Chapter Text
X finds out on a Monday. Stares at the message on his comm until his individual therapy session on Friday. Then he tells Xisuma over dinner. “I’ve been whitelisted on another server.”
Xisuma’s face is neutral. “Oh. Is this a therapy thing?”
He tries not to read too much into his brother’s facial expressions anymore. It leads to him making too many assumptions, but it’s hard not to. “No.”
Then, a frown. It’s especially hard not to assume when Xisuma is so expressive around him. “Then you shouldn’t go.” X’s therapist warned him this might happen.
“And why not?”
Xisuma stays silent for a moment. He rests his arms down, no longer focused on dinner. They don’t talk about their individual therapy together that often, but late one night Xisuma took X’s hands in his and confessed that his therapist called him out on jumping to conclusions before he really even knew his own thoughts on a matter. He promised he would work on it. Blames it for some of what has happened between him and X. “I… don’t like the idea of it. For some reason. Who’s server is it?”
Here we go. “Helsknight’s.”
“No.”
“You know him at least.”
“No! He’s—”
“Like me?”
Xisuma opens his mouth to respond. Closes it again. Sighs. “No, he’s,” There’s enough of a pause between his next words that X has time to sneak a few bites of his dinner. “He’s not like you. He’s mean for the sake of being mean and Welsknight is more than unwilling to forgive him, so I don’t trust him either.”
“It’s not your decision to make though. For me.”
“… I know.”
“Then I’m going to visit him tomorrow.”
——
When X joins Helsknight’s server he imagines the sort of thing he thought he’d build for himself one day. A red and black nether brick and blackstone monstrosity of a castle or fortress. Lightning flashing in the background, perpetual rain and whatnot. A trench with spikes. Anything horrible and grand and pretentious. He had not imagined, not in his wildest dreams, a quaint little cottage in the middle of a flower forest. X finds himself stood, leaning on a cane, on the doorstep staring dumbly at the brass knocker (the one thing that fit his idea of a proper evil base) wondering if he’d entered the wrong server. Maybe Gem had an evil clone too. Evil Gem would still build something sweet, he’s sure.
He's half made up his mind to leave when the door cracks open. “Are you coming in or are you just going to stand there catching flies?”
“Uh yeah. Sorry. Just didn’t, um, thought I might be in the wrong place?” The door opens the rest of the way and X is met with Helsknight in his full armor sans helmet. It’s been since season 8 that X has seen him. He doesn’t have to crane his neck to make eye contact with him, unlike with some of the relative giants on Hermitcraft. On the surface it doesn’t seem as though much has changed about him. His armor shines proving to be polished on a regular basis, his eyes are as red as ever, and his blonde hair is still long and pulled back into a low ponytail. Nothing has changed, but he seems worse somehow. Maybe his cheeks a little gaunter.
“What? Expecting a big bad castle or something?” Yes, but Hels doesn’t need to know that. “You can be evil and have taste, ya’know.” He turns and walks into the cottage. With nothing else to do, X follows.
“So, why’d you invite me here?” X decides to cut straight to the point. No use in beating around the bush, ex-evil brother to possibly-still-evil clone.
“Just thought it’d be nice to have a chat with someone like me. Get some company in here.” Hels responds. He leads them to a couch in a main seating area and sits stiffly, armor creaking, onto one side of it. “What’s with the cane?”
X bristles. “I’m not like you.” He sits on the opposite end, folding his cane up and resting it beside him. “And I just use it to walk now. None of your business really.”
Hels raises a single brow. “Hey man, not trying to fight with you, but you know how it is. Evil clones and all.”
X tries to take his therapists advice. He really does. He takes three deep breaths when he feels himself get angry. “I’m not his clone nor am I evil.” He says with only a slight tremor in his voice.
“Sure, and that’s why you invited me to your ‘Evil Empire’ previously, huh?” Hels crosses his arms, his metal armor rattling as it clanks together, a small smile on his face.
“Okay. Listen, I didn’t come here just to argue. I don’t need to explain myself to you.” X stands. He grabs the handle of his cane allowing it to come back together with great shuddering clicks and shuffles around the various pieces of furniture trying to make his way out. Screw Hels and his stupid inaccessible layout. Having a wide straight pathway between the couch and armchair should be basic common-sense building.
