Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Out of all the odd things Hunter had experienced throughout his time in the boiling isles, this feeling seemed to be the weirdest. Everything else that had happened thus far made sense, it may have been traumatic and wrong, but it made sense. This didn’t.

After dating Willow for a while now, Hunter had become more and more in love with her as a person: She was incredibly caring and kind not just to him as a partner, but to everyone she knew. She had a philosophy; an idea that if you treat everyone with kindness, it’ll eventually come back to you, even in the most rotten of people. Although Hunter generally thought that idea was absurd, as you could see with Odalia and Kikimura, he couldn’t argue with the fact that he himself was an example of its truth. While under the reign of Belos, he was an awful person, and he knew that. If it weren’t for Luz’s kindness, and later Willow’s, he probably wouldn’t be the person he is now. Willow truly had the biggest heart of anyone he knew.

And so, it comes to no one’s surprise that Hunter did love her, of course he did. But what’s odd is that with time, he’s developed a sort of sourness towards her. No, that’s the wrong word. He was never rude to her, and he wouldn’t wish anything bad upon her, but why did he feel so… off for the lack of a better word. Like she had something he didn’t. Her laugh always sounded so lovely, and his was always loud and rough. Not in a way oddly noticeable to anyone, but he just wished he had hers. He wished he had her eyes, her long hair, all of it. He didn’t just love her, he seemingly wanted to be her. It slowly started to make sense to him that the feeling he felt wasn’t sourness or disdain, but rather jealousy.

Once he recognized this, he realized that that feeling, whilst strongest when next to Willow, seemed to apply itself to so many others he’d met as well. Luz and Amity were both culprits, people he’d always rather be than himself. But that was just regular self-image issues, right? Maybe he just wanted to be anyone but myself simply because he didn’t like myself. But no, the longer he thought about it, the more he realised that there are people who he looked up to but wouldn’t want to turn into overnight. Like Gus. He was great, a lovely person, but Hunter wouldn’t want to be him. But why? He’s just as kind-hearted as all the others, that doesn’t make sense. None of this does. Maybe he should just let this rest a little bit. Not indefinitely, he just needed some sleep. And besides, one shouldn’t waste every waking minute in one’s own thoughts, that served no purpose.

He decided that it was in his best interest to try and get some sleep, perhaps a fresh day would provide a fresh view. But as soon as he laid down on his soft bed, he quickly realised that sleep was not something he would be finding anytime soon, at least not naturally. He opened his dresser and pulled out a bottle of purple tablets, still about half full. They were given to him from Darius back when he still had night terrors, the kind that prevented him from ever getting a decent night’s rest. What they were made of he had no idea, however they worked like a dream. Not only did they allow him to fall asleep reliably, but they also allowed him to sleep through the night properly, regardless of how much was on his mind. Was it worth taking one now though? He did only have half a bottle left, something like ten tablets at most. And he didn’t want to ask Darius for more; he’d ask Hunter why, and Hunter in turn would have to tell him about the whole ordeal. No, he really didn’t want to talk about it right now. But he could really use some sleep, and there’s no point in keeping them there forever, they had to be used eventually. He decided to take one and sat back down on his bed, waiting the half hour for the pills to take hold.

The following days he paid special attention to those he seemed to envy, maybe there was a pattern he could find. But by the end of several days passed, he had nothing. All of it was just as cryptic as when he started, all his questions as inexplicable as prior. In the end he decided to just let it go; Jealousy is normal, everyone has it to a certain degree. There’s no good reason it should affect his thoughts and mind so severely, he was being entirely irrational. He just had to convince himself of that truth, even if that felt like a seemingly unsurmountable task.

It had been a solid week since he swore to ignore, or rather rationalize, as he put it, the problem. He was out in the forest of the human realm with Willow, the one around Luz’s old house. There was an old log next to a pond that they always sat on, only about two minutes from the main road. It was one of her favourite places to be, all the new foreign plants were of deep interest to her, all of them entirely different to what she had known throughout her life. He would sometimes find her talking to the plants, helping them grow with her magic. One might think it was her happy place. Hunter quite liked it too, perhaps because of all the time he spent there with her. They had been silently sitting there for several minutes now, however the silence itself wasn’t an awkward one, they were simply enjoying each other’s company. While deep in thought, he noticed Willow humming next to him, weaving a necklace of deep violet flowers in her hands. She wasn’t quick at it, despite having done it hundreds of times, but that wasn’t for a lack of ability. She simply enjoyed the process. Her humming slowly stopped, as though she had come to the end of a song, as she turned to look at him.

“Hunter, are you ok?” she said.
That was odd. He thought he was doing a pretty good job of hiding his rather troubling thoughts. He had been specifically focused on not allowing any of his issues to exhibit themselves towards the outside and as far as he was concerned, they shouldn’t even exist to begin with.

“Hunter you’ve been really distant lately, it’s kind of worrying. You usually talk to me about everything, but we haven’t talked at all about anything for over a week now. If there’s anything on your mind that’s troubling you, I want to be able to help.”

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to be distant. I’m fine though, I swear. Just something stupid that’s bothering me a bit. But it shouldn’t last much longer, you really don’t need to worry.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for, I’m not mad. I just want to help.”

Why didn’t he want to talk about it? He talked about virtually everything with her, even if it was uncomfortable. So why was this something he wanted to keep secret so badly? ‘Probably because jealousy is a bad look and is pretty much known for killing relationships’, he thought. Maybe he should just tell her. He did just say that it wouldn’t last much longer, so it would only be a temporary problem. Except that he had a bad feeling this might be here to stay, and that would be yet another thing to lie about. No, he shouldn’t tell her. God, why was this so complicated? Whatever, he needed an excuse. She was already looking at him, waiting for a response, so just think of something. Why was he blanking? Ok just be honest, that works too. Don’t tell her the truth of the thoughts, just tell her that he had thoughts that he didn’t want to talk about, that he wanted to sort them out first.

“I’m sorry, I know you want to help, but I don’t know. They’re kind of like a sort of intrusive thought, but I haven’t totally figured them out yet. I’m not super comfortable talking about them yet. I just need a bit more time. If that’s ok.”

