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risen from the ashes, yet water carried me away

Summary:

She wakes up in a place she doesn't know, wearing a face she doesn't remember, and with no name.

But she feels a fire burning in her soul.

So she feeds the flames.

(Or: Madam Lan is alive, alone, and has amnesia.)

Chapter 1: Unnamed Woman

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

In a shed topped with grass, far away in the plains, a breeze stirs. There lies a lump in fabric, soft breathing turning sharp.

Am I a demon?  Is the first thought the woman has.

She has woken up in a circle of salt, and blood. She is alone.

As the woman stumbles upright, she takes a moment to look around at the room she's in, painted brown like tree bark. It is a decently tidy place, save for some shards on the ground. Yet as she walks around in search of another human, not a soul is in sight. Am I even human? She wonders. 

As the woman picks up a shard of a broken mirror nearby, she startles a bit. Looking back at her through the glass is a face she doesn't know. It is akin to a painted mask of another person, with lines and wrinkles with stories unknown. 

The woman is scared. Very scared. But she knows that she will die if she stays here, so she runs a list of what she knows, which isn't many things. I am alive, I am in a brown room, I have... she pauses to look at herself. Golden eyes that could pierce the soul, frightening even her as she flinches. She wondered if she ever looked at herself before. Pink lips, long lashes. A hollowed out face, black hair with a jade pin. A sickly pale face. The woman sighs. If that's what she had, she'll go with it. 

As the woman stretches and checks injury, she notes her manner of dress. Blue robes, with a cloud motif. She should probably find this place, she reckons. But assessing that her life there brought her here, she decides against it. The woman walks out of the hut, squinting at the midday sun. She immediately decides that she hates this time the most. 

A few hours after she walks aimlessly along a paved road, a vendor waves the woman down, his chipped teeth in a grin. 

"Oy! Pretty Madam!" The woman turns around, confused. Did this man know her? She eyes his goods. Water and food. Perfect. 

"Greetings...?" She tries awkwardly. She's not sure how to address him, as she not sure of most things now. 

The vendor doesn't care. All he wants is the pretty woman to buy his things. "Care for a drink, Madam?" The woman nods, lips parched, reaching for a cup...

"Ah, ah..." The vendor pushes her hand away from his cart. "Everything has a price, my lady." She almost laughs at the irony of it all. Her memories were definitely a price for something, she muses. But only for what? 

Thinking of what to do, the woman yanks the jade pin out of her hair. Seemed like a botched courting gift, she notes while handing the pin over, the vendor's eyes shining with glee.

"What's your name, madam?" That's when she pauses for a moment. She hadn't thought of that. She is silent in pondering as she takes a bowl of rice crackers. 

After a while, the woman sighs, lips pursed in pleasure of choosing. 

"Jing Yufei."

Notes:

Hopefully it made sense, lol

Wanted to write a Madam Lan-centric fic and here I am. This is my first time really writing anything in a fandom properly, so bear with me!

Here's the names I'm going to use for her in this (Note- we never will talk of Madam Lan's old name. There's a reason why it won't be mentioned):

Title(s): 湛露散人 / Zhanlu-sanren -and- 蓝夫人 Lan-furen / Madam Lan

Courtesy Name: 荆玉飞 Jing Yufei

Personal Name: 荆晞 Jing Xi

SOURCE: 100% credits on the names to lovely tumblr user hunxi-guilai! Go follow their page, they have wonderful linguistic metas on CQL full of meaning <3

This is the link that I used (this has the meanings behind each name as well): https://hunxi-guilai.tumblr.com/post/627314434384281600/i-loved-your-proposed-names-for-qingheng-jun-and