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Kirumi pulled her black, silver looped gloves off by the fingers, peeling them from her worn hands. It was late. Later than she usually came home. With a weary sigh, she placed the gloves bunched together against a marble granite counter, and stretched.
She took her job seriously. More serious than most. It came before her comfort. And came before her wants and needs. She was devoted to it. Her back cracked a little as she put her interlocked hands above her head, and arched her back in a weary attempt to relieve some tension in her muscles. It was nice after a long day. At least. She blinked, heavy lidded and worn. The vintage clock on the wall read three in the morning. Shit she would have to apologize to Kaede for making her head to sleep alone. She really didn't plan on being this late.
She rested her chin on her thumb as she thought of a way she could make it up to her. She always measured her worth in favors and acts of service, and the last thing she wanted to be was a burden to her own wife. She sighed. She considered making breakfast in the morning. Or cleaning things up around their house before they went to bed. Or.. Anything. She didn't even notice the woman behind her until hands gently wrapped around her shoulder.
" 'Rumi… you're home late.." Kaede rested her head onto one of Kirumi's shoulders, well-kept, shiny blonde hair spilling over her. An oversized black shirt and underwear. Her voice was soft and sleepy. It always made kirumi melt.. But she still felt bad. A pit of guilt built itself in her stomach. Even though it wasn't reasonable, she still felt awful.
"I'm sorry darling.." her hand slipped through golden locks, gently rubbing the side of her wife's head affectionately in the process. "I didn't plan on taking this long to get home."
Kaede hummed slightly in response, wrapping her arms around the others waist.
"..why aren't you asleep? Did I wake you? Sincerest apologies if so…" kirumi sighed, still a bit tense despite the warmth.
"mm.. No.. I was up.. Couldn't sleep anyways. Too much going on in my head, you know..? I wanted to practice a bit before trying to sleep again." Kaede yawned, and let go of the other's waist, gently turning her to face her. "missed you though.."
Kirumi's heart fluttered a little as Kaede leaned forwards and pressed a kiss to her forehead. No matter how long they had been together, unprompted affection was always a surprise to her. She was used to earning it. Earning compliments and earning respect, as that was how life worked in her eyes. But it was nice. To have someone give you all this.. Gentleness, just because they felt like it. Because they loved you. Kirumi didn't really know if she'd ever really understand why Kaede hadn't ever asked more of her. She wasn't used to having all of this warmth for free. It made her feel guilty, in a weird sort of way.
"I'll make you a good breakfast tomorrow dear. And I can do some extra cleaning to make up for it." she replied, curtly only by instinct. Entirely instinct. Kaede folded her arms with a slight pout.
"you don't need to 'make up' for anything! Of course I was worried.. But you're an adult, and you don't owe me anything.. I just wish you'd take better care of yourself.. You know? That doesn't make me mad at you.. Just sad for you.. In a way." she huffed slightly. She could certainly be stubborn when she wanted to be. But she cared. A lot. And that's something kirumi struggled to grasp just quite why.
"ah.. I suppose you're right.. But I still feel better knowing I can help improve your experience.." professional as always. Accidently coming off cold and robotic in an attempt at being warm. She wished she wasn't like this. Or had the capability of change.
She was caught off guard by soft familiar arms wrapping their way around her shoulders, pulling her into a hug. Oh. How she wished she could understand how she deserved this. A guilty feeling stirred in her gut. All she could think about was how she was supposed to give back. How was she supposed to give back when she was being given more than she ever thought she could deserve..? How was she meant to apologize for this in a way that would be sufficient? Her head hurt. She wanted to cry. But that would be unbecoming of her. So she didn't. she didn't even know if she knew how to at this point.
Kaede hummed slightly, running a hand softly through Kirumi's pale, dusty green silverish hair, which curled at the ends and shadowed half her face. Oh, how kind this beautiful woman was. How confusing she was. How willing she was to extend loyalty and comfort for very little gain. She didn't get it. She didn't get it at all. It hurt. She felt it in her chest. She loved her so much. She needed this. But being selfish made her want to puke her guts. It felt wrong. An innate instinct told her that it was wrong. That she was taking too much and needed to apologise right away. That she should just fucking move. Move. Push her away. Move. Just fucking move.
But she couldn't.
"Rumi..? Are you okay..?"
Kirumi's head spun. Her expression was one of someone who should be crying. But she didn't. but she couldn't. She just fucking couldn't.
What could she say. What the fuck could she say? That she felt disgustingly guilty over so little? That she felt so vile and selfish over receiving basic comfort?
"Akamatsu.. I.. Sincerely apologise.."
Kaede frowned at this, growing concerned.
"hey, hey, hey… don't get all formal with me.. I'm your wife, okay? I love you.." her voice was silky smooth and gentle. Oh, how it hurt to hear. How she wished she was being berated and scolded. At least she'd know how to deal with that. She would know what to do. She didn't know what to do. What could she fucking do?
"Why…?" her voice was low, and cracked with something unplaceable.
