Chapter Text
As beautiful as the snow that covers the mountains in winter, as elegant as the most delicate flower in his great garden, Shinya Hiragi was a prince beloved by his entire kingdom.
But behind that peaceful smile, that soft and calm appearance, he was hiding much more than people were willing to see. How ignorant they were.
Shinya was an intelligent, calculating man with a strong personality, perhaps that's why he stood out so much. He mastered any adversity that came his way, while quickly learning to overcome it. However, everyone carries a weakness deep in their heart, and although Shinya's was unknown to others, it was so deeply ingrained in him that the mere memory of it tore at his soul.
His weakness had a first name and a last name. These were the most beautiful things he had ever heard, or at least that was his humble opinion. Guren Ichinose was the person who influenced him so much.
Shinya knew that his position in the kingdom prevented him from having a sincere friendship, but Guren was the most charming and irresistible exception.
He was his personal knight, his right hand man, and unexpectedly, his first love.
If the prince had to associate him with a weather phenomenon, it would be a storm, one of those powerful ones that make you shiver in place. But like all storms, after causing disaster, he eventually leaves. And he did it in the most devastating way.
And yet he missed him as if the day he left had been yesterday. But the events had taken place two years ago, he was now twenty-four, and he was meeting his fiancée.
He would be lying if he said that his mind didn't wander while his father introduced him to the girl he was going to marry.
The entire week had been devoted to meeting women who could play the role of the perfect wife for the prince of the kingdom. And today seemed to be the ideal and final day; his progenitor was delighted with the young lady who had introduced herself, while he could not have been more bored listening to her prattle on.
Indeed, he would have liked to love this girl as she deserved, for she didn't seem to be someone with malice, but he found it impossible, he couldn't do it when his heart already belonged to someone else.
A person who was no longer at his side. No matter how much Shinya tilted his head to one side, he would never see him again to his right, with that calm expression that terrified everyone, and when they least expected it, he would draw his sword and slit their throats without rhyme or reason, of course only when there was a threat to his precious prince and boyfriend.
The memory of Guren protecting him made him draw a small smile, traveling in his memories.
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Shinya was far from being useless. Since he was five years old, he had asked for melee and sword training. He had no intention of sitting idly by and waiting to be rescued while everything around him burned.
However, he had to admit that when Guren came into his life, when they were both fourteen, it felt pretty good to have a pair of eyes looking at him as an equal.
The first time the prince saw the black-haired man draw his sword was two years later.
They had escaped together to visit the village. It was also the first time the white-haired man had ventured into the depths of his kingdom. He wanted to know what was beyond the wooden bridge that separated them from the rest of the inhabitants.
However, not everything went as expected, and problems soon appeared. Few people in the village had been lucky enough to see the prince in person, and as expected, not everyone was supportive.
While the white-haired man was chatting with the owner of a bakery, buying some of her products to give to the people waiting to greet him, someone who hid his identity like a coward rushed through the crowd with a dagger.
Guren, standing at his superior's side, saw him coming long before the rest of the civilians could perceive his intentions. He waited and waited, arming himself with the patience he had gained through training, and when he was in the perfect position, his sword was unsheathed and the hilt struck the man's chest with enough force to knock him back a few feet.
The commotion soon erupted, and a pair of eyes looked down at the knight with a glint that the black-haired man couldn't describe. When Guren met the prince's gaze, he gave him a gentle smile.
"Thank you, Ichinose," he said in a tone so low that it was barely a whisper to the ears of the one mentioned.
"That's what I'm for, my prince."
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Guren had gotten used to calling him my prince at the end of every sentence. What began as an act of courtesy and respect ended up as a game.
His formal words took on a flirtatious tone as their relationship developed. Shinya was amazed by Guren's performance with the sword, and requested that his usual teacher be replaced by his personal knight.
He wondered what his expression would be if he saw the current situation. Would his eyebrows be furrowed as usual? Would his knuckles turn a white color as he gripped the hilt of his sword? He would have liked to have had him here to see the answer for himself, instead of deducing it from assumptions he had made after so many years of studying him.