Hels remains sitting with that little amused smile on his face. He doesn’t offer to help even once X reaches the door. Whatever, not like opening doors when you’re down a hand sucks a ton. X has had plenty of practice with some of the Hermit’s bases anyways. He mutters a goodbye as he wrenches the door open with the wrong hand twisting it awkwardly. He lets it naturally slam shut behind him, the brass knocker banging against the door due to the motion. Stupid pretentious ass brass knocker.
He's still angry when he
walks into Xisuma’s base through the automatic door his brother set up for him. Unfortunately, his brother is inside fiddling with his comm. Likely pretending not to be waiting for X to come home.
“Welcome back! How’d it go?” Xisuma asks cheerfully. Something has him in a good mood today.
X shuffles past him allowing his cane to smack into Xisuma’s ankle just a bit. Not like it’ll do anything when Xisuma has his armor on him, but it’s the thought that counts. “Fine. Thanks for asking.”
“Right,” Xisuma takes a step back out of shin-whacking range. “sure. Do you… want to talk about it?” They both cringe at his words. Therapy might be doing something, but not enough for a midday-feelings-talk to happen. Feelings-talk may happen in the dead of night when one or both of them is sleep deprived enough to forget pretenses and anger.
X allows his cringe to be answer enough and heads past Xisuma and to his bedroom. Stupid knights and stupid brothers. What a day. He tosses his cane to a corner with forearm crutches and other miscellaneous mobility aids with a clank and walks unaided the few steps to his bed. His comm pings. Probably Xisuma. He could ignore it, but on the off-chance it’s something more interesting…
<Helsknight_> I had fun. You’re welcome back anytime.
What.
X deflates upon seeing the message. Did Hels view arguing as fun? It makes sense, he probably did. X didn’t. He didn’t. He repeats this sentiment in his head enough times that the phrase stops making sense. Maybe he did have a little fun with the dramatics of storming out of a near stranger’s home. An inaccessible, but cute little home.
Despite everything X finds himself going back the next day.
——
And he keeps going. He finds himself surprised the second time he goes. There’s a suspicious button beside the door that he at first assumes to be a doorbell. However, when he presses it the door gently and slowly opens allowing him the time and space to walk through. The furniture has been spaced out allowing X to walk anywhere in the room easily. Hels walked out of the kitchen and smiled a mischievous grin at him as though he hadn’t just done one of the kinder things any one has done for X.
From that moment on X knew him and Hels could be friends.
Or maybe they couldn’t, considering how the current argument over board games was going.
“Monopoly literally doesn’t work with two people. Don’t you have a deck of cards? King’s corners works for two people.” X suggests as Hels continues to set up the monopoly board.
“I like monopoly. I do not like card games.” Hels is ridiculously picky about the games they play when X comes to visit. X has managed to get him outside for a picnic once or twice, but only on the pretense that they will play a board game outside as well. Privately, X thinks that Hels needs a hobby. Other than collecting terrible games. “Besides, do you have anyone else to invite and play with us?” Crickets. “Exactly, keep playing.”
The thing is though, that X does have people to invite if only he thought that Helsknight would be as nice to them as he is to X. And he is nice, in some twisted definition of the word. More than the initial kindness of making his base accessible he hasn’t brought up his misconception of X being an evil clone since his first visit. X knows Hels still thinks of him that way, but he has the decency to keep it to himself. He’s strangely knowledgeable about basic rules when it comes to interacting with disabled folks. He never touches X’s mobility aids without permission or helps him without asking first. He’s kind in the smaller ways that matter, but X is under no illusion that Helsknight would be nice to any Hermit he might invite over.
In the same moment that Hels is kind to X, he is also rude and snappish and creates arguments for the sake of entertainment. X has his theory that it’s out of loneliness. Hels has nothing to do here despite his large board game collection. He builds, sure, and harasses X via message, but he’s never once mentioned another friend or hobby to keep him occupied. And for a moment X considers helping this man that he truly has begun to consider a friend. Maybe, even though Xisuma doesn’t think there’s a hope of Hels and Welsknight reconciling, X could see about getting the two of them in the same room. After all him and Xisuma are brothers again.
——
It's easier than X thought it would be to get Welsknight on board with coming to visit Hels with him. In fact, Welsknight insists upon it the second X and Xisuma approach him with the idea. Not because he would like to attempt a reconciliation, but more that he would like to threaten Hels. Or something along those lines. X tuned out his angry rambling and let Xisuma work on calming him down. Not his problem.
