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It was a mistake, coming back here.
Blaine wasn't even sure anymore which part was the worst. Coming back to Lima, to his parents, admitting that his oh so great romance had completely failed, that his so-called soulmate had dropped him like last season's fashion and all their warnings about rushing into things had been right… not to mention owning up to the prestigious college they'd never been on board with kicking him out. Everything he went out to get, had turned to ashes under his fingers.
Really, his parents had been almost too understanding. His mother had started hugging him randomly, had promised he could stay as long as he needed, and looked up local therapists for him. His father was a bit more reserved, although he did mention the possibility of suing NYADA for the way his depression had been handled. He also spoke of different colleges, none of them in New York. Maybe he should go visit his brother some time, see how Los Angeles treated him.
Neither of them said “We told you so,” but then again, they didn't have to. Or maybe it would be easier if they did, at least then he'd have something to rage against. Something tangible, not a school and a man who'd proven time and again that walking away from Blaine was the easiest thing in the world. But there was nothing here for him to blow off steam. If the antidepressants could help, they certainly hadn't kicked in yet. Not even boxing made things easier.
Really, it was only a matter of time until he ended up here. Scandals.
It was a mistake.
He hadn't returned, not after that mess of a night when Sebastian had taken them there. The night had been… a breath of fresh air, really. It had been new, and exciting, and he'd felt on top of the world. He couldn't think about how the night had ended without cringing, though. And so, the whole thing had become something he tried to forget.
Maybe he should have come here during senior year, those months he'd been single. Months he could have used to move on and find happiness instead of pining for someone who didn't want him anyway.Could have spent time with someone who'd wanted him from the start.
He tried not to think of Sebastian. He'd gotten some practice in that. For a while, he'd considered texting him, right after Kurt had left. Reconnect. He hadn't, of course. It felt too shallow, to call up someone who'd always made him feel good, shining like the sun – just because he felt so low right now.
Worse to think, Sebastian probably would change his mind once he saw how wrecked Blaine had become. Who'd want that?
It was hard not to fall back into wallowing in self-pity, as much as he tried. But honestly, Scandals wasn't exactly helping. Back then, it had seemed exciting. Compared to the clubs in New York, it was depressing. The décor was falling apart, the staff seemed disillusioned, and a lot of the patrons would fit more into his dad's age bracket. There were a few younger people, although most of them had paired up with each other. He was pretty sure he recognized Dave Karofsky in one corner, talking to some blond guy and hey, good for him.
Blaine just wasn't quite sure what he was even doing here. With a sigh, he drained his beer, ready to return home.
“Well, I'll be damned. I was just thinking of you.”
For a second, he thought he was hallucinating. That he'd wallowed in his past memories so much that he actually imagined Sebastian’s voice. But there was a touch on his shoulder, and when he turned, those green eyes were on him, and just for a moment, he was back in Junior year, his heart beating faster than it should, the night alluring and promising, despite their drab surroundings.
“Sebastian. What are you doing here? I thought you were… Where are you supposed to be?”
Sebastian laughed, brighter than he did back then. “Los Angeles,” he said. “It's honestly better than I ever would have expected. But summer break just started, so it's back to Ohio to see dear old Dad. What about you?”
His face fell, and for a moment, he wasn't sure what to say. Not even a minute before he brought the mood down, that had to be a record. He noticed Sebastian's eyes darting to his hands, clearly noticing the absence of any rings.
“What about New York?” Sebastian asked.
Both knew he wasn't asking about the city.
“It didn't work out,” he said. He really tried to have it not sound as bleak as it was. There were better ways to put it, right? Something like “between schools”, even if he didn't have any idea on what to do next.
Sebastian watched him, and for a moment, Blaine felt transparent. He thought about running away, or at least excusing himself.
But then, Sebastian smiled. “Can I buy you a drink?”
One breath. Another.
Maybe this could be a chance. “I'd love that.”
When he woke up, it took him a moment to understand where in the world he was. He remembered quickly, of course, not just when he opened his eyes to find Sebastian's sleeping face in front of him.
He wished he'd stayed asleep just a bit longer.
His mind was a mess, and it had become so much worse during the last months. He shouldn't go into overdrive over waking up beside the man he'd hooked up with. It wasn't even surprising. Hadn't everyone seen this coming eventually?
And why should it be a big deal? He was single, this wasn't any sort of betrayal. His ex hating Sebastian should probably be more reason to choose him.
