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Gale wasn't shocked to learn that Astarion first approached him with secondary intentions — though he hadn't guessed the reason itself, he already expected as much. What truly surprised him were the words that followed that confession. He came to care about Astarion as well during their time together, but never dared to hope that anything would grow from that.
It was a strange feeling, to be romantically involved with someone who wasn't Mystra. Strange, but not unpleasant. The more time he spent with Astarion, the less he thought about Mystra, her presence, and her touch — the less he craved them. And knowing that their relationship had a deeper meaning for Astarion as well… It made him happy. More than he had been in a long time.
That night, when their camp was already deeply quiet, Gale was brought back from his state of near sleepiness by a touch on his arm. He opened his eyes, and Astarion was there by his side.
"You looked quite lonely on your own," he said with a half-smile. "I thought I should offer some company."
Gale returned the smile, giving Astarion enough space to join him on his bedroll. "Your company is always welcome."
Astarion seemed pleased with the response. They got comfortable next to each other, and as unsettling as the coldness of Astarion's skin had been at first, now Gale caught himself yearning for it. It already felt familiar… Calming and alluring at the same time. As if reading his mind, Astarion brought his hand to Gale's chest, feeling it with his palm and fingertips. Not long before, such a thing would be a clear invitation, but this time it felt more affectionate than seductive. They spent some time like that, in silence, until Astarion finally spoke.
"I keep thinking about what you did," he said. "Refusing that Drow's offer for my sake."
He certainly meant Araj's offer in Moonrise Towers, to have her neck bitten in exchange for that potion. Gale thought it strange that Astarion would refuse blood like that, but hadn't thought too deeply about it at the time. However, after talking to Astarion about it, he was glad he refused the offer without questioning him.
"Of course I did," said Gale. "The final word on the matter should be yours, and no one else's."
"Not many would think like that, especially having something to gain from it." He paused, lowering his voice. "I want you to know how much I appreciate it."
Gale simply observed him for a while. He brought his hand to Astarion's face, lightly touching his hair.
"Listen…" said Gale in a soft voice. "You don't have to follow anyone's orders anymore. You are free now."
Astarion smiled bitterly. "For how long?"
His low words weighed in Gale's chest. Astarion didn't usually talk about his worries, but that didn't mean they didn't haunt him. And with reason: freedom was everything for Astarion, and Gale would hate to see it being taken from him again.
"We will find a way to free you from Cazador for good," he said. "And even if he tries to come for you, he won't find you alone."
His words earned him a slight smile. "When you say it like that, I can't help but believe it."
Astarion lifted his hand from Gale's chest, touching his cheek. Gale covered Astarion's hand with his, then brought it to his lips, giving it a light kiss. Astarion's expression softened.
"You are too sweet sometimes," he said. "I… don't always know how to respond."
"Anyway you want," said Gale. "There is no need to overthink it."
"This is not as easy as it sounds." Astarion lowered his gaze. "Everything I did until now was with the intention of seducing you. But now, I want to…" He seemed to struggle with the words, giving up with a small laugh. "I wish I knew what it is."
"Enjoy the moment, perhaps?" Gale suggested.
"Well…" Astarion considered it for a second. "Yes."
Gale smiled at him. "Take your time, then."
"I certainly will."
Astarion returned the smile, then leaned toward Gale, giving his lips a light kiss, looking at his face.
"You're so beautiful," he murmured. "You would be perfect for me, if only your blood didn't taste so repulsive…"
Those words, said in that honeyed voice, made Gale laugh. "What a sweet thing to say…"
"I can be as sweet as you want, dearest."
Astarion reached for his face, caressing it. The hint of amusement in his smile slowly softened into something closer to fondness.
"Gale…" he whispered.
Hearing his name said in that tone sent a slight shiver down Gale's body. He was far from inexperienced, and yet, something in the way things were progressing between them felt new to him. Not in an unpleasant way… But it still made him nervous, unsure of what to expect.
Maybe the same could be said about Astarion. For someone who acted with so much boldness at first, his touches now felt much more careful, somewhat tentative. Gale found himself enjoying that change, responding in a similar manner, allowing things to move in a rhythm that felt right for them.
It was curious how a relationship that started so exclusively physical was suddenly changing its shape to something different. Not devoid of its sensuality, but… There was now a sweetness to it that was almost too much for him to handle. He hadn't experienced something like that before. Not even with Mystra.
No, he didn't want to think about her. It felt wrong to, when he had someone so precious to him in his arms. Instead, he closed his eyes, feeling Astarion's cold hands caress his skin, his lips meeting Gale's in a slow, soft kiss. Astarion rested his face on the curve of Gale's neck, his body relaxing in his embrace.
"I quite like this," said Astarion. "Just this."
