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Jisung takes risks in measured steps. That’s what he’s always done, both to prevent anyone from finding out about his abilities and to fight off the anxiety gnawing off at his guts. Except when it comes to one Kim Seungmin.
His best friend, for as long as they’ve known each other. The one scrawny kid with the baseball bat who came to his rescue anytime bullies found him and tried to beat him to a pulp. This time is long revolved now, both grown into young adults attending university together. What used to be just the two of them expanding into a perfectly shaped octagon, an eight-person bubble, over the years. There was a point at which Jisung feared losing Seungmin, losing his only and first friend to those new ones, to cute Innie who stuck to him like they were attached at the hip, to handsome Hyunjin who could woo anyone with a single glance.
But Seungmin’s care for him over time never wavered. It remained unchanged, in the discreet yet affectionate bumping of their shoulders on their way home no matter the season, in the forever brandished baseball bat when trouble found Jisung - now backed with whatever makeshift weapon Minho could land his hands on or Felix’s quick and strong kicks, worthy of a martial or action movie - or in the constant, breathless calls of Wait for me! whenever they ditched class for an afternoon on their second-hand bikes, Jisung always ahead. Whenever he turned his head to look to the side or behind him, Seungmin would be there.
Just like today, Jisung simply has to look down and to the side to see Seungmin’s lovingly lanky frame sprawled on the worn-out picnic blanket, eyes closed as he breathes in deeply. It’s summer and they have a couple of days off, all eight of them, so they drove here, to this small village lost in the mountains. The plastic bag of snacks - fetched from the single convenience store around - settled to the side of the blanket sways and crinkles in the warm breeze, and above them the leaves ruffle in a mellow, almost drowsy shush. Seungmin lifts a hand to counter the rays of sun piercing through the upper boughs. He seems mesmerized by the nature around them, but Jisung finds it hard to tear his eyes off of him, posture relaxed as he cranes his neck to see Changbin’s old van lifting up dust from the trail that leads to the clearing. The local residents called it a park and there was a sign up ahead at the beginning of the trail that indeed indicated a park.
It’s more of a large field near the forest repurposed, with a couple of benches scattered under the lines of trees and a few trees strewn about in the clearing. “Perhaps an ancient orchard” Seungmin surmised when they arrived a bit earlier, dropping their ever faithful bikes in the fresh grass shielded by one of said trees’ shadows. After wandering a bit around, they even found a clean current running a bit far in the back of the trees, nestled toward the foot of the mountain, snaking lazily but offering refreshing waters.
There’s a smile that splits Seungmin’s face as he watches their friends spilling out from the van with happy hoots and exalted yells as they take in their surroundings, waving at them frantically. He rolls a bit on his side to properly wave back, shouting back in answer to their excitement. Jisung’s skin tingles pleasantly as he gazes at him. Then Seungmin is rolling on his back again, the back of his hand hitting nonchalantly Jisung’s thigh and then resting against it. Such a small touch and yet it feels like so much for Jisung.
The warmth of Seungmin’s hand seeps through the linen of his shorts, grounding in a way Jisung knows no other. It anchors the fleeting thought that he should maybe open a bit of his heart to Seungmin. Later, with the help of liquid courage he’s certain their friends have brought, the pack of beer cans glinting in the sun as Changbin takes off once the van emptied. Tentatively, Jisung slips his hand into Seungmin’s and he finds himself blinded more than he could have expected at Seungmin beaming up in answer and squeezing his hand. Turns a bit to watch Chan and Hyunjin shrieking in glee and ducking one after the other and doing their best to keep the cooler upright, Minho playfully chasing after them and splashing them with a water bottle. Shuffling in the back, Jeongin is pressing a giggly Felix closer to him with an arm wrapped around his waist, their hips bumping in a long learned delicate intimacy.
Jisung feels his chest expand with the force of the sun burning his lungs as Seungmin flops back down with a chuckle, laying his head in Jisung’s lap, their hands still idly linked.
“I wish I could stop time, just for a second.” Seungmin says, and the leaves cast a bewitching dance between light and shadow on his face, robbing Jisung of all the air.
And to the wind Jisung throws his meager plan of liquid courage, and perhaps a bonfire because he’s a bit cheesy and romantic at heart, and what’s truly the difference between the fire from the sun and the fire of human-made flames, really? Seungmin looks charming all the same to Jisung.
