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Manipulative.
Fucking.
Traitor!
After all these years, Danny had proven herself to be just like her.
Lydia had been so hopeful in the weeks leading up to the costume ball. Danny seemed to finally be shedding her cold and hardened exterior around Ileana. She seemed to be opening up to someone that was Lydia or… her. Ileana seemed much happier, a lot less on edge, and her positive energy was infectious, giving everyone in the house a much needed lighthearted feeling. Lydia had been so incredibly happy that the two of the women she loved most had found friendship in each other. She had so many hopes for them, for all of them.
She hadn’t had a single panic attack since Ileana told her and Rudolph about the ball. Rudolph was so hopeful that his mother would finally mend things with him. Elliot and Ellison were getting used to her presence and vice versa, and funnily enough Lydia began to pick up a few German phrases from listening to them talk animatedly amongst themselves. Even her father was slightly less cold than usual, though that wasn’t exactly saying much.
But then poor Ileana came down the stairs dressed as her. To make matters worse, Lydia had accused Ileana of deliberately betraying her, betraying all of them. She hadn’t yelled like Father had done, she hadn’t even said it out loud to anyone except Rudolph, but the thought was there and that’s what mattered.
It was Rudolph who voiced the theory that the real traitor was Danny all along. God, Lydia had been so stupid. So fucking stupid to think Danny actually gave a shit about anyone who isn’t her or her.
No, just her. Danny had to have known that setting Ileana up the way she did would also hurt Lydia. She had to have known. She knew! At the very least she knew that sudden reminders of Rebecca made Lydia uncomfortable, but she did it anyway.
Selfish little bitch. Ileana was the one set up, not her. Lydia cursed herself for trying to make this about her. This wasn’t about her.
She’s been dead for six years.
Get over it.
Get on with it.
What she did wasn’t even that bad.
Lord, now I sound just like Father.
Lydia wanted to scream. She wanted Rebecca to appear so she could throttle her in front of everyone so that her family and all the guests could watch her claim some sort of control over her life. She wanted to finally tell Rebecca how much of an emotionally abusive monster she was. This time she wouldn’t cower. Everyone would know that Rebecca de Winter wasn’t the perfect woman she made everyone believe her to be. They wouldn’t be able to forget her smile either.
The darkest part of Lydia wanted to bring her back to life just so she could kill her and wipe that smile off her face.
Come for me!
Come out and face me!
For once, I’m giving you permission!
Look into the eyes of every single person you’ve hurt!
Look into my fucking eyes and tell me that you love me now!
We both know it’s bullshit!
Your facade is bullshit!
So is mine!
Please, my god!
You know my fear.
How can she still be here?
And yet, she restrained herself because as much as she yearned to emerge triumphantly over shadows past, she couldn’t bring herself to actually hurt anyone. Not even her tormentor. She swore she’d never again do what she’d done to Rudolph all those months ago. She needed to conquer Rebecca’s shadow, but not like that. Never like that. Never again.
She wasn’t a monster. She hadn’t lost her mind yet. And so, with Rudolph’s help, she returned to the ballroom. Remarkably, no one outside the family, which included Rudolph, seemed to think much of her troubled state. Or if they did, they had enough tact not to speak of it to her. Lydia resolved to distract herself from the Caroline de Winter incident for the rest of the night. She’d speak to Danny about it tomorrow and hope to god that she’d feel less angry and betrayed when she did.
Lydia’s mind was thankfully directed elsewhere when Rudolph pointed out Clarice and Alice standing off to the side in an embrace to her. The latter was comforting the former, leaving quick kisses on her forehead. Clarice seemed to slowly relax at this display of affection from Alice. Lydia was just a little bit jealous, but in the end she was glad Clarice had Alice to turn to.
As if Rudolph had developed the ability to read minds, he smiled and said “I’m glad they’re such good friends”
Lydia took one last look at the pair of maids. Alice seemed to notice, for she stuck her tongue out in her direction before going right back to talking with Clarice. Lydia then turned back to Rudolph, a knowing look on her face. “Good friends, you say?” She asked in a slightly teasing tone.