Unconsciously, he let out a long sigh that caught the attention of the people around him.
"Prince Hiragi, do you have anything to add to the conversation?" His father's voice was like poison in his ears.
"No, father, I'm just a little tired. I apologize, but I must retire to my bedroom now. You know how important a good rest is for people like us, so important." A friendly smile was given to those present at that meeting.
He didn't wait for anyone to give him permission, or at least an answer. Shinya spun on his heels and left the dining room as fast as his feet would allow.
He would be lying if he said he didn't feel pity for the woman he was to marry, but the pain of losing his beloved had rendered him incapable of feeling anything but his own well-being and that of the people who had once reached out to him.
When Shinya crossed the threshold of his bedroom, he collapsed onto the big bed that once held the scent of his personal knight. His arms reached for the nearest pillow and buried his face in it, trying to find something to remind him of the man who was no longer there. But neither his scent, nor the warmth of having carried the object for a while, nor two arms around his waist were with him, and Shinya couldn't get used to this lack, no matter how hard he tried to internalize it.
Lost in the pain his soul felt and how his heart wept, unwilling to admit that he was alone, Shinya fell into a deep sleep.
Although it would be more accurate to say that he was entering a recurring nightmare, in the death of Guren Ichinose, his storm.
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"I owe you nothing," Guren spat out his words, with a proud smile, "neither as father-in-law, nor as king of this stupid place."
The confirmation of his courtship with the crown prince caused the court to start murmuring in a tone that was too irritating, at least from the knight's point of view.
"Have you no shame? I have raised you in this castle since you were a child, a stupid brat!" The king shouted, rising from his throne to approach the man who was challenging him.
At that, the black-haired man let out a laugh with a hint of irony, "you? But what do you dare to say? It was your wife who rescued me that day. Why don't you call her and ask her about it?"
Silence filled the room, causing Guren to laugh again, a completely dry laugh, "right, you can't because you sent her to death, because that's all you do, murder. You kill all those who serve you and the people you are supposed to protect, and why? Because you can't stand that there is someone better than you; but that's the reality, Tenri, the people around you have more cunning and intelligence than you, they're better, starting with your son."
The opponent's hand began to tremble on the hilt of his sword. His face was full of tension, and his irritation and hatred could be seen in every feature of his face.
"Does it hurt you to hear this? This is the reality!" His knees burned from being pressed to the ground.
"They are weak, too much," he thought before summoning the courage to get up.
He managed to hit the two knights guarding him with his shoulders, knocking them to the ground so fast that none of them saw him coming.
"And you want to kill me for treason? The only traitor here is you. You have betrayed your family by killing the queen, you have betrayed your people by letting them believe that you are watching over them. You only have to visit them to see the deplorable conditions in which they live in various sectors."
He moistened his lips, letting out a short sigh, "and I'm the traitor? It's even funny, but at least I'll die knowing I'm not like you," he affirmed, with such coldness in his words that the skin of those who listened gave goosebumps.
But the person who felt the most emotion at that moment was Shinya.
Shinya Hiragi, crown prince and lover of Guren Ichinose, his most loyal knight and accused of treason.
He had promised him that he wouldn't interfere, and he knew that his promises with the black-haired man were something that couldn't be broken.
Guren had made him swear to stand aside, no matter what the final decision was, and just being here, listening to that conversation, seeing the pain in his lover's impassive face, was slowly killing him.
His throat burned. He was holding back the urge to scream, to cry, to stand between the man he loved and the man who had given him life.
Shinya was experiencing despair in every sense of the word.
He had made him promise that he wouldn't apologize, that he would keep his honor where it belonged: on a high level. But now he was beginning to regret it, he wanted him to beg for forgiveness, for the apology to penetrate deep into his father, to feed his ego, to allow him to live.
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Shinya stirred on the mattress. Thick beads of sweat trickled down his forehead as his lower lip quivered. His throat stifled a sob, his fingernails scratched the fabric of the blanket, and the moon hid in the clouds as if it did not want to witness such a situation.
The prince had lost count of how many times he had been in this circumstance. As much as it was a lucid dream, as much as he was aware that he was repeating an unfortunate event from his past, he was unable to wake up, he was firmly bound to his memories.
