIER to pace the hallway. “Now there are barnacles involved.”
“Do you want seafood or something?”
The General began clawing at his shoulder. A man after an unreachable itch. A cat after a flickering laser pointer.
“Do you need help with your armor?” Zack tried again, gesturing to his own pauldrons. That seemed safer than getting pinned to the wall again. He kept a calm face by telling himself today couldn’t get much weirder.
…But it could.
And it did.
Things were made even weirder when Sephiroth sprouted a wing. Accidentally.
“I see the northern wind has arrived,” the winged SOLDIER stretched his newly-grown limb to its full extension. Feathers floated around them as if someone blew up a feather pillow. This situation had officially reached the Top-Secret-Your-Eyes-Only-Or-A-Turk-Will-Remove-Them levels. Nobody else could know about this.
Zack debated calling Kunsel anyway.
“Seph! Are you okay?! Holy shit, your back just fucking exploded! What did they give you?!”
“I am free of the barnacles, but the scallops are still out there...waiting.”
Zack continued to try to approach his friend to check on him. The concern painted all over him kept Sephiroth in place. “Mafia man, your face is losing blood,” observed Sephiroth. “Are you well?”
He would be after he called up a zookeeper with a bunch of unsettling What Ifs.
“You don’t look surprised, have you always had a wing?” Zack asked.
“I don’t have a wing, I am not a chicken,” Sephiroth left no room for argument. That never stopped Zack before and it wouldn’t start today.
“I never called you a chicken, I asked if you always had a wing,” Zack clarified.
Sephiroth looked over his left shoulder. It would almost look comical if he wasn’t so delirious. “There is no wing here.”
“Other side, buddy.”
“What is the meaning of this?!”
Sephiroth had found the wing.
“Hey, it’s okay,” Zack held up his hands placatingly. “Let’s just get back to your place and we’ll figure it ou—”
Sephiroth disagreed. For someone who had only recently grown his first wing, he was surprisingly good at flailing it around to rocket down the hallway in a feathery cyclone.
“...That could’ve gone better.”