“Would you like me to do that for you?” Jisung asks, heart thumping in his ears, because it’s crazy, because he doesn’t know how to do measured or reasonable when it comes to Seungmin.
He’s let this childhood crush blossom into his chest for years, nurtured it despite himself, every time Seungmin showed up to protect him (and earning his fair share of bruises), every time they slept over at the other’s place talking endlessly until well into the dead of the night in hushed giggles, every time Jisung said okay, fine in a mock annoyed tone to answer his friend’s “You could always stay with me and nap a bit.” only to sit by Seungmin in the library while he studied, each and every single time, his crush grew, watered by all those small moments, taking all the space around his heart and between his lungs. Nestled itself between the hollows of his ribcage, spun itself around his spine until was moulded to him, until it was all Jisung could ever exhale. Silent, almost pious love, beating alongside his heart.
“That’s tempting but I’m sure there’s a catch.” Seungmin replies, all smiley jest. “What do you want in exchange?” he adds with a quirked eyebrow.
There. It’s his chance. Jisung gambles everything, his heart, his life, his love as he leans down a little and Seungmin’s cheeks dusting in pink, his eyes widening and catching more sun gold flecks encourage him more than any liquor could.
“A kiss.” Jisung smiles, soft but determined, yet still mentally readies himself for rejection, his insides churning as the vines of his affection stir and tighten their bone-crushing hold on him.
Instead, dazed, Seungmin blinks owlishly before nodding “O-okay.”
Jisung doesn’t think, doesn’t give himself the time to overthink what Seungmin might be expecting - a peck on the cheek, perhaps he thinks he’d be the one to kiss Jisung? He cannot care for that right now, not when Seungmin agreed and he has this one opportunity to seize. So Jisung shifts his leg ever so slightly, propping Seungmin’s head a little higher and he leans further down, carding a hand in Seungmin’s locks right as their lips touch.
Seungmin’s mouth parts with a faint gasp, blinks again and then lets his eyelids flutter shut and so does Jisung. Somewhere in the back of his mind, the earth stops spinning, far in the distant sky comets halt their astral courses, ants freeze with crumbles above their heads and despite his overall stillness in this impromptu embrace, only Seungmin remains animate, his shuddering breath fanning over Jisung’s lips.
When Jisung pulls away, he cannot help but worry his lower lip with his teeth, vines clogging up his throat in apprehension. Seungmin is still stunned, so beautiful Jisung feels a little like he might cry so he turns his attention away. “Wish granted by the way.” he says offhandedly, still biting his lip.
Seungmin seems to realize what has changed and he slowly sits up, his grip on Jisung’s hand a tad bit tighter now. He stares at their unmoving friends, all frozen in their actions: Changbin with Chan on his back, clutching on for dear life to Changbin’s shoulders and the corners of his eyes crinkling with how hard he’s smiling, the beer pack abandoned near the cooler on which Minho sits, bringing a can to his lips while Felix affectionately brushes hair away from the older’s forehead and Jeongin is also giving Hyunjin a piggyback ride, his blond hair a halo as he shrieks in laughter, Jeongin’s face the perfect image of determination as he stretches his legs to catch up with Changbin. The longer he takes everything in, the antsier Jisung gets, now chewing on the side of his thumbnail, eyes stuck to where their hands are still linked.
Then he hears a sigh and he feels the way Seungmin’s body weight sags some. Jisung can’t bring himself to look up, the fear murmuring in his ear that he’s disappointed or worse, disgusted. Tears prickle the back of his eyes when Seungmin tugs his hand free from his only for it to land on the back of his neck and pull Jisung close to Seungmin’s neck.
“Must’ve been hard keeping that for yourself for so long, wasn’t it?” Seungmin’s words are a little watery at the edges and Jisung isn’t too sure what to make of that.
His arms engulf Jisung in the tightest squeeze, something that should make him feel out of breath and yet it’s like he’s emerging from underwater, air filling in lungs in huge gulps. Without realizing it, Jisung is hiccuping sobs, tears rolling off his cheeks and crashing down on Seungmin’s grungy shirt, splattering his love all over him. Seungmin doesn’t seem to mind, fingers coming up to gingerly comb through Jisung’s hair, indulgent petting that soothes him, tethers him.
