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"When's the cultural festival? In your university, I mean," Noguchi-san asked suddenly from his table.
Hira, surprised at the question, sitting by his desk, looking over the photos taken by Noguchi-san earlier, tilted his head and unintelligently said, “huh?”
“Well, your club president sent an email about it. Asking if I can do a short talk seminar and be a commentator for a small event in your club,” Noguchi-san explained without taking his eyes away from his screen.
Right. Their club had a meeting about that a week ago. Hira was busy thinking about how he would adapt the theme for the said event so he forgot to ask Noguchi-san about it. Koyama asked as a favor since Hira’s always in Noguchi-san’s studio. He'll have to apologize to Koyama for that. He’s working hard, doing his internship and studying while still being their club’s president.
“Yes, I was supposed to ask you about that but I forgot,” Hira admitted.
“Let me guess. You’ve been thinking too much about what to photograph for this event, huh?” Without waiting for Hira’s answer, he cheekily continued, “I understand then. That’s very much like you.”
“The theme our club agreed on was hard to begin with. Please let me off the hook this once.”
Noguchi-san only chuckled. “Sure, sure. Well, I’m gonna reply and agree with this then. Let him know when you see each other.”
“I will. Thank you.”
–
Low light photography was what their club decided for the theme of their pieces to be displayed in their small exhibition for the cultural festival. It was doable in the given timeframe for the festival while considering their personal schedules for work and studies but is equally hard when picking how to take it. It’s easy to just take a sunset or streetlight photo a few times before deciding which ones are the best among those but all members of their club have pride in their works. Hira’s sure the other members are also brainstorming so hard on how they’ll take a low light photograph.
“Hira, I’m home.”
He had some ideas he thought of, too many ideas to be honest, given that his muse is so generous in inspiring him. He’ll need to check if his camera can handle the setting he wanted it to be before talking and asking Kiyoi’s permission to take his photo for their exhibit.
“Hira?”
Scribbling on a paper his plans and a rough estimation of time for him to execute the plan, Hira saw that he’ll still have plenty of time left. Maybe some editing or retakes could happen. It’s best to have some time allowance in this kind of project. He does take pride in the photos he takes.
“Hira,” a gentle hand cupped his cheek and in front of him was his muse – haloed with the light and smiling so kindly at him. “I’m home,” Kiyoi said as he leaned in and gifted Hira a kiss.
To which Hira gratefully responded. He deepened the kiss, hands on Kiyoi’s neck and cheek to pull him nearer than before. Better give thanks to his muse who’d inspired him.
“What made you so happy like this?” Kiyoi asked. They end up tangled on the floor and he’s perfectly comfortable in his place on top of Hira.
“I know what I’ll be photographing for our exhibit.”
“That’s nice. You were having a hard time thinking about it, right?”
It’s true. Kiyoi witnessed how hard Hira thought of what kind of low light photo he should take. He saw how frustrated Hira was when it’s almost a week before their club deadline and he still didn't have any idea what to do.
“It’s all thanks to you, Kiyoi.” Hira placed one last kiss on Kiyoi’s lips. “My muse.”
–
Checking that his camera can handle the settings he wanted for the picture, Hira ventured downstairs to ask Kiyoi to be his model. While he didn’t really have to ask permission, – taking pictures of Kiyoi in their home was as natural as breathing at this point in their relationship – the photo would be displayed in an exhibit, to be seen by other people, and Hira needed to know if Kiyoi was comfortable with that. It’s one thing for Kiyoi’s photos to be taken for a magazine or an advertisement by a professional photographer and it’s another for Kiyoi’s photo to be taken as a part of an undergraduate exhibit for a cultural festival by an amateur photographer like Hira.
Entering the living room, Hira found Kiyoi sitting on the rocking chair reading and practicing his scripts for tomorrow’s filming. He approached Kiyoi and sat criss-cross on the floor in front of him, arms resting on Kiyoi’s lap.
Kiyoi patted his head before continuing to practice his line, murmuring it repeatedly before saying it out loud with intonations.
