Work Text:
1961
The first time Sirius saw his baby brother, time stopped and the world stopped spinning. The hospital walls were no longer ivory white but golden, and all noise from the hallways had disappeared.
Sirius stared at the sunlight flickering on his baby brother's eyelashes and smiled.
"He's so tiny!" Sirius said and climbed onto the bed. Mother winced, but she let him get close enough to stroke his baby brother's thick black hair.
"He is," Mother said. Her words sounded like a sigh, but she was smiling too.
His baby brother puckered his lips and made tiny sounds Sirius would never forget. All parts of him knew it. Even the ones that had been scared to death until now.
"Do you want to know his name?" Mother asked.
"Yes!" Sirius said and scooted a little closer.
"His name is Regulus," Mother said. "He's named after a star."
"Just like me," Sirius smiled.
"Yes," Mother nodded. "Just like you."
Sirius sat on Mother’s thigh, and then he saw it. The first sparkle of light in his baby brother's eyes when they locked eyes.
Sirius could swear it came with a flash of mischief.
"Hi, Regulus!" Sirius said and tickled Regulus just under his little chin. "I'm Sirius. I'm your big brother. And I'll teach you to play with horsies, and make snowmen, and when you're big and can run like me, I'll build us a fort and— and I'll tell you stories about your aunts and uncles and cousins and—"
Regulus sneezed, and Sirius’s heart melted into a puddle.
"And we'll be the best of friends," Sirius whispered with a gentle smile and ran his fingers over Regulus's cheek. "Forever and ever and ever, until we're a hundred, no, a million years old, and after that too."
Regulus blinked.
"He doesn't say much, does he?" Sirius asked.
"No," Mother chuckled. "But he'll learn."
"I'll teach him all the bad words."
"Merlin, I hope not."
"Oh, I will," Sirius grinned and tickled Regulus again.
Mother and Father put Regulus's crib in their bedroom, but every night after they went to sleep, Sirius slipped out of his bed and watched Regulus sleep. He gave Regulus a wolf toy when he was four months old, and looking at Regulus got even better. Because now Sirius got to see how Regulus pressed his nose against the wolf's grey fur and fell asleep with his tiny arms wrapped tightly around it.
"You're my best friend," Sirius whispered every time just before he slipped back to his bed. "And you always will be."
Regulus still didn't say much, but Sirius could swear he always smiled back.
***
1965
"Ouch!" Regulus said when Sirius smacked him with his teddy bear. "What was that for?"
"Teddy just wants to meet you. That's how he says hello."
"He should learn better manners."
"You sound like Uncle Alphard.”
It made Regulus giggle.
Sirius smacked him with Teddy again. Gently, of course. "See? Teddy's sad because you haven't said hello to him."
Regulus pushed his curls back into place. "Hello, Teddy. Could you please stop hitting me?"
"He wants to meet your teddy bear too."
"Oh. Okay." Regulus crawled out of their fort and came back with his teddy. It had lost an eye, but Regulus didn't mind. Regulus never minded. No matter what happened to his toys when Sirius got too rowdy to sit still. "Teddy, this is Arcturus."
"Why did you name him after Grandfather?"
"I didn't name him after Grandfather. I named him after me."
"Then why isn't he called Regulus?"
"Because…" Regulus's voice quieted down and he scrunched his nose like he always did when he was thinking hard.
"That's okay," Sirius shrugged. "I don't want any other Reguluses."
"You don't?" Regulus whispered.
Sirius shook his head. "But if he was called Regulus, then… then you would need a nickname."
"I don't have a nickname."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "That's the point. We could come up with one."
"Like what?"
"Like…" Sirius scrunched his nose. "Like Reg."
Regulus blinked.
"Do you like it?" Sirius asked.
Regulus shrugged. "I'm still not naming him Regulus. He's called Arcturus."
"Fine, fine. But can I call you Reg?"
Regulus's eyes were full of moonlight when he nodded. Moonlight and something that looked like happiness. One they never found outside of their fort, but one they never needed to. All they could ever need was pushed inside their fort where no one else's heart fit but theirs.