No one but him knew how much he wanted his dreams to be a peaceful place where he could reminisce about his best times with Guren.
He couldn't wake up, he still had to relive the worst minutes of that day.
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"Kill me Shinya, please," he begged, feeling his heartbeat increase.
His pulse was like a song played on a violin, increasing in tempo with each passing second, his breath tightening like the strings.
"I can't..." he whispered, not looking up from his purple eyes.
"Don't let them do it, I asked you..." struggling to swallow his saliva, he slowly moved the hand to his own.
Shinya stopped shaking when Guren tightened the grip on the weapon. He knew what his next move had to be.
"We can try to fix this."
"No, we can't and you know it..." he smiled sadly, the last smile he would ever give his beloved.
"Do it, my prince, end with me as if I had really betrayed your trust, make them believe that I'm the cruelest person in this kingdom, that I don't even deserve that you shed a tear for me."
Without even letting him answer, Guren plunged the sword into his own chest with the little strength he had reserved for the occasion, penetrating deep into his heart.
His eyes were recording his last memory of Shinya, his expression of despair and pain. His soul cried along with the white-haired man's tears, knowing that he was the cause of this pain, but it was okay, he could continue to care for him otherwise.
"Thank you..." were the last syllables to leave his lips.
Blood began to trickle down the side of his mouth, and he dropped his forehead to his shoulder.
Shinya wrapped his arms around his body and hugged him as tightly as he had never hugged him before, regretting that he had never been able to touch him like this before; he had never imagined that he would lose him.
His clear, beautiful eyes darkened, crystallizing as he closed them. He felt Guren's breathing slow.
He wanted to stand up and lash out at all the people who had taken his man away from him, but he wasn't strong enough to avenge him. His knees were nailed to the floor, his skin burned from the pressure, but nothing could compare to the feeling he was experiencing deep in his heart.
Still trembling, Shinya withdrew the sword from his chest, dropping it to his side.
"I'm sorry," he whispered haltingly, knowing that he would probably not be heard.
Shinya didn't have enough willpower to sit up and see him inert, he felt extremely weak. But who wouldn't be when the person you love the most has just been taken away from you?
From that point on, it was unclear to him exactly what had happened. He vaguely remembered a guard he got along with coming over to help him to his feet; and the next thing he knew, he was sitting in front of a tomb with an engraving of Guren Ichinose.
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When the clock struck three in the morning, Shinya woke up agitated. His body ached as if he were being cut into the perfect number of pieces to be fed to a pack of wolves, and sweat and chills mingled to add to his discomfort. His throat burned as if he had been thirsty for days, and his chest ached as if it were pressed against freshly forged metal.
He brought his hand to the place where his heart was. His fingers gripped the fabric of the shirt he was wearing, wrinkling it until he could feel his sweat-soaked skin.
He muttered to himself, waiting for an answer he knew would never come, "how long do I have to take this? When will the pain stop? When will the time come when it won't hurt so much to remember you? When will I be able to think of you without feeling that I'm missing everything? I can't take it anymore, Guren. I'm not strong enough like we thought, I want to end all this stupidity now."
His last words were overshadowed by a thud. The window had opened wide and the frame had banged aggressively against the wall. It was such an annoying sound that anyone would have jumped, but Shinya didn't react, his eyes barely wandering to whatever was causing the rumbling.
His brow only furrowed when a gust of wind dared to enter his room, ruffling his hair and making him wince at the contrast in temperature.
The sound of the wind against the treetops always gave him a peace he couldn't describe in words, it took him back to the days of peace.
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Shinya held up his hand, covering the sun with it, only to notice his slender fingers.
"You know what would look great on me?" he questioned, in a calm tone of voice.
Guren tilted his head up to him, frowning as he watched him with some curiosity.
"What would look great on you?" He used the same words, expecting some foolishness in response.
"A ring."
But that was not stupid at all. That was something that changed Guren's heartbeat.
"Do you want to get married?" The volume inevitably dropped, and he gently lifted the hand to his to intertwine their fingers.
