Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

It was the first Sunday back at the spire. With the new General Mezilo. Vik, Wyatt, and Yuri sat at their usual table. Finally able to do so after a few horrible days of strict and rigid rules.

“You know I know we're worried about Tom disappearing for the second time. But I do have to ask because it is important. Yuri. Man.” Vik made eye contact with the sullen Russian boy. “Why are you so depressed? It's really starting to bum everyone out.”

Yuri looked like he was about to cry. His shoulders were slumped, and Wyatt was rubbing his back in consolation.

“Vik.” Wyatt said, scornfully. “Have you ever considered that we don't have programming anymore?”

“Yeah it's great.” Vik answered. “I'm so happy we don't have to be turned into dogs anymore by the megalomaniacal Lieutenant Blackburn.”

Wyatt scowled. 

“It is because I was so excited to learn to program. To finally be able to get feedback on my work.” Yuri looked down solemnly. “And now I cannot.”

“Wasn't Tom mooching off you to keep under Blackburn’s radar?” Vik pointed out. “You were getting feedback.”

“You wouldn't understand Vikram.” Yuri said, his voice breaking. “I really think I'm good at programming. And I have a passion for it. But also. I have a passion for Wyatt.”

Wyatt put a hand to her mouth. 

“Yuri?” She asked, almost surprised. “You want to learn for me?”

“I want to understand the long speeches she gives to me about Zorten 2 and neural processors. But I cannot. It is very sad.”

Wyatt seemed surprised at this. 

“You're telling me you actually listen to all that?” Vik started confused. “I feel my eyes glaze over the second it starts. Much like the Android did before we unscrambled him.”

“Before I unscrambled him." Wyatt corrected. "and if you didn't like it you could tell me. Or walk away.” 

Vik shook his head. “No. No. Evil Wench. You would take that personally and get upset with me. I do not want to inflict your wrath upon my humble self.”

Yuri’s eyes seemed to focus for a few seconds from the unfocused puppy dog look, to that of an alert guard dog.

“Vikram.” He said. “Are you sure you are not leaving because you enjoy listening to her talk as well?”

Vik guffawed indignantly. “Of course not Yuri.” He said. But they both registered that the skin of his cheeks turned one hue closer to red. Something that wouldn't be noticeable without a neural processor which could determine the hexadecimal codes of every color. “I am not entertained by the 0s and 1s coming out of her mouth. I simply don't leave because she is my friend and that would be rude.”

“I’m your friend?” Wyatt asked. She sounded almost childish. “Really?”

Vik looked offended.

“I sit with you every day Wyatt. I don't do that just to get to the Android here.” Vik patted Yuri’s massive chest as if he was a watermelon. The Russian boy didn't seem to mind. “In fact if Yuri went mysteriously missing too It would become my solemn duty as the last normal person of the friend group to drag you places, and listen to you talk about programming. It's a patriotic duty.”

“Patriotic duty?”

“Yes Wyatt. Because it is my hypothesis that if left to your own devices you would try to take over the world. And I can't let that happen. I'm - I'm an American patriot.” Vik started to chuckle.

“Is that why you call me Evil Wench?” She asked. Intensely.

“Yes Wyatt!” Vik said, sounding exasperated. “Because you are a supervillain waiting to happen. Even Yuri agrees with me!” He jabbed a thumb at Yuri.

“I do not agree with him.” Yuri responded, grimacing. “I do not think you are a super villain Wyatt.” He grabbed her hands, his expression turning into the same sappy look he always got looking at Wyatt. “In fact I find you to be a wonderful, kind, and benevolent person. If you were to take over the world I trust you to do right by humanity.”

“Yuri…” Wyatt mirrored the look, but on Wyatt’s face it looked like she was about to cry. “I could never take over the world.”

“I would help you.” Yuri nodded.

Wyatt was silent a few seconds, before tears started to form at the corners of her eyes.

Vik rolled his eyes. Tuning them out to eat his eggs and toast.

Chapter Text

Eventually the commotion in the mess hall and the common rooms coalesced into too much for Wyatt, so they retreated to her bunk.

She pulled out the neural processor she was working on reformatting. Apparently the new guys had yet to confiscate it from her. So they spoke as she pulled out the wires.