Rudolph nodded, his expression completely earnest. “Yeah, sort of like…” He stopped himself from finishing, as though he had recalled a painful memory.
Lydia couldn’t be sure exactly what Rudolph was going to say, but her mind had immediately gone to her and Danny. Those two had certainly been more than very good friends, Lydia knew that for a fact, but she had promised herself not to think of either of them. With that in mind, she finished Rudolph’s thought with “like…Frank and my father?”
She noticed Rudolph’s eyes had widened a little at her words. Lydia knew that Frank’s crush was most likely unrequited, for if her father even noticed the way Frank blushed when he spoke his name and sometimes allowed a friendly handshake or pat on the shoulder to linger just a second longer than normal, he definitely didn’t show it. Plus Lydia was certain that Maxim de Winter was the furthest thing from queer. But then again, Aunt Bea and Uncle Giles were both queer and hid that fact from prying eyes. Lydia’s cousin Roger was living proof of that, though that’s not to say that his parents didn’t love him dearly, for they most definitely did.
“Frank and Mr. de Winter?” Rudolph asked, still not getting the hint. “Oh, you’re right, they’re good friends too”
Lydia chuckled, hoping just a little Rudolph would stay this adorably naive in the ways of romance forever. “Yes, but enough about them. I’m going to grab some champagne, want some?” She asked her friend.
Rudolph shook his head. “I’ll have to pass, Mother may kill me if she catches me drinking”
Lydia pressed her hand against her forehead and sighed. “God what’s come over me? That was a terrible idea” Sometimes she forgets that Rudolph is only thirteen. Danny certainly wouldn’t approve of her son indulging in alcohol.
Danny. Danny and Rebecca. Ileana. Caroline de Winter. That cunning malicious plot.
Just when she thought she’d finally been able to stop thinking about that.
“I’ll be right back” Lydia said before any potential signs of unease could be noticed on her face.
With a glass of champagne in hand, Lydia started to make her way back to Rudolph, but ended up being stopped by Roger instead. Her cousin looked at her with a giddy smile on his face, which gave way to a look of confusion.
“Alright Lyds? You look like death” Roger remarked, grabbing a glass of champagne for himself.
Lydia tried so hard not to roll her eyes. She and Roger had always gotten along well considering their personalities had always been vastly different, but he certainly inherited Aunt Bea’s lack of filter. Most of the time she welcomed that because it made her laugh, but tonight was an exception to say the least. “I know,” She sighed, not elaborating in the slightest.
Roger had seen what happened, for he had been standing with the rest of the family when Ileana descended the stairs. Though between Lydia, Roger, and Rudolph, Roger had been the only one to be confused as to what the problem with Ileana’s costume was. She envied her cousin in that regard. He was ignorant of Rebecca’s true nature, for Lydia never spoke a word about it to anyone outside Rudolph, Danny, her father, and now Ileana. He also hadn’t been at the last ball to see Rebecca in the Caroline de Winter costume, for his parents didn’t think it wise to bring him to a party full of drunk adults. Lydia and Rudolph had only been there because they lived at Manderley, as was the case with Elliot and Ellison now, though Lydia had seen Aunt Bea bringing them upstairs to sleep a few moments ago.
“But enough about that. That shit eating grin tells me you wanted to talk, so…let’s talk” Lydia added, putting on her calm and collected facade to spare her cousin from worry. She even chuckled a bit for good measure, though that was mostly genuine considering said grin had returned to Roger’s face.
Roger slowly sipped his champagne. “You know, sometimes I hate that you’re able to see right through me” He said, slapping Lydia on the back.
“It’s not really that hard considering you’re an open book” Lydia smirked. If she weren’t so desperate to forget about earlier, she would’ve remarked that Roger was just like Aunt Bea in that regard, but considering she wasn’t in the mood for being likened to her own parents she decided against it. After all, one shouldn’t dish what one can’t handle themselves.
