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Sarah Lynn’s bones hurt.
It was a freezing cold Halloween, and she was wearing a dumb costume that had too many colours, not enough layers and exposed far too much skin for the weather. The ferry’s heater was barely strong enough to keep the chill, Atlantic air at bay at the best of times. All two of the passengers were practically sat on top of it, attempting to glean what little warmth they could. Sarah Lynn herself and a kid wearing what might have been a mime costume, that was badly undermined by a long brown robe and a bright pink hat with bunny ears sewn to the top.
Neither of them had acknowledged the other’s presence, which was a blessing. There weren’t many places in the world that Sarah Lynn could go without being mobbed by fans. The oldies knew her from Horsing Around, the kids knew her from her music. Well, they’d known her for her music at least. Who knew what the kids today were listening to, certainly not Sarah Lynn.
Glancing up she peered at her reflection in the black glass. Her pupils were blown, her hair a mess, and there was a stain on her shirt that she had no memory of. All in all, not bad. Probably looked better than she felt, a dozen injuries of various ages from her perpetually sore tendons to a fresh cut on the back of her hand dipped in and out of awareness as the high wore off. Checking her pockets she found nothing, not even a dime-bag, and she let out a long groan, lamenting the loss of yet another stash. No doubt some wunderkind was tripping balls back at Jackedman’s party, and she wouldn’t even get the chance to point and laugh.
The girl was looking at her, she realised, and didn’t look away when Sarah Lynn glared at her, instead matching the glower.
“What, never met a celebrity before?” Sarah Lynn demanded. Her voice was like sandpaper against her throat. Seriously, what had she been doing at Jackedman’s party? She barely remembered leaving, and definitely didn’t remember boarding the ferry. Come to think of it, hadn’t she hitched a ride on a helicopter out to Kingshead Island?
The girl scoffed. “Met one? I’ve slapped one.” Cocking her head, she looked Sarah Lynn up and down. “Aren’t you the girl from Horsing Around?”
Sarah Lynn grimaced. “I do other things. I sing.”
“Not well.”
“Three Grammies and an Academy Award says otherwise, bitch,” Sarah Lynn shot back. Wait, was she supposed to be swearing at children? Something about the new, mature vision for her career? Eh, it probably didn’t matter.
The girl smiled, a vicious lilt to her voice. “And yet you’re still the girl from Horsing Around.”
Sarah Lynn glowered at her but said nothing. It was true, after all. And true things were the hardest to deny.
“You know, the dad on that show was an idiot,” the girl continued, swinging her legs.
Sarah Lynn snorted, pushing down on that little voice that even after all those years still wanted to leap to BoJack’s defence. “Yup. Wore the worst sweaters too.”
“Ooo, look at me I’m a TV dad,” the girl declared, dropping her voice comically. “I can fix every problem with corduroy and a heart-to-heart talk.”
“Ha!” The guffaw hurt and Sarah Lynn gently cuffed the girl across the head to discourage making her laugh. She scrambled to re-secure her bunny ears. “Yeah. He still thinks like that, you know? Like he just needs to find the right page of the script and everyone will be happy again.”
That, at last, seemed to put the girl off her game long enough to shut her up for a moment. The blessed silence returned, only broken by the half rotten diesel engine thudded along twenty feet away and the pounding of a budding migraine behind her eyes. Sarah Lynn pressed her fingers against her temples, failing to relieve the pressure. She really needed something to take the edge off. Booze, weed, something stronger maybe. Alas, the lights of the shore seemed to grow no closer.
“So what’s a big shot celebrity doing in a dump like this?” the girl asked, pulling her hat tighter against her head.
She didn’t have an answer that didn’t make her sound like a drug-addled loser, so Sarah Lynn turned the question around. “What’s a little kid like you doing riding a ferry alone at this time of night. Shouldn’t you be Trick or Treating or something?”
The girl’s face soured like she’d bitten into a lemon. She turned away, glowering at her reflection. “We had a big plan to trick this annoying girl in my class onto the boat so she’d leave us alone for Halloween.”
“And?”
She rolled her eyes dramatically. “I got tricked onto the boat.”
Sarah Lynn snorted. “That’s how they get you.”
“Urgh, it’s so stupid!” the girl pounded her little fists against her thighs. “And now I’m missing Halloween again, it’s not fair!”
“If you want life to be fair, go live in a sitcom.”
The girl shot her a dark look.
“What? What am I supposed to do? Do I look like I have candy on me?”
“You look like guys would call you Candy.”
Sarah Lynn was so shocked for a moment that she forgot to make a snappy comeback. What the hell kind of pre-teen would make a joke about strippers? “You’ve got a mouth on you, you know that, right?”
The girl opened said mouth with a gleam in her eyes, but Sarah Lynn shushed her before she could make a rejoinder. “Don’t answer that, I’ve already heard all the lines.”
“Fine…” The girl rolled her eyes at her. “So. What are you doing here?”
