Work Text:
Drip.
Drip.
Drip
Xie lian watches the blood drip down his arm as he slides the blade against his skin once more.
He smiles softly. Slices once more, then again, and again.
He knows he shouldn’t be doing this but what choice does he have. The numbness was coming back, along with the constant voice in the back of his head.
******************
Hua cheng wouldn’t be happy to see this, but he doesn’t want to burden him once more. Xie lian had tried to ignore it in hopes that he would get better over time, especially now that his beloved is back in his arms.
but it didn’t.
So now he finds himself sneaking off to somewhere hidden, under the excuse that he was visiting the heavens. Just so Hua cheng doesn’t worry. This time he hides in an abandoned shack. He had kissed his beloved farewell as his guilt rises within him.
This was the only way he knew how to deal with this *feeling* he has, so he lifted his sleeves and slowly dragged the blade across his skin. Xie lian was already starting to feel better but it wasn’t enough. 1 cut. 2 cuts. 3 cuts. And so forth.
This fights off the feelings of uselessness, being a burden, and the numbness. He just wanted to feel something again and he’ll take anything at this point. He’s lucky he won’t scar. This is something he does not want to explain to anyone, especially his beloved. The guilt starts kicking in again as he makes his final cut and sets the dagger down.
He feels sick to his stomach knowing he’s doing this behind Hua cheng back. But he does it time and time again anyway. Xie lian waited for the wounds to close again before washing the crimson off his skin. It’s such a funny thing I suppose, watching yourself stitch itself back together right before your very eyes.
He tossed the blade randomly and grabs rouye. He’s about to leave when he notices a pair of dice on the floor. *his dice*. “Oh no” he thinks. He grabs the dice quickly but he doesn’t know when they fell out.
it was too late. His beloved had seen.”San lang”… “gege..” his voice sounded heartbroken. “I’m sorry” xie lian whispers “you weren’t supposed to find out”