Roger shrugged his shoulders. “I guess you got me there, Lyds. But anyway, where’s Rudolph gone off to?” He asked, blushing profusely.
“He’s in the ballroom, I was just on my way back to him” Lydia was about to ask what Roger wanted to talk to Rudolph about, but her cousin told her before she could.
“I’ve been wanting to ask him to dance the whole night, but he disappeared after…that whole mess”
Lydia knew that was partially her fault since Rudolph had been in the bathroom with her for a while as they talked through her panic attack.
Shut up.
You’re not supposed to think about it.
Not now.
“Well you could always go do it now, I’ll stay here for a bit to give you two some privacy” Lydia said after finishing the last of her champagne, mostly as a means of covering for her brief lapse in composure.
Roger beamed. “Really? Thanks, Lydia, you’re the best” He said with a laugh.
Lydia couldn’t help but laugh a bit herself. “No problem, Roger. And good luck, but I’m sure he’ll say yes” She gently nudged her cousin forward and he immediately darted off in search of Rudolph.
The rest of the night passed without much incident. Lydia danced a little, once with Roger because he’d chickened out of asking Rudolph, once with the son of some Lord or other whose name escaped Lydia’s memory, and perhaps the best one of all with Clarice. Or more accurately with Clarice and Alice, the three of them alternating partners amongst themselves. Though it was a bit obvious to Lydia that the elder two seemed to have eyes only for each other, and Alice let her know by sending mocking expressions her way when Clarice wasn’t looking. She didn’t mind this, in fact she thought the two maids’ more-than-friendship was cute.
The morning after the ball, Lydia found Rudolph standing in the morning room with a confused and shocked look on his face. It looked like her friend had been crying too. She had a feeling she knew why, and so she asked “Did you…talk to her?”
“Mhm” Rudolph nodded, looking down at the floor for a moment. “It…didn’t go well”
Lydia didn’t ask him to elaborate on that. She had a feeling that Danny would respond to Rudolph with the usual coldness she displayed towards him, especially considering her now indisputable hatred towards Ileana and the fact that Rudolph took Ileana’s side in the matter. “I know she’s been so cold to you for god only knows how long, and it was obvious how jealous she is of Ileana, but this whole charade…it’s low even for her” She sighed, no longer as angry as she had been last night. All she felt now was a desire to comfort her friend.
Rudolph sighed as well. “She told me she did it because she wanted to…see her again” As he explained Danny’s reasons for setting Ileana up, he sounded almost defeated with a slight tinge of anger.
Lydia felt like she wanted to bash her head against a wall upon hearing that. “Oh god help us…” She started lightly scratching her hand on instinct. Danny had found it necessary to try and force another into becoming her new Rebecca and Ileana had paid the price for it. Ileana, who had been nothing but kind and friendly towards Danny since her arrival at Manderley. Ileana, whose only crime was marrying a man who didn’t deserve her. Lydia wasn’t going to let that stand.
It was clear to her that Rudolph felt the exact same way. “Just now was…the first time I ever stood up to her. I told her she isn’t my mother, and it felt…a little satisfying”
Lydia could tell from the way Rudolph’s voice wavered that he didn’t feel very satisfied. Nonetheless, she was proud of him, despite the realization that Rudolph didn’t feel like Danny’s son only fully hitting her now. If she had an ounce of the courage her friend did, she’d have told Rebecca the same thing years ago, whether that be while she still lived or during one of her episodes. “That must have been so hard to say, but for what it’s worth I’m proud of you for telling her how you felt” She took his hand and squeezed it, just to give him a little comfort in case he had any regrets about his talk with Danny.
“Will you?” Rudolph asked.