He hadn't even thought of Kurt last night once Sebastian had pulled him close, and he was grateful for that.
So what to do now?
He sat up against the headboard as he let his mind wander. It would be nice to stay here, see what happened when Sebastian woke. Maybe they'd get breakfast. Maybe they'd talk. Last night had been… Well, he wouldn't go overboard and call it magical, but it had been so good, so fun, so… real. It wasn't nothing, not just a long overdue notch in a bedpost. There was something in the way Sebastian had looked at him. Last night, but before that, too.
Sebastian wasn't the problem.
What was he supposed to do, though, with a mess like Blaine? College drop out, dumped by his fiancé, no prospects, no friends, just a shiny new diagnosis of depression and a prescription of sertralin that hadn't kicked in yet. Quite the prize, really. Like waiting all December for a Christmas present, and then open it to find a piece of coal.
It would be better to disappear. Leave Sebastian with the memory of last night. It would be kinder.
“Are you going to sneak out, or are you still deciding?”
He flinched at the sound of Sebastian's voice. The other man had opened his eyes by now, watching him with interest.
“It's not…” Blaine stopped, not sure what to say. He could barely make sense of it in his head, let alone actually put it into words. “Would you like me to?”
There was silence for a moment, then Sebastian sat up with a sigh. “Last night… was that too much?”
“No,” Blaine answered immediately. “Last night was…” He hesitated.
“Perfect?” Sebastian suggested.
Blaine nodded. Not much else to say there, really.
Sebastian's lips quirked into a small grin. “Yeah,” he said.
For a moment, the silence stretching between them almost seemed comfortable. Like it could go on forever and Blaine would be happy with it. But Sebastian clearly had something on his mind, so he waited for whatever would come.
“Blaine… I don't know how to say this, but…”
“Just say it.” His voice was barely above a whisper, trying so hard not to break the intimacy of the moment.
Sebastian bit his lower lip in thought, but then, with new determination, he looked right into Blaine's eyes.
“I want you back.”
Blaine could feel the words in his heart, warmth blossoming. Hope. But he knew better, knew it couldn’t hold. Better squash it now than to risk believing things could get better.
“You've never had me, how could you get me back?” he asked, trying to deflect the sincerity in Sebastian's voice.
“That's not what I meant,” Sebastian said, ignoring his petty attempt at rhetorical games. “It’s just… Blaine, I saw you last night. Before I talked to you. And you… you looked so lost. Broken. And I… that's not you.”
How did he do it, coming out of nowhere, piercing right through Blaine's heart?
“It kind of is, though. It's what I am now,” he said.
“I don't think so,” Sebastian said. “Look, I don't know what he’s done to you. Or whatever else went down in New York. But I can see you're hurting. And I… I want to help.”
It didn't make sense. Why would Sebastian even bother, putting so much work into helping him? Like he was worth the effort…
“What if I'm too broken?”
He hadn't meant to ask it, way too scared of hearing the answer. He couldn't take it back, though. And so he waited.
Sebastian's hand was warm on his cheek. “You're not,” he said. Sure. Confident. Just like that. “I'll show you. Look, I'm here for two months preparing my Dad's wedding. I'll have lots of time for you. I'll be whatever you need. Someone to listen, someone to yell at, someone to push you… whatever. The important part is to show you that no, you're not broken. Not while you're still breathing. Everything else can be figured out.” He paused, and then that smile came back, even if it seemed a bit more subdued now. “I want you back, Blaine. The real you. And I think you want that, too. So… let's do it. Let's bring you back.”
It was a cheesy concept, and maybe, if he felt like himself, he would have laughed in Sebastian's face. But he wasn't himself, not really. He was just so holding it together, completely bare in every sense of the word. It didn't seem silly, it seemed like a lifeline.
“You really think you can do that?” Blaine asked.
“Just give me a chance,” Sebastian said, like he had what felt a lifetime ago.
Blaine hadn't given it to him, not really, had always held back. But now, there was nothing to stop him. Maybe he was naïve to think there was a way back from how far he'd fallen. But maybe Sebastian was right. Maybe this was worth a shot.
Maybe they were.
He leaned forward, bringing their lips together in a kiss. “Okay,” he said. “Bring me back.”
With the way Sebastian beamed at him, and how the warmth in his heart blossomed further, he could even believe it.