"Okay then. You're Reg, this is Teddy, and that's Arcturus," Sirius said.
"Why don't you have a nickname?"
"Because I hate being called Siri."
"What about Sir?"
They looked at each other and burst into laughter.
"Okay, okay," Regulus said, trying to hide his giggle behind his hands. "No Siri."
"No. Just Sirius."
"Yeah," Regulus said with a tiny smile. "Just Sirius. And just Reg."
"And Teddy and Arcturus."
"And Teddy and Arcturus."
Sirius heard Mother shriek before she had made a sound. "Regulus! Get back in your bed!"
Regulus startled. Just before leaving their fort, he stopped and looked at Sirius who was holding both teddy bears.
"Take care of Arcturus," Regulus said. "If he loses his other eye, you'll leave him blind."
"And we don't want that."
"No, we don't."
"Fear not, baby brother," Sirius smiled. "I promise I'll take care of him. Just like I take care of you."
"Forever and ever?" Regulus whispered.
"Forever and ever and ever," Sirius smiled.
Regulus smiled back and went back to his room.
***
1966
"I have a new game."
Regulus looked up from his herbarium. "What kind of game?"
"Every time we take a bean, if it's a good bean, we have to tell a secret. If it's a bad bean, then we have to… well, I didn't get to that part yet."
Regulus left his herbarium on the floor and got closer to Sirius. "If it's a bad bean, then… then we tell an ugly secret."
"Aren't all secrets ugly?"
Regulus shrugged. "Some are uglier than others."
"Okay. I'll go first." Sirius grabbed an every-flavour bean, threw it in the air and caught it with his mouth. "Mmm. Honeydew." He chewed on the bean slowly. "My secret is… last weekend, I thought Mother's pot roast tasted really bad."
Regulus giggled.
"Didn't you think so?" Sirius asked.
He knew the flash of light in Regulus's eyes answered his question, but sometimes he just wanted to hear Regulus say things out loud.
"Yeah," Regulus said. "Yeah, it was bad."
"Alright. Your turn."
Regulus grabbed a bean and licked it carefully before putting it in his mouth.
"So?"
"Mint."
"Mint's good, right?"
Regulus nodded. "My secret is…” He was quiet for a while. “Sometimes when Kreacher is in the garden, I help him.”
“You call that a secret?”
Regulus shifted. “Mother wouldn’t approve of it.”
“Fair. What do you do in the garden?”
“I water the plants.”
“And?”
Regulus looked away. “And… sometimes I watch the birds and wish I was one of them.”
Sirius nodded slowly. The silence wrapped around his throat, so he picked up another bean. It missed his mouth and he grabbed it from in between Regulus’s legs and spat it right out. “Gross!”
“What was it?” Regulus asked.
“Wet grass.”
“Wet grass is not bad.”
“Speak for yourself,” Sirius said and showed Regulus his tongue. He knew it was green, and it made Regulus laugh and hide his face behind his hands. “Okay. An ugly secret then.”
Regulus nodded.
Sirius picked on his cuticles. “I wish I was a bird too,” he said quietly. “Every day, I wish… I wish I could spend one day soaring in the skies. Just one. Flying over the rooftops of Grimmauld Place and going wherever I want to.”
“Where would you go?”
“Anywhere but here.”
Pain flashed in Regulus’s eyes. He grabbed a bean and barely chewed on it before swallowing.
“I wish you would take me with you,” Regulus whispered. “I wish when you dreamed about leaving, I would always be right behind you.”
“You are, Reg,” Sirius whispered. “Even when they’re not daydreams but nightmares, you’re always there. You hold my hand and we go someplace else, just you and me. Sometimes it’s a desert. Other times there are penguins. It doesn’t matter where. I’d spend a million nights under freezing clouds and stormy skies as long as it meant you never let go of my hand.”
“I won’t,” Regulus whispered. “I never could. Not even if I tried.”
“I hope you never have to,” Sirius said, closing his eyes. “Try.”
“Me too,” Regulus whispered.