Lydia nodded in response. She didn’t want to hurt Danny by shattering her illusion further, but she knew it was something that needed to be done, just as Rudolph had done what he needed to. “I’ve been planning to since last night. The only reason I haven’t by now is because I didn’t want to risk another…well, you know what happened between us. I was already on edge that day and I couldn’t make that mistake again” They didn’t often speak of the night Lydia attacked Rudolph since it happened, but when they did it always ended up creating a bit of an awkward silence.
“Lydia, it’s been months since then. Besides, you didn’t attack anyone last night, I think you’ll be ok” Rudolph said, that last sentence an attempt at dark humor.
“Hmm, maybe you’re right,” Lydia replied. “Is she in her room right now?”
Rudolph shook his head. “No, she went up to Rebecca’s room right after we talked. She looked frightened before she went. There was someone else in there and I think something’s wrong” He explained, his confused expression from earlier returning to his face, as if he was trying to figure out what could be wrong.
Lydia too wondered what was wrong. It wasn’t normal for Danny to look visibly frightened by anything, or at least anything that didn’t have anything to do with Rebecca. Even more strange was that someone other than Danny had gone into Rebecca’s room. No one set foot anywhere near it since the night she drowned. However, it seemed Rudolph didn’t know much more about it than what he had told her, so she didn’t see any point in asking him. Perhaps she could ask Danny when she goes to talk to her. “Oh, I see. Hopefully everything’s alright” She said, deciding she’d give whatever happened some time to settle before she sought Danny out.
Some time late that afternoon, Lydia decided she couldn’t wait any longer. She headed to the housekeeper’s parlor, where she knew Danny would be, and knocked on the door. “Danny, are you in there? Can we talk?” She asked.
Danny opened the door without a word. She looked quite frazzled, as if she, like Rudolph, had been crying. Her face betrayed her nerves, as if she was a bit worried that Lydia would yell at her. Lydia had a feeling that was due to her and Rudolph’s confrontation this morning. Danny gestured for Lydia to enter, and shut the door behind her once the two were alone in the room.
“If this is about last night, Rudolph already bit my head off,” Danny said, though there was no trace of anger at the mention of Rudolph like Lydia had been expecting somewhat.
“I’m not here to yell at you. I just…Rudolph told me why you did it, and…I-I just wish you would stop” Lydia’s voice cracked a bit as she spoke. For a moment she wondered if she had started this off too harshly.
Danny sank down into her chair. “Stop what?” She asked, though from the look on her face, she seemed to already know the answer.
Lydia let out a long and deep sigh. “I’m sure Rudolph already told you how cruel that whole trick was, so I won’t waste your time by doing the same, but…Ileana can’t bring her back, and…” She paused, feeling her breath catch in her throat. She can’t have a panic attack now. She can’t.
Danny shook her head and there was a clearly regretful look in her eyes. “I know, darling. I know that…” Danny did not meet Lydia’s eyes as she spoke. She seemed to be staring off into space. “She…I found her in your mother’s room after Rudolph spoke to me. She was in a terrible state…” Danny’s voice trembled as she muttered something about Ileana almost jumping off the balcony.
“Oh my god, is she alright?” Lydia gasped, immediately going from nervous to concerned. Ileana had attempted to take her life. Had she succeeded? If she did Lydia wouldn’t know what she’d do.
She couldn’t escape her either.
She couldn’t take it anymore.
Does she blame herself for my episode last night?
Why didn’t I assure her it wasn’t her fault?
She had no idea.
She follows us all like a shadow.
She’s watching.
She’s listening.
She’s still here.
She’s gone.
Always here.
She won’t come back.
It shouldn’t have ended like this.
Please be alive!
Please don’t be dead!
Please!
“She’s quite shaken up, but she’s alright now. I took her to her room and locked all the windows” Danny said, which caused Lydia’s face to flush with relief. Danny had talked Ileana down from her attempt, and Lydia had to admit that was quite ironic.
She could only manage a relieved “Thank god” and said nothing further on the matter.
“Now, what was it you were going to say earlier?” Danny asked, turning the subject back to what Lydia had originally come to talk about.