Maybe he was reading into it a bit too much, but she seemed disappointed by his response. That was understandable though, they did talk about everything, and now he was closing himself off. He felt bad, but he also didn’t want to tell her everything just yet, in case in turned out to be an actual problem.

“That’s ok. I understand. Talking about things isn’t always easy, and if you ever do change your mind, just know that I’m still here.”

She had a warm smile on her face, maybe he didn’t screw up too much with this. She shifted a bit closer to Hunter, leaning her head on his shoulder. The closeness was really quite nice, he had to admit. It made him feel just a bit less anxious.

“Do you want to change the subject? I know this is taxing on you.” She added.

“I think that’d be nice.”

“Ok, just give me a second to think of something.”

She leaned back and closed her eyes, clearly trying to think of anything to move the conversation to something more enjoyable and light-hearted.

“Oh, I know! Do you remember how I was trying to connect more with Amity and Luz?”

“Oh yeah, I remember. I knew you wanted to connect more with Amity, now that you’re both friends again, but I didn’t know about Luz.”

“Yeah, I thought it’d be nice to get the group a bit closer in general. Amity came up with the idea of a kind of girl’s night out, we wanted to see a bit more of the human realm, and Luz offered to be our guide. We’d be out for the entire weekend, so the name ‘night out’ doesn’t really fit, but it should be a lot of fun. It’d be next weekend, so in two days.”

“That’s great, I’m so happy for you! And who knows, maybe Gus, King and I could do something on the same weekend together, somewhere different though, don’t worry.” He said, smiling.

She let out a small laugh, showing that it really wouldn’t bother her if he did go to the same place. She said that him meeting up with Gus was probably a great idea, and that she hoped he’d manage to get everyone together.

The idea just popped into his head after he realized he really didn’t want to spend a weekend alone in a room. Besides, if he kept himself busy, he could lessen the amount of time he had to spend in his own head. Oh God, it was getting bad now, wasn’t it? Coming up with meetings with friends not because of the fun and enjoyment of it, but primarily just to stop thinking. That really wasn’t a good sign. Whatever, it’ll pass. It had to eventually.

“It’s getting kind of late, do you wanna start heading home?” she asked.

“Sure, sounds like a good idea.”

Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to start heading home, get some rest. Two pills left; he started keeping track as of recently. But he wouldn’t waste one of them today, he had to make them last a little longer than a mere few days. Besides, Willow would be there today, and he always managed to fall asleep rather quickly in her arms.

They got up together and started making their way back to the portal that would lead them home.

Chapter Text

Unfortunately, a good night’s rest was not something Hunter got to experience. He just couldn’t shake the feeling of having lied to Willow, even if he didn’t technically lie to her, it certainly felt terrible, nonetheless. And that feeling, alongside the original issue itself, seemed to carry him wide awake through the endlessly long night.

The sun gleamed through the cracks in the blinds at last, the signal that the night was officially over. He sighed deeply, realizing that he really was dependant on those stupid pills until he could sort the issue out. Fuck.

Willow stirred behind him, slowly beginning to wake up herself as she tightened her arm around Hunter’s waist. Oh God, she would definitely notice the dark circles under his eyes, wouldn’t she? If she knew that he was losing this much sleep, she would definitely want to know what was going on with him. The whole thing would become “serious”; but how was he supposed to hide it? He thought about it for a minute or two, while Willow was still somewhat asleep, but came up with nothing. It didn’t help that he really, really didn’t want to tell her more lies.

Maybe he was overthinking this. Maybe she wouldn’t notice. And plenty of people wake up with dark circles under their eyes, they just go away after an hour or two. Of course, his stick around a fair bit longer, but she would be leaving to her dads’ place before that timeframe passed.

Willow groaned behind him, propping herself up on one arm. Well too late to come up with anything now, let’s just hope she doesn’t notice, he thought.

“Hey, you’re awake.” He said in a groggy voice. Despite the lack of sleep entirely, his voice still decided to shift down two octaves. God, he hated it. If all-nighters could prevent that voice, he would swear to never sleep again; but of course, they didn’t. And he didn’t even know why he hated it so much to begin with, like oh so much in his life at the moment. He just did.

“Hey. Could you pass me my glasses?” She said while rubbing her eyes.

He leaned over to the bedside table, picking up the large circular glasses.

“Oh God, these are filthy. How do you see through these?”

She laughed softly as he opened the dresser drawer, grabbing a random shirt of his to clean the lenses. You could still recognize smudges on the glasses, but at least they were somewhat transparent again. He handed them over to her.

“Thanks, bee.”

She started calling him that recently because he always wore so much yellow, and she said it made her think of bumblebees. He used to hate it, but admittedly it had been starting to grow on him over time. But only Willow had the right to call him that, no matter how often Luz and Amity expressed their desire to refer to him that way as well.

Hunter pushed himself up into a sitting position, sighing as he rubbed his neck. He and neck pain had become best friends over the past few months, with it becoming particularly annoying since about a week now. He put on the shirt he had just used to clean Willow’s glasses and briefly stretched his arms.

“I’m gonna go brush my teeth really quick” he said, moving the blanket aside and getting up. Before he did that though, he briefly went to the window and opened the blinds, flooding the room with light. Willow winced and blocked the sun with her hand, her eyes still adjusting to the lighting.

“You could also tell me when you’re about to open the blinds, yknow? You always blind me without warning”.

“Sorry” he said smiling.

Hunter made his way out of the bedroom and went to brush his teeth in the bathroom down the hall. So far, she hadn’t said anything about his eyebags, he probably was just overthinking it earlier. Overthinking always had been an issue for him, but never to this degree, he really was on the cusp of losing his mind. How could something he didn’t even know or remotely understand be so emotionally taxing? The same questions, the same lack of answers.

The morning passed by rather quickly, and soon Hunter was already waving Willow goodbye as she left to her parent’s place. Despite everything going on, he was still eternally grateful for getting to have her in his life, every day he got to spend with her was wonderful. Even yesterday, he could only imagine how much worse it probably would’ve been had she not been there. He really didn’t tell her how much she meant to him enough, that was something he had to work on.

