Chapter Text
"I WIN!" Sanji and Zoro shouted at each other as they came to a stop, obeserving each other's kills. Sanji wasn't too impressed with Zoro, not when he obviously had the bigger monster and therefore could make the most out of his kill. He had no idea what he would do with three random horns.
"YOU LOSE!" They both retaliated. Sanji knew Zoro was an idiot but did not have a brain? Couldn't he tell he lost? Did he not have the pride to admit that while he did have a decent-size kill, Sanji clearly had the bigger and better one.
"Good grief, cook. I got the bigger and better kill. Use your damn eyes, er, well you can only see out of one them." Zoro laughed.
"I can see perfectly through my hair, thank you very much. And that's why I know for a fact I have the bigger and better one!" He shouted, about ready to kick some sense into Zoro.
"Whatever you say, cook. Just admit that I'm better at fighting and I got the bi-" Zoro stiffened up and grabbed the hilt of the wado, lookimg towards the dark jungle. Sanji held his breath, trying not to say something snarky. Usually Zoro liked to finish his insults and Sanji was willing to admit that Zoro had an odd sense of being able to detect things and people before they made themselves known.
"Oh shit." Zoro mumbled as a man in a trenchcoat and sunglasses walked out of the jungle.
"If you ask me, I think they're both about the same size, and I think you both have more to be worried about right now." He said, stopping not too far with them with a devious smile.
"Who is that?"
"Ran into him at Whiskey Peak. He likes to picks his nose." Zoro scoffed as he took the wado out.
"That...is disgusting. He's one of the people trying to kill Vivi?"
"Him and some lady whose probably hiding around here somewhere. Check the sky. She can fly, sort of."
Sanji heard laughing and saw an attractive lady appear from the tree line, floating in the air with the help of her umbrella.
"Mr. 5! We found one of them! Who's the cutie?"
"YOU THINK I'M CUTE?" Sanji fell to his knees in awe, feeling estatic and loved by the woman's little compliment. She was definitely going to try and kill them but she was nice enough to say Sanji was cute.
“IDIOT! THEY'RE BAROQUE WORKS! SHE'S GOING TO TRY TO KILL ALL OF US, ESPECIALLY VIVI, AND YOU'RE ON YOUR KNEES FOR HER?!?!" Zoro tried to hit him but Sanji jumped up and few feet back, meeting the swordsman's glare, watching as the lady daintly landed on her feet next to her partner.
"Oh, you wouldn't understand." Sanji got a new cigarette out to replace the one he had been getting some rush and feeling from for hours now. He started smoking to be a man but then he soon realized that when he smoked, he wasn't as numb as he could be at times, and they tasted too damn good.
"Whatever. Let's just deal with him, get the others, and then get the hell out of here." Zoro put the wado in his mouth and took his other swords out, then he lept towards Mr. 5, who hadn't moved at all. Sanji saw the lady running towards him, unable to stop laughing about how much she was going to have trying to kill him, and he would have been paralyzed and love-struck if she didn't mention killing Nami and Vivi, who were much more important to him.
"HI! WHO ARE YOU?" She swung her umbrella at him and he was very easily able to avoid her attacks, trying not to trip over the dead meat. Maybe if he just wore her out, she would pass out on her own and Zoro would have handled Mr. 5 by then, and then they would go back to arguing over their kills and once Zoro opened his eyes and saw Sanji won, they would get the others and get the hell out of Little Garden.
"Name's Sanji, and if I may have yours?"
"Miss Valentine!"
"Beautiful name for a beauitful lady, if I may say."
She came to a stop and started to giggle, kicking a foot up into the air. Even though she was the enemy, she was still a lady and Sanji would always do his best to please one and make them feel admired and let them know how stunning they were.
"Oh, shame I have to kill you...unless you want to join us. I don't know what skills you have but I'm sure we can find some place for you at Baroque Works. We could even be partners if I put in a good word." She tempted, and Sanji was exicted for a split second, but there was no way in hell he would ever consider joining Baroque Works, even for the lovely Miss Valentine.