Hira’s not afraid that Kiyoi won’t agree, per se, now that he has a specific visual of the photo he wants. If Kiyoi wouldn't agree, he could find a different model. Well, he doesn’t want to, of course, but he wouldn’t be back to zero if that’d be the case. He can tweak some elements in the visual he had in mind so there’d be no need for a person in the photo.
Still, he can’t help but wish Kiyoi would agree. Kiyoi would be perfect in the photo with how Hira visualized it in his mind. Hira can almost see the result: Kiyoi, mid-walk in the garden, wearing his comfiest home clothes – the faded blue hoodie along with his black hanten and his patterned pajama – his script book in hand as he memorized his lines. His face and figure would be slightly obscured by the lack of light in their yard except for the brush of light coming from the dim lamp post by the street. The faint yellow lights from it would define Kiyoi’s silhouette. The faded blue and black in Kiyoi’s clothes as well as the greens and oranges from the osmanthus tree would overlap nicely with the lights from the lamp post.
“Something on your mind?” Kiyoi broke Hira’s train of thought. “You’ve been staring a lot longer. Longer than usual, I mean. And without your camera in your hands, too.” He closed the script book, placed it on his lap while his hands went to brush Hira’s hair – giving his attention fully to Hira
“Can I take your photo?”
Kiyoi makes a confused face, probably wondering why Hira was asking permission. After a second of pause, contemplating, he asks, “For what?”
“For our club’s exhibit.” Hira doesn’t know why he’s so nervous waiting for Kiyoi’s answer. It’s okay. It’s going to be okay. He already made plan B’s and C’s for when Kiyoi’s answer is negative. “I figured I’ll ask you first before asking for your company’s approval because I didn’t want to assume you’ll say yes. Ah! I could just say that I got to have you as my model through Noguchi-san. He was in charge of Anna’s photobook and you worked with Anna. It’ll make sense, I thought.”
Out of nervousness and shyness for rambling like that, Hira buried his face in Kiyoi’s lap.
“Are you worried I’ll say no?” Kiyoi didn’t stop brushing and playing with Hira’s hair and it’s calming Hira down.
Now that he’s asked Kiyoi, Hira realized that he is worried, maybe actually afraid, that Kiyoi would say no. Because if he said no, if he didn't want Hira to photograph him and for that photo to be displayed, it would only pull back the thoughts that Hira had long buried. Hira faced Kiyoi. “Taking photos of you for me to see alone and taking a photo of you to be seen by others in school are different.”
“No.” Kiyoi shook his head. “You didn’t answer the question. Are you worried I’ll say no?”
Kiyoi patiently waited for him to answer. His king and muse is benevolent like that. He nodded. “Yes.”
“Why?”
Right. Words. Hira needed to use words and tell them actually to Kiyoi and not just conversing with himself within the cage of his mind. “If you say no,” he started. “That’d mean I’m not worthy to take your photo. That’d mean the photos I take of you are not qualified to be seen by others by your standards. That’d mean I will never be able to work on the same stage with you. That’d mean breaking my promise to you.”
Kiyoi suddenly leaned in, their foreheads touching. “I love you.”
Replying was as natural as breathing. “I love you too.”
“Haven’t I told you before? I like your photos,” Kiyoi continued. “Your photos capture me the best. And didn’t you tell me before that you’ll take photos of me more beautiful than anyone?”
Just like a slap in the face or a cold water being poured on him, Hira woke up from a dream full of worries and doubts.
Kiyoi said that to him – in his adorably drunken state, Hira might importantly add.
He did say that to Kiyoi, eyes filled with determination with his hands in his camera.
“I want you to take my photo for your exhibit,” Kiyoi said, absolute and with no room for excuses, with a wide smile.
–
The photos turned out exactly like how it was drawn in Hira’s mind. The moonlight worked in their favor along with the dim lamp post and helped the overall feeling of the photo be more alive.
