Work Text:
The lights in the room are off and the only sound of someone's presence is the weeping, coming from someone crouched against the floor. His hair are a mess, falling behind his back in tangles and curves and his body shakes with each sob that rips itself out of his throat. His eyes are heavy and his face is wet with tears that never seem to stop flowing. The blade in his hand shakes with each cry that wracks his body.
Truth be told, Kaeya Alberich is tired of living. He can't go another day without being able to think about something other than death. He's been doing this since he since he turned seventeen, since Diluc threw away their shared childhood and cut off the last remaining threads of their bond. They became strangers. He stopped speaking with Diluc. Everything between them- just crumbled apart one day.
He lets out another shaky breathe and grips the blade harder, trying to position itself right above his hand, ready to slash and cut short this life of his. There's a voice in the back of his mind that whispers in a mocking tone that perhaps there's still hope, maybe there's something he could do. But then, he thinks of Diluc and how he's given up. His eyes sting and tears stream down his cheeks, soaking into his shirt. There's no more fighting. The point has already been made. He's done everything he could. All that is left to do is give up before it's too late. That's what happens when you live long enough, he guesses. You don't even try anymore, because it doesn't matter.
"Just- press the tip of the blade against my skin, and slash...it won't be much work...just a bit painful. But I deserve it, so...no more delay," He tells himself, convincing him that all this is much- more worth than having Diluc stare him down each day with such hatred an disgust that burns holes through his soul, that makes him want to rip out his flesh ounce by ounce to just make Diluc look at him the same way he did in the past, with eyes that only showed unconditional love, and acceptance.
But Kaeya knows it will be better if he just stops thinking about it now. For the sake of Diluc's sake, he's going to end his life now. He'll finally be free from the pain, from the fear, from the disappointing gaze of people on his back.
"It's now or never...," He thinks and presses the blade against his skin, just as his phone jingles with a notification. "I'm almost there...", He mutters softly, looking at the screen. It's Diluc, messaging him. Kaeya blinks, his eyes glistening in the darkness.
His hand trembles violently, and for just a second, his heart feels like skipping a beat, a small fluttering movement deep within, like wings flapping against his chest. But then, that small flutter dies down again, like the beating of a single heart. He forces himself not to let any feeling out. He's too numb, too exhausted. He doesn't have time for these feelings.
He turns away from the source of brightness his phone provides and faces the blade again, ready to push it into his flesh and slash, slash till there's nothing but him and the cold embrace of death. But something within him pushes him to see, to read what Diluc has sent. His inner kid, who still craves for his big brother pushes and pushes, until Kaeya realizes he's already holding his phone up and opening the message, blade long discarded on the floor. And Kaeya Alberich's whole world suddenly stops turning, his vision blurred with tears and his hands shaking even harder, fingers gripping the cell phone like they're afraid to let go.
Diluc .
Good Evening Kaeya,
I apologize for disturbing you so late at night, but I have a request for you.
Adelinde had the courtesy of inviting you over to dinner tomorrow. She has said that she "misses her young master" and wants to see you once. Please do not reject the invite, Adelinde really hopes to see you at dinner tomorrow. She'll be pleased to hear you've accepted.
Regards,
Diluc R.
Kaeya wants to cry, or to throw his phone across the room. Do both maybe. This must be a sick prank on him. Some cruel joke that's played on him by a cruel twist of fate and Diluc just can't stand him. No, this couldn't be real. Diluc wouldn't ever say something so ridiculous...would he? No. This is just some kind of twisted joke Diluc is playing on him, to get a rise out of him...to hurt him somehow..he probably hates him now after what happened that day. Diluc treats him like a fucking stranger, like he and Kaeya weren't ever raised alongside each other. Like he never had anything to do with his life at all. Kaeya feels sicker than he thought possible, because he knows that it's true.
Diluc must be waiting on a response, of course he would be. Kaeya thinks, he thinks about it deeply. Adelinde was like his mother, she had raised him, wiped his tears away when nightmares plagued him during the night and held him close as she read him fairytales and stories of courageous pirates with pointy swords. She was always there for him, every step of the way. He couldn't afford to disappoint her, he can't even imagine how heartbroken she would be, hearing Diluc tell her that he rejected her request at a possible reunion. So Kaeya nods slowly, letting out a breath that seems to break the silence and release all the tension pent up inside of his soul.