Seungmin tugs the both of them down, arranges their limbs together, his outrageously large hands still caressing Jisung where they can reach, his face mostly, erasing the tear tracks over and over again, his shoulders where the vines weighted Jisung down and they’re now snaking around his fingers and his wrists, sharing some of his burden and Jisung feels lighter, even by the smallest fragment.
After some time passes by, Jisung’s tears finally running dry and he lifts his head from Seungmin’s shoulder to look at him. He seems hesitant about something and oddly enough, this time Jisung isn’t anxious.
“What is it?” he asks and Seungmin pinches his lips and then caves in.
“How long?” he gestures to the tree above them, its branches and their rustling by the wind paused by Jisung’s will.
“Since forever, probably.” Jisung gives a one-shoulder shrug, eyes shying away from Seungmin’s gaze.
They instantly snap back to his face when he adds quietly, demure even “And me?”
Heat flares under Jisung’s cheeks and the need to crawl and hide is insistent but how can he when Seungmin looks at him, open and vulnerable and real? It hits Jisung that he’s probably done the hardest part for now and that his answer wouldn’t cost him anything, it wouldn’t rip Seungmin away from him as he feared. So he keeps his gaze on Seungmin with a sharp intake of breath.
“Long, years that’s for sure.” Jisung lets the words pool and linger on the tip of his tongue, weighing them because he knows that once they spill, he can never shove them back in. “Probably as long as I’ve known you.”
Seungmin’s next inhale is acute, his jaw quivering. There’s something in the way his brows are pinched tight together, in the way that his mouth turns into that pout Jisung knows too well that tells him he wants to know more. But he doesn’t prod, doesn’t urge Jisung because he’s Seungmin and he knows Jisung like the back of his hand. Knows that he’ll come to him at his own rhythm, just like Jisung is always ahead but mindful of his pace to let Seungmin catch up.
“Thank you, for telling me.”
“Telling you what?”
“All of it.”
There's so much tenderness in Seungmin’s eyes, so much it bleeds on his features and even with the currently frozen sun, it's absolutely striking and Jisung wonders how the hell he missed this or even thought Seungmin could ever not want him. It's always been there, constant, like the sun always comes up in the morning and sinks down in the evening.
"Maybe you should… You know." Seungmin glances at their friends from their spot on the blanket.
Jisung looks at them too and he's briefly thinking that he's never stopped time for this long before.
"You're right." he nods, looking back at Seungmin before stealing another peck from him.
Seungmin blinks up at him, and the wind gently sweeps his bangs away from his face. The surprise and awe written all over his features melt into something confident yet shy as a grin he barely suppresses breaks on his face, jostling the roots inside Jisung’s ribcage and awakening the sparkling moths in his guts. Seungmin leans up and presses their lips again just as Changbin lets go of Chan's legs a few meters away from them, surprised gasps escaping them.
Somewhere in the distance, Minho hoots "Fucking finally!"
Jisung touches his lips, as if he hasn't kissed Seungmin twice already. Maybe it is the reciprocity that gets to him, that makes everything sink in.
"Oh." is all Jisung can muster, his brain unexpectedly fried.
Seungmin sits up properly, kisses his cheek "Thanks for granting my wish, Sungie."
And then he's standing, ignoring Jeongin's mock disgusted grimaces and offering shy thanks to very excited Felix and Changbin as they congratulate him. A little off to the side, Hyunjin mouthes to Jisung about time! followed by a fond smile and when he turns around, it's to find Minho and Chan ready to tug him to his feet, obnoxiously pushing him towards Seungmin. And Seungmin, ever the same and also changed by this slice of shared eternity, slips his hand around Jisung’s, like he's done countless times before. The meaning is unchanged yet new.
"Let's show them the river." he says with a nod towards the treeline.
Jisung nods back with a hum, smiling as much as the corners of his mouth can go. His love is still tangled between his ribs and takes up all the space that there is to take but it feels less scary to know that somewhere in Seungmin’s chest, there's a plant that overgrew its pot, roots and branches and leaves and vines spreading out all over and perhaps, perhaps, they were simply trying to reach out for each other.