***
1967
Regulus was staring at the roots of the tallest tree that grew in the park. Sirius tried to understand why Regulus did it but he never could. Regulus talked about petals and leaves and pollen, but all Sirius could see were the same shades of green.
He stared at Regulus's back and sat on the swing. His gaze didn't drop, not even when he started kicking the ground with his feet and flew higher and higher.
Regulus didn't want to be interrupted. So when Evan walked to him and gave him a shove, flames rampaged all over Sirius's chest.
"Let's climb the tree," he heard Evan say.
Regulus shook his head. His back was still towards Sirius, but he knew Regulus stayed silent.
"Come on," Evan whined. "I want to climb to the tree top. Don't you want to see what the world looks like from there?"
Regulus didn't need to see any other worlds. All Regulus needed was to stay close to Sirius, and he'd always make sure the world didn't hurt. No matter who was yelling at them. No one could ever hurt Regulus. Not as long as he didn't lose sight of Sirius.
So when there was a thump and Regulus started crying, Sirius dragged Evan to the ground in seconds and hit everything his fists could reach.
"Sirius!" Bella shrieked. "Let go of him!"
"You- hurt- my- little- brother!" Sirius yelled in between punches.
"He fell!" Evan said. He lifted his hands over his face, but Sirius hit him in the nose anyway. "It wasn't my fault!"
"Yes, it was! He's hurt and it's all your fault!"
He felt someone lift him from his armpits, but he kept kicking. Evan turned on his stomach and ran away, and all Sirius could see was Regulus lying on his side, holding his right arm, the cold ground swallowing his tears.
Sirius bit the hand that was keeping them apart until he tasted metal on his lips. Bella screamed and dropped him, and Sirius fell on top of his ankle, but he could barely feel the pain. He ran to Regulus and the rest of the world went quiet.
He pressed their foreheads together and gently brushed Regulus's cheeks with his thumbs. He couldn't always stop Regulus's tears from running down his cheeks, but he could always stop them from hurting.
"It's okay," Sirius whispered. "You can cry. It's okay."
"It hurts," Regulus said and cried harder.
"It won't last forever. Remember? No pain lasts forever. No matter how many tears you have to shed. The tears will stop, and so will the hurt."
Regulus clung to Sirius's shirt.
"I'm here," Sirius whispered. "I'll be here until your arm is fixed, and I'll be here after it too."
"You will?" Regulus whispered.
Sirius wished Regulus would stop asking that. Sirius wished it wasn't this hard for Regulus to believe he was loved.
"Of course I will," Sirius whispered, holding Regulus closer. "You're my baby brother. Loving you is the easiest thing I've ever done."
Regulus's arm was fixed overnight, but Sirius still refused to sit across from him at the dinner table. No matter how many of his hairs stuck to Mother's rings.
***
1969
Regulus looked so offended that his face had contorted into a frown. It almost made Sirius laugh.
“You stole my half!” Regulus said. “Give it back!”
“I didn’t steal it. I kept it safe.”
“From who?”
“Kreacher,” Sirius said and took a step back. Regulus walked through the door and sat on Sirius’s bed. “He said he’d tell Mother that Uncle Alphard got us a box. So I had to steal it for safekeeping.”
“Safekeeping,” Regulus repeated. “Did you happen to eat my half already?”
“Why do you have so little faith in me, Reg?” Sirius grinned and took out the box of chocolate cauldrons from under his bed. “I haven’t touched your half. I’ve barely touched them at all.”
“You ate three of them already.”
“Well, I was hungry.”
“Why didn’t you wait for me?” Regulus whispered.
Sirius sat next to him on the bed. “I did, Reg. I’ve had them here for days. So the fact that I’ve only eaten three is something close to a miracle.”
It got a chuckle out of Regulus.
“Here,” Sirius said and handed a chocolate cauldron from the untouched side to Regulus. “Let’s make a toast. To mischief.”
Regulus raised an eyebrow.
“How else was I going to steal the box from Kreacher?” Sirius asked. “It was either that or bribing him. And he doesn’t particularly care for my offerings.”
“You should get him drunk with firewhisky.”