"Sorry, ma'am. I'm going to have to refuse that offer. You see, you and your friends keep trying to kill my friends, which I don't appreciate!" He managed to kick her umbrella and she wouldn't let go of it, even when Sanji sent it flying, taking Miss Valentine with it. He apologized but she was fine. He wasn't sure how she was doing it but the wind seemed to take her away and she was at the top of the trees, mainting her position with her twirling umbrella.
So she probably had devil fruit powers.
Lovely.
"COOK, GET AWAY FROM THERE NOW!" Zoro yelled at him. Sanji didn't know why he was yelling but he lept away from his kill towards Zoro's and just barely missing the explosion. He fell onto his back and wondered why a giant monster would just explode all of a sudden, and how Zoro knew about it.
He sat up and he could see Zoro still engaged with Mr. 5, and then he picked his nose. The fucking assassin picked his fucking nose and Sanji almost threw up from how disgusted he was. He shivered and watched as Mr. 5 flicked the germ towards the dead animal, towards Sanji. Zoro stopped and told the cook to run and that the entire animal was going to blow up in a few seconds. Sanji just sat there which was a mistake, because the moment the booger came in contact with the carcass, the whole thing exploded. Sanji felt himself hit the rock wall and fall onto his back, trying to understand what was going on, and his coat was on fire. He got up and threw it off, at least grateful he had another one on the Going Merry.
"WHAT THE FUCK DID HE JUST DO?!?!" Sanji danced around the flames, now more concerned about the fact they didn't have food than the two people trying to kill him and Zoro. He wouldn't have anything for his ladies, and for Luffy, and he wasn't sure what was worse.
"HE CAN MAKE ANY PART OF HIS BODY EXPLODE! HE'S A DEVIL FRUIT USER AS WELL!"
"THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN NICE TO FUCKING KNOW BEFORE HE ALMOST BLEW ME UP TWICE, YOU SHIT-ASS SWORDSMAN!" He yelled as he got into the clearing, out of breath. He underestimated the two agents which was very stupid of him.
He heard Miss Valentine yelp and when he looked up, she was hovering above Zoro, her thigh bleeding.
"ZORO! DID YOU HURT A LADY!?!?" He didn't meant to yell it but he did. As soon as he did, it seemed that all of Miss Valentine's agony went away and she became fixated on Sanji, her winces turning into laughter.
"SHE'S BAROQUE WORKS! SHE'S TRYING TO KILL US!"
"SHE'S STILL A LADY!"
Miss Valentine kept laughing and chased after Sanji, going on about how he couldn't do anything against him and he would be easy to take down, and then they would take down the green-haired idiot, and then the rest of the pirates would be a piece of cake. Vivi would be theirs, and she would be dead.
As if Sanji would ever let that happened, not while he was still breathing.
He still couldn't hurt a lady but he could try to avoid her attacks and tire her out, and then Zoro could attack her, and then Sanji would get onto Zoro for hurting a lady because it was still against his moral code.
"HEY, WANNA TAKE CARE OF HER FOR ME!?!? I'LL DEAL WITH THE BOOGER-EATER!" He shouted as he just narrowly missed getting stomped on. Zoro yelled in agreement and they jumped across the little opening, exchanging a quick nod mid-air. Sanji mananged to kick off a a tree and avoided a booger bomb. He got a bit more speed and was able to deliver a powerful kick to Mr. 5's smug face and send him back a few feet.
"COOK, YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO FIGHT WOMEN SOON! YOU'RE GETTING NOWHERE IN LIFE IF YOU DON'T! CAN'T WAIT TO BURY YOU BECAUSE YOU COULDN'T KICK A LADY WITH A GUN TO YOUR FACE!" Zoro laughed. Sanji rolled his eyes and told Zoro he was full of shit and a disrespectful excuse for a man.
"DO YOU TWO ALWAYS FIGHT EACH OTHER WHEN FIGHTING OTHERS!?!?" Miss Valentine yelled somewhere in the distance inbetween her pancked yelps of narrowly missing Zoro's attacks.
"YES! WE DO!" The two yelled in unison. Sanji landed on his left leg, feeling something was wrong. A rock must have hit it just right after the explosion and now it was aching.
And what woudl your father do if he saw you in pain from a rock?