The prince was silent for a few minutes, a time that seemed eternal to the black-haired man. In the end, he sighed and raised his eyes to those of his beloved.
"I want to marry you, Ichinose," his answer came accompanied by a sly smile that put some pressure on the grip of his hands.
Guren swallowed his saliva with some difficulty. There was nothing in this world that would make him happier than to be able to grant him this wish, since they both had the same one, however...
"And your offspring? Who will you put on the throne the day you are no longer able to serve?"
Shinya laughed and shook his head slightly, "is that your only concern, my love? Who will watch over our kingdom when I'm too old to give proper orders?"
"In and of itself, I'm concerned about how well you'll give orders... not that you're very qualified to do so."
The corners of the prince's mouth twisted into a surprised expression. A gasp of surprise escaped from his throat, and he pushed himself out of the grass, only to land a blow on his partner's shoulder.
"Hey, I'm going to be an awesome king!" Raising his voice, he feigned anger loud enough for the black-haired man to mentally comment that it was impossible for such anger to be directed at him, "better than my father I certainly will be."
It was a statement that left no room for doubt, and they both nodded in agreement.
"It's not too hard, either, in fact... you're already doing better than he is." To silence his response, he slipped the arm around his waist.
Although Shinya knew that he was being shamelessly silenced, he allowed his body to lie on top of his lover's body. He sighed at the little caresses he began to leave on his back.
A few minutes passed before Shinya spoke again, continuing the topic Guren had tried so hard to avoid.
"There is a very lovely and intelligent girl in town who can be my successor. We'll adopt her, give her the best education, and one day I'll give her the crown. How about that?"
Guren's eyes traveled to his face, "are you still thinking about that?"
He had asked him about something obvious, for when the prince had an idea in his mind, it was impossible to separate him from it until he could at least begin to carry it out.
"Of course! How can I not think about our future? Oh Guren, my father will die one day. Until then... we will continue as we are now, I will reject all the beauties who introduce me, and then we will gather enough support to make our marriage official!"
The emotion in his voice cracked Guren's heart. A lump formed in his throat, and no matter how hard he tried to swallow it, he could not let it go.
If only Shinya knew that Guren was planning to die in a few years, he wouldn't talk so lightly about future plans.
Taking a deep breath, the knight's other arm went around his boyfriend, "all right, Shin, you convinced me. I was trying to find a dead end to keep you out of trouble... but I see you've thought of everything."
At the end of the day, Guren chose to see his boyfriend's smile. He loved as much as he hated to see the illusion that lit up his beautiful blue eyes.
"Well, you're taking too long to buy me a nice ring," he sighed dramatically, knowing full well that he could wait as long as it took if it meant ending on more than good terms.
"I pay you well enough to ask the blacksmith for his best work of art," he dropped back to his chest and took a deep breath, letting the fragrance bless his nasal passages.
When Shinya closed his eyes, a breeze typical of the season they were in, spring, ruffled his hair.
The smile was as obvious as the fact that he wished to stay in that meadow for hours.
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When he opened his eyes again, Shinya found himself in the freezing darkness of his bedroom. His skin no longer felt the warmth of the spring sun, and his nose could no longer smell the scent of the flowers in their glory.
Shinya wanted to go back to sleep, asking whoever possessed greater strength, to dream of a memory of those days. But he was as intelligent as he was perceptive, and his eyes quickly caught a light that was inappropriate for the hours he was actually in. When he opened his eyes again, Shinya found himself in the freezing darkness of his bedroom. His skin no longer felt the warmth of the spring sun, and his nose could no longer smell the scent of the flowers in their glory.
He blinked a couple of times to make sure his brain wasn't playing tricks on him as it usually did when he rambled too much. But it wasn't the cause of that detail.
Under the prince's view, the light soon took shape and became brighter and brighter. What began as a red spot was eventually a face that he would carry with him until the last day he breathed.
His heart skipped a few beats, his blood pressure increased to a number that was considered insane, and everything around him began to spin as his soul refused to believe what was in front of him.
In the mirror of his bedroom appeared the reflection of his beloved, Guren Ichinose.