Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Six sweeps. Seventy-two perigees. One hundred and fifty-six wipes. Four thousand, seven hundred and forty-five days. Karkat Vantas had somehow survived for six sweeps despite the illegality of his mere existence. Perhaps Gamzee was right. Perhaps miracles were real. Perhaps Karkat owed that drugged-up clown an apology.

Someone had said something to Karkat once, a long time ago.

The wonder is not that the cholerbear dances well, but that the cholerbear dances at all.

Karkat seldom stopped thinking about the impossible odds he had overcome. Every night he woke up still breathing seemed more implausible than the last. And yet, he had it all. A lusus who cared about him despite its foul temper, a nice hive in the subgrubs, friends who respected him... He was even on speaking terms with the Heiress. Or at least, he knew someone who knew someone who knew the Heiress. He had interacted with her once, in a hastily-arranged group chat. She seemed nice enough, at least compared to most seadwellers. The odds of her dethroning the established ruler of the empire where hundreds if not thousands of Gl'bgolyb's wrigglers had failed were almost as absurd as the odds of Karkat surviving another sweep. Still, she would certainly be an unorthodox empress, if she won somehow.

The whole system was fucking bullshit. Karkat wanted nothing more than to meet whatever asshole came up with the whole bullshit system so he could punch them in the face. Even if it was the last thing he did.

The last thing he did...

Perhaps the real miracle was not that Karkat was able to live in relative comfort, but that he was able to live at all.

And yet, another sweep passed. Karkat was now seven sweeps old. Eighty-four perigees. One hundred and eighty-two wipes. Five thousand, five hundred and thirty-seven days. Seven sweeps old, and his luck was beginning to turn. He'd had to get through a rather difficult in-person conversation while struggling to hide a cut on his arm. And now Ascension Day was fast approaching. On that day, he would be caught for sure. Even if he could somehow handwave the unnatural colour of his genetic material, it would not matter if he couldn't find at least one partner. And there was no way that was happening. And they'd probably analyse his blood at the Ascension proper anyway. He was, for want of a better term, thoroughly fucked and not in a sexy way. Motherfucked, even. Perhaps assfucked, one might say. That is to say, fucking dead!

Karkat was getting desperate now. All he wanted to do was survive, and that was only going to get more difficult from here. Things were looking exceptionally bleak, and there was only one possible way he could think of to survive. And it was a massive gamble.

He was going to tell his friends everything.

Karkat left early that day. He knew where Steelchalice was. It was on one of the old PMU routes out of the city. The poorly-maintained stations on that line, staffed by lowbloods struggling to make ends meet, had much less security than modern scuttleconvoy stations. Even a cherry-blooded mutant like him would be able to board safely. He took whatever he could carry and left a note for his lusus.

Crabdad,

I'm going to be away for a while. I'm not sure how long. I've heard a rumor about something that could save both of us. Don't come looking for me. If I'm not back by the end of this wipe, tell my friends I'm gone. And I know you know how to use the computer. Stop pretending like you don't. And tell Terezi I'm flushed for her. I just hope somehow you'll be alright without me.

All my best,
Karkat

Few trolls realised that many lusii could, in fact, read. Karkat had yet to hear of one that could use a computer, but he was convinced that his could. Maybe it was just wishful thinking.

The journey to Steelchalice was not a long one. Karkat had often wondered about the name of the town, but he reasoned that it probably made perfect sense back when trolls first started living there. It was a small community with little of interest; of the maybe six other trolls on the train, none of them were getting off at Karkat's stop. This worked in his favour, of course. Less people to ask inconvenient questions to the shifty, haemoanonymous young man with the large backpack.

Steelchalice itself was an odd place, full of very old-looking hives. Karkat had heard that some isolated areas were not served by carpenter droids, forcing young trolls surfacing in such locales to occupy and refurbish existing structures. Perhaps that was what was happening here. The town was mostly inhabited by olivebloods, with a few members of the lower castes here and there. Karkat had not heard good things about olive-dominated communities - wretched homes of scum and villainy, riddled with crime, often with only a single legislacerator or jurisdecimator to maintain a semblance of order. Of course, the lawlessness of such locales was good news for a troll with a cull-on-sight blood mutation. The only major landmark in Steelchalice was a massive loading dock for interstellar cargo ships. What the fuck kind of town is this to have something like that, Karkat wondered to himself.