Probably kill him.
Mr. 5 raced towards him, taking a gun out. Sanji ran towards the gun, which Mr. 5 didn't expect. There was confusion in his face which gave Sanji the perfect chance to kick the gun out of his hand and then perform a round-house, which severely weakened Mr. 5.
Maybe he didn't underestimate them.
"Oh, where were you at Whiskey Peak?"
"Minding my own business. You're not really that much of a threat."
That ticked Mr. 5 off. He grabbed a branch and threw it towards him with terrible aim. It exploded nearly five feet from Sanji and it wasn't even that impressive of an explosion. The agent growled and ran after Sanji, and all Sanji had to do was take careful and large steps.
"You are in for it now! Me and Miss Valentine are going to take down you and your swordsman! You have no idea who you are dealing with!"
"It's only two against two, and we're going easy on you right now. Other way around, I think." Sanji said as he avoided getting blown up by something the agent kept throwing whatever he could at him. He was annoying the agent and wearing him out. He was bound to make a mistake sooner rather than later and Sanji would have the opportunity to knock him out. Mr. 5 yelled at him and lunged forward, falling into a puddle of mud. Sanji started to laugh and wondered what the deal was with Baroque Works and if they were just a bunch of wimps hiding behind a big name.
"Yeah, sure thing chef, but it's actually three to two now." Mr. 5 laughed as he looked over to his left.
Shit .
Sanji turned to where he was looking and he wasn't sure what it was, but some white liquid thing came shooting at him. Sanji yelped and fell flat on his back, bending his knee the wrong way and hearing a loud pop that was followed by the same pain he felt when he was a kid he his brothers used to break his knee caps.
So he couldn't use his left leg anymore.
Not a big deal.
He heard Zoro freak out and when Sanji looked over, his arms were binded together by the substance, and all three of his swords were on the ground and he couldn’t quite grasp them.
"IT'S FUCKING WAX! WHAT THE FU-COOK, BEHIND YOU!"
Sanji just managed to crawl away before a ball of wax landed next to him. He didn’t know if that was meant to trap him or kill him, maybe both.
“So, you’re the infamous swordsman who took down a hundred Millions at Whiskey Peak! I must say, I’m not that impressed with you!” Sanji turned his head and saw who had to be Mr. 3 based on his stupid hair standing there, wax melting off of his hands. “And the one of the ground?”
“Never seen him before, but he’s one of them. Packs a nasty kick.” Mr. 5 said, appearing right over Sanji. “Think he deserves a taste of his own medicine.”
Sanji closed his eyes, wondering if Zeff kicked harder or if the assassin did.
He didn’t get the chance to find out. He heard Zoro yelling and loud footsteps, and then the sound of two bodies crashing into each other. He opened his eyes and saw Zoro tackling Mr. 5, blood dripping down from where the wax cuffs began and ended.
“COOK! GET OUT OF HERE! NOW!” He yelled, trying to hit the agent with his wax cuffs.
“FAT CHANCE, SHITTY SWORDSMAN! YOU AREN’T EVEN A SWORDSMAN RIGHT NOW!” Sanji got up to his feet and through his pain, tried to use his left leg as an anchor.
“JUST GO RUN AND GET THE OTHERS!”
“MY LEG IS BROKEN! YOU HAVE YOUR LEGS AND YOU CAN’T FIGHT WITHOUT YOUR SWORDS! YOU GO GET THEM!”
“AND HOW THE HELL ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO FIGHT IF YOU CAN’T USE YOUR LEG?!?!”
“I STILL GOT ONE LEFT! I CAN HOLD THEM OFF!”
"TEN THOUSAND KILO PRESS!" Miss Valentine shouted as she fell from the sky, about to land on Zoro who was still engaged in trying to use the imprisonment as a weapon with Mr. 5. Sanji felt his heart about to explode and he tried to run to Zoro, calling his name and telling him to move out of the way.
"WAX-WAX SLIP!"
Sanji lost his balance and fell flat on his face onto harden wax. He could feel his nose bending the wrong way and a gush of blood in his mouth, and his left tibia breaking in three places.
