Chapter Text
Zandik was never seen in a hurry, he walked around the halls of the Akademiya as someone who knew exactly what he was looking for, never too late or too early anywhere. He went into classes he found useful for his purposes and ignored the ones he deemed too boring. The Ksharehwar were the first to capture his attention, and it was there that he met Kaveh.
He wasn't interested in him at first, no. He was a young boy like any other boy, who was busy with uninteresting things, even if, sometimes, he uttered words that made Zandik's eyes glisten with pure curiosity. They never switched much more than meaningful looks during classes, or bumped in the hall going the same way to the library.
It was there that it started, probably.
Their hands reaching for the same book, and Kaveh squirming under Zandik's try at a kind smile. He was never kind. His smiles were all canines and superiority to others, considering how naive he considered most of the other students.
Why shouldn't they commit sins for the greater good of knowledge? Why shouldn't they commit sins for the improvement of their nation? Why couldn't Zandik study about death? Or the origins of words? Why should he praise God's, when they did nothing but betray him and let people mistreat him for being... him?
Because, when he looked at the blond boy in front of him, where were they different? Both had almost the same amount of teeth, eyes, bones, skin, organs. What made Zandik be stared with scrutiny, while Kaveh, who only asked questions in a low tone, afraid of being wrong, wasn't?
“Are you interested in the Aranara too?”, he found himself asking, without knowing why.
He hated not knowing why. It made him sick with his own ignorance. Perhaps, he disliked Kaveh too, for making him feel curious about people. Who cared about that?
“Y-you see, it's said that they don't show themselves to adults because we don't dream, right?”
Zandik was about to correct him that they weren't actually adults yet, more like teenagers, but he stopped, because he was curious.
Why?
“So, I was thinking, would they be able to induce dreams? Or maybe, it's not that type of dream, more like..”
“Goals?” Zandik finished, almost raising an eyebrow when the other smiled at him.
Oh, it's because he stopped trying to smile. Maybe Kaveh liked people who didn't smile often? He was always around that Al-haitham guy, who didn't smile much, either.
Zandik didn't care much for the latter, considering how lazy he was. He was always sleeping in the classroom and didn't seem to make effort at all, but always got top scores. It made his skin crawl.
“Your friend isn't with you today?”, Zandik whispered, looking around. Kaveh didn't seem bothered by the sudden proximity in their bodies, or Zandik's voice in his ear.
“You mean Cyno?” was the smaller boy answer, and he scoffed.
“The annoying one. ”
“Cyno is annoying too..”, he pointed out, but the smile showed that he held deep care for whoever Cyno was. “But you must be talking about Al-haitham. He went home to study.”
“Couldn't he do it here, with you?”
“Well, yes, but he says he focus better when he's in a place with fewer people”, he made a movement to indicate the tables full of students.
He could feel this conversation becoming boring just by talking about Al-haitham. It wasn't things about him Zandik wanted to know.
“What about you, then? You like being around a lot of people?”
“I don't care if there's people around, it's normally silent here. Except when people are talking, like we are. There's someone staring at us right now. I can feel her thinking 'oh, shut the fuck up, you annoying assholes'.”
Zandik laughs at this, and he wonders why Kaveh is looking at him as if he just murdered his entire family.
“What?”
“It's... just that I've never seen you laugh, Zandik.”
“It's not like we're in comedic studies or something. If we don't normally talk, of course you'd probably never see me laugh.” he pointed out, and the weird remark actually makes Kaveh laugh now.
“Okay, Kaveh, take your books. There's a room we can use if you don't want to be stared at.” he rolled his eyes, pushing the books about Aranara into the other boy's hands.
They stand in a short line to be able to take the books outside of the library, the young miss next to the librarian squinting her eyes at the sight.
“Didn't know you knew how to make friends, Zandik”
“Oh, shut up, Lisa. Just put my name in the list there.”
“Yours, not his?”
“Well, he can't take this kind of book without being a Dastur, can he? Stop being annoying and do your job.”
Her eyes glow eerily at this, and Zandik knows he's fucked next time he asks for her advice on something, but he knows how to turn Lisa around if he has to. She's the closest thing to a friend he has. They're both considered outsiders and grew close exactly because of that, even if she managed making colleagues better than he did.