Gale smiled, bringing his hand to the nape of Astarion's neck. "Me too."
They stayed like that for some time, and Gale was starting to feel sleepy again when Astarion's voice called his attention.
"Does it bother you that I might not be what you first thought I was?"
"What do you mean?"
"That I might not…" Astarion stopped, rephrasing his words. "That I might want to take things slowly at times."
It took Gale a moment to understand what he meant. Maybe Astarion took his silence for something else, since he quickly continued.
"Don't get me wrong, I do enjoy having sex with you. Quite a lot, actually. But I…" He hesitated. "I didn't think about it until recently, but there are things that still bother me. Even when I'm enjoying myself, I have certain thoughts and instincts I don't want to have, and…"
He stopped talking, gesturing as he struggled to explain it.
"Slow down." Gale reached for his hand, holding it. "What thoughts are you talking about?"
"I keep considering what's the right thing to say, or how I should touch you to make you want me, and lower your guard so I can…" He searched for the right word, then lightly shrugged. "Use you, I suppose. And keep you from wanting to harm me. I know I shouldn't, but I can't stop it. And I hate it." He let out a small, nervous laugh. "I don't know if I can separate what I want from what I always did as Cazador's spawn. And I thought it didn't matter at first, as long as it was you, but… Because it is you, I can't ignore it." He paused, lowering his gaze. "And I don't want to hide this from you anymore."
Astarion's words came out like a torrent, as if the barrier keeping his feelings inside had finally collapsed. Gale took a moment to take those words in.
"If you're afraid I will somehow hold this against you, you don't need to be," he said.
Astarion forced a smile. "Oh, I know you won't… You are too nice for that, my dear." He paused, lowering his voice. "But I can't allow Cazador to ruin this. I want to enjoy it… Truly enjoy it. And I want it to be good for you too. But as things are… I keep fearing it will end badly, somehow."
Gale considered his words for a moment. "Is this when it comes to sex, or everything?"
"I…" Astarion gave it some thought. "I don't know. Maybe it is about sex? All the rest is new to me, so I can't tell for sure."
"I see." Gale lightly squeezed his hand. "I know that was how things started between us. But that's not why I'm with you now. If you tell me you don't want us to sleep together again, I would still want to be with you."
Astarion dismissed the idea with a shake of his head and a small laugh. "That's certainly not the case. But now that you know the truth, I don't want to go back to how things used to be."
"I doubt they will. I wish I could offer you something more concrete than words of reassurance. But know that you can tell me anything. And if I can help in any way, I will."
"Your willingness to help others will still get you into trouble." Astarion looked into his eyes. "But thank you. All this would be much harder without you."
Gale offered him a smile. "Just lean on me, then. Whenever you need to."
"I might get used to it." Astarion returned the smile, only to soon avert his gaze. "I just don't know how to do any of this, to be honest. I thought I did but, well… just look at me now."
"I'm afraid I'm not any better…" Gale admitted. "I've only ever known one kind of love, and look where it got me."
"A fair point." Astarion showed a half-grin. "No dealing with forbidden magic for my sake, if you don't mind."
"No, I completely agree. One unwanted orb is more than enough." He paused, allowing his playful tone to change into a more sincere one. "We could just take one step at a time."
"Sounds awfully slow," said Astarion. "But not bad."
"How rare for you to agree with me."
"Enjoy it before I change my mind."
As a response, Gale wrapped his arm around Astarion, who moved closer, resting his head on Gale's shoulder.
"I never realized that I have the option to… stay like this with someone," Astarion murmured. "Without a goal in mind. Just enjoying things."
"I understand," said Gale. "And I assure you, I enjoy this just as much."
Astarion simply looked at him for a while, his face relaxing into a soft smile. "You are the sweetest thing, aren't you?"
"That sounds condescending when you say it like that."
"I'm not being condescending, I'm simply enamored." He widened his smile. "And it makes me want to tease you even more when you react so adorably."
Gale grunted in fake displeasure, which seemed to amuse Astarion. He raised his head slightly, to place a brief kiss on Gale's lips, and another on his face, before resting his head on his chest.
"I don't think you understand how much this means to me," he said.
Gale could say the same thing to him. He only realized how deeply immersed in his dark thoughts he had been once he slowly found his way back to the surface, thanks to Astarion and their companions. If he was alone, maybe he would have already given up — Gods knew how often the option of dying alone had haunted his mind.
But now, he was getting once again used to the feeling of joy. Not just the habitual cheerful facade, but something real — not the bittersweet memories of things long gone, but something he could look forward to. Something that made his uncertain future seem so much brighter than before.
However, he wouldn't know how to translate all those feelings into words, so he simply held Astarion close for that entire night.