He made his way back into the house and went into the kitchen, planning to get something to eat. Willow didn’t eat much in the morning, so he usually had second breakfast after she left. To his surprise, both Darius and Alador were sitting at the table in the kitchen with some coffee. They had been really hitting it off since shortly after Luz’s king-ceanera just a year ago and had since been spending increasing amounts of time together. At this point, it almost felt like Alador had moved in with them. Still, Hunter wasn’t expecting him to be there today, he thought Alador would be in his workshop; he almost always was on Fridays.

“Hey Alador, morning Dad.”

“Hey Hunter!” Alador said, smiling.

He really was just one big teddy bear, especially since he’d gotten comfortable again after his divorce with Odalia. Any bitter side he may have harboured seemed to be entirely dissipated, he really was one of the kindest people you could meet.

“Good morning kiddo. Did you sleep well?” Darius asked.

“Yeah, pretty good, how about you?”

“Not too bad, thanks for asking. There’s still some coffee left if you’d like some.” He said, gesturing to the French press on the table.

“Oh, and I got some fresh fairy brioche, I was craving something sweet this morning. You’re welcome to help yourself to that as well.”

“Is there something special going on today? We don’t usually get this stuff.” Hunter remarked.

But he wasn’t complaining, fairy brioche was absolutely delicious, and he would certainly not pass up an opportunity to have some.

“No, not really. Just thought we haven’t had it in a while, and it did look awfully good in the window at the bakery.” He replied.

Fair enough, he thought, and he went to cut himself a thick slice. Oh, it was still warm. Maybe today wouldn’t be too bad; warm brioche fixed all problems in life, that was his personal take on it at least. He took his first bite and savoured it in his mouth.
God, it was so good.

His expression seemed to make it blatantly apparent how much he liked it as well.

“If I knew you loved this stuff that much, I would get it a lot more often you know.” Darius said.

“No, no. That would make it less of a delicacy. But I suppose a bit more often wouldn’t hurt.”

Darius and Alador both laughed softly at the response. But it was true; as much as he loved it, it wasn’t something to enjoy every day. If the best things in our lives happened constantly, they would no longer be the best things to begin with. They would just be average.
He finished his breakfast and decided to give Gus a call; he wanted to see if they could manage to do something together over the weekend. It was rather atypical for him to call rather than text, courtesy of social anxiety, but in this case, he wanted to get everything organized and put together quickly. Spending the weekend alone would be significantly worse than the brief anxiety of calling his friend, he knew that.

The call went through, and after an awkward exchange of hellos Gus’s mild concern was put to rest (For Hunter usually only called when something was severely wrong). Indeed, Gus was not only free the entire weekend, but he was also in the motions of figuring out what to do himself. The question remained what they even wanted to do, and if King had time.

“Maybe we could go see a Grudgby game” Gus proposed.

Not a bad idea, actually. Sure, why not, he responded.

Although playing Grudgby was something neither of them ever got into all too much, watching it was admittedly thoroughly entertaining. Depending on the teams playing of course, but tomorrow was a bound to be a good show, with Hexside’s seniors competing against Glandus High’s. Despite being the principal of Hexside, Eda insisted on running the Senior Grudgby team herself, along with her sister Lilith running the Junior team. I’ll call King and ask, he told Gus. After a brief set of goodbyes, Hunter hung up the phone and called King next.

“Hey King!”

“Hunter, heyyy! How’ve you been?”

“I’m doing pretty good.” he responded, trying his absolute best to sound even remotely convincing “So Gus and I are planning to go see the Grudgby game tomorrow, and I thought I’d ask if you wanna join. It’d be in the evening around 9”.

“Heck yeah, I’d wanna join! Eda’s gonna be there too to watch her team, we can all go together!”

Eda. He may have forgotten that as team captain, obviously she was going to be there. His ‘guy’s night out’ turned into a chaperoned visit to a game. Not that he didn’t love Eda, of course he did, he just didn’t initially intend for this to be that kind of evening. Oh well.

“Yeah sure, sounds great.” He replied.

Well, I guess that’s that, he thought. But Eda broke rules for a living, they could definitely still have fun. Plus, there’d be free entry for them now, so there’s that. He hung up the phone and sat back down on his bed, now noticing that he had been pacing around his room during the entirety of both phone calls.

This was good, he had something to do over the weekend. Now he just had to pass the time until tomorrow evening, that should be easy enough.

24 hours later, Hunter concluded that it was, in fact, not ‘easy enough’.

Chapter Text

As he made his way down the road to the Grudgby court Hunter tried to hype himself up for the evening. It would be great; he hadn’t had the opportunity to see any of his friends in a significant amount of time and the game itself was bound to be interesting. There was no reason not to look forward to all of it. And to a certain extent, this attempt at positive thinking seemed to work. Not to say he wasn’t still in the midst of a bad depressive episode, but this was indeed something to look forward to.

He breathed in the cool evening air, briefly closing his eyes. There was something rather calming in walking around the boiling isles on an autumn night, maybe it was simply how quiet everything was. Like he wasn’t the only one seeking inner peace, even if almost all others only sought it through sleep. In truth, the calm itself was his main reasoning for walking there rather than simply flying with Waffles, his palisman. Although flying in the night sky was often almost equally as peaceful, in this case that would only give him about five minutes before he would already arrive at the game. He preferred the twenty minutes of serenity he gained this way.

Those twenty minutes seemed to have passed in what felt like less than three, however, as he began to see Hexside and the court itself in the distance. Out front he could already begin to recognize Gus and King, Eda however seemed to be elsewhere. She was probably giving her team a motivational speech; she was the captain after all. His friends eagerly waved to him as they recognized him in the distance.

He broke into a light jog to meet them, a smile growing on his face. It really was nice to see them both again.

“I’m not late, am I?”

“No, no you’re fine. Me and King just came a bit earlier. It is a bit odd that you didn’t just fly with Waffles though” Gus responded.

“Oh. Yeah, I thought it might be nice to just enjoy the evening; if I flew with him then I wouldn’t have had much time to take it all in” he laughed lightly.

They both seemed just a bit surprised, like they were expecting a different answer. Maybe it was a bit odd, but neither of them decided to question it any further.

They spent the next while catching up on everything they hadn’t talked about in the two weeks since they last saw each other, as they made their way over to the back of the queue in front of the snack booth. Gus admitted that he gave up and downloaded HexSwipe, a dating app for witches and wizards of the boiling isles, and even set up a date with a guy he matched with. Love had never really seemed to work out for Gus, but after a short break over the summer he decided it was time to give it all another shot. Apparently, the date was to take place next week and he was really looking forward to it.