Hira can’t help his smile as he looks at the photos he took earlier on his laptop. There’s so many, shot by shot, so many to choose from. It came to the point where Hira had a hard time in letting go of the photo that is suited for the exhibit. There’s also the feeling of possessiveness – wanting to have Kiyoi’s beauty all to himself – and guilt.
Still, Hira’s proud and happy of the results.The negative feelings aren't winning over how pleased he is with the photos.
Having his photo taken by Hira, knowing that it’s for their club’s exhibit, isn’t any different from all the times Hira has his photos taken before.
In fact, Kiyoi was more relaxed compared to every photoshoot he had for his career. It’s just different, knowing and trusting that Hira would capture his most beautiful sides and expressions. He’ll never forget his manager and the company’s president noticing how different his aura was when Hira’s the one taking photos of him.
Kiyoi didn’t know how long it took for Hira to be content with the numerous photos he took. He just told Kiyoi to do what he’d do whenever he’s learning new lines: walk and move around the garden in his home clothes as he sways and practice movements that go with the lines. It might also be because he got too focused on memorizing his lines that he didn’t notice Hira telling him that they’re done.
He entered the house and there’s Hira in the living room by the sofa, laptop on the table and staring at it with laser focus.
“Good?” Kiyoi sat beside him, leaning his head on Hira’s shoulder and watching as Hira clicked left and right to look at the photos more closely.
It didn’t bother Kiyoi didn’t he receive any response. He knows how Hira is whenever he got too intense when it comes to photography.
The moon was far above the sky and the night’s getting deeper. Kiyoi stayed like that, his head on Hira’s shoulder as sleep slowly got to him.
–
“Cut!” the director cued and every staff member erupted with “thank you for your hard work!”
Kiyoi was immediately wrapped with a padding jacket by his manager. The filming for the day was done with that final shot. Kiyoi just needs to greet the directors, producers and staff goodbye before he can go home.
His manager, Suga-san, leads him to his waiting room and there waits Yamagata-san, the company president, Noguchi-san and Hira.
“Ah, Kiyoi! Good timing. Come here,” Yamagata-san motioned for Kiyoi to stand beside him.
Confused, Kiyoi goes beside the president. In front of him are Hira and Noguchi-san.
Noguchi-san nudged Hira. “Go on.”
“Oh! Uhm.” Hira looked at the president and then to Kiyoi. “I-I-I-”
It’s been a long while since Hira stuttered like this and Kiyoi wants to comfort him. So he did. Everyone in the room knows they are together and dating anyway. He reached across and held Hira’s hand.
Hira’s gaze immediately fixed on him for a few seconds. Kiyoi felt Hira squeeze his hand before he looked at the president.
“I would like to ask permission to display one of Kiyoi’s photos that I took for our club’s exhibit for our cultural festival.” Hira bowed ninety-degrees, hands firmly planted on his side.
Oh.
Kiyoi stared at Hira then looked at the president. President Yamagata knew himself that Kiyoi doesn’t do anything he doesn’t like and based on the way Hira asked, it was implied that the photo was already taken, so Kiyoi’s confident that the president would agree to it.
“It’s the same event, the reason I had to reschedule Anna and Kiriya’s photoshoot,” Noguchi-san helped. “Their club president asked me to hold a small talk seminar for the visitors of the exhibit. Been a while since I did that kind of thing, huh?”
“Hm, well if Noguchi vouches for the event I suppose it wouldn’t hurt Kiyoi’s image," the president said and Hira straightened up at the president’s words. “But I still need to see the photo just to be sure.”
Kiyoi could see the slowly glowing shine in Hira’s eyes. He chuckled inwardly.
“Of course!” Hira immediately pulled something out from his tote bag. It’s a framed picture, possibly the photo he picked to be displayed.
Hira passed the framed photo facing downwards to Yamagata-san and as the president flipped it over, Hira pulled Kiyoi aside. “You can’t, Kiyoi!”
