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Gabriel had lived for thousands of years, so many years, that modern calendars did not account for all of his time on Earth. Gabriel was one of the Angels. Humans considered him immortal because fate had not brought his soulmate. Gabriel knew he could still be killed, but he was stronger than modern humans. Over the years, humans have become weaker. Humans died younger and did not have the same ability to heal. Gabriel could heal from a broken arm or a cut in minutes, while it could take a modern human months.
Gabriel knew he wasn’t immortal. He had watched other Angels find their soulmate. Only then would the Gods allow the Angel to age and die with their soulmate. He dreamed of his soulmate sometimes. It was always the same face with brown hair and hazel eyes. Michael Angels theorized that an angel’s soulmate was born each generation, but the soulmate died young. While Gabriel was destined to live forever, his soulmate was destined to feel the sting of death over and over.
Gabriel spent centuries looking for the man that haunted his dreams. He traveled all over Europe but never found a trace. When Gabriel moved to the New World, he left his hopes of finding his soulmate. He wanted a fresh start. Gabriel did not want to be Gabriel Angels anymore, but it was a name he could not escape. Gabriel knew with time his name would change. He’s been Jabril, Gavriel, Cebrail, and many other variations over the years. He knew more variations could come and would try to welcome those changes.
Gabriel settled in Kansas. The plains had little wonder for most, but there was something special about being able to see the land for miles. He enjoyed the golden hue cast down by the sun over the wheat fields. It looked peaceful and free of pain. Sometimes, Gabriel envied those who could die. Hopefully, they would find peace in the afterlife and not be cursed to be reborn.
He put his envy to good work. Gabriel worked as a hospice nurse. He liked to work with the younger patients. Not the children, but the adults. Children had their parents rally around them as they died. The elderly had their grandchildren rally around them, often not out of love but for a larger chunk of the inheritance. The adults were the ones that really had no one. Husbands often left their wives to die alone. Others never had friends, family, or a loved one. Gabriel hated comforting the ones who had never known love.
The worst patient that Gabriel helped into the afterlife was a young woman aged thirty-two. She had been kidnapped on her way home from school at sixteen. Everyone thought she had run away, so no one looked for her. Ten years later, the police find her naked and chained in a basement. They free her with nothing more than a pair of hospital sweats and the address for the women’s shelter. Her parents and siblings never visited or reached out to her. Her kidnapper ended his life before she could get justice. Then, the final blow, he gave her HPV, the strain that causes cervical cancer. She wasn’t able to afford treatment, so she had the indignity of suffering a painful death, failed by everyone. Gabriel held her hand as she died. Her last words were, “No, please, don’t make me live again.” At that moment, Gabriel realized that Michael was right and his soulmate could suffer the same fate. He hoped not; he wanted his soulmate to have a good life.
Gabriel took a deep breath and pulled up to the local mental hospital. He had a patient to pick up and take to the hospice house. Gabriel walked into the hospital and was handed a file without a hello. He opened the file labeled, “Samuel Winchester, Age 28, Diagnosis: Fatal Insomnia, Schizophrenia.” Gabriel sighed and thought lovely. He flipped the top page and came face to face with the man who had haunted his dreams. Gabriel’s hands began to shake as he read the file.
“Samuel Winchester (preferred name Sam) arrived in the ward after being hit by a car. The patient showed signs of mental duress. During Sam’s stay, the medical staff could not get Sam to sleep. All medication protocols have failed. Sam is experiencing hallucinations of Satan. The patient has a family history of mental illness. The father was diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia, and the mother had major depression, culminating in suicide. The patient’s brother appears mentally stable with no health conditions. The patient’s brother reported that Sam had no issues with sleep or hallucinations until the patient was kidnapped and tortured for one year. The brother declined to go into the details of the kidnapping.”
Gabriel closed the folder and reminded himself that Sam may not be his soulmate. Gabriel had hopes before of meeting his soulmate. He had felt close to finally meeting the man countless times, but it wasn’t him each time. It was always a dead end or false hope.
Slowly, Gabriel walked down the hallway towards Sam’s room. He could hear the sounds of the hospital around him. This hospital reminded Gabriel that God often gave people too much to handle. Sam’s death would be a testament to that. Quietly, Gabriel pushed open the door to Sam’s room. He heard someone speaking in Enochian, his mother tongue. It was a slave’s prayer for peace and a kind master. Gabriel hated to admit it, but with time, his memories of his early life faded. He’d forgotten his parents’ faces and the names of his childhood friends. The only people he had clear memories of were other angels.