“Left a party early. Wasn’t feeling it,” she lied, smoothly. “My stepdad was there,” she continued, the unsaid explanation leaving her mouth before she could stop it. Stupid half-baked brain.
“Whoa.” Even the child picked up on the subtext there. “Daddy issues much?”
“Eh. Some Daddy issues, some Mommy issues, substance abuse problems, crippling loneliness and the ever-present certainty that I’m going to die without achieving anything more meaningful than titillating teenage jerk-offs. Usual Holywoo things.”
“Wood,” the girl corrected.
“That’s not what the sign says,” Sarah Lynn corrected right back. Though, why no one had gotten around to fixing it she hadn’t a clue. It was a giant ‘D’, it would just take some painted steel and scaffolding to make good.
Glancing back at the girl she found herself being examined anew. “What?” she demanded, unnerved by the attention.
“Crippling loneliness?” She repeated her own words back at her.
Sarah Lynn scoffed. “Jeeze, kid, I know we’re in the middle of nowhere, but don't they teach you tact in whatever hellhole public school you go to?”
“Nope, they’re all about the three R’s. Reading, Writing, and the crushing weight of Reality.”
“Oh, so at least they’re preparing you for real life.”
“I see it as more as providing an objective lesson for why you should never follow your dreams and become a guidance counsellor,” the girl replied with a vicious little smirk.
Once again, laughing hurt. “I wanted to be an architect.” It took a moment for Sarah Lynn to realise it was her who’d spoken those words. “Before and the fame and the money changed my mind,” she hastily added. “Because nothing compares to being famous. Having whole stadiums of people chanting your name. Having them build their lives around you. Having them worship your music and your talent and your body and—” She cut herself off and swallowed her suddenly rising gall. “—urgh… Kid, could you please tell me you have some booze or something in that bag?”
The girl cocked her brow at her and hefted her clearly empty candy bag. “I’m nine.”
Sarah Lynn huffed. “That’s not too young to raid Daddy’s stash.”
She rolled her eyes. “Dad isn’t cool enough to have a stash. He might have some dried up model glue somewhere.”
For a moment, Sarah Lynn was tempted to press. It wasn’t like bugging a nine-year-old to steal some glue for her would be a personal low.
“Seriously?” the girl exclaimed, practically reading her mind. “Are all famous people this much of a mess or is it just you?”
“We’re all fucked up beyond belief,” Sarah Lynn said bluntly. “Being famous is the best drug you can possibly imagine, and it eats you alive from the heart out.” There was a brightly lit wharf ahead of the ferry, growing from a blur of distant lights to a collection of tacky amusement rides. It must have been late because ride by ride the lights were going out leaving only the inky blackness of the infinite ocean. “But no one can quit it. Some people hide it better, but once you’re hooked on that stuff you just can’t stop. You can’t stop dancing for the crowd. If you stop dancing you might as well be dead, and I’m not dead yet.”
Silence once again descended between the pair.
A hand on her knee startled Sarah Lynn and she looked down at the bunny eared girl in shock.
“I don’t like people touching me,” she said, without heat and making no move to withdraw.
“Louise,” the girl said, meeting her eyes with a curious earnestness that belied her age. “I’m Louise Bleacher.”
Sarah Lynn looked at Louise for a beat and put her hand over hers. It was so delicate. Had Sarah ever been so small? “That’s a dumb surname… I’m Sarah Himmelfarb.”
Louise snorted. “That is so much worse!”
“Why do you think Mom changed it to Lynn before moving to LA?” Sarah Lynn shook her head. The look on Bubbe’s face when she told her Mom was changing the name was still an icy grip around her heart. “What are you changing yours too? I’m thinking something to do with rabbits. Louise Bristlehare would sell.”
“Eh, I was thinking something a little more awesome…” Louise wobbled her hand. “If it was anything it would be Blackwood, but I think I’m going to keep my name. It’s been in the family for ages.”
Sarah Lynn scoffed, breaking contact and pantomimed looking around the frigid cabin. “I don’t see your family doing you any good here. They never do when it counts.”
“Don’t get me started,” Louise grumbled. “My sister, Tina, has been nothing but a wet blanket all night and Gene’s been eating his costume since Thursday. He was supposed to be a Jelly Bean Jar Jar.”
“And you?”
“Mime-o-Lisa. I had a frame but, urgh—” She shuddered in rage. “—Millie happened.”
“Sounds like someone who needs to be kicked off a pier,” Sarah Lynn said, shrugging. “I know some guys.”
“Hmm…” Louise stroked her chin. “Nah, I have my own people for that. Besides, it’s not like that’s going to get me my candy back. Well, maybe if Millie still has hers…” She shook her head. “Eh, she’s got terrible taste. Braces, you know?”
Sarah Lynn’s face fell. “I hated wearing braces,” she muttered, drawing her knees-up onto the plastic chair and hugging them. “They loaded me up with these stupid invisible things that always tasted of bleach and plastic. Because why would I ever be allowed to just have wires in my mouth for a couple months like all the other kids? Oh no, Sarah Lynn has to have perfect teeth perfectly naturally!”
