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Porsche stared at the television screen with a disinterested look as he sat on the floor, legs stretched out in front of him while crossed at the ankles, a wriggly baby in his lap as she struggled with her teething ring. It was the only thing that soothed the baby who sprouted one tooth and she seemed to actually hate it.
It was uncomfortable for her as she fussed so much that napping normally was out of the question without it. Now that Cocomelon was playing on the large screen, Porsche realized that neither of them were paying attention. He only put it on in an attempt to get her to sleep.
“Inthurat. You have to nap. You’ve been up for hours…”
Hearing her name, the five-month-old tilted her head back, black tufts of hair tickled Porsche’s chin at the action, and she flailed the little toy around, “Wah!”
“I know you’re teething my love, but you need to nap and every time I put you down for one, you scream,” Porsche shook his head. When Danupol was the same age, he’d fuss or wriggle uncomfortably, then go back to sleep. His son was always a sleepier sort than Inthurat. Danupol could sleep through a hurricane and wake up refreshed. Inthurat was a tornado by herself. She had an abundance of energy and Porsche wanted to nap also. Kinn had taken Danupol on a father and son outing while Porsche insisted to stay behind to get Inthurat into a sleep cycle. He knew that Kinn gave into her whims; hell, SHE knew that Kinn gave into her whims. That left Porsche to be the serious parent. He stared into her eyes as she popped the teether back into her mouth, suckling yet paying attention to Porsche as he spoke, “What will get you down for a nap?”
The elder lifted the baby up to turn her around properly, stand her on wobbly legs while fully supporting her and they were face to face now. Inthurat was happy at seeing her Papa now, tossed the toy aside in favor of patting his cheeks with a giggle, “Gaaah.”
“Don’t bat those pretty eyes at me,” Porsche melted though at her giggles and sighed to himself. He was just as weak when it came to their children; however, he played sternly in front of his husband. Bouncing her gently up and down, looked at her dress as it fluffed with the movement, “I put you in the stroller and walk you around the compound – wide awake. I rock you in the rocking chair – wide awake. I feed you – you bite and stay wide awake.” He sighed as he saw her mouth open, looked at the tiny tooth with a wrinkle of his nose, “That tooth is the bane of my and your existence, isn’t it?”
As if understanding her Papa, Inthurat felt a tenderness in her mouth and face scrunched up and eyes well up as if wanting to cry, “Waah…” she didn’t want to cry. It was the frustration at not finding relief plus not sleeping well the past couple of days was also running her ragged. Nothing was distracting her either. Little tears trickled out of her eyes and down her round pale cheeks in lines. “Aaah!”
Porsche knew that his children were resilient so if they cried it was because they were sick, very tired, or upset in a situation. They really had his and Kinn’s genetics in that way. Self-soothers. At least by this age.
“Now don’t cry, baby girl. The first one’s the worst and it gets better,” He sighed as he got up and bounced her lightly, rubbing at her back as she hiccupped and cried. His heart hurt hearing it and unable to help her pain. “Ssh Papa is here.”
“Aaaah…waaaah…” Inthurat’s little hands clung to her Papa’s shirt collar to hold onto him as tightly as she could, always feeling safe in the process as she did in her Daddy’s and sniffled more.
The phone rang and Porsche dug it out of his pocket one handed, “Hello?”
“Porsche? It’s Chay. I wanted to see if you were free for dinner since you said Kinn took the kids to a movie.”
“Kinn took Danupol to a movie. I have the baby Chay and she’s really fussy…”
“What’s wrong?”
“Her first tooth came out and it’s been awful. Like she doesn’t sleep because it bothers her or something,” Porsche sighed lightly, “Then I try the usual methods to get her to sleep and she doesn’t. It’s like she remembers the pain or something.”
“…Have you tried putting it in the freezer?”
The elder raised an eyebrow, “The freezer?”
“Yeah! I read somewhere that if they start teething, just put a pacifier or a spoon in the freezer for a little bit to cool it down and then let the baby suck on it,” Porchay continued, “Don’t ask why I had to look that up.”
“I’m going to ask anyway Chay.”
“Kim was curious if babies like cold things early on. I guess he wanted to feed Inthurat ice cream or something the next time we come over to visit,” The younger mused, “I said I wasn’t super sure but looked it up and it was fine in moderation. But it’s better to wait till she’s older for the ice cream. The info about the teething went hand in hand.”
Porsche nodded, “I’m desperate at this point…stay on the line with me?”
Porchay laughed lightly, “Of course. Put me on video camera to say hi to my niece? Maybe she’ll see me and forget a little.”
The minor head turned on the camera as he walked towards the door to the bedroom suite to head to go and put the pacifier in his pocket in the freezer for a bit as instructed. The camera turned on and he smiled in a tired way, “Hey Chay.”
“Looking good Porsche. Where’s my princess?” Porchay clicked his tongue then saw the red-cheeked baby and made popping noises, “Tutu. It’s Uncle Chay. Who is the prettiest? You are. Pretty princess don’t cry.”
Porsche gave the phone to Inthurat who just stared at it wide-eyed as if trying to figure out how Porchay was in it. It bought him the time he needed to pop the pacifier, take it out, and plop it in her mouth gently. He could see her visibly relaxing and sighed, “Now what?”
“Sing her to sleep? I don’t know?”
“I’m…not a good singer Chay.”