(He does hear Welsknight bring X’s safety into question, hanging around an evil clone. He wanted to yell that he could very well protect himself, but a voice that sounds like his therapists tells him to enjoy being cared for. Nothing wrong with a friend keeping his safety in mind. Another voice more like his own can’t understand the Hermits who have come to view X as a friend.)
Anyways, it comes to pass that the next time X visits Hels he comes with two visitors in tow. His own brother and Welsknight. He hopes to attempt mediating a conversation between them, but Hels storms out of the cottage sword in hand. Out of his inventory he produces another and tosses it towards Welsknight who catches it.
“Fight me.” Hels demands.
“Happily.”
X moves to intervene, but his brother grabs him by the shoulders and moves them back. “Don’t grab me.” He hisses at Xisuma. “We can’t let them fight!”
Xisuma shakes his head. “I don’t think they’re going to hurt each other. Look.”
X turns his head towards the fight and sure enough it seems as though they’re pulling their blows a bit. No hits above the shoulders, slashes only to armored areas. Swords clang against each other’s and X notices a wicked grin on both of their faces. “Are they enjoying this?”
“Yes,” Xisuma laughs. “Listen closely.”
X shoots his brother a glare for continuing to give him commands, but regardless he does make an effort to listen. The two knights are talking to each other? While fighting? In fact, the words come so fast it sounds as though they’re rapping. X watches dumfounded until, after one particularly vicious strike of blade against blade, the two back away from each other and lower their swords to their sides those grins still on their faces. Hels nods and turns walking back into his house. Xisuma and Welsknight both move to follow. Not wanting to be left behind, X moves along with them.
“Is that it?” X asks incredulously.
It’s Welsknight who responds. “I could do with a sparring partner who’s at the same level as me.”
Hels nods. “I’d enjoy a good fight every once in a while.”
And that is it, as it turns out. Hels moves to begin setting up his monopoly board and the four of them play a game together with Hels coming out on top. It is a lovely, if not confusing, day.
——
“Hey, what’s with your name?” Hels asks the next time they hang out together without their brothers.
“Excuse me?” They’re having another picnic, this time without a board game. Just snacks and drinks thankfully. Today is a bad pain day and X lays splayed out on a second picnic blanket. It is cushioned with thick soft grass that cradles his joints. His wheelchair is behind him.
“It’s confusing. You, like, share a name with Xisuma.” He states simply.
X snorts. “I do not. X is a fine name.”
“Xavier.” Hels lays out in the grass staring up at the sky.
“What?”
“I’m giving you ideas. Xander.”
“I’m not changing my name.” Despite himself, X snorts in amusement.
“Alex.” Hels over-enunciates the ‘x’ in Alex.
X laughs out loud this time. “No! I had a name, got a nickname, shortened the nickname, and now I’m X. I’ve had enough name changes.”
They’re silent for a moment. “What was your name before Evil Xisuma?”
“Maddox.” Hels bursts out laughing. “What!”
“Really? They name one kid Xisuma, run out of creative energy, and deal out Maddox?” Hels asks, incredulous.
“I guess? Never thought to ask them.” And he never will. The thought dampens his mood a bit. He tries not to think about his parents that often, at least not outside of therapy sessions or late-night talks with Xisuma. Silence falls over the two of them again. X shifts occasionally trying to get pressure off his hips.
Helsknight sits up. “I like Max.” He says the name normally this time. Seriously, maybe.
“Sure, I guess.” X has run out of energy to defend his chosen name. He’ll think of Max as a nickname for now. Until next time or a better pain day when he can beat the stupid name ideas out of Hels.
“Cool.” Hels glances over at him. “Can I help you up?”
“Why, I’m comfy.”
“No, man, you look rough. Let’s get you home.” X lifts an arm, but rather than pulling him up, Hels swoops down and picks him up in a bridal carry. X hardly has time to squawk in protest before he’s being gently lowered into his wheelchair. “Sorry, I thought it might be a less painful way of getting you up.”
There is no genuine venom in X’s voice when he says, “I hate you.”
Once more time, Hels begins to laugh. “Sure. See you later, Max.”
X leaves with an affronted groan on his lips.
——
X, Gem, and Etho are together at Xisuma’s base. Gem is on a couch, knitting in hand, laughing at Etho who sits at a table staring flummoxed down at his sewing project. “You’re so washed up, Etho!”
Etho lets out a quiet “Nohohoho.”
Gem tosses her knitting to the side clutching her stomach in laughter. “Etho! The Etho! Stumped by a yard of cotton and a French seam!”
