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Levi groaned as he turned his head to the side, away from the light that he could feel even with his eyes closed. His head throbbed with pain. Someone shushed him and ran their fingers through his hair. Who the hell would be doing that? He didn’t think he could bear moving, and thinking was a stretch, but he did his best. The fingers were warm, and slender, maybe? Gentle, very gentle, but pulling his hair back the way he liked. No one had done this for years. He’d missed it. Who…
“You awake, little man?”
Hange. That made sense. Hange would be the one to invade his personal space like always. Now that he was feeling a little more of his surroundings he could tell that his head was resting on her leg, and he was covered up in blankets.
“Wh’appn’d?” he mumbled. He remembered something… dark, then bright, then dark again… Someone had been screaming? Green. They’d been on a mission. “Ti’n rr tree?”
“Bad headache?” she asked. She was still running her hand through his hair. He didn’t want her to stop. He cleared his throat.
“Titan or tree?” he asked again.
“What?” Hange asked. Her hand stopped. “You okay?”
“My head hurts.” he complained. But he did remember the mission. There had been a titan. An equipment malfunction… Hands, then teeth, too close… too close!
Levi opened his eyes. “Am I dead?”
Hange laughed. “That bad?”
He looked at her. She wasn’t wearing her glasses, and he could see her eyes clearly. They were beautiful. He’d always liked the way they sparkled. They reminded him of stars, but warmer.
“Concussed then?”
“It’s just a migraine, Levi.” Hange shushed.
Something was wrong. “No, no I remember… there was a titan. Its—“ Levi cut off. He did remember. The teeth, too close. He felt his chest growing tight. “Hange?” he asked, eyes wide.
“What’s wrong?” she said. What’s wrong?! Levi sat up, leaving Hange’s embrace, and turned to look at her. He held his hand up to his face, his forehead. Sure enough, he could feel… an old scar. It was old? How could that be?!
“Hange, what’s this?”
“A scar?” Hange said.
“Yes, but where’d I get it?”
Hange smiled. “You whacked your head off my table when I accidentally tripped you at my party. That was how we met.” she leaned forward and kissed his eyelids. His heart seemed to stretch forward in his chest, begging for her touch. He was scared, his head still hurt. It was dark. “If you’re going to tell me that that’s where you get your migraines, I’m going to have to challenge you to come up with something original, short-stack.”
Levi grabbed Hange’s hands. He’d seen them a million times, waving wildly, holding papers, holding swords, grabbing his cravat and pulling him behind her wherever she went. He always complained, but never cared. Her hands though, he knew them. He knew them almost as well as his own. These were Hange’s hands, but the cuts and bruises were gone, and several of the scars seemed to be missing altogether. He looked up to her shoulder, where her largest scar was.
Wasn’t.
It wasn’t there.
“Hange, what’s going on?” she looked worried now.
“What do you mean?” she asked. “Is something wrong? Besides the migraine, obviously.”
Levi looked around the room. It wasn’t the infirmary, it wasn’t his, and it wasn’t Hange’s but… was it? He saw a cup of tea on the dresser next to Hange’s glasses, he could see his shirts hanging in the closet. Some of Hange’s notebooks littered the dresser, along with science textbooks. There was a broom leaning in the corner. They were… sharing this room? It was fairly tidy, and he supposed that was to his credit. But no, he’d never been here before!
“Levi?” Hange urged. She looked so worried. Levi was still staring at the room. On the dresser, crowded behind books and tea was something bright. Not very bright, but with blue numbers, saying 4:22…
“Is it… almost four thirty?” Levi asked. He’d never seen a clock, or anything, that glowed like that.
“Yeah, but we have today off. Don’t worry about it.”
That was almost more confusing. “We have today off?”
“It’s Sunday.”
“Four thirty in the morning?”
“The afternoon. You’ve slept almost all day.” she said. “Were you dreaming? You seem really out of it, Levi.”
“I…” he wasn’t sure. “No, I… What happened on the last mission? Was I injured?”
“What are you talking about? You said your last case went smoothly.” she looked really worried now. But nothing was making sense. He leaned into her shoulder. The left, where he didn’t have to worry about the missing scar. He closed his eyes. It did make some of the pain go away.
“I remember there was a titan.” he said. “How did I escape?”
“What’s a titan?”
And Levi froze. Because that question should never ever be coming from Hange of all people. She loved titans. Actually loved them, when so many others wanted them eradicated. Because of course, Hange saw the beauty in everything, even titans, and wanted to pick it apart and figure it out.
Either something was very, very wrong, or he’d fallen into a dream. Some kind of miracle where there were no titans, no terror that everything and everyone who he tried not to love would be ripped from him. He brought his hand to his forehead.
