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Kageyama bit the inside of his cheek nervously, clenching his fists within his pockets, as he stood on the sidewalk just outside the school facing Hinata.
If this is what he suspects it is, and really he can only hope, because usually he’s wrong about these sorts of things, then he’s nervous. Even if it’s something he wants.
The only thing scarier than not getting what you want, is getting what you want.
Or something like that, as he briefly recalls a lesson in literature, where they had to cite a saying and write a good long page about what it meant to them. Not a fun assignment.
Kageyama hates describing his feelings. Or yk just feeling them in general.
“I wanted- I- um,” Hinata stutters, his resolve wavering before it steels itself back into place, it’s so like him, unlike himself, Hinata’s always been able to express himself.
He does it so loud, and Kageyama doesn’t even mean that in a physical sense, well- yes ok in a physical sense too, but he means Hinata in general, he’s so loud with his stupid, bright way too pretty in the sunlight, hair. And his epitome ( a vocab word Tsukishima hammered into his brain, vehemently . ha another one.) of the sun, grin. Hinata felt like a sunbathe in the spring, when it wasn’t too hot or humid, just right. And Kageayama wanted to laze around in it, like a damn cat and just be there– with him? Forever.
“I wanted to say I like you!” Well fuck, he thinks.
“I like you! And I want to hold your um... h-hand and k-kiss you and just– I like you. Please go out with me,” he finishes off scratching the back of his neck anxiously.
Right. Now he has to say something. Anything .
“I-”
He nods.
Hinata just looks at him, head tilted, his nose scrunching for a second in confusion.
“I— me— yes–.”
Kageyama would never in his life admitting to being bad at something, even if he is well — more like especially if he is, volleyball aside of course, which is where his usually exceptions are, where he gives his everything wholeheartedly, even going so far as to say fuck his pride really, but he’ll go out on a limb here, and say it.
He sucks.
He’s so fucking shitty at– at– affection, which in his defense, it’s something you learn at home, and with well no... no one... he sucks. Which sucks.
Because he does like Hinata, and admitting that isn’t an issue, not for his pride or any other pretentious bullshit, (stupid asshole Tsukishima loved seeing that one on the stupid english list) he just- can’t.
Not without feeling like he’ll combust, throw up, pass out, or cry. Potentially one right after the other. He figures maybe it’s an anxiety thing, or a he’s emotionally stunted thing.
Regardless. He needs to do something. Again. Anything.
Walking up to Hinata is easy, taking his hand into his own, is even easier. He’s thought of how they’d fit a dozen times, and safe to say it’s better than whatever he could’ve thought up, “me too.” He mumbles dazedly.
Hinata blinks. Flushes. And then lights up brighter than any star Kageyama’s ever seen.
Maybe he’s biased.
“You like me too?” He nods.
“So you’ll go out with me?” He nods again.
“Then we’re boyfriends right?” Another nod. Fuck he’s gone for this idiot.
And just like that... they’re dating. Maybe one day he’ll get those stupid words out.
Hinata and Kageyama are dating. Hinata and Kageyama are dating.
Just the thought makes Hinata wanna jump around, or run a good lap or two, maybe even roll down a hill into the flowers like he used to when he was younger.
It sounds sappy, but Kageyama makes him feel all sappy.
Kageyama feels like the intense thud of his heart after a good spike, the good skip a beat to his heart. Kageyama’s like the sky when it’s all pretty and a mixed mush of red and blue.
Kind of like the slushies they sometimes get from the convenience store on weekends that are hot, for anything other than slushies, and sky watching.
Kageyama’s like when the stars come out, and he feels all... all celestial (a very pretty vocab word he learned from Tsukishima, but Kageyama is pretty so it’s no wonder it fits).
They’ll stand under the stars, and Hinata will feel celestial, and alive like he might just take off then and there. As if the gravity’s been knocked out beneath him, or however it works, like he’s breathless and might get blown away if he doesn’t chase after Kageyama so close.
Kageyama does that to people though he thinks he's that breathtaking, distracting kind of pretty with a fierce sort of look in his eyes. Hinata’s mom always said ‘eyes are the window to the soul, and you can’t go wrong if you know how to read them’.