“Why can't you just ask Blackburn to help teach Yuri? He has a lot of free time so I hear.” Vik had seen Blackburn hanging out in the basement his head in his hands, like a man going through a divorce. Perhaps Blackburn was married to the concept of control over the Spire’s systems.

Wyatt frowned slightly. “He yelled at me the last time I spoke to him. I know it's because he has to get with the program. I don't think he would take lightly to us having unapproved programming classes. Or at least Mezilo wouldn't.” She shook her head sadly. 

Yuri sighed dejected. 

“Wyatt. You're a programming genius, you could probably teach him.” Vik pointed out. “You could do a rogue programming class.”

Wyatt was not a good teacher. She wasn't nearly good enough at explaining things. Which seemed to frustrate her. Her instinct was to point at what was wrong and how to fix it it. But not why it was wrong. Which tripped Yuri up a lot.

“It's a simple concept.” She had said a thousand times before explaining it in a way that made both of their heads spin. Turns out that Blackburn was a much better teacher than everyone gave him credit for.

Yuri however was a good sport, and seemed to pick it up surprisingly well. Vik however had given up, and left the bunk. And then returned with VR gloves and visor. About to bring a glorious return to the SparkleHands character.

The entire time Wyatt’s roommate sat in her bunk, painting her nails. She never did comment on them but didn't seem annoyed. A few times she even gave Vik dirty stares when he teased Wyatt.

Certainly not the worst bunkmate to have.

Eventually Yuri managed to create a program that would make the recipient taste mint.

Since Vik had given up on the rogue programming class he was chosen to be the guinea pig.

Vik complied. Letting them hook a neural wire in. And waiting for the cool sensation.

An error code flashed across his vision center.

“It didn't work Yuri.” He said. “My mouth is at a normal temperature right now."

Yuri sighed, so Wyatt checked the code again, and spotted the mistake.

“Yuri you need to invoke a chemical response. Specifically the response when menthol hits the tongue. You didn't put a destination, so it nulled. Try putting it on his tongue.” She pointed at Viks mouth. 

“How do I do that?”

“You uh…” she thought a few moments. “You have to access the part of the brain that tastes. The Gustatory Cortex.” She nodded.

“Alright. I'm trying again.’

Suddenly Vik began to feel the taste of mint.

All over his body.

He shrieked at the strange overwhelming sensation. More upset at the disconcerting feeling of tasting with his limbs, and not his tongue. 

“Shut it off!” He screeched, and Wyatt did so with a few taps of her forearm keyboard.

While Vik was catching his breath Wyatt looked at Yuri.

“Yuri, you need to assign the sensation to a specific part of the body. Not the entire body” She said, her eyebrows furrowed. “Vik, are you fine?”

Vik grimaced. “To think the Android would do this to me. His closest friend.” he shook his head.

Yuri's gaze was apologetic. “I am sorry Vikram. I didn't mean to overwhelm you with the taste of mint.”

Wyatt’s lips quirked slightly. “Maybe mint and spice don't work that well together.” 

“That's not funny Wyatt.” Vik snapped, which only made Wyatt grin evilly. “You have not experienced the intense existential experience of tasting with your fingers. And arms.”

She nodded. “I will admit I haven't. But you can ask Tom. He was my old guinea pig.”

“And now I'm your new one now that he's disappeared.” Vik groaned.

“He's not disappeared.” Wyatt said then. “If he disappeared I think we'd hear something more about it. The military would go to DEFCON 2. So he's probably fine.” She paused for a few moments. “Probably

Chapter Text

The next day, Wyatt was proven right. When Tom showed up again, and punched Grover/Clint in the face for her. Vik only heard about it through thought netsend, and only when Tom wasn't listening.

Tom. Did you hear that Wyatt is using me as her guinea pig? Vik had sent it to him during accountability formation. Wyatt had already completed her five penalty hours. You're going to have to get a new mad scientist to test on you.

Tom’s face became slightly distant in that “Tom is having flashbacks” look, before he shot back. She's going to make you feel things that should not be felt by anyone ever.

Yuri who had an extra hour of accountability formation for unauthorized use of his forearm keyboard added-

Actually Thomas. Vik is my guinea pig. You do not have to worry about your status as top pig being taken by Vikram any time soon.