As much as Lydia hoped to avoid her own issues now that there was a need to make sure everything was alright with Ileana, she knew that Danny wouldn’t allow it. “I mentioned that Ileana can’t bring her back, but…neither can I. Even if I could…I-I wouldn’t want to. Rebecca…she hurt me in ways no one knows about other than Rudolph and Ileana. And…Danny, I-I…I can’t be her. I-I’ve tried…I’ve seen how depressed you’ve been these past six years…a-and I’ve tried so hard to be what you all need from me. I-I can’t do this anymore, Danny. I can’t!” Lydia had spent the first ten years of her life training herself not to cry in front of others. That all unraveled since Rebecca started appearing before her shortly after her father had left for Monte Carlo and didn’t return, when she first cried in front of Rudolph. It had only gotten worse since his return with Ileana, Elliot, and Ellison, for her father, Ileana, and Danny had seen her cry.
Rebecca would have hit me for this.
She was always in command.
She acted so perfect.
So amusing.
I’ve lost my mind.
I’ve lost my fucking mind.
She’s still in control.
No, she’s gone.
You said it yourself.
“Fucking hypocrite, by all means start preaching about how I’m gone and can’t come back” Rebecca laughed, suddenly appearing near Lydia, longuing in another chair. “I’ll always come back, Lydia. Deny it until you’re blue in the face. Run as far as you want, but I’ll follow”
That smile.
Why do I still see that smile?
How do I unsee?
How do I unsee?
How do I…?
“I can’t do this anymore!” Lydia repeated, putting her head in her hands.
Rebecca was still laughing, and Lydia was sure that she was about to ask if Lydia was going to attempt again. Lydia wouldn’t, especially since that would really kill Ileana after she had just been talked down from her own. She wasn’t going to be as selfish as all that.
“That makes it even more fun. Just imagine all the ways I can make you lose your mind with you still alive” Rebecca leaned in to whisper this in her ear.
Will she ever stop reading my fucking mind?
Lydia felt a hand being placed on her shoulder. The sudden touch caused her to look up, thinking it had been Rebecca, though upon doing so Rebecca had disappeared. She realized it was Danny’s hand the whole time.
“Darling, look at me,” Danny said gently. Once Lydia did so, the housekeeper continued. “Breathe, Lydia. In and out”
Lydia attempted to match Danny’s breathing. It took a few moments, but she managed to calm down somewhat. Her body was shaking a little, but at least she had been brought back to reality.
Danny looked at her with concern written all over her face. “Are you alright? What happened?”
Danny’s question completely opened the floodgates. Lydia could no longer hide her episodes from the woman. She had just seen one for herself, and there wasn’t exactly another way of explaining it. “I…sometimes see Rebecca as if she’s still alive. I know what you’re thinking…but it’s never a comforting thing for me” She confessed.
Danny looked at her with a curious expression. “You see her?” She asked.
Lydia nodded, struggling to come up with a way to explain this in a way Danny would understand. “Anything can trigger it. If I’m in a bad enough state, just her name can cause me to relive one of my worst memories of her. Or a particular thought just…summons her. And she says things…reminds me how much of a disappointment I…she thought I was” She started to trail off a little.
Danny opened her mouth to say something, but Lydia shook her head, letting her know there was still more to tell. “Rudolph knows about these…episodes. I-I’m not at all proud of this, but…the night Ileana broke the Cupid I…I completely lost it. Rebecca hadn’t left me alone that entire day and it seemed like everything was piling up and it was too much and…god, you’re going to be so angry but…I-I attacked him”
Danny’s eyes widened when Lydia admitted to attacking her son. “Oh my…I didn’t expect that from you. That…that’s so unlike you” She seemed almost lost for words, and this was a rarity for Danny.