Kageyama’s eyes feel like the ocean without any sharks, or gross mud at the bottom. Like he could lay in the water and never prune and just float, like a water bed or something.
Or maybe it’s like the sky like he said before.
Maybe it’s that moment when he’s in the air about to spike, except he flies up higher and gets to idle around among the stars, and just be.
Regardless, after all that late night falling, Kageyama and him are dating. So things are great, amazing even.
Except Hinata can’t hold Kageyama’s stupid hand.
Okay well it’s not like he can’t, can’t . Kageyama reached out and grabbed his hand tons of times, like the brave fearless idiot he is, but he can’t in the sense that his hands get all sweaty and shaky, and he starts tripping and clumsy, and falls .
Literally.
He fell into a dirt hole after school on the way home, and Kageyama, the stupid amazing boyfriend he is, offered up his gakuran to wear on the way home.
So yeah, he kind of, can’t hold his boyfriend's hand.
Jump to now where’s been weakly, reaching out, and then stopping, to grab Kageyama’s hand. “You okay?”
“Huh,” he says, jumping away. Looking up to meet Kageyama’s concerned stare.
He likes Kageyama so much. Like doesn’t even–
“You look... I don’t know,” his boyfriend trails off awkwardly.
“I- yeah I’m fine!”
Unconvinced, blue eyes peer back at him, appearing to give him a once over, Hinata looks away flustered, stuffing his hands behind his back abruptly, hoping nothing looks amiss.
“Were you reaching for my hand?”
Well sh- dang. He has a younger sister, ok?
“Uh- yeah if you don’t... mind,” muttering weakly looking up.
Kageyama grabs his hand, like it’s the easiest thing in the world, and—
Hinata. Just. Wants. To. Scream.
So he does. Admittedly.
“Urghh! How do you just do that?” He questions heatedly.
“Huh?”
“You. You- you initiate all the hugs, and you kiss me like almost nothing, and hold my hand like it’s the easiest thing in the world!”
Kageyama blinks at him, tilting his head, then opening his mouth a few times to say something, before stopping, and settles saying, “it is.”
“But how don’t you get nervous? Or anxious? Or sweaty? Or- I don’t know... just.”
He throws his hands up in defeat, sighing, looking at the ground.
“I do.”
His head shoots back up, surprised.
“When,” he asked.
“When... when I-,” Kageyama frowns, nose scrunching into a familiar scowl, before seeming to have found a new energy, “you’re one to talk you know!”
“Me? What? How,” Hinata frowns.”
“Y-you’re always just saying shit like it doesn’t- I don’t know you always c-compliment me, and- and... do you know how much nice shit you say to me a day hmm? Like how much you just say shit, like it’s nothing! You- ughh,” Kageyama finishes turning to face the other way
Hinata blinks dumbfounded. He hadn't really considered that. And now that he thinks about Kageyama is usually pretty good at saying whatever he wants to, in fact in most cases it’s a problem because not everyone responds kindly to the, mostly sometimes, truth.
But now that he’s thinking about it Kageyama never really said he liked him when he first confessed on the fateful day that started everything. Huh. He’d kinda just stumbled around and Hinata had known what he meant. He’s always been good at reading between the lines with Kageyama, finishing his sentences. Reading his eyes.
And to think Kageyama couldn’t well express his- his care ? through words kind of made sense. “Oh. I never thought about that, I just assumed... I don’t know. Whenever I try to hold your hand I get all nervous like I might explode or pass out or–”
“Throw up or cry. Me too. Just not when I hold your hands, more like when i try to say I- when I- try to say that I l-. When I.”
“When you try to say you like me,” he finishes back.
“Guess that makes us kind of... fit.”
“Fit?”
“Yeah I mean I’m weak in all the places you’re strong and you’re weak in all the places I’m strong.”
“Yeah I- I guess so.”
And with that Kageyama offers him one of his rare small side smiles, and holds out his hand knowingly, and Hinata reads it for what it is now clearly, “I like you too.”