Another man was in the room with Sam. He gave Gabriel a worried look as he held Sam’s hand. The man sounded scared when he spoke, “He’s been speaking gibberish. The doctors said he was going to die. I don’t want to watch my baby brother die. I’m supposed to protect him.” Gabriel could hear the pain in the man’s voice. There was a time when Gabriel felt that pain. Around three thousand years ago, Gabriel wanted to feel love, so he married and had a family. At the time, it seemed like a good idea. It was something to distract him from his elusive soulmate. It was suitable for a short time. Then, he had to watch his wife and children grow old and die. Gabriel never tried to love after that.
Gabriel gently closed the door behind him. He sat down his bag and put on his nurse persona, “I’m Gabriel. I am going to be Sam’s hospice nurse. We’re going to go to the hospice house on Chestnut and get him settled. I’ll ensure he’s as comfortable as possible until he passes on.” Gabriel paused and added something he usually wouldn’t say, “He wasn’t speaking gibberish. It was an Enochian prayer.”
The man rolled his eyes and said gruffly, “I’m Dean, Sam’s big brother. Enochian is a forbidden language. No one knows it besides angels.” Dean squeezed Sam’s hand and asked, “Will it hurt when he dies?”
Gabriel walked over to the bedside. He looked at Sam carefully. The young man had a wild look in his eyes, which focused on nothing. His hair stuck to his forehead, and it seemed like Sam was afraid. Gabriel said quietly, “There are options, Mr. Winchester. Some families choose to let their loved ones die naturally. Others choose to end their suffering once it is clear there is nothing left for them besides pain. Once life becomes pain, there is only one outcome. Some people believe it is cruel to let their loved ones suffer. Others believe it is cruel not to let their loved ones fight, no matter the suffering, until the last breath. I have seen it go both ways, and both options are valid.” In truth, Gabriel favored putting people out of their misery.
Gabriel reached out a hand and touched Sam’s arm. Soulmates meeting always caused a reaction. If the soulmate was an angel, the response was profound. In this case, every blood vessel in his body and Sam’s glowed gold. A light emanated from them that shattered the lights in the room and cracked the window. It would have been impressive if Gabriel wasn’t focused on his soulmate. He could feel Sam’s pain coursing through his blood. It would figure that the way Gabriel met his soulmate would be like this. A tortured man with only days left to breathe.
Dean whispered, “You’re his soulmate.”
Gabriel glanced at Dean and then back down at Sam. His soulmate had his eyes closed and a light smile on his face. Gabriel whispered, “I have been waiting to meet him since the dawn of time. I am an angel, but I am no angel. I should have found him. I should have saved him from this fate.”
Gabriel held his soulmate’s hand and watched Sam open his eyes to look at him for the first time. The first words his soulmate said to him was, “You’re not real.” The irony was that Gabriel could have sworn that Sam wasn’t real for centuries. Yet, here they were.
Dean spoke up, and Gabriel didn’t miss the anger in Dean’s voice, “He was tortured. They made him like this. He was a total nerd, but they took him. They shredded his soul.”
Gabriel gave Sam’s hand a gentle squeeze and said calmly as he wiped away his tears, “Then I will take the shreds. I can care for Sam at my home or yours. I… I will take off work to spend what little time I have with Sam.”
Dean didn’t object to Gabriel’s plan. He hesitantly agreed, “Yeah, Sam and I don’t have a permanent address. I am okay with Sam staying at your house so long as I can be there. He’s my brother, and I will be with him until the end.”
Gabriel sniffed as another nurse came into the room. He said firmly, “Mr. Winchester is my soulmate. Please update the discharge papers; I am taking him home.”
+++
For centuries, time seemed to fly by, but now it seemed to stand still. The five-minute drive home felt like five hours. In his dreams, he imaged carrying his soulmate over the threshold of his house. He saw the idea for the first time in a silent movie, and the thought never escaped him. The happiness and banter that came with carrying a loved one over the threshold spoke to Gabriel.
