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“Welcome, distinguished teachers, to the Annual Hogwarts Relationship Bets!” cheered Dumbledore.
Snape slowly raises his hand. “No, Professor Snape, you cannot use potions to win again, we can't afford another mix-up. Dixie still has those warts.” He warned as Snape then awkwardly lowered his hand.
McGonagall magics in a large piece of parchment, almost the size of the staff room table.
“Quills out, everyone.”
Trelawney sits in the end corner scribbling away in her own book muttering some epiphany. Lupin sits in a way too large, furred coat, that looks suspiciously like a certain dead Death Eater werewolf’s pelt, scribbling down that Poppy Dursley and Theodore Vane of Ravenclaw should be matched up and 100% are a worthy bet. Madam Pomfrey was muttering something about wishing it was a pay raise meeting, Flitwick was chatting with Mr Binns about what he sees students doing in the bathrooms and how he thinks ‘stuff’ is just too much for 11-year old’s to walk in and see, like who would want to any of those things. Hagrid was playing with his wand, controlling his quill to stand and walk like a hippogriff.
“Ok’y dokey let's get to business. All in favour of Molly Potter being paired with Hugo Diggory, say aye.”
“Aye!” all of them yelled, except Binns who was floating around, asleep.
Hagrid raised his arm and said “A’l in f’vor f’r Jil’ Malfoy and Pe’tunia Widdleworth, s’y aye.”
The utter silence was awkward, even for the normally composed teachers. Hagrid embarrassingly crossed off the names and let the next teacher speak.
“All in favour of Poppy Dursley and Theodore Vane, say aye!” blurted out Lupin. “Aye!” said most of the teachers, waking up Binns who muttered something about ‘kids drinking his birth year wine’ and ‘no good bets.’ Probably salty from not having a winning bet for over 70 years.
Suddenly, a student barges through the doors, screeching “THOMAS BACKWRIGHT KEEPS CHASING ME!”
All the teachers whipped their heads to the disturbance.
“Um… What's this?” He says, looking around at the large piece of parchment mysteriously vanishing before his eyes.
After Snape dealt with the kids, banishing them to their dormitories, and stomping on their Weasley Wheezes Extendable Ear, the paper appeared back in place as the door flew closed.
“Didn't anyone remember to lock the staff doors?” Asked McGonagall. “We don’t want anyone like Umbridge walking in, now do we.”
“Witchy bi-” whispered Trelawny.
“Hey, Binns, got any bets?” asked Flitwick.
“Yes!... I… think… Joe.. Lightwork… and… Sienna… Douglas… should… be… together.” Binns said, extremely slowly.
“Ewww!” yelled Madam Pomfrey. “First of all, they are in Gryffindor and Slytherin, second of all they are cousins… COUSINS!”
Severus frowned. “Is that an insult towards my house, Pomfrey? I assure you, the only reason to not have a Gryffindor and a Slytherin together is that I fear that my students may catch their stupidity.”
“No... they are cousins… Cousins…” she whispered horrified. “Anyways, we have had Slytherin and Gryffindor students before, like Sirius Black and Ronan Witk.”
“STUPIDITY?” yelled McGonagall and Dumbledore, realizing what Severus had said.
Trying to defuse tension, Lupin brings up that time is running out to place bets. “Any other bets, people? Pomfrey, Trelawney?”
“I have one... Money and ME!” blurted Madam Pomfrey. “Potions these days are worth an arm and a leg to save an arm and a leg! I demand a raise in my pay, you old greasy excuse of a headmaster, or I’ll leave and let my replacement be Gilderoy Lockhart!”
The silence could have been heard throughout the castle if it wasn't a mid-day weekend.