Or that he would be ripped from them.
“Levi?”
“Sorry.” he said. “You’re right. Just a bad dream.” It hadn’t been, though, had it? Of course it hadn’t. He remembered them, the walls, the Underground, the death, death and pain almost constantly hanging over everything. It wouldn’t just disappear, unless… unless he really was dead.
Dead and now alive in a world where there were no titans, where he and Hange shared a room, and where the worst scar he had was from hitting his head on a table.
Where clocks could glow.
“There, there,” Hange said, gently reaching her hand up to the back of his neck, brushing over the short, prickly hair. “Everything’s alright, grumpy-pants.”
He snorted. “Shitty-glasses.”
She laughed a little. “Is your head feeling better?”
He nodded. “Yeah, it feels okay.” Now that he knew, knew he’d died, and this was just what came next, he wasn’t afraid. It was good. He just worried that it meant Hange had died as well.
The next day, the memories of this life still weren’t quite there. A little more was available to him than when he’d first woken the day before, though. He wasn’t surprised to find the shower, or the refrigerator, or the electric kettle, and he used all of them with perfect ease. He got dressed for work, and even though he wasn’t entirely sure what his job was, he drove to the building and went inside almost automatically.
Then he saw the people inside. Petra and Oluo were arguing by the copy machine, Eld was writing a report at his desk, Gunther was speaking with a witness, patting her shoulder as she cried. The office was small, but not too crowded. Still, nearly every face he saw seemed to be familiar.
“Good morning, Captain!” he heard Oluo call out enthusiastically, just the way he’d used to. The way that Levi had actually missed.
“Morning.” he said, a little dazed. He headed to the other side of the room, where his office door was. He didn’t notice Petra following him, and consequently nearly shut the door in her face.
“Captain?” she asked.
“Uh, yes?” he said, setting his bag onto his desk.
She smiled nervously. She looked just as she had in the Corps, though he could see, even on her, there were less battle-scars. “Good morning.” her words were heavy with extra meaning. She tapped her finger to her forehead.
She knew.
“Where are we?” he asked.
“Well, right now we’re in the offices of the police station.” she smiled.
“Less specifically, soldier.”
“Detective.” Petra corrected. “Less specifically, we are pretty damn far from where we were. A different life. It’ll come back to you slowly, but eventually you’ll start remembering the other life you’ve had so far. Noticing the differences, the similarities. It’s happened with all of us.”
Levi nodded. “Hange doesn’t know.”
Petra shrugged. “I guess she hasn’t died there yet.”
“Good.” Levi said. “They need her.”
“They needed you, too.” Petra smiled kindly. “Still, the nice thing about being here is that even if they don’t remember yet, we still have the people we love.”
Love…
“Thank you, uh, Detective Ral.”
Petra grinned. “No problem, Captain.” she left his office.
Love. Levi hadn’t missed that, obviously. They shared a room, a bed. Her fingers in his hair, the way she smiled at him. Even in that violent, previous life. The way she teased, and talked on and on for an age about her research. Hell, she even let him bathe her! They were more than close, but there? He couldn’t possibly say anything. It was dangerous, and now he was dead. He was gone. He’d left her.
He wanted to go back home immediately, and take Hange in his arms and apologize over and over for leaving her, for worrying her. He wanted to tell her he was alright, he was there, he was alive.
But she wouldn’t understand. Not yet.
He resolved that he would be there for her when she remembered. That even if it took years, even if she was an old, old woman, he’d be there. As he toyed with the ring on his finger, he supposed he’d already made this promise.
He was there when his wife awoke early one morning, clutching her chest and screaming Moblit’s name. She looked at him like he was a ghost, which he supposed he sort of was. He held her soft, unscarred hands, and told her that she was safe. Finally safe.
She cried into his chest, getting his shirt disgustingly wet with tears and snot, and told him how much she’d missed him.
“I’ve been right here, four-eyes.” he assured her. He wondered how she’d take the news that they were married. He chose not to say anything. To her, he’d been dead for almost three years. Surely, she would have moved on.
But of course, Hange was the brilliant one, and she noticed the pale gold ring on her finger while she was still crying.
“We-we’re married?” she asked, looking up at him with red-rimmed eyes. “You asked me to marry you?”
“Actually,” Levi said, holding his hand out. “I think you asked me.”
She laughed, seeing the engagement ring on Levi’s finger, just below the simple wedding band. “Ah, of course.” she smiled silently for a minute, just holding Levi’s hand, until suddenly she jerked her head up in a panic.
“Levi?!” she asked.
“What, what’s wrong?”
“What the hell am I going to do without titans!?”