“I know, and it will always be my biggest regret. I…not even my father ever gets physical in his rages. To this day I still don’t know why Rudolph forgave me for it. I’ve sworn to myself that I’d never let it get that far again, and…” Lydia felt as though she was rambling too much. Before Danny could tell her to just get to the point already, Lydia sighed. “Do you remember the day you jumped down the stairs?”
Once again, Danny looked at her with wide eyes. “I remember. You were so little and I don’t think I’ll ever forget how terrified you were. You used to come to my room almost every night to make sure I was still here” She looked down as she finished speaking. “But Lydia, what does that have to do with your episodes?”
“After I attacked Rudolph, I…I tried to jump down the stairs too. I-I thought I was doing you all a favor. I didn’t want to hurt anyone again. I thought Rudolph deserved a friend who didn’t put him in danger. I didn’t want you to feel disappointed that I’m not Rebecca. Father would have been glad to see me go considering he was fine with denying my existence for years. The twins would have eventually forgotten me because I’m certain Father would never have mentioned my name to them again. And worst of all, Rebecca was there…telling me to do it and make good on my promise to…to spare you all further pain” Lydia’s voice shook once more, but no tears fell much to her relief.
Danny took Lydia’s hand in hers. “And yet, here you stand just as I did after that day” She began, gently stroking Lydia’s hand with her thumb. “And you never disappointed me, and I don’t want you to think that of yourself. No matter what Rebecca’s told you for all these years, you taking your own life isn’t something any of us would have wanted” Her voice was surprisingly soothing, and Lydia would have been lying if she said it didn’t reassure her a great deal.
Danny didn’t think her a disappointment for not being Rebecca. She wanted Lydia alive. That alone made her feel a little better. She almost didn’t believe it. It had been so long since any adult who had known her all her life had told her she was worth something. “You…you really think so, Danny?” The question came out rather timidly, as if she were eight years old again and begging Rebecca to tell her why she hated her so much. To tell her she didn’t really hate her only to have her hopes shattered by Rebecca’s answer.
“Of course I do, darling” Danny said, looking as though she were about to cry herself. “I’ve been so blind. I wanted to hold on to any piece of her I could, and you…I knew you didn’t want to be reminded, but I did it anyway…for years” The regret in Danny’s voice was obvious. It seems that Rudolph’s conversation with her, as well as Ileana’s attempt, and maybe even Lydia’s own confessions, had caused her to do some soul searching.
Lydia sighed, figuring she may as well tell Danny the last thing she needed to say. “As much as it hurt to be compared to her, to hear her spoken of like she did no wrong, at least you weren’t like Father. At least you never shut me out for being…her legacy”
Danny brushed a strand of Lydia’s hair out of her face. “You’re so much more than just your…just Rebecca’s legacy” Once again, those words seemed almost too good to be true. There were exactly two people she had desperately wanted to hear that from, and the fact that one of those two had affirmed this made her feel like the child she had been long ago was healing somewhat.
And yet, Lydia still felt a pang of doubt. “I know this will sound a bit silly, but ever since she died…I feel like I’ve forgotten who I am. I don’t know if I ever knew in the first place and…Danny, I’m scared I won’t find out” This was something she hadn’t even told Rudolph, for she believed that even he didn’t need all of her problems weighing on him. It wasn’t his responsibility to give her any sort of identity, nor was it Danny’s or anyone else’s for that matter, and yet she couldn’t hold it in anymore. She’s been damaged for so many years and now there was no way to hide it from those who didn’t already know.
“Lydia…why didn’t you tell me?” Danny was now very close to tears.
Seeing the look on Danny’s face made Lydia feel guilty for not saying anything years ago, or at least not making this clearer to her years ago. “I…I didn’t want to hurt you. You…you loved her more than…anyone really. And I knew firsthand how much she loved you. You were…the only person she ever cared for and…I couldn’t break your heart like that” She knew that if she had told Danny about this, it would have sent her further into her depressive spiral. She would have blamed herself just as she blamed herself for Rebecca’s death.
