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Lately, Akihiko has been going to school just to save appearance, just because he wouldn’t be happy if he skipped because of him, no matter how tempting that is.
Maybe, like this, he can convince himself that nothing is wrong, even if Shinji’s…
He wants to go back to the dorm, lock himself in his room and never come out of it again, but despite everything – he’s so tired – he still does his best to hold on.
He’s doing this all for Shinji, he keeps reminding himself. He has to be strong for him.
Sometimes, however, it feels like the world is truly testing him: he’s walking through the courtyard to reach the gym – he has boxing club today, so at least he’ll be able to unwind some of his frustrations – when he overhears some students talking.
“So, Aragaki, huh?”
A laugh.
“God, they made such a big deal out of him! Who cares if he got himself shot, am I right?”
“Yeah, but at least we got lectured, instead of having to attend to class, so thanks, Aragaki, you really did us a solid.”
Huh, Akihiko has no idea who these people are, but he’s pretty sure they don’t actually know Shinji.
It doesn’t matter, what they’re saying shouldn’t matter, and yet Akihiko is stuck in place, unable to walk away, so that he can continue to listen to their conversation. He’s never been one for eavesdropping, but they’re talking about Shinji; he can’t help it!
“Do you think they’ll let us stay home if he dies? What if, like, he got shot again?”
“Huh, shot again? Why would he get shot again? Isn’t he at the hospital?”
“Yeah, but isn’t he a criminal or something? It could happen…”
Akihiko clenches his fist.
There’s a laugh, then the guy who just talked continues:
“I kinda hope he dies…”
Akihiko blacks out.
When he comes to, he feels like he’s in a dream.
He’s panting hard, head pulsating and ears ringing, as he looks down at his hands, body moving completely on its own. There’s… There’s blood on them.
He feels a force dragging him by the shoulder. Usually, he’d try to resist such a pull, but he still has doubts on whether this is real or not, so he goes along with it.
His gaze falls to the ground and… that’s… that’s the guy who was talking about Shinji. His face is covered in bruises, and there’s blood running down his nose; he’s looking at Akihiko with what can only be described as terror.
Did he… Did he cause it?
Was he really the one who did that ?
No, it can’t be…
The force dragging him has stopped, so he does the same, feeling lost, now, without a direction.
Somebody makes his way to him. He recognizes him as one of his professors, but before he can say anything, Mitsuru steps in front of him, effectively shielding him.
They start yelling at each other, or at least Akihiko thinks so, because they look like they’re yelling. He can’t hear them, not that well at least: they sound distant, too distant for him to understand their words, too muffled.
Everything still feels too weird, too slow, too…
He wakes up to the feeling of someone lightly slapping his cheek.
“Akihiko? Akihiko!”
Finally, his eyes focus on the figure in front of him. “M-Mitsuru… Where…”
From a quick look around, he can tell they’re in the men’s room. Huh, he hopes nobody else gets inside, or they’d have some explaining to do, but looking back at Mitsuru, he understand s that, if someone were truly to walk in them, that would be the last of his problems: she looks livid.
“What’s gotten into you?!” she shouts, in fact, making Akihiko flinch – too loud. “You’re assaulting students now?!”
“I…”
“It’s just by chance that I’ve happened upon it. If I hadn’t stepped in, how do you think it was going to end?”
In a flash, everything comes back to him: the students shit talking about Shinji, one of them even saying he wanted him to die, Akihiko approaching him, punching his stupid face without giving him any chance to retract that statement.
“Say that to my face, if you dare!” he had shouted. “Say it to my fucking face!”
He couldn’t stop hitting him. He was furious.
How dared h e to say something so horrible about Shinji! He knew nothing, absolutely nothing about him, yet he still thought he could judge!
Just the memory is enough to make him feel sick, but despite the very strong desire to run to a stall and vomit, he tries to regain at least a tiny bit of composure – he won’t let Mitsuru see him like this.
It’ll pass if he doesn’t think about it.
“Do you realize the gravity of what you’ve done?!”
“I know…” he weakly mutters, barely loud enough to be heard. “I’m… I’m sorry.”
At least Mitsuru looks less likely to eat him alive now. That doesn’t mean he’s off the hook, however, and he knows it.
She sighs. “Care to tell me what happened? It must’ve been something serious, to have you act in such a way…”
He feels immediately ashamed at the thought of narrating what happened – he shouldn’t have lost control like that – but he does it anyway, knowing that Mitsuru wouldn’t take a no for an answer, not for something like this.
He tells her everything, without leaving out a single detail.