He felt another impact not too far away, and heard Zoro screaming in pain. He got up to his feet and saw that Zoro was panicking as he became airborne next to Miss Valentine, his restraints now broken which gave Sanji some hope, but that was soon taken from him when there was a large explosion in front of the swordsman, and he just managed to make eye contact with him before his black eyes rolled to the back of his head.
"ZORO!" Sanji yelled as he saw the swordsman went flying through the air and smacked against a tree. Sanji saw his tense body relax as he fell to the ground, and he didn't get back up.
Zoro was down.
And Sanji was now outnumbered three to one.
Fuck!
"Oh, where's Luffy when you need him?" He winced, watching as the Mr. 3 and Mr. 5 formed a circle around him. He limped back, horrified at the thought of his left leg breaking even more.
"Give up now, and come with us peacefully. You don't want to ruin the rest of your clothes, now do you?" Mr. 3 crackled.
"Think you three can't take the soux chef?" He laughed. Mr. Five stepped forward and started digging in his nose. Sanji took a deep breath and got ready for the next booger bomb that came at him. Part of him wanted to run off and find the others, but he couldn't leave Zoro. Hopefully he came around to sooner than later and they could run off together, at least get back to the ship and warn Nami and Usopp.
"Oh, we don't have to do anything. Miss Valentine will finish you off."
The one time he wasn't looking at a lady and it was going to get him killed.
He saw a shadow from above and heard her crazy laughter and he looked up, seeing her almost floating as she spun her umbrella, and then she began to fall.
"Oh shit." He said as he tried to run, just dragging his broken leg, but his effort was wasted in seconds. Sanji felt two feet press against his back with a force he had never felt, not from Zeff, not from his brothers. He felt himself become part of the ground and travel several feet within the dirt. More bones in his body cracked and he was sure his left leg was ruined and something would always be wrong with it at this point. His vision was blurry and all he could hear was a pestering ringing.
He felt like dying.
Get up.
Get up and fight, and if you can't fight, get Zoro and run.
Just stay alive and don't get caught.
Someone grabbed him by the collar and lifted him up. Sanji knew he was whimpering and he couldn't see for a second, but then he saw Mr. 3 laughing at him. He was saying something but Sanji could still only hear the ringing. Zoro was still on the ground, still not really moving, but his chest was.
There was a still a chance for them.
Sanji used the strength left in him to front-kick the bastard and make him let go as he tried to breathe again. Sanji fell to his knees and started to do his best run towards Zoro, incoherent yells coming from all around him. He was almost able to reach Zoro when there was an explosion in front of him. Sanji slid back and was on his knees, spitting out blood, his left leg throbbing and aching, and wondering how long it would be before he lost the fight and failed Zoro and the rest of the crew.
"-ARE IF HE'S DEAD OR ALIVE! GET HIM, MISS VALENTINE!" Mr. 3 was shouting somewhere from behind and Sanji could somewhat hearing the yells of Miss Valentine, and then he felt her.
Miss Valentine was on him again, sitting on his back. She wasn't as heavy as the last time but it was enough to make Sanji sufficate and painfully feel every bone in his torso.
"Not...I liked getting crushed by women, but...but not like this." He groaned. Miss Valetine laughed and he could his back cracking, but that wasn't the sound of knots. He kept wiggling his toes, making sure he could feel them because he was very aware of the possiblity that his back might break at any moment and his spine might break, and he likely wouldn't be recieving any medical care to fix the injury.
"Well, that's two down! Should we go and look for the others?"
"I say we spilt up, take these two to Alabasta as soon as possible and get the others."
"Good idea, Mr. 5! Miss Goldenweek and I will get the others! Call Mr. 0 and ask him what he wants to do with them, but do head for Alabasta!"
"Whatever you say, Mr. 3. Miss Valetine? Ready for some for sun?" Mr. Five scoffed, picking up Zoro's limp body and his swords. She giggled some more and Sanji felt even more weight on him before there was a relief as she got off, but that couldn’t help with all the anxiety and worry coursing through him.
"I sure am!" She looked down at Sanji and he saw mischief all over her face, and he knew his pain wasn't over yet.
"Good night, cutie!" She said as her foot came into contact with Sanji's face, and everything was gone.