Tom made a look like he was trying not to laugh. Luckily the camcos ignored him. Good to know. I bet he's a lot nicer with his programs than Wyatt.

Vik raised an eyebrow. What did she do to you?

Tom grimaced. Have you ever smelled through your toes?

I made Vikram taste with his whole body. Yuri cut in. I made him taste mint.

A look of horror mixed with amusement appeared on Tom’s face at the idea. Wow that sounds unbearable. He netsent.

Yeah it sucked.

Yeah i'm sure it's awful to feel an inescapable cold all over your body. Tom cut in. And shot Vik a side eye with a mischievous smile. Really sorry about that. But hey. You still have your fingers.

Die slowly Tom. Vik thought back.

What do you think I was doing when I lost them?

That day Vik gained an extra three penalty hours for flipping Tom off. 

Chapter Text

Being relegated as Yuri’s guinea pig was actually extremely bad. Now that Tom was back, he enjoyed every moment. 

Yuri knew just enough to succeed in some areas, and fail in others. That mixed into an extremely overstimulating experience for guinea pig Vik.

“Wyatt. Do you think half success is worse or better for the guinea pig than full success.” Vik asked. Yuri was busy writing a program that would make Vik fall in love with a yet unspecified object. Tom was waiting expectantly.

Wyatt thought about it. “It depends on how malicious the successful programs are. Tom, you can weigh in as my guinea pig.”

Tom seemed half amused, half insulted to be claimed by Wyatt as her specific Guinea pig. But he answered dutifully.

“I agree with Wyatt.” he said, giving his sheepish, and consistently lopsided smile. “Wyatt doesn't mess up though, so i wouldn't know what a half success feels like.”

Wyatt seemed to beam at the praise. “Thank you Tom.”

“So wait. Wyatt intentionally made you smell out of your feet?” Vik cut in. “That was on purpose?”

Tom continued to smile. “Yeah. She wanted to see what would happen.”

“Blackburn didn't let me try it out on a simulated processor.” Wyatt explained. “And I was curious.” She nodded. “I let Tom pick which part of the body he would smell out of. I'm a courteous person.”

“See Wyatt!” Vik said. “You're doing a great job. Blackburn will someday look at the level of courtesy you give Tom and weep himself to sleep.” he shook his head. “Why wasn't I as courteous and kind as Wyatt Enslow?”

“This isn't very nice Vikram.” Yuri had started to say.

“I am complimenting her, am I not?” Vik cut it. “Besides, isn't it a good thing she's less evil than her evil teacher? It just means that she's a more refined villain.”

“Blackburn is not evil!” Wyatt proclaimed, clearly disturbed.

“Blackburn is pretty evil.” Tom cut in. “He-” Tom seemed to catch his words. Like he didn't quite remember what he was going to say. But he soon continued “He turned me into a dog after all. But Wyatt did turn us into sheep. So maybe she's no better.” He shrugged.

Wyatt looked at Tom like she had been socked in the jaw. And Tom realized too late that from what they both knew about Blackburn, that it came across as a direct insult to her.

“In terms of using us as guinea pigs.” He clarified. And she seemed to relax. 

“Vikram. I have an alternative question for you.” Yuri who had been busy working on his code. “What do you think is worse? Receiving a bad code on accident, through malice, or a detached scientific curiosity?”

Vik thought about it for a few seconds. And then his eyes widened.

“You just called Wyatt detached! The Android just said something slightly negative about Enslow!” He then turned to Tom. “You! You owe me 50 bucks!”

“I said her approach to malicious programs is scientific. That is not a negative.” Yuri clarified. “And besides. I adore that scientific curiosity of hers.”

“I'm not forking it over.” Tom said to Vik. “He didn't mean it.”

“Coward!” Vik yelled. To which Tom shrugged.

“I'm not detached.” Wyatt defended herself. Frowning. “I in fact. At that moment, I was very interested. Tom can attest.”

Tom nodded in her defense then. “Yeah. She was vibrating with excitement.”

Yuri nodded. “I suppose I have not been present at a lot of your “guinea pig” sessions.” He said. And then turned to Vik. “Vikram. We will have to catch up so we can maintain a good scientist-guinea pig relationship.” He put his massive hand on Vik’s shoulder. “I am done with my program now. We shall test it. What item would you like to fall madly in love with?”