“I know I shouldn’t have high expectations, dates on HexSwipe rarely turn into real relationships and I know that, but who knows, maybe I’ll get lucky! Worst case scenario I go on another date, right?” he seemed oddly okay with that idea, the possibility of things going wrong next week truly didn’t seem to bother him significantly, if at all.

“That’s true. But with your dreadlocks and style? C’mon, you’re practically irresistible”
Hunter exclaimed as they all laughed together. It was true though; Gus really did redefine what it meant to have a glow-up over the past year. Not to say he wasn’t irresistible prior to the change, but it really felt like he was coming into his own. He seemed a lot more content with life too, like the change wasn’t just in appearance but internally as well. One couldn’t help but be happy for him.

King was quite happy with where he was in the moment as well, with the return of Luz having a palpably positive influence on his mental health. It was no secret that he missed her a lot when she left to finish her studies in the human realm, even if she did visit frequently. Luz aside though, King was also in the midst of finding himself and what he really wanted to spend his life doing. With the defeat of Belos came a new era of titan magic, one that was still unknown to everyone including himself, but still inherently fixed to his own existence; he couldn’t help but wonder if researching it might reveal more about his past and who he really was. And so that’s what he spent a lot of his time doing, honing his abilities and his understanding of each of them. Not in a bookworm sense, the boredom would certainly kill him, but in a more practical manner.

“Besides, even if I don’t learn anything new about myself, I’ll still have cool abilities to show for it, so there’s that. And who knows, maybe I can even help Luz slip back into her titan form for a bit. Amity would probably lose it, and I’d pay anything to see that” King said, laughing along with the rest of us.

They paid for their food and left towards the outdoor stadium. The game should start in only a couple more minutes, and they still had to find Eda; Apparently, she saved them premium seats in the front row. They made their way into the stadium and quickly caught sight of her a short distance away. She grinned widely and waved them over with her golden hook, clearly ecstatic to see them. Not to say they weren’t happy to see her as well.

“I was wondering when you lot would show up; the game’s about to begin! I just finished giving a pep talk to my team, a pretty good one too, if you ask me.”

Her team seemed more nervous than every other player present, one could only hope she didn’t threaten them, especially considering the fact that threats would almost certainly fit into her idea of a ‘motivational speech’. Although, admittedly, they did also seem determined to win. Or simply to avoid determined to avoid Eda’s threat. Who could know?

“Eda, you didn’t threaten them, did you?”

“God no, what do you think of me?” She replied, taken aback.

The response would be somewhat reassuring if she didn’t immediately follow it up with the worlds widest grin and a wink.

May the Titan protect them.

“Now sit down, would you? The games about to begin!”

Gus, King and Hunter all sat down next to each other; three bags of popcorn in hand and each already half empty. Soon after taking their seats, the Commentator flew in on their staff and announced the beginning of the game.

“Good evening witches, wizards, and all those with an affinity for magic! Tonight, we shall see two of the greatest senior Grudgby teams face off in an epic battle for a spot in the grand finals! On one side we have the one and only, Team Hexside!”

The crowd roared with delight at an impossibly high volume as they cheered on their team. The three Hexside players, consisting of two witches and a wizard, all waved to the crowd. Hunter quickly realized he ought to put in his earplugs if he wanted to retain any of his hearing by the end of the evening.

“And on the other side, the previous championship winners, Glandus High!”

Again, the crowd cheered loudly for their team, albeit this time the noise came from the other side of the court. The truth was, Glandus High didn’t just win last season, they’ve won more than any other school up until now. As a matter of fact, Hexside were kind of the underdogs when it came to senior Grudgby, normally nobody really viewed them as a team that could realistically take the trophy of the championship. Normally being the key word here; with Eda as the new team captain, a lot of people have gained a newfound hope that this could be the year for team Hexside, that the underdogs might actually pull it off. While the enthusiasm was great from the fans, it did end up putting a bit more stress on the team to perform well this season.

The teams started lining up at the centre of the court, both sides clearly a little nervous (although the Hexside team was noticeably more so). The referee flew down between both teams, nodding at all the players and reminding them to play a clean game. Towards the end of the sentence, he looked up at Eda, acknowledging that even on the side lines she could probably pull something off. At last, he flew off to the side again, a horn blared loudly, a ball was thrown in the air, and the game began.

Immediately, one of the Hexside players, Jenna, rushed up and knocked the ball past the enemy lines across the court, barely coming in contact with the ball before the tallest student from Glandus High, Elvin. Hunter always had trouble remembering the names of the different Grudgby players, but Elvin had become very well known throughout the boiling isles for being a cut above the rest. Instead of pivoting and rushing towards the ball, he rushed across the court to the opponent’s side, clearly preparing for a play from his teammates. And his preparation indeed paid off, as one of the other Glandus High players expertly summons a vine from the ground and knocks the ball back to Hexside’s side of the court. Elvin receives the ball swiftly and lets a large purple arm raise him to the goal, depositing the ball within.

A loud chime can be heard as the scoreboard presents 1-0 for Glandus High. The crowd roars as they rise from their seats, cheering on their teammates. Hunter looked over to Eda, clearly unhappy about what just happened.

Once again, the referee drifted to the centre of the court and threw the ball into the air. Once again, Hexside was able to grab the ball first, although this time it was Selvus, another player on the team. He quickly created two identical illusions of himself and dashed to the side, leaving the opponents to guess which one of him was the real one. As the three opponents all covered one version of Selvus, he passes over to Jenna, who was now entirely free. Despite her not having any form of usable magic (her main specialty was beast keeping, and beasts of any kind weren’t allowed into the stadium), she was able to swiftly pass through enemy lines and toss the ball up to the net, scoring a point for Hexside.

Instantly Eda’s demeanour changes, along with everyone else’s who were cheering for Hexside. One didn’t need to be particularly versed in reading someone’s thoughts to see how proud Eda was of Jenna and the rest of the team.

As the referee returned to the court for the second time, Hunter realised that his heart wasn’t really in the game. Why, he couldn’t tell. He tried to shake the feeling and return his focus to the game; this was supposed to be a nice evening out after all. It was supposed to be their guy’s night out.