“Ha?” This is absurd. “Why can’t I look at it?” Kiyoi’s looked through Hira’s collection of his photos from highschool until the latest one he printed. The large rectangular tin can sat prettily on their living room table and Kiyoi would sometimes open and look at those photos. (Mostly, he’s looking at the numbered photos of Hira that he himself took using Hira’s camera).
Kiyoi tried to maneuver Hira’s hold on him but was unsuccessful.
“Hm, this is okay,” Yamagata-san said. “Sure, you can display this.”
Hira immediately let go of Kiyoi to bow to the president in gratitude before taking the framed photo and putting it inside his bag again.
Kiyoi promised to himself to empty his schedule on the day of the exhibit to go and see which of the seemingly hundred pictures Hira took of him that night had been the final choice.
–
Upon coordinating with his manager, Kiyoi was able to clear his schedule on the date the exhibit will be held. It was easy considering the exhibit was on a weekend and the filming for his recent drama just finished two days ago while the stage play he’ll star on won’t start until next week. In between those two, his schedules were mostly for magazine photoshoot and interviews as well as variety guestings to promote the drama series.
The cultural festival was open to all so it saved Kiyoi some worries about having to remove his cap and mask when entering. He went with casual wear but still presentable, he is a celebrity after all.
Kiyoi picked up a brochure from the information desk near the school building’s entrance. Hira knew that Kiyoi would go to their club’s exhibit but doesn’t know what time. Kiyoi figured he’ll take this chance to roam around the school and check some classrooms’ events.
He is a university student but given that the whole university knew that he’s Kiyoi Sou, it’s hard to even try to get along with his peers. It’s also hard to participate in school wide activities due to his unsteady schedule.
It’s a lot like highschool cultural festivals but there’s also some difference. The ideas were unique and the quality of results were surely on another level. The cultural festivals in highschool went by in a blink of an eye. Kiyoi neither enjoyed nor disliked it, it’s just something that needed to happen once in a school year. But seeing how cheerful and energetic the university students were in organizing and catering to their own customers, Kiyoi thought that maybe he should have actively participated back in highschool.
An hour went by as he roamed around and bought some light snacks. He should ask Hira to go back to the ones he hasn't checked yet after their event. He checked the brochure again and followed the instructions to go where the Photography Club’s exhibit is located.
–
Kiyoi found the exhibit quickly and presented his ticket that Hira gave him the night before to the member, Sawazaki, manning the entrance. He explained that the talk seminar by Noguchi Hiromi will be held at a different venue in the afternoon and some common reminders to not touch or take pictures of anything that were displayed. He also mentioned that some of the works are available for purchase and to approach the members standing by if interested.
Kiyoi felt that Sawazaki might have noticed he’s Kiyoi Sou standing in front of him but didn’t say anything.
The photos displayed were all amazing and Kiyoi took some time in looking at the ones that piqued his interests. It took some time before he’s face to face with the picture that Hira took. His picture. The garden, with the osmanthus tree behind him, never looked this different than staring at it while sitting at the rocking chair that somehow became his unspoken throne. It’s him, standing in front of it, staring at himself, realizing that his home clothes make him look gentle. It’s noticing that his and Hira’s home clothes were pairing: him with his black hanten over a faded blue hoodie and Hira’s blue hanten over a white shirt as well as their patterned pajama bottoms.
Hira really does capture the best of him. The photo was taken mid-turn, him looking down at his script, his hair and the dim light from the lamp post obscured his face. Even knowing that it’s him in the photo, Kiyoi can’t help thinking how soft and comfortable the photo looked. It's taken in the middle of an action which made it more casual and natural instead of a rehearsed pose he’d done a hundred times in front of the camera for magazines and poster shoots. Him wearing his everyday clothes was a distinct detail that made him more relaxed when taking the photo. It’s the reminder that he’s at home, gentle winds and the scent of osmanthus filling him instead of the bustling studios and locations he works at. It’s the reminder that Hira’s the one behind the camera, not a reputable photographer that had pages worth of lists for the celebrities they worked with.