As he narrates it, anger starts to boil inside him again, together with the humiliation for having let his emotions get the better of him, creating a not-so-pleasant combination for his already weak stomach. Thankfully he manages to make it through without causing an incident – that would’ve made everything even worse.
Mitsuru listens to him attentively. It’s easy to tell when realization dawns upon her.
“Akihiko…” she tries to speak, but he shakes his head. He doesn’t need to be pitied now.
“He was out of line, I know,” he says, “But so was I.”
Silence falls between them, at least for a moment, before Mitsuru breaks it.
“I’ll make sure he learns not to give his opinion on matters he knows nothing about.”
Oh, she’s pissed too; she might be more controlled than him, but he can tell.
He almost pities the fool that will have to endure her wrath. Almost.
There’s more to this story, however, something about what that idiot said…
“Mitsuru, what if Shinji truly dies? What if… What if Strega wants to finish the job?”
She furrows her brow.
“I don’t think it’s their priority, but I could always set up a surveillance system, if that would make you feel more at ease.”
It should indeed make him feel more at ease that she’s willing to go all the way for him, if only his thoughts hadn’t spiraled in a way that he can’t control anymore: it’s like everything he’s managed to repress until now has resurfaced in his mind, as thoughts of Shinji in various distressing scenarios start to plague him.
Suddenly, breathing has become way harder than it was just a moment ago. Mitsuru must’ve noticed the change, because she looks alarmed.
“Akihiko? Akihiko, what’s wrong?” she asks, but he can’t even hear her.
Even if Strega leaves Shinji alone, what if he doesn’t wake up anyway? What if his condition worsens? What if he… dies?
What would he do, if that were to happen? How could he ever live with himself, knowing he couldn’t do anything about it?
N-No! He has to have faith in Shinji! He will wake up!
What if he doesn’t, however? That’s still something that could happen. Maybe somethin g has already happened, while he is in school pretending nothing’s wrong.
What kind of horrible friend he is, leaving him alone in his final moments?! Why did he decide to come to school in the first place?
… Shit, this is getting too out of hand. He has to get a grip on himself immediately!
“Akihiko!”
Mitsuru grabs him by the arms, successfully steadying him – he hadn’t even realized he’s been shaking.
“I can’t, Mitsuru! If he… I can’t…” he tries to say, but his voice cracks, and he’s unable to continue.
It’s not long before tears start flowing, no matter how much he tries to hold them back. It’s already humiliating that he’s crying in the first place, but to do it in front of another person is even worse , even if that other person is Mitsuru.
If Shinji were here, he would be surely making fun of him.
Stop crying over me, dumbass. Get a grip.
The hold turns in an awkward hug. It makes Akihiko wonder just how bad it looks that the Mitsuru Kirijo is hugging him, but he appreciates it nonetheless.
He clings to her – either that, or he’ll fall – as he unleashes everything he’s been keeping inside until this moment, occasionally shaking his head as if to say no, he can’t survive without Shinji – he refuses to live in a world without him.
He doesn’t know how much time passes before he manages to get his emotions back under control. What he does know, however, is that he’s starting to sport a big headache, and that he would very much like to go back to the dorms – he can skip on boxing club for once.
“I’m sorry,” is the first thing he says, wiping away his tears. “That mustn’t have been pretty to watch…”
“It’s fine,” Mitsuru replies, “I won’t begrudge you for being upset about Shinjiro’s… predicament, although I advise you not to beat up anyone else about it.”
Akihiko can’t help but to chuckle at those last words – he’s not entirely sure if that was supposed to be a joke, but the slight smile on her face encourages him to interpret it as such. “Yeah, you’re right…”
There’s still the question about what disciplinary action will be taken against him – he knows that, even with Mitsuru’s intervention, he won’t get out of this scot-free – but now he doesn’t have the energy to deal with that, so he keeps his questions to himself, knowing that Mitsuru will update him on the situation – she’s always in the know about these things.
“Akihiko, I know it must be hard, but… Keep having faith that things will get better.”
Keep having faith… Talk about something that’s not difficult at all, huh? And yet, he does still have faith: faith in their mission, faith in the team, faith in… Shinji . Yes, despite his fears, he has faith that one day he’ll see him again – awake, that is.
“I will, Mitsuru, I will,” he promises, appealing to all his strength to smile at her. It’s hard, and it probably isn’t his best smile, but it’s there, and that’s all that matters.
He’ll keep fighting with his head help up high, and nothing will be able to stop him.
After all, what better gift for Shinji’s eventual awakening than to give him a world without the Dark Hour?
He just has to have faith everything will work out in the end, and it will, he tells himself. It will.