Of course, Karkat was not there to speculate on why certain things were where they were. He had other things to worry about. Like where he could find this mysterious hermit who may or may not be able to help him.

> Karkat: Question locals

"Yeah, I heard about some weirdo heading off into the expanse. He had either the biggest pair of courage spheres in history, or the smallest think pan."

"Can't say I've heard anything about a hermit, but there is a lot of really weird stuff up there. It's a long trek, though. Not to mention dangerous."

"Hmm. Well, there was one guy a few sweeps ago. Went off to live in the mountains. God knows why. There's nothing up there except some old ruins. And not even the kind with treasure."

"Oh yeah. That guy. He'd probably be about your age now, maybe a little older. No idea where he is now, though. Probably dead. Or worse..."

In hindsight, Karkat was foolish to expect anything useful out of the locals. The hermit likely lived in such isolation so that people would not know where he was. That was the whole point of being a hermit. Karkat would simply have to rely on luck. That said, if this so-called expanse was half as dangerous as the locals made it sound, he would need more than just a cheap tent and his copy of Wilderness Survival For Complete Morons.

> Karkat: Question locals but this time ask them about survival tips

"Seemingly there are these weird old tunnels in a few places. You might be able to use them to cover ground by day. Be careful, though. Could be anything down there."

"The undead there are a lot nastier than most places. Don't get caught out after sunrise."

"It gets cold in the expanse. Keep that in mind."

This was slightly more helpful. Now Karkat felt ready to leave. And before midnight, as well!

Karkat was a natural at climbing mountains, apparently. Within three hours, he had reached his first summit. Not bad for someone who had barely been outside for most of his life. In the distance he could see the spires of Thrashthrust. A beautiful sight when admired from a safe distance. In the other direction, he could see an open plain. In the distance was a forest and another mountain. Closer to him were some ancient, crumbling stone structures. Perhaps a remnant of a pre-imperial civilisation. A stark reminder of what happened to those judged unworthy by Her Condescention. And Karkat was judged unworthy before he even hatched.

Karkat continued on. By first light, he had found shelter - one of the tunnels he had heard about. He readied his sickle and ventured further in. He would need to have his wits - and his arms - about him.

Karkat made camp within the tunnels around midday. His magnetic direction finder assured him that he was heading in the right direction. North.

In the evening, Karkat was rudely awakened by some manner of creature. Nothing that could potentially be a lusus, Karkat's admittedly limited knowledge of zoology assured him. Nothing he should feel guilty about killing in self-defense. He quickly retrieved his sickle and prepared for grief.

While Karkat had trained with his sickle for almost as long as he had basic grasping ability, this was the first time he'd had to put his techniques into practice. And the training paid off - a few calculated cuts and the monster fell in seconds. Karkat packed up his tent and continued on his way.

He surfaced a few hours before midnight, not far from the treeline. For nearly a week, Karkat continued his search, through tunnels by day and over mountains, plains and forest by night. Eventually he came to a great, lonely mountain. It was eerily beautiful, covered in snow - a rare sight on Alternia.

Karkat had eaten little that night - he wanted to save as much as possible for the return journey. By the time he came to the humble wooden door at the foot of the cliff, beautiful stone towers looming over him, he was quite hungry. This must be the hermit's hive, he thought. And so he knocked on the door.

"Open up, fuckass! I don't have all night!"

After a moment, the door swung open and Karkat was greeted by an oliveblood, lean in build and androgynous in presentation. A single green streak ran through their - Karkat silently cursed himself for assuming that the hermit was a he - hair, and their right hand was clearly mechanical. They looked a little older than Karkat himself, past the age when most trolls would have either ascended or been culled.

"Ah, a visitor. And a mutant, no less," said the hermit. "So the descendant of the Sufferer emerges at long last. I know some people who will be elated at this news."

"You what."

"Oh, where are my manners? Zoreth Fenrex. It is a pleasure to meet you." The hermit extended their non-mechanical hand.

"Uhh... Karkat Vantas. How did you know I was a mutant?" Karkat asked, tentatively accepting the hermit's handshake.