"Fine," He says aloud to the empty room, the words slipping past his lips. He begins typing, stops and erases all words, before typing a simple "Alright" and shutting his phone off, flinging it over his bed. Then he lays down, facing the ceiling. If he closes his eyes and tries hard enough, he can pretend that this never happened in the first place. But no matter how hard he tries, Kaeya cannot force himself to fall asleep. He lies awake for hours on end, his mind racing and filled to the brim with thoughts that keep spinning around his head.
He does everything he can to shut off his brain. A bottle of wine, half a glassful, turns into two drinks, then three, before he finds himself sitting on a sofa, with one hand on top of his stomach, while the other one holds his glass. He's alone, and no one is here to comfort him. No one is around to remind him that things can be okay again. Not now, nor ever. The thought keeps on repeating itself in his head over and over again as he stares at the wall, the light of the lamp barely lighting the room up. He feels like he's underwater and that all he hears is the sound of the water rushing past him. The walls feel like they're closing in on him, crushing him and forcing him to drown, until finally, he gives up and opens his mouth to call for help, only to find himself surrounded by darkness.
He closes his eyes, hoping for the gentle touch of sleep to lull him in. In the living room, all alone on the sofa with the only company being countless bottles of wine and empty glasses, Kaeya Alberich wishes he was never born.
-
The sunlight greets him when he opens his eyes, reminding him that a new day has arrived and the dreaded dinner he has to attend is in the evening. It takes a good minute for his body to realize that he's awake and alert, which takes longer for his brain to start working, and when he finally gets a full grasp of reality, he immediately regrets it. He groans as his stiff muscles protest at moving in his sleep and stretches out all his limbs in a wide yawn, which leads to a very sore throat. He swallows and rubs his dry throat with the palm of his hand. After the stiffness fades away, he takes a deep breath, trying to fill the emptiness in his chest with air as if oxygen were being stolen from the room. When he starts breathing normally, he sits up straight on the sofa, the weight of the blanket on his shoulders.
Having breakfast is no choice because Kaeya is in no mood to stomach food right now. Instead he stirs up a quick cup of coffee and sips it while washing a seemingly normal show, until the first episode is quite literally a guy trying to kill himself by drowning but instead is found by some 18 year old orphan. How interesting. But Kaeya can't bring himself to care about that, he can't think about anything except for Diluc and their conversation that night.
He sets his empty cup of coffee in the sink and walks back to the bedroom, deciding that if he has nothing else to do, he might aswell decide what clothes he should wear to the dinner tonight. He sets the chosen clothes on one side of the bed and lets his body fall against the soft mattress in an instant. He's tired, beyond tired. He's completely worn out and he doesn't know if he even has it in him to move from this spot today. Kaeya closes his eyes, letting out a shaky exhale and soon, he has drifted into a deep sleep.
When his eyes open again, it's close to 6 in the evening. Inwardly cursing at himself, Kaeya moves off the bed and prepares to get dressed, the sooner the dinner gets over, the sooner he can get back home and end his life.
-
It's 7 o'clock PM when Kaeya finally reaches the Dawn Winery, and here standing in front of the door to the manor, Kaeya lets out a long suffering exhale, lifting his hand to knock once, twice, in a beat. The door opens a second later, revealing a much ecstatic Adelinde who pulls him into her arms, holding him tightly as if he would disappear the moment she let go. Kaeya doesn't fight her, doesn't try to pull away from her hug, instead he sinks deeper into it and breathes in the scent of her perfume. They stay like this for what feels like years, Kaeya unable to breathe as he hugs her, burying his face into her hair. Her embrace is warm, soothing, comforting. It's been too long since Kaeya's seen this sweet woman and, without warning, tears begin to run down his face. His eyes are burning, but he will not allow them to fall. Not yet.
"Young master! I am so happy to see you, thank you for being able to make it!" The smile she gives him is brighter than any star he's ever gazed at, he cannot help but smile back at her and share her joy, even it's for a brief moment. "Master Diluc will be delighted to see you." He won't. Kaeya thinks to himself, but he doesn't voice his thoughts out loud.
Adelinde pulls away from the hug, her bright eyes looking at him intently. As she looks at him, Kaeya can almost swear that there is a flash of sadness in her eyes, but it quickly changes into a look of hope.