“Beats my family,” Louise commiserated along with her, scotching closer for warmth. “When I lose a tooth I have to ransom it off to the tooth fairy for pocket change.”
“How’s that working out for you?”
“Weirdly well. Mom’s got a thing for collecting our teeth.” Louise shrugged.
“Oh good, I don’t have to break it to you that Fairies aren’t real.”
That earned her a flat look from the pre-teen. “I’m nine, I’m too old to believe in magic.”
Sarah Lynn smirked. “That’s not the only bullshit kids believe in. I bet you still believe in things like love, and happy endings, and that your parents don’t scream at each other behind closed doors. It’s all a fantasy, you know? Happy people. Happy lives. Happy endings.”
“Oh no, they have their arguments in front of us. It's super messed up,” Louise assured her, with a flippant wave. “They still love us, though.”
Sarah Lynn scoffed. “There’s no such thing. Look around. If people loved us, they wouldn’t have set us adrift.”
“Wonder Wharf! Now arriving at Wonder Wharf!” The crusty yell of the ferry’s captain echoed through the cabin.
“Where the hell is Wonder Wharf?” Sarah Lynn demanded of the universe in general.
Louise sighed deeply and jumped off her seat. “Home,” she said simply. “The same place you should be going.” She turned, put her hands on her hips and drew herself up to her full height, which still meant looking up at Sarah Lynn sat folded on her seat. “Do you have a phone?”
Sarah Lynn patted herself down with as much sarcasm as humanly possible. “I’ve got half an inch of pocket, kid.”
“Wallet?”
“No.”
“Keys?”
“Not a one.”
“Do you know where your hotel is?”
Sarah Lynn frowned. “Urgh… somewhere in Atlantic City?” she suggested. It had been something nouveau-richey and that sounds about right.”
Louise huffed. “That’s three towns from here. Fine.” She grabbed Sarah Lynn by the hand and dragged her off her seat with surprising strength for such a small girl. “We’ve got a camp bed, you can stay the night.”
There was a deep thump as the ferry hit the dock, followed by a mechanical grinding as the front ramp dropped.
“Kid, I’m a literal movie star. I’m not sleeping on some kid’s floor.” Yet Sarah Lynn still found herself being half pulled, half dragged by the bunny eared girl out of the passenger cabin. The air outside was icy cold, laced with salt and hurt her lungs as she tried to breathe. Louise barrelled onwards, hurrying towards the lifting barrier that separated them from dry land.
“Louise!” a teenage girl called out, waving from the dock. She was dressed in a faux tattered shirt, doused with fake blood, and carrying a selfie stick under one arm. Whether her makeup was supposed to make her look like a zombie or whether it was just a very bad job Sarah Lynn couldn’t tell. However, she was standing next to a boy wearing the remains of a costume that might have once resembled a jar of jelly beans so Sarah Lynn guessed this was… damn, the name had already escaped her.
“Hey, Tina,” Louise waved with her free hand. “How much trouble are we in? Where’s Millie?” She eyed the waterfront suspiciously.
Tina made a face. “Umm, less than we should be? Millie pretended to be you for Mom and Dad so technically they don’t know I lost you. Again. But we need to get back now before Mom and Dad figure out what’s up.”
“Oka—” Louise froze, eyes widening suddenly. “You let Millie in our house! Did she go in my room?”
“Uh…”
“Yup!” Gene interjected, sounding far too happy about the situation. “But don’t worry, we made sure she put everything back where it was before.”
Louise put her head back and groaned. “Thanks, guys. She’s going to make yet another shrine out of my stuff, you know that right? Argh!” She shook herself. “Whatever. Let’s just get home. I promised Sarah a bed for the night. You still have the spare key to the restaurant, right?”
“Sarah…” Tina seemed to see Sarah Lynn for the first time, her eyes going wide behind her ugly square rimmed glasses. “Sarah Lynn! Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah. Ah.”
Sarah Lynn huffed, brushing her hair out of her eyes. “That’s me. I’m not going to be held responsible for any superstardom inflicted asthma attacks, btw.”
“Don’t worry, she does that,” Louise assured her. She grabbed her sister’s hand and led both girls away from the ferry, even as Tina continued to gape and hyperventilate. “Come on, it’s freezing and there’d better be candy waiting for me at home.”
“Mmm, there is some candy waiting for you,” Gene said, following along in their wake. “But the chocolate is long gone.”
“Gene!”
“I’m not made of stone, woman!”
Sarah Lynn laughed, her tired bones protesting all the commotion. “Kid, your family is crazy.”
Louise looked back at her, suddenly far too serious for her age. “I know. I love them anyway. Now move it, movie it, move it!”
Obligingly, Sarah Lynn followed the little Helion. There were far worse places to spend the night.