“Play the piano?”
Wrinkling his nose, “Chay I don’t do that anymore…” Porsche whispered lightly. He knew that Kinn played the piano. It was a skill his husband kept a secret during their relationship and only revealed when he was pregnant with Danupol and couldn’t sleep. Since then, his husband took to keeping that small bonding moment with their son that Porsche didn’t want to interject with his own amateur skills. He saw Porchay’s disapproval face and sagged his shoulders then bit his lower lip, “Kinn doesn’t know I play.”
“What does it matter?”
“Kinn plays too, and he plays for Danu…with Danu. If I do it, doesn’t it seem like I’m copying suddenly to do it with Inthurat? Like it’s not special anymore?”
Porchay softened, “Porsche. Music is for everyone. Meant to be shared. Remember when I started to learn guitar and I wanted to give up because the one kid next door was also playing. I said oh…I’m copying that kid. You told me that I was different, unique.” He offered a smile, “Like how we stargazed together, you played with me until you were too tired to do it anymore. But I know you liked it. It was a softer part of you, Porsche.”
“Porchay—”
“You have children now. They made you gentle again. Show Inthurat that side of you. It’ll still be special for the two of you as it was for me a long time ago,” He beamed, “We’re a family of musicians. I knew it wasn’t just Kim and me that knew how to make it.”
“Just don’t tell Kinn to sing,” Porsche teased as he knew his husband wasn’t around to gripe or complain. He hurriedly walked back to his room, debated, and nodded to the guards, “You can go for the night.”
“Khun Porsche…are you sure?” They were always stationed outside of the room when Kinn wasn’t around in case Porsche needed anything.
The minor head nodded, “Go eat some dinner and relax. I have the radio and a gun for anything.” Porsche watched them bow their heads and head out as requested. They knew by now that his words were just as good as Kinn’s. He shifted inside as Inthurat suckled on her pacifier, shaking the phone up and down in amusement, “Inthurat what?”
“It’s okay Porsche. I’m going to make Kim make dinner instead. We’ll get breakfast tomorrow and have a mini concert together?”
Porsche rolled his eyes, “Goodnight Chay…” then pondered and continued, “Thanks…”
“What’s family for? Goodnight princess, Uncle Chay will come squish you tomorrow,” Porchay blew a kiss to Inthurat who gurgled in happiness and still seemed wide awake during the whole conversation. The screen went black.
The elder went to change the baby into her pajamas, got her comfortable then walked slowly to the piano that Kinn upgraded since his play sessions with Danupol. He grabbed a blanket to wrap Inthurat up in it like a harness, sat down at the bench, uncovered the keys, and stared at them, “I’m a little rusty. Ten years rusty…don’t tease Papa too much.” The first key was harsh, the next one two high and he winced, “Eesh. I should stop and just play a song on my phone.”
About to dig it out, a piano key was pressed in a soothing in between melody that he remembered with a fondness that his father played for his mother while she painted in a corner of the room in their family house. His father a simple musician that fell in love with a mafia heiress. It was like how Porsche was a bartender that fell in love with a mafia heir. History repeated itself. His father’s smile was brilliant and his mother’s just pure sunshine, the same sunshine that Inthurat and Danupol inherited, and Porsche swallowed an unconscious lump. Porchay was right. Music was for all of them not just for one. It soothed souls that had been burned, bruised, battered by elements of a life neither chose. It made it filled with purpose again. Kinn had found it with the promise of a new life, their son’s, and continued the tradition. Why couldn’t he do the same with his daughter? Someone who looked at him with the same sunshine golden eyes as his mother’s, just looking for relief and always finding safety in Porsche’s embrace.
“That’s the key.”
“Wah?” A muffled gurgle as she refused to release the soothing pacifier in her mouth now.
Porsche brushed his lips over and over to the top of the dark hair that was silky soft as Kinn’s, a man that broke his heart and healed it twenty times over in the years since their first kiss on the pier; even then, he swore that he heard a tune playing in the background. It was probably his heart song, and it was coming out now. “Listen to this song that … I’m not sure what it means or if it’s right…but it’s my love song for your Daddy. Now yours and Danupol’s.”
She wiggled and put a hand on top of his.
The contrast was beautiful for Porsche. Her delicate moon to his golden sun tones, yin, and yang, and he let his fingers fly. The only music sheet was the one in his ears and heart as he played. Back and forth, not harsh, and quickly, slow, and steady.
Only three minutes had passed.
Porsche opened his eyes that had closed. The room filled with purr-like snores as he looked down with grateful relief at seeing Inthurat slumped and asleep in the blanket sling he made, “My heart song. My gem of the moon.” He got up delicately, closed the cover, and moved to head back to the rocking chair to keep the momentum. He hummed the piano lullaby that he came up with and smiled to himself. “Porsche’s Lullaby.”
Arms were securely wrapped around his daughter, one part of his world that was just as important as the others (Danupol, Kinn, Porchay), rocked with his feet back and forth, “I love you my Inthu…” The fatigue took them both over as he fell asleep in the chair. Not even moved when Kinn hefted him out of the chair, with the baby, to their bed and spooning in behind him.
His secret still safe yet Porsche dreamed of a concert in the clouds with Kinn and him sharing the piano space, their children in their laps, enjoying the tranquility that was music of their hearts and souls.
-Done-