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As they pulled up outside the motel Dean offered Sam a chocolate bar, but he just sniffed and shook his head. Another seal was on the verge of being broken - Sam wasn't in the mood for candy. Shrugging, Dean stepped out of the car and towards the motel. Sam stayed in his seat for a second for a well-needed breather before following his brother to the room.
Dean had just unlocked the door when Sam reached him. He didn't pay attention as it swung open, and ended up walking straight into Dean’s back. For some reason, Dean had stopped, which made Sam finally look up. There were two men stood in their room, staring at them.
Sam started to panic. They could very well be monsters, witches, or demons waiting to hurt them. Kill them, even. He pulled his gun out of his jeans and pointed it at the closest man. But it didn't take long for Sam to realise he recognised the stranger. The dishevelled hair, the trenchcoat, the piercing blue eyes.
“Sam, no!” Dean yelled, knocking the gun from his fingers. “This is -”
“Castiel,” Sam finished in no more than a whisper. It was Castiel, the angel who stopped him from making the deal. The angel who he had seen in his dreams ever since. Dean tilted his head, clearly confused as to how Sam knew the angel. Sam forgot he wasn't supposed to know who Castiel was.
Still, he was glad he did.
“How did you know?” Dean asked, eyes narrowed with suspicion. Biting his lip, Sam spluttered for a second in his head as he tried to come to a reasonable explanation.
“Uh… lucky guess?” Sam smiled innocently. Though Dean had furrowed brows, and Castiel was staring at him curiously, Sam seemed to have gotten away with it. “It’s a honour to meet you,” Sam said honestly. There was a shaky smile on his face - it was the first time he had seen the angel properly, and Sam was overwhelmed with excitement. His praying had done something.
Sam stepped forward, hand held out in front of him to shake Castiel’s. Castiel stared down at Sam’s hand for moment or so before carefully taking hold of it. As if sensing Sam’s nervousness, Castiel brought his other hand up and placed it on top of where their fingers were joined. He encased Sam’s hand in a globe of warmth.
“Sam Winchester,” Castiel spoke slowly, a lazy grin peeking out at the corners of his mouth. There was a look of admiration in his eyes, something that sparked pride in Sam. Trying to match the fondness, Sam stared back at Castiel.
“The boy with the demon blood,” another voice spoke up, and Sam’s eyes flew to the other man in the room. He was tall, dark skinned, and bold. Though those things generally weren't terrifying, there was an air about him that made the room feel cold.
“Uriel,” Castiel growled in warning. He didn't turn to face Uriel, but he sounded so threatening that Uriel shut up anyway. Despite what Castiel had said before, and the fact that Cas was obviously displeased by what Uriel had said, Sam couldn't get the phrase out of his head.
The boy with the demon blood.
That’s all Sam was, and all he would ever be. His head was spinning so fast, he had to take a seat at the table.
Dean sent Sam a questioning look, something asking if he was okay. A subtle nod comforted Dean, even if it was a lie on Sam’s part. While his brother turned back to the angels, asking what was happening, Sam found himself unable to concentrate. There was a white noise running through his head, not allowing him to listen to what was being said. He picked up small pieces of the conversation, something about a witch and destruction and Samhain. Still, he couldn't knit together a connection between it all.
Soon, the noise and the dizziness got too much for him, and he had to get out of the constricting room.
“Sorry, I just gotta-” Sam stood up quickly, making him even more dizzy. Before anyone could say anything, Sam was out of the door, nearly doubled over with sickness. Dean called for his brother once before the door slammed shut in his face.
Sam wasn't sure where he wanted to go. He just needed to get away from Uriel and his cruel words. They were true, but that didn't mean he had to like them. Looking around, the first place Sam set his eyes on was the Impala, and there was a familiarity that filled Sam’s heart. With a sigh, he sunk down by one of the tyres and rested his head on his knees. A strangled sob escaped his mouth, the harshness of Uriel’s words washing over his mind.
The gravel beside Sam crunched under someone’s feet as they walked towards him. Sam immediately sobered up. He couldn't let Dean see him crying like a child; Dean was still treating him like he was fragile enough to break with a single touch. The person, who was definitely too subtle in their movements to be Dean, sat beside him. Sam didn't look up until they spoke.
“I assume what Uriel said offended you,” Castiel said, eyes trained straight ahead. Sniffling, Sam didn't answer, just turned to face away from Castiel. He couldn't stand to see pity in the angel’s eyes. “He wasn't truthful.”
“What do you mean? I know I have demon blood in me,” Sam snapped, pulling further in on himself.
“You’re not just the boy with the demon blood, though,” Castiel said, placing a hand on Sam’s shoulder as encouragement to look up. He offered a kind smile before continuing. “You’re so much more than that, Sam Winchester. That may be the only way the others - my brothers - will ever see you. Michael’s propaganda is strong. But you must know you are more, Sam. That you are one of the brightest, kindest souls.”
Sam snorted. He couldn't find it in him to believe Castiel. There may be some truth in what he was saying, but Castiel had to be lying in some part. All Sam could think was that he was doing it for Dean’s sake; after all, Castiel had been Dean’s angel, the one to raise him from Hell and protect him ever since.
The two sat in silence for a while. Sam honestly expected Castiel to leave him, let him wallow in his self-pity. Still, Castiel sat next to him in a pleasant silence.
“Do you ever regret not making that deal?” Castiel asked eventually. Sam furrowed his brows, surprised by the question.
“Of course I do!” Sam yelled, regretfully when he saw Castiel wince slightly. “I mean, Dean went to Hell for me - he died. He thinks I don’t notice, but I can see him struggling sometimes. I can hear him screaming in his nightmares. If I had gone through with the deal, Dean wouldn't have gone to Hell. He didn't deserve it, not at all. And it’s all my fault, alright? My fault! I could have made him happy, and I chickened out.”
“You would be dead, though,” Castiel pointed out. Slowly, he turned his head to face Sam, but only saw Sam’s slumped shoulders. There was a soft sound coming from the cocoon Sam had made of himself, something that could have been cries. But as Cas pull Sam’s chin up, Sam’s eyes were clear.
“I told you before, I don’t care about being alive,” Sam sighed. Curiously, Castiel studied him, making Sam slightly uncomfortable. He wasn't used to having so much attention on him, especially not from someone so… holy.
“I do,” Cas said eventually, his sincerity clear in his voice. He reached out to clasp Sam’s hand, holding it gently like Sam might break. “I'm glad you didn't make that deal.”
“Are you sure?” Sam asked, like he was challenging Cas to back up that claim again. “I mean, all of this stuff with Ruby… I'm working with a demon. Surely that’s not good.”
“She’s been there for you, Sam - of course you’re going to respect her. Be careful, though - appearances can be deceiving,” Castiel warned, then stood up and brushed the dirt from his long trench coat. “Uriel is calling me - I believe he’s had enough of your brother.” Castiel held his hand out for Sam to take and pulled the Winchester up despite their size difference.
“Thanks, I guess,” Sam muttered, trying to hide himself and his blushing cheeks from Castiel. He wasn't sure if Cas meant he should stop working with Ruby or not, but he would decide later what to do.
“Farewell, Sam,” Castiel drew his attention again. Taking a deep breath, Sam quickly pulled Castiel into a tight hug, a sincere thank you for everything he’d done. The angel placed a soft kiss on the top of Sam’s head, leaving him more confused than ever. With that, Castiel flew off, and Sam was left to ponder what the kiss meant. He’d probably call Ruby just to get Castiel off of his mind.
Tiredly, Sam began to walk back to the motel room, already thinking of an excuse to give Dean about running away.