It’s simply different knowing that it’s his lover, his safe place, his Hira that’s taking his photo.
“Kiyoi?” a voice murmured beside him.
Out of panic, Kiyoi looked at who it was. “Huh?” Maybe the mask and bucket hat he’s wearing wasn’t enough as a cover? Ah, right. He lowered his mask a while ago since there’s no one in the aisle but him. What a rookie mistake.
The woman looked at him and her eyes widened. “Kiyoi.”
Kiyoi shushed the woman, a student in Hira’s university based on the ID lace she’s wearing, and hoped she’s one of the good fans. Kiyoi’s fans are good ones, always respecting his privacy and the lines he’d drawn. They were the ones who stood by him when some third-rate magazine revealed that he’s gay even after he said that it was true. He couldn’t thank them enough for that.
But there will always be some bad apples. And Kiyoi hoped the woman in front of her wasn't one of those.
The woman hurriedly covered her mouth and looked around, also in panic. Good. She’s one of the good ones.
“I’m sorry,” she hurriedly bowed. “A friend of mine said this person in the photo looked like you and he knows I’m a fan of yours, so I had to take a look,” she explained before bowing in apology again.
“No, no. It’s okay. I also came here to look at the photo.” Kiyoi smiled kindly, relieved that he met a decent fan.
“It is you then?” There’s a genuine excitement in the woman’s eyes.
Kiyoi thought it wouldn’t hurt to tell her, in an unspoken exchange. “If I say yes, will you not tell anyone I’m here?” but he had to make sure.
The woman looked offended by the idea of leaking Kiyoi’s whereabouts. “Of course I won’t tell anyone.” She waved her hands no.
“Alright then.” Kiyoi chuckled. “Yes, I’m the one in the picture.”
The woman smiled widely before bowing abruptly. “Thank you! Enjoy our cultural festival. I’m looking forward to your new drama,” and then she’s gone.
Hira watched Kiyoi stare at the photo. Steady and silently observing, just like what he’d been doing in highschool. It’s a familiar motion, eyes naturally going to Kiyoi’s direction but the difference now is he can approach Kiyoi. He did as much and Kiyoi looked at him for a second before staring back at the photo.
Hira’s uncharacteristically nervous. Well, he was always nervous but this one’s different. It’s not rare for Kiyoi to look at the photos of him that Hira took. The rectangular tin box can be easily opened from their living room and Hira had seen Kiyoi look through it several times. What’s rare was that this photo was the first time Hira took his time and really thought about how to capture Kiyoi in a certain way that’ll stick close to the exhibit’s theme but still uplifting his beauty all the same.
It’s also not rare for Kiyoi to simply point out which of those pics from the tin box he liked. He’d flip over a picture or two before showing one to Hira saying, “I like this.” Kiyoi is not selfish when it comes to honest compliments.
But it’s been a few minutes or so and Kiyoi hasn't said a word yet. Hira started to play with his hands, not knowing where to release the nervousness he had inside him.
“ Photo by Hira Kazunari .” Kiyoi pointed to the small title box beneath the photo and Hira finally noticed the smile in Kiyoi’s lips. “Same stage?” Kiyoi tilted his head towards him.
It’s customary, having the title of the photo and the photographer to be written beneath the photo but Hira knew it meant something deeper for them both. It’s a promise, a vow, a dream and goal waiting to be fulfilled.
“Not yet,” he answered because Hira will make sure to achieve what he promised to Kiyoi. Be a professional photographer, get the Nomura Ihei Photography Award, take Kiyoi Sou’s photos with the same status in the same stage and field. He will make Kiyoi proud of him.
Kiyoi adorably scrunched his nose and pouted, there’s also a slight sheen of blush spreading in his cheeks. A tell of Kiyoi that he’s being shy but he met Hira’s gaze and said, “I’ll be waiting then.”
And it’s another promise. It won’t be easy, Hira knows, but as long as Kiyoi won’t leave him, won’t stop believing in him, then he’ll work so hard to fulfill it.