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As soon as everyone had finished their tea and Ileana had left the room, Rudolph immediately started laughing. He did so much louder than he had ever done since they were much younger, causing Lydia to start blushing with embarrassment all over again. She wasn’t surprised that her friend had caught on to how she was feeling so quickly, for they knew each other almost as well as they knew themselves, but that didn’t make her any less mortified.
“Was it really that obvious?” Lydia asked, stifling a laugh. She already knew how Rudolph would answer. From the smirk he had given her earlier, she could tell she’d been caught staring at Clarice like a lovestruck fool.
Despite her embarrassment, she didn’t regret a thing. Ever since Clarice had been chosen as Ileana’s new lady’s maid, Lydia saw her around the house much more often. This meant that she began to notice little things about Clarice, the adorable way she smiled, the way her eyes sparkled when someone praised her, and that endearingly nervous expression she always seemed to wear when she was completing a task. Needless to say, Lydia had fallen head over heels.
She wanted to talk to the young maid, confess her feelings, but something always seemed to be holding her back. That fear of rejection that’s haunted her for many years. But despite all that, Lydia was never one to be shy. She knew how to keep up the appearance of being sociable, even if she had little to show for it in the last 5 years aside from her friendship with Rudolph and her mostly positive interactions with the staff. This meant that the fact that she became shy at the mere sight of Clarice was a complete shock to her system. She thought she would have been able to hold herself together should she ever fall in love.
Rudolph barely held in a laugh of his own. “You looked like you would have ran up to her and kissed her if Ileana and I weren’t there” He teased.
Lydia’s face flushed at the mention of Ileana. It was clear to her that the young woman knew more than she had let on. In the few months since her near suicide attempt, Ileana had gone out of her way to get to know Lydia even more than before. In turn, Lydia had picked up on some of Ileana’s little mannerisms, just as she had done with Clarice.
She had learned enough to know that the way the young woman had smiled when she supposed that Lydia wanted to befriend Clarice had looked all too knowing. It was like she had somehow guessed that Lydia wanted more than just a friendship with her maid. Luckily Ileana had the tact not to say anything directly, and it was a relief that if she did know that she didn’t think it odd that Lydia had feelings for another girl. Even so, if Ileana knew there was a strong possibility that Clarice might find out.
“I hope Ileana doesn’t accidentally tell Clarice about it. I know she’d mean well, but I don’t think I’d be able to handle the awkwardness of it all” Lydia sighed.
Rudolph playfully nudged her. “You could always tell her yourself if you’re that worried”
Lydia rolled her eyes. If only it were that simple, besides Rudolph was hardly one to talk in that regard. “Just like you told Frank about your crush on him?” She giggled.
“No I didn’t. He’d laugh his head off if I tried” Rudolph said, now blushing just as much as Lydia was. “Well maybe he wouldn’t, it’s Frank after all, but he would definitely say he’s too old for me”
Lydia only began to smirk at this answer. “Rudolph, I love you to death, but you really need to take your own advice” She chided lightheartedly. “But maybe with someone who isn’t old enough to be your father”
“Says the one crushing on her stepmother’s maid” Rudolph joked.
The two friends ended up laughing amongst themselves and trading a few more teasing jabs with each other. Considering everything that had happened in recent months alone, the fact that their biggest problems at the moment were attraction to unattainable people was a welcome change of pace.
In the days that followed, Lydia decided she might as well take Rudolph and Ileana’s advice and at least try to talk to Clarice and become friends. This was a task easier said than done, because it turned out that where Lydia was a little shy Clarice was much more so. It seemed the young maid was afraid to break the standard formalities required when a member of the staff addressed a member of the family. Each time Lydia attempted to start a full fledged conversation, Clarice would respond with the utmost politeness but not much else. Though Lydia noted that the maid did seem glad for the company and slowly became more comfortable with brief interactions between them. Still, she hoped she wasn’t overstepping too badly.
She should probably make sure she wasn’t overstepping. It would be awful if she managed to mess this up along with everything else. For once, luck seemed to be on her side when she crossed paths with Clarice. Since Ileana wasn’t nearby, Lydia figured Clarice was on her way to run a quick errand for her. With that in mind, she decided she wouldn’t take up too much of the young maid’s time.
“Oh, good afternoon Miss de Winter,” Clarice greeted with a quick curtsy and a small smile.
“Good afternoon, Clarice,” Lydia replied, returning the smile. She swore she could feel her heart skip a beat.