Why did that sting?

As he finally pushed the thoughts away and refocused on the game, he quickly saw that the scoreboard was 1-4 for Glandus. Apparently, they scored three more times since he was first lost in thought. The crowd on this side had gone mostly quiet at this point, having hoped the point earlier was a sign that they might perform equally well for the rest of the game. That’s probably why neither Gus nor King seemed to notice his mental absence. The near silence couldn’t be good for Hexside’s moral.

“You’ve got this guys! You can do this!” he decidedly cheered. They might not win, sure, but that doesn’t mean they should go down without a fight. Within seconds, Gus, King, and several others had joined in, cheering on Hexside. The cheers didn’t go in vain either, as Jenna and the other two looked up at the crowd and gained a visible newfound determination. Looking down from the bleachers, Hunter could see Selvus whispering something to the others, clearly planning something for the round. The others nodded, and as the limited game time continued to pass, the ball was thrown again, and another round began.

Quickly, Mezra, Hexside’s third player who specialized in botanical magic, tied down all three Glandus High players to the ground with vines, causing two of them to trip over. With a newfound opportunity, Jenna jumped and grabbed the ball out of the air, looking over to Selvus, who nodded and promptly created five different projections of himself, making it impossible to guess who Jenna could possibly intend to pass too. But as Glandus players broke free from the vines and dashed to cover three of the projections, they quickly realized they were covering the wrong ones, as Jenna passed to different version of Selvus, who nimbly caught the ball and threw it up into the enemy’s goal.

Just as the crowd of Hexside fans stood up to applaud, an abomination from Elvin rose and caught the ball just centimetres in front of the net, preventing the goal. And with seemingly no effort at all, it tossed the ball back to another Glandus player, eagerly waiting on the other side of the court. The ball was once again raised to the net and this time a point was indeed made.

To say this killed the moral even more would still be a severe understatement, as the Hexside team looked completely and utterly defeated. And just as defeat was accepted, with mere seconds on the clock to spare, Mezra’s demeanour changed entirely. She inexplicably rushed forward, and, with a single second remaining, she presented the court with none other than the Rusty Smidge between her fingers.

The crowd went feral, and for at least the second time that evening, Hunter dearly regretted forgetting his earplugs. Seemingly everyone simultaneously shot up from their seats, loudly cheering and shouting compliments to team Hexside. Even King climbed onto Gus’ shoulders to cheer along from higher up. The looks from the Glandus High’s crowd were truly priceless, and Hunter couldn’t help but stifle a laugh. Eda was also over joyous, certainly, but she seemed to lack a feeling of surprise, leading Hunter to believe that the finding of the Rusty Smidge wasn’t exactly unscripted. A very furious principal on the other side of the court revealed that he probably didn’t think it was a coincidence either, but as was most often the case when Eda cheated, proving it would be virtually impossible.

Witches and Wizards started flooding the exits of the stadium, all conversing about the game they just watched. The truth was, everybody, including Hexside students, already kind of knew the win wasn’t a deserved one. Not even because Eda possibly cheated, but more so because the Rusty Smidge was a ridiculous win condition to begin with. Games that ended this way were never particularly interesting, and that wasn’t even a subjective opinion.
Hunter and the others began to head out of the stadium as well, minus Eda who headed down to the court to talk to the Hexside team. Gus and Hunter decided not to wait for her, but King ended up heading down. She was his ride home anyway.

“I can’t believe we won against Glandus” Gus stated, an undertone of excitement clearly to be heard. “Even if it was by catching the Rusty Smidge.”

“Yeah. Kind of crazy to think about the fact that Hexside will be competing in this year’s finals”. He responded.

Neither of them really knew how to continue the conversation; it was rather obvious that Hunter’s heart wasn’t really in it. After an awkwardly long stretch of silence, Gus seemed to catch on to that too.

“You doing ok?”

“Yeah, fine. Just a lot on my mind right now” Hunter answered, managing a (hopefully) halfway convincing smile.

“Hunter, I’ve known you long enough to know that you’re most definitely not fine. But if you don’t want to, or can’t talk about it right now, that’s okay too. Just know I’m always here for you.”

“Yeah, maybe not right now. But thanks”.

He did really appreciate it. But how rude would it be to tell Gus that he was depressed because he was with him and King and not the other girls? You can’t just say something like that without sounding like a complete asshole. Maybe he didn’t just sound like one, he really was one. Would a good person feel this way?

They had been standing outside the stadium in silence for a solid half hour by now, and the crowd was long gone.

“I think I’m going to head home now. But seriously, I meant it. If you ever need anything, text me, call me, whatever. I’ll be there.”

“Thanks again Gus. You’re a really good friend.”

“It’s the bear minimum Hunter.”

No, it wasn’t. But he didn’t say that.

They lingered together a while longer, and then they both split off in their own ways towards home. This time he didn’t walk back; he just wanted to be back home as soon as possible. Weirdly enough, his thoughts weren’t racing as much as he assumed they would on the way back though. Instead, he was just filled with a sense of melancholy, like he could physically feel the sheer weight of his heart pulling him down to the floor.

Soon enough he did make it home and both Alador and Darius seemed to already be asleep, meaning he didn’t have to put up a mask before reaching his room. As soon as he closed the door to his room behind him, the thoughts began flooding through his mind, as if turned on by the flick of a switch.

Why? Why did he feel so terrible? Why did he want to be with the girls so much, why did he hate calling it a ‘guys night out’, why did he hate the sound of his voice when he laughed, why did he hate it in general, why was he so jealous of Luz, and Willow, and Amity? None of this made sense. Hunter began to realise that he was spiralling, but he had no idea how to stop it. Despite how often this had occurred in the past, he never really found a good way to cope with it.

Think about this rationally, everything has an explanation, he told himself. What was the correlation, why were all these things specifically problematic?
And then it hit him.

Like a fucking train.

He wasn’t jealous of Willow, or Luz, or Amity because of what they did, he was jealous of them because they were women.

Chapter Text

Despite what one might expect, after coming to this realization Hunter had their first decent bit of sleep in probably weeks. Sure, his thoughts were racing for a decent while longer, but the newfound clarity seemed to be enough for this night at least. And with the clarity came a sense of relief as well, because despite this not exactly being a great thing to realise, it finally put an end to all this seemingly senseless suffering.