Kaede tightened her embrace in turn, nuzzling into the other's neck. "Because you deserve it.. Because you're beautiful and thoughtful and selfless.. So, so selfless… it hurts to see you like this… you don't have to be so selfless.. You know..? Let yourself be a little selfish.. I won't be bothered.. I'd really enjoy it.. And you deserve to want things… you don't have to earn anything.." she pressed a kiss to her jaw. Oh god. Kirumi wanted to burst into tears. But she couldn't. she didn't know how.
Her hands trembled slightly as she ran fingers through Kaede's hair. So pretty. So perfect. What could she ever do to make up for this? Her jaw trembled slightly.
"Of.. Of course.. darling.." she kissed the top of her head in apology. She was sorry. So fucking sorry. She wished she wasn't like this.
Kaede hummed, letting go of her embrace, to instead cup the other's face.
"let me.. Please let me look after you for a bit.. I promise I don't want anything for it.. You do so much for me 'Rumi. So, so much…"
Oh. Oh how she wished she was crying. So stupid. She cursed her own goddamn fucking roboticism.
"..If you're quite certain.."
Kaede beamed at that, and leaned in to kiss her cheek a few times over. It.. Made her so happy to see the woman she loved happy.. She didn't understand why it was because of her own comfort.. Wasn't it a chore? She couldn't comprehend it. No matter how long they'd been together, she couldn't get it. But she was grateful for it. So, so grateful, almost as grateful as she was guilty. Almost.
"of course I am!" Kaede interlocked their hands, before pressing a kiss to her pale knuckles.
"let's go then.." she hummed slightly with a smile, gently tugging as a gesture to be followed. Oh. How she loved this woman. How she had ever deserved her, she would never ever know.
They made their way to the bathroom. It was nice, considering what an unimportant room it was. They had plenty of money between each other. Kirumi's important and high end job and Kaede's extremely successful music career. The least kirumi deserved was a nice place, as Kaede would always say.
The counters were marbled, and tiles black and sleek, kept clean and routinely fresh. A nice open shower with a panel of glass to prevent overflow. And most important in Kaede's opinion, a nice large bath. Black tiled like the walls. Plenty of space. Her products at on the ledge. She liked to smell nice, and take good care of her skin and hair.
Still holding onto one of her hands, Kaede sat the other down onto a low counter. And tenderly pushed aside her hair to kiss her face a little.
"just stay put for me, mkay?"
Kirumi nodded, and watched Kaede bend down to turn the faucets on. Hot and nice, with just a little bit of cool. Her wife deserved only the best, of course. Kirumi pressed her head to her knees, listening to Kaede hum as she always did.
"how was work, honey? Rough I assume..?" Kaede replied, hand resting in shallow water, waiting for the tub to fill up.
"Long.. And.. Hm. Frustrating.." kirumi replied, before trailing off, realizing how stupid she sounded. She was reassured a little at her wife's sympathetic expression though, not feeling worthy of all the love in her gaze, but.. Grateful for it regardless.
"I'm sorry hon.. Hopefully you'll feel a bit better after a nice bath.. I know I always do! Playing piano for hours and hours does a number on my back, and I can only imagine how you feel with all the work you do.."
"I see.. Thank you. Sincerely. For doing this for me." she replied, still feeling.. Guilty. But the feeling in her gut was not stronger than the exhaustion in her bones. A bath would feel nice right now..
Comfortable silence. Something kirumi was grateful for. The sound of water reverberating in the shallow pool of the tub mixed with Kaede's gentle hums. Her head pressed into her knees, closing her eyes a little.
Was she even allowed to feel this comfortable? She didn't know. But she wouldn't fight the weariness in her head, and if she could help it, would never reject the woman she loved's happiness. Even if it baffled her that doting on her could make anyone happy, let alone a cute and thoughtful girl like Kaede. Her wife. How did she ever manage to make someone like her enough to marry her? What did she ever do to be allowed to have mutualism with someone this kind?
She knew very well Kaede had her own issues. That her relentless optimism ended up hurting her more often than not. That she got so frustrated sometimes that it bought her to tears. That she struggled to look after herself and accidently neglected herself and pushed her own feelings away in the pursuit of just being positive. She knew that. She always tried so wholly to help. And Kaede was grateful for it always. So why couldn't she accept it in turn? She didn't know.. It made her head spin.. But she loved her. Oh god. She loved her. And she would feel worse for pushing her hands away now.
She was bought back to attention by Kaede's hand being pressed lightly to her jaw, being tilted up to look at the other.
"bath's ready love." Kaede smiled, looking a little sleepy herself. "would you like me to stay, or give you some space?" she doted, brushing thick soft hair from the side of Kirumi's face.
"what would suit you best?" Kirumi responded, almost automatic. Kaede huffed in turn. Not out of any real annoyance at her wife, but a bit frustrated that the other seemed to still be going in circles.
"this isn't about me.." she tenderly stroked her jaw with her thumb. "this is about you. I'm doing this for you hon.. So just tell me what you want. Honestly. No lying or pushing your feelings away just to avoid inconveniencing me."