Lydia had a feeling that would still happen now, and she a part of her regretted even bringing it up. If Danny’s mental state got worse she wouldn’t know what to do. Just as she hadn’t known what to do after Danny’s seemingly unending despair since the day Rebecca died.
“You know, I’ve always loved that about you. Your selflessness, your desire to see others through their pain. Others in your position might have allowed their bitterness to consume them entirely, and Mr. de Winter is included among that number, but you never did” Danny spoke in the softest manner Lydia had heard from her in ages, though it seemed she wasn’t finished yet. “But it isn’t your responsibility to fix my problems, mine or anyone else’s. You do not need to earn love from anyone, and I hope you know that you weren’t ever responsible for Rebecca not treating you as a mother ought either”
Lydia felt as though she might start crying again, but this time with tears of joy. Danny had never been one to apologize directly, but everything she just said was close enough in Lydia’s eyes. If Ileana had forgiven Danny enough to let her help her come down from her attempt, perhaps Lydia might do the same. “You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hear that. As far back as I can remember, I’ve secretly wished you were my mother instead of her. In a way, you are considering Rudolph is my brother in all but name”
Danny’s face fell a little at the mention of her seeing Rudolph as her brother. “I wish Rudolph felt the same way. He…he hates me after what I did. He even told me I’m not his mother. Until then I didn’t see how much of a hypocrite I’ve been in these last years, condemning Mr. de Winter for his neglect of you while doing the same to Rudolph” She looked down as she finished speaking, wiping away a few tears threatening to pour from her eyes.
Now it was Lydia’s turn to reassure Danny. “Rudolph doesn’t hate you. He loves you and he needs you to show him you love him too” She placed her hand on top of Danny’s. “And for what it’s worth, you’re a step above my father. At least you stayed instead of running off to Switzerland to build a new world for yourself” She laughed a little as she made this attempt at dark humor. “But to be completely serious, you have the opportunity to set things right with him. And I have complete faith that you’ll take it”
Danny still seemed a bit unsure, but nodded nonetheless, managing a small smile. “I take it you’ve forgiven me then?” She asked.
“Yes, and I’m sure Rudolph will too. Just talk to him, Danny, you’ll see” Lydia encouraged.
“I will” Danny replied, though it seemed she was promising herself more than Lydia. It was a logical thing, for Lydia didn’t want to be the only reason Danny decided to do this. Not like Ileana having been the only reason Father had brought them back to Manderley, as grateful for that as Lydia was.
Lydia smiled at Danny’s declaration. “I’m glad, he’ll be so pleased to know you want to be there for him”
Danny looked as though she wanted to say something, but immediately stopped herself. After a moment, she instead asked “May I hug you?”
Lydia didn’t hesitate to answer with a ‘yes’. She and Danny wrapped their arms around each other, remaining thus for a while.
“And darling, if Rebecca ever tells you such lies again, tell her that I say she ought to hold her tongue or else” Danny’s tone was more lighthearted than Lydia had ever heard before, and her lips turned up into the slightest of smirks. Lydia ended up chuckling quite a bit at the sight.
“Threatening your beloved are we? Who are you and what have you done with Danny?” The joking remark surprised Lydia as they pulled apart from the hug. It had come out completely unexpectedly, but it made Danny laugh just the slightest bit, so she supposed she couldn’t regret it.
“I’ve missed your witty comments, Lydia. You have no idea” Danny sighed.
At those words, Lydia felt something start to shift. Her hopes had been dead for years, if they had ever existed at all, and last night seemingly ruined any chance of finding them again. But to hear that Danny approved of her, appreciated her, loved her, for more than who her mother was, made things seem a little less bleak than they had been. If this was the response she had received from Danny, perhaps there was a slight chance her father may come around too. Though the key word there was slight, for Lydia had much more faith in Danny than him. Danny had expressed regret, and her saving Ileana from the abyss only proved that that regret was genuine.
Perhaps Lydia was too far gone to be fixed, but at least now she had a reason to want to live.