"I have my ways. Do come in, Karkat. I have some food cooking."

"Fucking finally! Something that isn't dessicated grubslurry residue!"

"Indeed!"

Zoreth showed Karkat to a table in their stone hive and then left to retrieve the food. The hive was exceptionally large and lavishly decorated for an olive residence, especially considering that the occupant was ostensibly a hermit. Karkat chose not to think too hard about it. Within a few minutes, Zoreth had returned with the food.

"I have made spicy ribs," said the oliveblood. "This recipe was very popular when I ran a diner."

"Huh. Hadn't figured you for the sort of person who'd be involved in the food industry."

"It's true! Before I was a hermit, I went through a few jobs. I used to play gravity ball professionally before I opened the diner."

"Wow, cool. How'd you end up out here, then?"

"I realised that I had no future in the empire, so I went looking for a way to dethrone it. Eventually the risk of being caught became too great, so I moved my operation out here."

"Huh. So what exactly do you do out here?"

"I collect forbidden knowledge. I look for ways to challenge Her Condescention's power."

"And you haven't been caught how, exactly?"

Zoreth laughed. "The authorities don't believe that anyone can survive out here for any meaningful amount of time, so they don't bother looking. I have a little trick, though. It's called extensive knowledge of plumbing."

Karkat couldn't help but crack up a little at this. He looked down at the ribs. He tentatively picked one up and tore off a piece of flesh with his front teeth. It was certainly a rib and it was certainly spicy. Karkat did not know enough about non-processed meats to judge the quality of Zoreth's cooking.

About halfway through the meal, Karkat finally decided to begin the conversation of why he was there.

"Alright, Zoreth, was it? You've probably already figured this out, but I'm not exactly here for the scenery."

"Oh, I'm sure. In fact, I think I can guess at your reasons. You heard about me somehow, and you think I can save you from culling, is that it?"

"How did you know?"

"Well, it's obvious. You're at the age when you are nearly due to begin the Rites of Maturation, and you are all but guaranteed to be caught. Why else would you come all the way out here?"

"I guess that makes sense. Can you help me? Also you are way too fucking nice. It's weirding me out."

"Good manners cost nothing, Karkat. But to answer your question, I might have a few ideas."

"Great! Let's fucking hear them then!"

"Well, first things first." Zoreth looked Karkat dead in the eye. "There is something I must ask in exchange."

"Well, of fucking course! There always has to be a catch, doesn't there? Alright, what do you want?"

"A small sample of your blood. I know people who would be very interested in examining your genetic code."

"My blood? What the fuck do you want with my blood?"

"You are the descendant of Kankri Vantas, the Sufferer. There are certain groups who believe that your blood is key to the fulfilment of a certain prophecy that will see the empire destroyed once and for all."

"Yeah, right. I don't believe in any of that ancestor bullshit."

"Well, I'm not exactly a believer myself, but a sample of your blood will grant me a certain degree of leverage over them, which would be very valuable to me."

Karkat thought for a moment. "Alright, I'll buy that. But you'd better make it worth it!"

Zoreth laughed heartily. "Oh, of course! In fact, I'll give you the information now. We'll take the sample after the meal."

"Alright. So how are we going to do this?"

"Well, one way we could go about it is that I could take you on as an apprentice. It would mean severing all of your existing social ties, barring possibly your lusus, but you would be safe."

Karkat thought about this. Lifelong safety as an apprentice hermit, looking for the secrets of the empire's defeat. It was tempting. But it would also mean life without his friends. And Karkat wasn't sure if he wanted that.

"Hmm. Doesn't sound too bad. What else you got?"

"Another possibility would be for me to tell you how to get off this planet before Ascension Day. You would be able to flee to a backwater colony with little law enforcement. From there, you could stage a rebellion, take control of the planet, do whatever you wanted, really. Perhaps you could even bring some friends along."

Karkat was torn. On the one hand, sneaking offworld would almost certainly be much more dangerous than becoming a hermit. On the other hand, it wouldn't mean living in the middle of jack shit with Zoreth for the rest of his life.

"I'll fucking take it, Zoreth!"

"Just like that, no questions?"

"Absolutely! Just tell me what I need to do!"