Her heart twisted in her chest. Why was Kaede so goddamn fucking nice to her. It made her want to sob and claw at her own ribcage to rip her stupid weathered heart out. Oh. She appreciated it though. So, so much. She felt so utterly undeserving of all this affection. But she didn't want to lie to the woman she loved the most. She didn't want to refuse the most basic of requests.
"I would appreciate your company dear.." she blinked up at her, still slightly unsure. Kaede beamed in response, which always made her feel sort of wobbly. In a good way though. In such a good way.
"Of course!" Kaede kissed her forehead, and lent a hand to help her to her feet. would you like me to help with the clothes?" she replied casually, tilting her head.
Kirumi's tiredness overtook any shyness she had. Even though she felt bad for all of this, she felt grateful. So grateful she could cry. She just nodded slightly and turned around, allowing Kaede to unzip her dress. Before stepping out of it.
She felt butterflies in her stomach as the other undid her tie for her, breath warm against her skin. Even after all this time together, she still felt so new to all of this. She still felt like a teenager in this regard. Despite being married and very much in love.
She then lifted her arms drowsily to let Kaede help her out of her collared white undershirt, that was always just a bit too tight on her neck. Kaede set it on the counter neatly with a hum, And held out a hand to balance the other as she peeled off her last layers, which she promptly kicked to a laundry basket.
She sighed with relief, stretching again. It felt nice to be out of such heavy clothes, which were more than likely making her sweat in the mist of that room. And it was nicer to not feel all that embarrassed about the state of herself, considering they were married and comfortable and Kaede respected her more than anything. Her heart ached a little. But it was nice. To feel like this every once in a while.
Kaede kissed the nape of her neck, embracing her lightly. Kirumi felt like she was going to melt into the tiles beneath her. She had a dull headache and a yearning in her nervous system that hurt her gut. She just wanted to feel better. She loved her so dearly. She wanted to allow herself some comfort, even though she felt disgusting for it. So, so disgustingly selfish. The longing in her bones seemed to be winning this time around though.
Kaede helped her into the bath. Lending her forearm for Kirumi to take and steady herself with. god. The water was so nice. It made her feel bad for ever feeling bad. What on earth was wrong with her. She wished her stupid head would just allow herself something nice.
She sunk into the water now, joints aching slightly as she did so. Warm water lapped up to her chest, resting around her neck as she slunk against the bottom of the tub. She melted into the feeling, hair darkening and softening in the warmth of the tub. She let out a sigh of relief, tension slipping from her muscles, which earnt a content hum from Kaede, knelt beside the bath.
"warm enough?" she asked softly, voice silky smooth as ever. Kirumi made a gentle noise of approval, bringing her knees up to her chest. Kaede leaned over to press a kiss to the other's shoulders, skin warm and damp from the water idly lapping at her chest.
"it appears so… thank you, dear.." Kirumi sighed, getting the warmth ease her woes. Kaede smiled in response. She looked so pretty like this, Kirumi thought to herself. Half lidded eyes full of love. And all for her. Why? She didn't know why anyone would look at her with that much love. But she was too tired and happy right now to push it away. Kaede leaned forwards o the ledge with a quiet nose of effort, reaching for a black branded bottle.
"face away from me?" Kaede requested, pumping the lavender scented shampoo into the palm of her right hand, before rubbing them together, coating both undersides of her hands. Kirumi slowly blinked with heavy eyelids, before obliging, shifting her weight over to present the other with her back.
"Thank you love." Kaede hummed lovingly, starting to work on washing her wife's hair out. Her hands slipped beneath her locks, which were a darker greenish colour when soaked through, and massaged gently against her scalp. Kirumi's shoulders untensed almost instantly, letting out a sigh of relief as she let the other do her thing. God. She felt so loved. It was so weird to be on the receiving end of care. But she couldn't act like she wasn't leaning into the adoring touch she didn't know she'd been starving for half her life. Kaede worked into her until suds trailed down her neck. She kissed the top of Kirumi's head, not minding the bubbles against her lips.
"hold your hand over your eyes, mkay? I don't want you to get shampoo in them." Kirumi nodded slightly, flattening her four fingers and slotting her thumb beneath them, holding it to her brow. Grabbing a small jug from the ledge, Kaede scooped up tub water, and gently poured it through her wife's soapy hair, repeating the process until the suds bobbed on the surface of the water, instead of nestling against her scalp. It was a warm, tender, and gentle act. Nicer than a person like her deserved, she was sure. The hands rubbing down her neck and shoulders with such genuine care feeling far too holy for her skin. She rejoiced though. She was grateful.
"almost there!" Kaede smiled, voice singsongy and sweet. She gently shifted kirumi around, to run slathered fingers through the ends of her hair with conditioner.
"..thank you." kirumi whispered, tilting her head back to let Kaede wash the product out. The motion was met with a kiss to her forehead, making her lips tilt into a content smile.
after a while, the comfortable silence was broken by kirumi pulling herself out of the water, Kaede holding onto her hand, offering support.
"lets get you to bed, hm?"