“It could happen to anyone!” Etho had begun his French seam with right sides together instead of wrong sides, leading to his project being inside out. He grumbles good naturedly and reaches for his seam ripper.
X tucks his own knitting project in close to his chest and wheels a bit closer to Etho before locking his wheels again. He peers over Etho’s sewing machine at the fabric he’s ripping apart. It’s nice watching Etho sew. It’s a half-decent excuse to not work on his own shoddy project. Gem has been teaching X to knit, but it’s not going particularly well. He’s got the knit stitch down and has made a couple garter stitch scarves, but Gem decided it was time for him to make something in stockinette stitch and purling is not going as well.
Etho sets his now detached pieces of fabric to the side and glances at X. “Do you mind if I finish up a gift for you right now?”
X doesn’t do very well with receiving gifts, not after the first few times one of the Hermits gave him some random little thing. They do it for each other a lot, X understands, but it feels too much like charity. The wheelchair from Etho was enough, but he finds curiosity wins out. He’s in a good enough mood today to entertain this. “No, go ahead.”
Etho hums and pulls out what seems to be a simple pouch, inside out. “I’m almost done. Just a quick seam and some finer details and its yours.” X doesn’t really know what he’s looking at, but watches as Etho reaches into an open hole on the inner lining of the bag and begins pulling it right-side out. Two handles are revealed once it’s fully pulled out. Etho takes it to his sewing machine and quickly seams the hole closed and stuffs the lining inside the pouch. Finally, he sews little boxes where the handles meet the bag to “make it stronger.” Once it’s all done, he presents it to X.
“Thanks. It’s… a bag?” X tries not to sound as confused as he is. He doesn’t have much use for bags given that, even on a better pain day, he’s only got one free arm not holding a crutch or cane.
Etho snorts. “Here let me put it on for you. Can I touch your wheelchair?” X nods and hands over the bag. Etho moves behind him slowly and X cranes his neck to see what he does. Proudly, Etho places the straps of the bag on the push handles of X’s wheelchair. “I know you can’t really access it while moving, but it stays out of the way of the wheels back here and it might be handy to carry supplies for the picnics with your boyfriend.”
X feels that awful burning in his eyes as he regards his gift. The tears nearly spill over before X processes Etho’s words. Huh. “Hels isn’t my boyfriend.”
Gem, who had previously returned to her knitting, chimes in with a smug tone of voice. “He didn’t say he was talking about Helsknight, X.”
“Well, who else could he be referring to!” X snaps.
Gem throws up her hands in defense. “I’m just saying if Hels is the first person who comes to mind at the word boyfriend then maybe there’s something there.”
“Go back to knitting.” Gem chuckles at him, but does indeed return to her project.
X does the same resolutely ignoring the glances he gets from his two friends. Thank goodness Cleo and Joe were busy with Hermits Helping Hermits and couldn’t join today. Joe would’ve given X one of his long-winded rambling pep-talks and Cleo, although nice, is the most intimidating when she gives you a scrutinizing stare.
Gem opens her mouth to say something, but X cuts her off. “Listen, I love our stitch and bitches, but if you’re going to make completely unfounded assumptions about my non-existent love life then I’ll be on my way.”
He wheels away followed by Etho’s quiet chuckling and Gem’s shout. “Just think about it, X!”
He will not think about it. X doesn’t get to have relationships like that. It’s simply not an option, never has been. He’s never been on a server very long other than his parent’s. Hermitcraft was merely the place between visits to the void. He wasn’t looking for something so needless and silly such as love. Even if he did there was no room in his chest for anything other than anger. The friends he has gained are enough. He hadn’t even thought that possible and to ask this world for something more? He would never be so greedy. Not since the last time he tried to get what he wanted he ended up in the void that hurt him.
In his own room, X allows himself to imagine what love might look like for him. Who love might look like. Maybe someone taller than him. Not too tall though, he’d like to be able to look them in the eyes without cramping his neck. Strong enough to help him into and out of his wheelchair on those particularly bad days he normally spends in bed. Someone he could see himself spoiling as well. Doing things for them he normally wouldn’t. The stupid little things that matter like playing their stupid board games—
No.
Absolutely not. X transfers from his wheelchair into his bed and shuts his eyes the second his head hits the pillow. He’ll sleep these thoughts off, Gem and Etho put the idea into his head is all. He doesn’t actually like Hels. He’ll come to his senses in the morning.