"Well, aren't you excited? I warn you, though, this won't be easy." Zoreth took another bite of rib. "Around this time of sweep, valuable goods are being loaded onto supply ships bound for new colonies in remote ports like Steelchalice. The cargo is loaded quite hastily, so it would be very easy to stow away in one of the containers, especially considering that they're often only partially filled. With any luck, you'll end up on a newly colonised planet with little drone presence and no active legislacerators. You should be safe while you figure out a long-term survival plan."

"Perfect! Now, how do I find one of these ships?"

"I can give you the locations of the main ports in this region and the departure schedules for the next wipe."

Karkat jumped from his seat. "It's a fucking deal!"

After the meal, Zoreth took the blood sample and secured it in a thermal hull. They then showed Karkat to some hastily-prepared sleeping arrangements.

"Get some rest. We will be leaving first thing in the evening."

Karkat merely nodded. The initial excitement of finally having a way out had worn off. Now he was more aware than ever of the fact that he was hatched to be an enemy of the system. And now the only way out was to fully embrace that destiny and hope his luck held out. At least leading a rebellion, he would merely be in constant mortal danger, as opposed to being a dead troll walking as he currently was.

For now, he tried his best to do as Zoreth said and get as much rest as he could. He'd been sleeping without a recuperacoon since he'd left Steelchalice; one more day wouldn't hurt.

The next evening, Zoreth led a barely-awake Karkat to the edge of the small forest near the hive-mountain. They produced a small object from their pocket and threw it on the ground. In a flash of light, it transformed into the fanciest motorised two-wheeled device Karkat had ever seen. Solid black with glowing green striplights. Zoreth got into the saddle.

"This will get you back to Thrashthrust in a single night. You should be able to return to your hive safely to make plans."

"Wow. Fucking wow. Where can I get one of those?"

Zoreth merely laughed. "I should warn you, this thing is extremely powerful. Try not to lose anything valuable."

Karkat nervously adjusted the straps of his backpack, into which he had shoved the intelligence that Zoreth had given him. He sat down nervously on the back of the two-wheeled device.

"You ready for this, Kat?"

Karkat was not sure how he felt about having his name shortened by someone he barely knew, but he did not have a chance to voice his complaints before the two-wheeled device accelerated to a speed that Karkat had never suspected it to be capable of. Zoreth pressed a button on the dashboard - or whatever the equivalent was on a two-wheeled device - and loud music began to blast from a speaker that Karkat couldn't see.

For more than ten hours, the duo rode over plains that it had taken Karkat a whole week to cross on foot. By the time the city was in view, it was getting perilously close to sunrise. Zoreth took notice of this, and fiddled with the controls. The two-wheeled device accelerated to even greater speeds, leaving a strange trail of light behind it as Karkat screamed in terror.

"Left or right?!" Zoreth was barely audible over the wind, the music and the strange whine that Karkat could only assume was some sort of motor. Despite this, the mutant was just able do squeak out a response.

"Left...!"

Zoreth nodded and steered the two-wheeled device in what Karkat was fairly sure was the general direction of the subgrub where his hive was located.

It was starting to get light as Zoreth slowed down their two-wheeled device (Karkat was sure there had to be a short-form term for those things) and steered it into the subgrubs. Karkat recognised enough of the area's landmarks to start giving directions. Soon enough, the two had reached Karkat's street, and Zoreth brought the vehicle to a halt.

"I trust you can make your way from here?"

"Yeah."

"Take these. They might help you." Zoreth produced a small spherical object and a large sickle seemingly from nothing. They probably used a sylladex of some description.

"Uh, thanks? I guess?" Karkat tentatively took the two items.

"That sickle of yours is serviceable, but if you're going to lead a rebellion, you should have something a little nicer."

"Oh. That's cool, I guess. And this ball?"

"For when you need to make a quick getaway. You never know when you might get caught out, you know?"

"Fair."

"Anyway, I need to get going. Good luck, Karkat."

And just like that, Zoreth started up their two-wheeled device and bolted out of the city like a startled hoofbeast. Karkat decided not to think too hard about how they were going to get back to their hive in the less than an hour of darkness that remained. They probably had their ways.

When Karkat got safely back inside, the first thing he did was hurry to his computer. Time to tell his friends about his plans.