Gabriel carried Sam over the threshold into his home, but there wasn’t love or playful banter. There weren’t any soft kisses or promises for tomorrow. Instead, Sam’s dazed and unfocused eyes scanned the room. Gabriel led Sam to his bedroom because, if nothing else, he wanted Sam to pass comfortably.
He spent so much time fussing over Sam that Gabriel didn’t notice Dean staring at him. By the time he did, he apologized, “I’m sorry. I have waited so long to meet Sam, and I will never truly know him in this life. I pray that the Gods will allow us to spend our eternal life getting to know each other.” It sounded like such a corny thing to say, but every single word was true.
Dean asked, “I thought angels have special powers. Why can’t you fix him?”
It was rumored that angels could heal, but Gabriel had never seen it done, and none of his brothers admitted to healing. Still, Gabriel moved his hand under Sam’s shirt and placed it over his heart. Gabriel tried to focus on exchanging something, but nothing happened. Gabriel looked helplessly at Dean, “If I could trade places with him, I would. Healing is a rumor. I thought it would work since we’re soulmates, but I was wrong.” Gabriel paused and added, “I will call my brother Castiel. He may know how to help Sam.”
+++
Some moments never seem like enough: twelve hours, thirty-five minutes, and nineteen seconds was all the time he was granted with his soulmate. Castiel was not able to make it time, and Sam died in his arms. If Gabriel wasn’t a nurse, he would have thought Sam had finally fallen into a peaceful slumber. He knew that was not the case. His soulmate was dead, and if they were lucky, he would not be reborn. Sam would spend eternity in Heaven; maybe if the gods were fair, he could join Sam soon.
Gabriel carefully wrapped Sam’s body in linen when the front door to the house opened. He heard Castiel yell, “Gabriel?”
Gabriel wiped his tears and said, “In here, he’s gone.”
Castiel stood in the doorway silently. He quickly glanced at Dean and then turned his full attention to Sam. He placed a hand on Sam’s linen-covered foot. Castiel’s eyes glowed blue for a moment before fading. He said solemnly, “Sam was a warrior and should be honored.”
Gabriel gripped Sam’s arm and let go. His voice cracked, “I didn’t even have a day with him. He never said my name. He’s lived before, I know it.”
Moments stretched on, and finally, Castiel said, “And he died free, surrounded by people who loved him. Life is unfair. Sam may have been cursed to die horrible fates, but Gabriel, you were also cursed to walk alone forever. You will be granted something soon that escapes all angels. You will be allowed to grow old and die. All you have to do now is live out the rest of your days in a way that will make Sam proud.”
Gabriel felt his eyes glow, then he turned to Dean and asked, “Tell me who hurt him.”
+++
Gabriel spent the rest of his life hunting down the monsters that killed his soulmate. Before his quest, he knew that life was not fair and justice was elusive. Gabriel never found justice for Sam. The people who hurt him and stole his life never set foot inside a police station because of their actions. It was like Sam did not matter to anyone but him. Part of Gabriel feared reuniting with Sam in the afterlife and telling him he never got justice. Another part of him could not wait to hold Sam in his arms.
As Gabriel’s life came to a close, he opted for euthanasia. After meeting Sam, his hair greyed and his skin wrinkled. Over decades, he became frail, and it felt too fast for him. He wondered how those with average lifespans could see everything the world had to offer. All he wanted to do was sleep and ease the dull ache in his chest.
Castiel came to help him pass on to the other side. His old friend still hadn’t aged a day. Castiel’s soulmate was lost to him. Dean also came, though Dean handled aging far better than him. Gabriel placed a mask over his face to deliver the drugs that would send him to the next phase in his existence. He pushed a button and felt the gas fill the mask as Castiel held his hand.
As Gabriel struggled to keep his eyes open, Castiel said, “It’s okay to rest now, my brother.” Gabriel felt himself start to leave this life. In his last moments, Gabriel saw Dean put his hand over Castiel’s, and the room engulfed itself in white.
The next thing he knew, he stood in a field of farro. Gabriel could see his childhood home in the distance. Slowly, Gabriel walked through the field, unsure where he was and hoping he wasn’t cursed to live his life again. A smile ghosted across Gabriel’s face when he saw a man wearing simple linens in the field. Gabriel ran until he crashed into Sam. He felt complete for the first time in all of his existence.
Sam whispered in awe, “Gabriel.”