By the time his eyes started to open, it was clear that the morning hours were already long gone. Despite the blinds being closed, there was still a noticeable bright light peeking through, it must be about midday at this point. And Hunter had a feeling that he would’ve slept even longer if it wasn’t for the light’s interruption. He propped himself onto one arm and grabbed his scroll to check the time, as well as for any new messages. As suspected, it was about 1 pm, meaning that Hunter actually managed to sleep a solid ten hours for once, and he felt like it too. As for the latter, he had several new messages from Willow, asking how yesterday was and if everything was okay, since he hadn’t responded for so long. He quickly responded that everything was fine; he didn’t want her to worry any longer than she already had up until now. Gus also had also written him to ask if he was feeling any better, to which Hunter also responded to positively. And for once that wasn’t even a lie, he genuinely did feel better. Certainly not good, there was no question about that, but significantly better.
He took a moment to sit and think in bed. What all this meant for him. He was jealous of women. To be more specific, he wasn’t just jealous of them, he wished he was one of them as well. God that can’t be right. I mean it was, but the question arose rather quickly afterwards: was he alone in this feeling? Was this a unique experience, or did other people have this too? Lots of questions, but there were seemingly no answers to any of them. Except for the question that plagued him up until now, he supposed; at least there was finally an answer to that. Maybe he should talk to someone, who that was, he had no idea. He decided to get ready for the day and go from there, maybe he’ll think of someone, or come up with an answer himself in the meantime.

He pushed the blanket to the side and finally climbed out of bed, got dressed, and did the other regular activities. He made his way down to the kitchen once again and was mildly surprised to find only Darius standing at the island, Alador was nowhere in sight.

“Hey, you made it out of bed!” He said with a soft laugh. Hunter knew he wasn’t saying it to tease him, Darius didn’t do that sort of thing much.

“I wasn’t sure if I should wake you, I didn’t know how late you got home yesterday, and I didn’t want you to be sleep deprived.”

“Yeah, it did actually turn out to be pretty late by the end, thanks for letting me sleep”, he responded.

It was kind of amusing that despite this being the day when he should be more tired than normal, he hadn’t felt better in a long time. He imagined this to be pretty noticeable to Darius as well, judging from the expression of mild surprise he could read on his dad’s face. He didn’t comment on it though. Hunter walked over and decided to grab himself a cup of coffee, and then paused for a moment. You know what? He actually had a bit of motivation for once and he was going to put that to use. He decided to go the extra mile this morning and grabbed the milk frother. Darius seemed even more surprised at this point.

“What do you have planned?”

“A caramel latte” he said, unable to hide a small smile appearing on his face. God, he hadn’t had one of those in so long, he was already looking forward to it. They didn’t really have anything like it in the boiling isles, but Camilla and Luz always brought it with them from the human realm every time they visited. Mostly be Darius request at the beginning, but later mostly by Hunter’s.

“Care to make one for me too? I’ll even head out and get more fairy brioche” Darius said, clearly hoping for a yes from Hunter.

“Sure.” He said, laughing.

Wait, he was laughing?

The relief really had set in. And he certainly wasn’t complaining about it one bit. Darius threw on his coat and went outside in order to hold up his end of the bargain. Meanwhile Hunter got to work on the lattes; maybe he would even try some latte art today. It never really turned out, but he’d never learn if he didn’t practice.

After a couple minutes, the lattes were finished, and Darius had returned with the brioche. It was still warm when he cut off two steaming slices. They sat together and enjoyed the drinks in silence.

“I’m really glad to see you like this. It’s been a while since you were this energetic.” Darius said after several minutes, seemingly out of the blue.

“Yeah. I know” he responded with a dry smile.

And the silence continued. After a bit of thought he finally decided who he was going to talk to about the whole thing. If they had time.

“I think I’m going to head over to Raine and Eda’s place. I haven’t visited them in while.”

“That sounds like a good idea. I’m sure they’d be happy to see you again too.”

Of course, he had just seen Eda yesterday. But this time he wanted to see Raine. They’ve been non-binary for as long as he could remember, and even though Hunter knew that he himself wasn’t, he clearly had a gender related problem. And that seemed close enough. He threw on his jacket, put a couple things in his bag, and headed out.

***

As he approached the Owl House, anxiety began to settle in. This was a really big deal. Maybe he shouldn’t talk about it. Maybe it’ll go away on its own, now that he knew what the problem was. No, that’s a lie and he knew it. He had to do this, and its better to get it out of the way now, rather than waste copious amounts of time giving it even more thought. He decided to make a mental plan of how he was going to bring it up. How should he explain it?
“Hey Raine, I kinda think I want to be a woman, got any pointers?” That’s stupid. This was going to be such an awkward situation, wasn’t it?

Whatever, he could do this. It’ll take 30 seconds. One sentence for the general premiss. That’s it. He could do that. Okay, enough thinking this over.

Here goes nothing.

He walked to the door and, unsurprisingly, was loudly greeted by Hooty.

“Hoot hoot, its Hunter! It’s been a while since you’ve come to visit me, what do you want to do? What do you want to talk about? Oh, we have so much catching up to do, hoot hoot.”

Only Hooty could have a voice so unbelievably grating but loveable at the same time.

“Actually, I’m here to visit Raine. But we can talk later Hooty, I promise!”

“Aww, why does nobody ever come to visit old Hooty? But I’m holding you to that promise mister!” he responded, and then promptly opened the door for him.

As per usual chaos reigned supreme in the Owl House. Things were flying across the room, King was shouting about losing what must have been his third crown by now, and Eda could be heard loudly complaining about the lack of apple blood in the pantry. All the while Raine could be found standing in the kitchen, calmly sipping their coffee with a light smile on their face. It seemed as though they’d become rather used to the constant chaos, or at least it seemed that way. Some people would assume that Raine wasn’t one for humour, but Hunter would have to strongly disagree with them, especially after seeing a small carton of apple blood behind their back on the counter. One could only wonder how long Eda must’ve been searching for it up until now.