He noticed when Kaveh's shoulders went a bit down after retrieving the extensive pile from Lisa, and took half of the books in his arms.
“I'll read some of them anyway. Come on”, he nudged at Kaveh with his elbow, guiding him to a small room in the floor above. The ones only Dastur and above could make use.
He allows the blond on the couch and sits by his desk. He could be on the couch, that is more comfortable, but he doesn't want Kaveh to mess around in his drawers with all that curiosity of his. He has been committing sins for a while.
“You're normally so unapproachable... Why did you invite me here?” Kaveh said shyly, and Zandik smiled at the question.
“I don't know.”
He really didn't. He could find out the answer later. Zandik was patient with things that he wanted to find out.
The answer seemed enough for Kaveh, or he just wasn't nosy, so he took a book from his pile and started reading. He spent five seconds watching Kaveh's posture change into something more relaxed, his right knee going up in the couch while he read.
“I thought you hated not knowing stuff”, Kaveh broke the silence suddenly, not moving his eyes from the page.
“Well, if we knew everything, there would be no fun in this place”, he murmured, his shoulders going up in a movement that meant he didn't mind it so much. He did mind it, very much so, but Kaveh didn't need to know that.
Shadows of us are still dancin'
In every room and every hall
Every time Kaveh came to see him, Al-haitham wasn't around, which made Zandik wonder if their dislike was mutual. He had a preference for his dislike, if he was being honest. He didn't want Al-haitham in the middle of their secret meetings in Zandik's office.
But he did wonder if Kaveh would rather Al-haitham was there too. Sometimes, they were discussing some topic, and his tongue would slip Al-haitham name in the conversation as if it was natural.
Me and Al-haitham were talking about this earlier, actually...
Al-haitham actually has a theory that-
Zandik didn't like hearing his name, but he still listened, because it was true that he was smart and added some ideas and possibilities to his theories.
“Did you notice that out of every sixty words that you say, two are Al-haitham's name?”
Kaveh's shoulders went up as if he was caught doing something wrong, and Zandik almost smiled. He found that habit of his rather endearing.
“Where did you even take that number from?” he nudged him with his elbow jokingly like the other had done to him in the library two months ago.
“I just counted. We have been talking a lot lately.” they switched a weird look between them, and Kaveh was probably thinking that he was crazy.
He probably was.
“Sorry for talking so much about him, anyway. I don't know why I do it.” his posture changed in that sad way it always did when he got some answer wrong.
“That's normal, I guess. You do it because you like him.”
“Boys can't like boys, silly.”
“I like you”, Zandik blurted out, but if Kaveh asked him why or when, his brain wouldn't be able to create a reason.
“Even if... even if I did like Al-haitham, after all?”
“Even then.”
“Even when we only really started talking two months ago?”
“I've been paying attention to you long before we first talked”, the blond stared at him in disbelief, as if trying to catch him lying.
It seemed that he couldn't find whatever he was looking for, because he simply moves closer. And closer.
“Kaveh?”, he asks, his voice barely a whisper because he didn't think this through.
“Are you obsessed with me, Zandik?”
He looks at the ceiling, the couch, his drawers. Because he's pretty sure that if he looks into Kaveh's eyes right now, his answer is going to be maybe.
“No. Why would I? I'm smarter than you. You're a coward who's too eager to receive praise and fame, you're...”
“Shut the fuck up, Zandik”, and then it happens.
Kaveh grabs his lapel and kisses him so hard their teeth bump into eachother. His lips are smooth and taste like the tandoori roast chicken he had for lunch. It's all too weird because Zandik never kissed anyone before, but Kaveh might've, because he reaches for his tongue gently and it's all sensation and he can't find words and his brain is stopping in it's tracks, and oh, is he having a stroke? he's dying-
“Who were you calling a coward?” he said, but he's breathing heavily the same way Zandik is.
“Isn't Al-haitham the person you want to kiss?” he knows he's pushing Kaveh's buttons with this and that he's going to leave the room, but he has to protect his pride, in some way.
'Cause he knows Kaveh could destroy it with his own hands if he wanted to.