Vik thought for a few moments. Scanning the room for any personal belongings they had. Before settling on Wyatt’s Vr gloves and visors. She had bought them for herself when they were plebes. “Those.” 

“Don't start humping them.” Wyatt said gravely. “I will never forgive you.”

Vik closed his eyes and waited for the code to kick in.

He shot up when it did. His face now a curious shade of maroon red. And stared at the VR gloves. A thousand things running through his head.

“Aren't you going to use a pick up line on it?” Tom teased.

Vik seemed to be having a full on heart attack. He clutched his chest and seemed to be trembling.

“Are you alright Vikram?” Yuri asked.

“I- I think you turned it- turned it too high.”.Vik said, his voice was a squeak. “This is really weird.” 

Wyatt grabbed Yuri’s monitor and checked the code.

“There’s nothing wrong with his code.” She then patted Yuri on the head. “Good job Yuri.”

“I feel like I'm going to throw up.” Vik said. “Why do I feel like I'm going to throw up?”

The three others looked at eachother, confusion clear on their faces. 

Tom, who had been through this before, snapped his fingers. “Oh butterflies in your stomach! Yeah that confused me too when I fell in love with the podium.

“More like cicadas.” Vik mumbled. His entire body felt shaky. He was curling in on himself. “I think I'm sick.”

“You are in love Vikram.” Yuri explained. Holding up the Vr gloves and visor. “With these.”

“This isn't love!” Vik argued. “I don't feel this sick when I think about Lyla! And we are dating!”

Tom mouthed Tummy Troubles

“Alright terminate the program” Wyatt said. “Sometimes people have unexpected reactions to successful programs. That's their psychological problem, not ours.”

Vik let out a sigh of relief when that hot, dizzy feeling left his body. His thoughts cleared into confusion and embarrassment.

“Why did I react that way? Enslow?” He looked at Wyatt expectantly.

“I don't know.” Wyatt shrugged. “I'm not a psychologist.”

Vik looked to Yuri and Tom as if they had any response.

Tom nodded sympathetically.

“It's weird right?” He grinned. 

“So weird.” Vik.

“Well now I'm curious.” Yuri said, and glanced at Wyatt. “Wyatt, may I hit myself with the love program? I want to see if it needs to be tweaked.

“Uh sure? What should you fall in love with?”

“We shall do the VR equipment again.” Yuri gave her a thumbs up and 

“Careful Wyatt.” Vik, who still hadn't fully recovered from the shock, only just enough to tease her. “He might leave you for your gloves and visor.”

“He won't.” Wyatt said confidently. And then turned to Yuri. “You won't?”

“I won't.” Yuri confirmed.

The program hit Yuri and for a few seconds he seemed the same.

And then, gingerly, he picked up the Vr gloves and Visor and put them in his lap.

“This is quite similar to the love I feel for Wyatt.” Yuri noted, flipping the VR set in his hands. “It is not strange to me.

“So me and Tom are just weird?” Vik asked.

“Hey I'm not weird!” Tom said. “It's not my fault! Blackburn's program was probably more cohesive than Yuri’s!”

Wyatt frowned at that. “Would you like to test that out?”

The code hit Tom and they saw. Quite disturbingly. Tom yanked the Vr set away from Yuri. And hugged it to himself. An intense look in his eyes.

He didn't speak for a few seconds. Just staring forward. 

Finally he said “I'm in love.” Quietly. And started to chuckle. Then laugh. And soon Tom was cackling helplessly. He hugged the VR set gleefully.

“Tom, are you good?” Vik asked.

Wyatt terminated the program and clarity returned to him. He stopped laughing after a few seconds.

“That was weird.” Tom commented, breathlessly. “I didn't react that way before. I was so… happy. I've never felt like that before. Besides the podium.”

“Not even with Medusa?” Yuri asked.

Tom seemed to consider that. “I don't know “ he handed the VR set back to Wyatt. 

“Maybe this is just your love response.” Yuri suggested. “Perhaps it has changed since you were a plebe. A lot has happened.”

“Maybe.” Tom shrugged. 

“So we are weird Tom!” Vik said. “Well at least I'm not alone.”