“Oh, come on.”
“What?”
“You really think I haven’t done that already?”
“Okay, okay,” Regulus chuckled and lifted his chocolate cauldron slightly. “To mischief.”
“To always sticking together.”
Regulus’s eyes sparkled in the little light left.
“To brotherhood,” he whispered.
Some part of Sirius’s heart wanted to break. But then Regulus smiled at him, and the world stopped spinning again.
“To brotherhood,” Sirius said with a smile that melted all the ice behind Regulus’s eyes.
***
1971
Sirius hoped this wasn’t the last summer he and Regulus would spend in their fort. Bees were buzzing all around them and the grass felt prickly and harsh, but Regulus didn’t seem to mind.
“Come with me,” Sirius said.
“Where?”
“To Hogwarts.”
“I will. Next year.”
“No,” Sirius said and shook his head. “Come with me this year. You can hide somewhere in the train, and then when we get there, you can go straight to my dorm and wait for me there and… and then we’ll sleep in the same bed and run around the castle together and go on all the adventures we always dreamed of having once both of us were… no longer here.”
“I can’t,” Regulus said quietly. “They’d never let me stay there.”
“Come with me.”
“Sirius, please,” Regulus whispered and closed his eyes.
“Okay, okay,” Sirius said with an exhale. “I won’t ask you again.”
“I’d come if I could,” Regulus whispered. “You know that, right?”
“Of course I know that,” Sirius whispered. “You’d come with me to a farm full of cow droppings and mud and pigs I asked you to.”
Regulus chuckled, but it didn’t last long. “Yeah. I… I would.”
“I’ll be back for Christmas,” Sirius said for the hundredth time. “And Easter.”
“I know.”
“So you have those months to learn all about the weirdest plants that ever existed, and then you’ll have so many things to tell me that we won’t sleep for a single second during the holidays.”
“I won’t have much to tell,” Regulus said quietly. “But you will.”
“Oh, you know I will. I’ll tell you all about the castle and the grounds and Hogsmeade and—“
“And your friends,” Regulus said with a brave smile that cracked from the edges.
“Our friends,” Sirius said. “No Evans or Bellas or Mothers. Just you and me and kids that will teach us all about the worlds we were never allowed to see.”
“Will you still be my friend when you come back?” Regulus whispered.
Sirius grabbed his hand. “Reg, please. I’ll be so much more than your friend.”
“Your best friend?”
Sirius held his hand tighter. “You’ve been my best friend from the day you were born,” he whispered. “No amount of distance could ever take that away. I’d never allow it to.”
Regulus nodded and shed a tear. Sirius wiped it away and held Regulus’s cheek.
“Promise me something,” Sirius said.
“Anything,” Regulus whispered.
“Promise me that… that no matter how far away we are from each other, we’ll always find our way back.”
“I promise,” Regulus said with no hesitation in sight.
“Okay,” Sirius said with a tiny smile. He was about to speak, but Regulus interrupted him.
“Promise me that even if something bad happens, you’ll never stop loving me,” Regulus whispered. “Even if it’s something really, really bad.”
“Oh, Reg. I could never not love you,” Sirius whispered. “No part of me would stay in place if I didn’t love you.”
“Do you promise?”
“I promise. Do you?”
“There hasn’t been a day in my life when I haven’t loved you, Sirius,” Regulus whispered. “And there never will be. No matter what happens.”
“No matter the distance.”
“No matter the distance.”
“Promise me you’ll take care of our fort,” Sirius said, lifting his gaze to the water droplets that oozed through the mattresses.
“I will. I’ll keep it safe.”
“You better. Or Mother might do something stupid like try to take it away from you.”
“From us.”
“Yeah,” Sirius said with a tiny smile.
“We’ll always be us, right?” Regulus whispered.
His eyes were full of moonlight and love. So much love it didn’t fit in Sirius’s chest. So he wrapped his arms around Regulus instead.
“We’ll always be us,” Sirius smiled. “I promise.”
“Forever and ever?”
“Forever and ever and ever,” Sirius whispered and held his baby brother tighter.