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Elliot hated benefits season.
Every year they jacked up the price and lowered the coverage. His deductible was always insane because he was what insurance companies considered “a risk” because of his age, job, and the occasional tendency to have to work with Dana Lewis.
When open enrollment rolled around he started to sound too much like Munch. Meanwhile, Liv never seemed to complain about the costs or the repercussions or anything.
Maybe it was because she didn’t have to cover a family of six (even amid the separation). Or maybe it was because of that little arrangement she had with Trevor Langan.
He’d heard her whisper something to Trevor about “Friends with Benefits” the last time he’d been to the 1-6 for a lineup.
As Elliot stared across his desk at Olivia, he noticed how straight and white her teeth were. He also noticed she’d started to wear glasses occasionally these days and the frames were nice . Much nicer than the crappy ones Lizzie had to get because his insurance wouldn’t cover the ones she wanted and he’d been strapped for cash.
Elliot had always thought of himself as a man with pride. He tried not to take handouts from anybody. But Lizzie was going to need new glasses soon and the dentist had mentioned something about Dickie needing braces, too.
If it was for his kids, he could suck it up and ask for help.
“Hey, Liv?” Elliot said, seeing her look up from the file she’d been bent over and reaching for her coffee. “How can I get in on that friends-with-benefits thing?”
Olivia was mid-gulp on her coffee and started to choke.
Elliot jumped up from his seat and ran around the desks to pound her on the back.
“You okay, partner?” Elliot asked, letting his hand linger just a second too long.
“What did you just ask me?” she said putting her coffee cup down and putting a hand to her chest as he returned to his own desk.
“I asked how I can get in on that friends-with-benefits thing,” Elliot said. “I heard you say something about it to Langan the last time he was here. Lizzie’s going to need new glasses and Dickie might need braces so I figured it can’t hurt to look into what you and Langan have going on.”
Olivia raised an eyebrow.
“And you think Trevor and I are… sharing insurance?” Olivia asked, her mouth curling up into a smirk.
“Well yeah,” Elliot said. “I mean I thought you and I had the same insurance because it’s through the department, but your teeth look great. So I figured you have to be on Langan’s plan somehow. That’s why you were so hush-hush about it.”
Olivia bit her lip.
“I’m not trying to out you or anything,” Elliot said. “It’s just with the separation and everything I want to make sure the kids are at least covered the way they need to be and…”
Elliot felt ashamed admitting it out loud. But if Liv was already breaking the rules she shouldn’t be one to judge.
Olivia shook her head, still smirking.
“Um, maybe talk to Langan yourself and see what he says,” she said.
Elliot thought it was weird that she brushed him off. Thought she’d be more willing to throw him a bone since it was for the kids. But then the phone rang and they got called to a scene and he forgot about it.
For a few days.
At the end of the week, they had a perp they thought was good for a string of rapes in uptown and his slimeball attorney was none other than Trevor Langan. The case was pretty open and shut and even Trevor was ready to talk a deal with Casey the second the lineup was over.
“Oh, hey, Langan, before you go,” Elliot said as everyone else filed out of the observation room. “I forgot, Liv told me earlier in the week to ask you if I could get in on your friends-with-benefits arrangement.”
Langan looked like he swallowed a goat. His eyes bugged out of his head and his mouth fell open.
“Our…” he started trailing off. “I didn’t realize she was considering… that. I mean I always knew she had an interest in you, but I figured… well I guess you are separated now…”
Elliot thought that was kind of a weird response but he figured maybe if he explained a little more.
“It’s for my kid’s teeth,” Elliot said.
That made Langan look more confused than he did before.
“And for his sister’s eyes,” Elliot said. “I mean Liv has such nice teeth and now she’s got those new frames—”
“BENSON!” Trevor shouted out into the bullpen. It was enough to bring Olivia running.
“What?” she asked.
“Did you ask Stabler to join our little… FWB arrangement?” Langan asked, and Olivia looked shocked. She looked from Trevor to Elliot and back again, closed her eyes, and tipped her head back.
“Ignore him,” she said, putting a hand on Langan’s back. “Forget he said anything. I’ll explain later.”
“But he said it was for…” Langan said as she pushed him out of the observation room.
“I’ll explain later,” she said. “Go make a deal with Casey.”
“The same kind of deal that…” Trevor started.
“No!” Olivia shouted. “A deal for your client. Jesus.”
She pushed Trevor the last few steps out the door and shut it behind him. Then she whirled around on her heel and looked at Elliot.
“How long have you worked sex crimes?” Olivia asked.
“I don’t know?” Elliot said. “Like five years longer than you?”
“So how can an SVU detective with that much time under his belt not know what Friends with Benefits means?”
“It doesn’t mean—” Elliot started.
“It means sex, Elliot,” she said. “Jesus. Langan and I are having sex without feelings or strings attached. It has nothing to do with my medical, dental, or vision benefits.”
It was Elliot’s turn to have his jaw drop.
“Since when have you been sleeping with Langan?” he asked.
“That’s what you’re going with right now?” she asked. “You’re not going to think about the fact that you just propositioned him for a threesome with me and told him it was my idea ?”
Elliot gulped.
“Here’s a tip,” she said, her hand grabbing the doorknob. “When you hear a term you don’t understand, look it up on Urban Dictionary before you talk to anyone else about it.”
Then she ripped the door open with force and slammed it behind her, leaving Elliot standing in the observation room alone, contemplating whether he should take Langan up on the offer he thought Elliot had made, or if Olivia would kill him for it.
Unfortunately, either way, that meant he was still going to have to sift through the annoying open enrollment documentation before the benefits window closed next Friday.