She had to admit though that she was not used to being called Miss de Winter, even if that was what the majority of the staff had called her for most of her life. It made her feel a bit disconnected in a way, and since she was much closer to the staff than she was with her family, barring Ileana, Aunt Bea, and Uncle Giles, it was a bit jarring. Danny and Rudolph never bothered with such formal addresses in front of her, but she supposed she understood that not everyone was as comfortable with that kind of familiarity as they were.
Even Danny was only on a first name basis with herself and Rebecca, and Rudolph only with herself and Ileana. Lydia couldn’t help but smirk at the thought of the mother son duo referring to her father by his name, even if they’d never dream of doing so. She had a feeling it would annoy him more than a little.
Clarice looked at Lydia with a little uncertainty. “Can I do anything for you?” She asked.
Lydia cursed herself for standing there silently for too long. “No, thank you. I shouldn’t keep you from…whatever Ileana has you doing” She chuckled awkwardly. God, this was so unlike her. “I’m sorry if I’ve been too forward lately…” She began, remembering just what she hoped to accomplish in talking to the maid.
Clarice shook her head. “No need to apologize, Miss de Winter. I’m…well I’m not exactly used to anyone wanting to talk to me, but I don’t mind it” She said, blushing the more she spoke.
That was a relief. At least now Lydia knew she wasn’t scaring the poor young woman away. This revelation caused her to start blushing as well. Luckily Clarice had looked away as she did so. “That’s good…that I’m not making you uncomfortable” She added that last part quickly. The last thing Lydia wanted was for Clarice to think she was glad for what seemed to be an insecurity. “But if I’m not wrong, you and Ileana have become friends of sorts?”
“Oh yes, Mrs. de Winter is very kind,” Clarice nodded.
Lydia couldn’t help but think the lady’s maid had more to say on that matter, but decided not to push it. Instead she hummed in an attempt to come up with a reply. Maybe she should just end the conversation here so Clarice would be able to get back to her work, but out of the blue she blurted out “You…look lovely by the way”
That was just about the worst thing that could have happened in that moment. Lydia wished it wouldn’t be so undignified to flee then and there. She may as well have just told Clarice she was crushing on her already.
Clarice herself, however, didn’t seem to notice. “Thank you” She replied with a smile that could only be described as friendly.
Lydia was relieved that her awful attempt at flirting hadn’t been acknowledged. She would definitely wait a good long while before she would attempt anything like that again with Clarice, if she ever did. She most likely never would, nothing would come of it even if it was noticed. “You’re welcome. I should let you get going” She told her, trying to appear as nonchalant as possible as the two parted ways.
As she made her way down the hall, another one of the maids, Alice, passed her by. Alice was around 21, and despite being one of the younger members of the staff, she was one of the best at her job. Rudolph had mentioned that Danny had begun to train her to be her successor one day. Lydia could have sworn that Alice had sent a faint smirk in her direction. Had she heard the conversation between her and Clarice? Had she seen the way Lydia had been blushing?
If Alice had, Lydia didn’t stick around long enough to find out. She just smiled a nervous smile and went on her way.
The next day, each time Lydia saw Clarice, and especially if Clarice looked her way, she began blushing and smiling even more than she had before. By some miracle, Clarice either didn’t notice or didn’t think much of it. Ileana and Rudolph however, did notice, and both said as much when they all sat down to tea.
“Is it just me or do you seem more nervous than usual?” Ileana asked once Clarice had poured the tea and left the room. “I thought you said you talked to her”
Lydia tried to cover her tracks and force herself not to blush yet again. “I did, we talked,” She said.
Rudolph looked at her dead in the eyes. “Care to elaborate, Lydia?” He raised an eyebrow.
“Rudolph Danvers, I refuse to answer that” Lydia responded, so much for trying not to blush.
This only caused Rudolph to chuckle just a bit. He leaned in and spoke quietly “You told her, didn’t you?”
Ileana clearly heard Rudolph’s question, for she started to laugh a bit too. “You did?” She smiled.
Lydia shook her head, only just realizing that Ileana all but said she knew about her little crush. “Not exactly, I…may or may not have told her she was pretty in the most awkward way possible” She admitted.
Rudolph snorted, something he rarely ever did, then quickly cleared his throat. “I never thought I’d see the day when Lydia de Winter of all people did anything awkward”
Lydia sighed as she looked over at her friend. “You’re not going to let me live this one down, are you?” She said to him, unable to hold in a giggle.
At this, Rudolph just smirked. This told Lydia everything she needed to know about what he’d say. “We’ll see about that”