"Kaeya." Just then, Diluc emerges from behind, he looks the same like he did all those years ago, except he's aged well. "Thank you for coming, Adelinde is very much happy to see you." None of them make an attempt to address the tension between them, and even if Adelinde is aware, she keeps quiet about it. She instead holds his arm in hers an smiles, "Follow me young master," and together they go to the main hall where the table is set, ready with appetizing dishes of all sorts.
They eat quietly and politely, but the atmosphere isn't comfortable. Neither of them want to say anything, neither of them want to initiate small talk with each other. Adelinde seems tense, and it makes Kaeya nervous and unsure of himself. He knows they need to have this talk, to clear the air between them and get it done with. He just isn't sure if it will be a good idea to talk to his father about it at a time like this or if it's better to take it easy. And so they continue to eat silently.
"Ah, it seems my assistance is...required in the kitchen. I'll be right back." And it seems Adelinde has betrayed him aswell, leaving him alone with Diluc , both men feeling uncomfortable in the situation. "So, how have you been Kaeya?" The younger resists the urge to tell him that, *No, I am not fine. Had you not invited me here, I might have been dead inside of my apartment, and you wouldnt even find me until weeks later." He sighs and nods his head, pretending he's not upset at all, "I've been doing great thank you."
Diluc nods and then clears his throat, leaning forward onto the table, resting his elbows on the surface to prop his hands up and resting his chin on top of them. "How are your studies going?" Kaeya doesn't want to tell him how he suddenly just stopped being an A-grade student and fell behind his peers, barely clinging onto life. So he just smiles and shrugs his shoulders, "Not bad." Diluc watches him closely, observing, but he doesn't push on the subject further. Kaeya is grateful for the lack of pressure, but still he's tempted to add something more to that statement. Something along the lines of not very , but it's hard to talk when he already said what he needed to say.
Adelinde returns after a while, and takes a seat with them. Topics are thrown about and conversations are made, dinner is soon brought to an end. Adelinde and Diluc follow him to the door from where he grabs his coat and puts it back on, turning to bid the two farewell. "Are you sure you'll be alright going home this late at night Young Master? You're welcome to stay here until next morning."
"I'll be fine Addie, I know the path back like the back of my hand, so don't fret." The headmaid excuses herself to go get him a scarf, even when he insisted he didn't need it. Nights tend to get chillier day by day and the mornings seem to increase in temperature. Diluc and him are alone at the door, the awkward silence is more than present in between them. It feels strange though, as they used to spend hours talking to each other whenever Kaeya came back home from school. Now, they sit in awkward silence while staring at each other, the words that are left unsaid floating in the space between them. "You look tired," Diluc speaks up before Kaeya can break it first. Kaeya raises an eyebrow at the statement, trying to figure out why he would sound concerned. The question makes him feel guilty in some kind of way, as if he's been neglecting his duties. "I'm fine Diluc, you worry too much, especially for someone who has so little time on their hands. If we keep this up you're going to start getting wrinkles around your eyes and ears, you look twenty years older every single day." Kaeya tries to lighten the conversation, but it only brings a grimace to Diluc's face.
Before Kaeya has a chance to open the door and step through, Diluc steps forward and places his hand lightly over the handle. Kaeya pauses, turning to meet Diluc's gaze squarely, noticing now that his eyes are filled with concern. "Listen Kaeya, I'm just worried about you." He says and Kaeya lets out a deep sigh before opening his mouth. "Don't be. I'm fine." He says, knowing full well that what he means is far from the truth and he hates the fact that Diluc seems to pick up on his meaning without missing a beat. There's no denying the pain behind his words, but the elder man chooses not to press on the matter. Instead he removes his hand from the handle and steps aside, letting Kaeya walk past him out into the dark night. He hears the lock click as the door swings closed.
Kaeya sighs and pushes his hands into the pockets of his coat. Just then, his phone makes a beep inside of his coat pocket again. When he pulls his phone out, he realizes it's a message from Diluc. He unlocks it and sees that the message says:
Diluc .
I enjoyed the dinner, and Adelinde did too. I also noticed that you looked more tired and worn out then usual, please take of yourself Kaeya, Adelinde worries about you greatly, and I...do. You can visit the manor again anytime.
Goodnight.
Kaeya can't help but smile and feel a sort of, joy inside of his soul.
It seems like Diluc has saved his younger brother from committing suicide without even knowing.