Apparently, no one heard Hooty loudly proclaim Hunter’s entrance, since no one greeted him upon entering or even noticed him at all for that matter. After a short while Raine’s eyes drifted over to his corner of the room though, and the surprise was rather evident on their face; they weren’t exactly expecting company. Not the bad kind of surprise though, rather the positive kind. At least that’s what he could read off their face. Shortly after, a joyous greeting from Raine confirmed that assumption. He didn’t often speak to Raine, especially not alone, so he was still thinking of how to bring it up in a manner that wasn’t weird. Of course, there wasn’t much time left to give it much thought though, since Raine was already making their way towards them.

They exchanged greetings and hugs, and before long Raine asked if he was there to see Eda or King. Which was a reasonable question, since as mentioned prior, Hunter rarely visited the Owl House for Raine specifically. When he responded that he was in fact there to speak to Raine, a mild sense of surprise was evident on their face. Hunter’s serious demeanour, near opposite to theirs, spoke for him as Raine caught on and motioned to move outside to somewhere both quieter and more private. In the midst of all the commotion, both of them were able to leave entirely unnoticed. When he looked down while walking out the door, he could notice his hands visibly shaking. This was happening, and there was no backing down now. A dark overcoat covered the sky like a winter blanket, casting everything in a light shadow. Soft wind flicked at his hair and brushed his cheeks as he closed the door behind them. They walked over to a small clearing in the nearby forest, only about a minute or two away from the Owl House and sat down on a small park bench. It was rather old and felt mildly out of place. When one looked closer, one could see that it had the initials E & L scratched into its surface near the centre. This must have been an old meeting spot for Lilith and Eda, back in their childhood. They probably talked here a lot too, he figured. Ironic. After an uncomfortably long silence Raine finally spoke up for the both of them.
“So, what’s on your mind? You seem troubled.”

He didn’t ask why in particular it was even them that Hunter chose to talk to in the first place, perhaps they realised that it wasn’t a particularly important question at the moment. Hunter paused a decent while after that question. After what felt like an eternity, although it was probably only like ten seconds, he finally responded.

“Something has been bothering me. Like a lot. And its kind of hard to explain. But as stupid as this might sound, please don’t laugh, okay?”

“Of course. I would never laugh at something like this. I mean, I don’t really know what ‘this’ is, but clearly it’s not really a laughing matter.” They responded.

“Yeah no, not really.”

Again, a long pause. He wished the wind would just sweep him away from all of this, to somewhere else, anywhere else. But it didn’t.

“Okay. I think I’ll just say it; rip the band-aid off. And then you can say if you think it’s weird, or absurd, or whatever. I think I was supposed to be girl. And I don’t know if that’s the right way to put it, because honestly, I don’t even really understand the feeling either. But yeah, that’s kind of the gist.” After a brief moment, Raine laughed lightly with a smile on their face.

“Oh, thank goodness, I was concerned that something really bad happened to you or something. But first things first, I certainly don’t think it’s weird, or absurd, or anything like that.”

“Really?”

Raine turned to him, smiling again. It was blatantly obvious that they also assumed this conversation would be about something far worse, and that they really had no qualms with the issue Hunter was presenting. They reached out their hand and gently took Hunters.

“Absolutely. Look, everyone is somewhere on the spectrum of gender, and despite popular opinion, it’s pretty damn common for someone to not fit into their pre-determined roles. And there’s nothing wrong with it either.”

Hunter couldn’t help but be surprised. This was already exceeding any possible idea of how the situation could go. To be fair, he knew that he was a bit of pessimist, and tended to expect the worst out of every situation, but this was so much better than anything he came up with. Even the ‘unrealistic best-case scenario’.

“Then why don’t I know anyone who’s ever felt this way? Except for you of course, at least sort of.”

“Well, a lot of people don’t ever really think about their own gender, they don’t bother questioning it because they don’t even know that’s an option. And a lot of other people have figured it out and transitioned, but they prefer not to talk about their past, so you often have no way of knowing. Others have figured it out but can’t live it out because of their environmental circumstances. There’s a lot of reasons you might not know anyone”.

“That actually makes sense. Just wish there were more people like me out there who were willing to talk about it, so could feel a little less alone. It took me months just to get here”.

It was still so absurd to Hunter that he was actually talking about this. Out loud. With someone else no less. And admittedly, it was quite refreshing after all the inner monologues he’d been having for so long.

“I get that. It took a fair bit of time for me too actually. A couple years if you’d believe it. But I’m here now, and I’ve never been happier. Getting to be yourself? You can’t underestimate the joy it brings you”.

After another brief silence, Raine continued.

“You know, I was actually a fair bit confused why you came to me earlier. I know you don’t typically come to me regarding personal issues, so I was a little surprised. But it’s starting to make a lot more sense now.”

“Yeah”.

He couldn’t really think of a much better response. Despite everything coming from Raine being exceedingly positive, he couldn’t help but be overwhelmed by all of it anyway. It really was quite a lot to take in. And where does one even go from here? He didn’t exactly want to run around exclaiming his most personal issue to everyone he meets in the future, but he also knew he couldn’t continue living like this either. Why did everything always have to be so complicated? He could ask Raine at least, whether they could actually help with it, he didn’t know. But it couldn’t hurt to ask.

“So, what does this even mean? Am I trans?”

To be entirely honest, he already kind of knew the answer to that question. But he still feared the answer, nonetheless. Regardless of if the answer is affirmative or negative, it was nerve-racking either way. Because if he was, that meant that he’d have to come out to everyone he knew, he’d have to change everything in his life and basically start anew. It would be a lot of work. Not to mention that discrimination was a very real thing, and, taking all of this into consideration, he wasn’t even sure if this would be beneficial to his mental health or only worsen it. But on the flipside, if he wasn’t, then what does that mean? That he didn’t have to change anything, and that he’d essentially continue living as he had so far. He wouldn’t have to put any effort into it. But no, that’s not really true, he’d have to put effort into living. And honestly, if it continues as it had for the last couple of months, he didn’t think he’d be alive all that much longer.

God that’s a morbid thought.

But it was true, and he knew it. Even if he did find ways to cope with it, ways to ignore it, it wouldn’t be a life worth living. It would be a constant fight against himself. And sure, there was medication that he could take, like Ghostroot extract, but even that could only do so much. And the side effects also weren’t exactly a trip through Elysium. After getting lost in thought for so long, he was almost surprised when Raine responded.

“Well, I can’t really answer that for you. From what I’ve heard, I can give you a solid ‘probably’, but at the end of the day, that’s something you have to find out for yourself. I can’t tell you if you’re trans, that’s something you need to tell yourself, when you’re ready. All I can tell you is that it’s not a bad thing. And although it probably seems overwhelming and exhausting, you shouldn’t decide against happiness because of that. If that’s what you want of course.”

“Yeah. It probably is. But how do I know? How can I know for certain that I am?” he asked.
They laughed a bit in response and smiled to themselves.

“Ah yes, the age-old question, how do you know your trans. You’re going to hate this answer as much as I did back when I first heard it, but it’s unfortunately the truth. You don’t. You can’t really be certain of it, and the truth is you’ll probably question it at least another five-hundred times before you’re sure. But as you move forward, as you start doing things that affirm who you feel you are, you’ll become more and more certain. Never 100%. But maybe 99%. You’ll start noticing that you’re happier, that colours are more vibrant, that life is just better. Or you won’t, and then you’ll know that it’s not for you, which is also okay. Honestly, the best way to figure it out is just trial error.”

Well, that was both insightful, and possibly the worst answer he could think of simultaneously. God, it would’ve been so much easier if they just said ‘yup, you’re trans, here’s what you have to do’. But naturally, they didn’t. He would have to figure all of this out himself, or at least with a little help from others. When standing in front of something so daunting, he also wondered where he should even begin. If he was going to try things out, go through trial and error as they put it, he’d first have to find some trials to start with.

Something like changing his name and everything seemed a bit much for the moment, but he definitely wanted to do that at some point. He really didn’t like Hunter. Not just because it was masculine, although that isn’t great to begin with, but also because of its connection to his past, and the literal meaning of the word. He didn’t want to be known as a hunter, as a former pawn of Belos. He was so much more than that. Maybe he could think of a different step to start with, while he came up with a better, more suitable name for himself. He could try make-up maybe. He already applied eyeliner under his eye for a darker effect, but he could go further than that, do something feminizing. Maybe cat-eyes, like Amity. Maybe even lipstick. He had a lot of options, he just had to choose one.

And then something much, much better struck him.

She had a lot of options. With that thought alone, the first trial had already been passed, because just the thought of being referred to as she? As a girl? It was exhilarating.

“I think I’m gonna try being called she for a while, if that’s okay” she said, smiling.

“Then I’ll be happy to do that” they replied, returning an equally large smile.

Chapter Text

After the whole talk with Raine, Hunter had a lot to think about. First and foremost, who she wanted to talk to regarding her identity. She didn’t really want to go public about the whole thing just yet, but the less she had to be referred to as masculine or as a guy, the better. Willow was coming back later that day, that might actually be a good place to start. If anyone deserved to hear it first, it was Willow. Not only because she was her girlfriend, of course that too, but also because Willow was always so supportive about anything in Hunter’s life. She could count on her being supportive, and now more than ever she really needed a positive experience.

A couple minutes after making the decision to tell Willow, anxiety began to work its way into her mind, as she came to the realization that this would make them a gay couple, technically speaking. Well, first it was euphoria. The idea of being lesbian was wonderful, she had no qualms with it whatsoever; in fact, the term alone seemed to spark joy. But the anxiety arose when she realized that Willow might not feel the same way about it. During their relationship, they never really talked much about her sexuality; They were a straight couple, she was into Hunter, Hunter was into her, that was that. But now that would bend, or even break. Maybe she’d be okay with it at first, and then feel uncomfortable about it later. Maybe she’d flat out ask to break up. Hunter knew she would never ask her to not pursue womanhood, but that didn’t mean she’d still wish to be romantically involved after all of it. It was all a very uncomfortable predicament, and not something she wanted to think about any longer if she could help it. Either way, she knew that even a relationship with Willow wasn’t worth being someone she wasn’t. She had to do this, regardless of possible consequences.

She thought about going to Amity first. Since she and Willow were such good friends, she might know if she swings a different way as well. That could either relieve Hunter’s anxiety by knowing if heartbreak was a certain outcome, or, at the very least, prepare her for the inevitable fall. It would be helpful, she was sure of that, but she didn’t want to do it anyway for one simple reason: Willow was the most important person in her life. And it wouldn’t be fair to her to find out about something so drastic and life-altering after her friends. Hunter couldn’t do that to her. So ultimately, she decided it would be best to bite the bullet and talk to her first. And it would probably also be best to do it soon; the less time Hunter had to spend with this awful pit in her stomach, the better.

She still had a couple hours to kill before her first real coming out conversation and spending it doing nothing was almost certainly a bad idea. That being said, finding something that could occupy her mind sufficiently proved itself to be a surprisingly difficult task as well. She didn’t feel like writing, or drawing, or making any sort of art. To be entirely honest, she wanted to do nothing, but think about nothing as well, which was a bit of a contradiction. Her eyes drifted across the room and eventually landed on the small black case on her desk. She remembered that Luz gave it to her a while back and urged her to try it out. She couldn’t stress enough how much fun she had with it, the thing she called ‘Video Games’, if Hunter remembered correctly, and so she wanted her to try it out too. She opened the black case and found a small device inside, which was surprisingly heavy. There was a note from Luz inside as well, describing how to use it, ‘it’ being a Nintendo Switch.

Within less than an hour, Hunter had figured out how to operate it and was twenty minutes into a level of a game called Celeste. She was terrible. No, that was still an understatement, she was downright horrible at the game. She seemingly died at the same spot for five minutes at a time before managing to move on, but for some odd reason she was enthralled, nonetheless. It really was surprisingly fun, and it successfully managed to keep her attention for several hours, against all her expectations. She’d really have to thank Luz the next time she saw her. But now it was time to turn it off and mentally prepare, as Willow would be home any minute.

She wondered if maybe she should do something different, stylistically. She always added eyeliner under her eyes, but maybe she could try adding it above as well. It wasn’t much, she knew that, but you have to start somewhere, right? And now seemed a good a time as ever to try something new out. Nothing too much, but still noticeable. Maybe just a simple wing on each side. She would’ve added mascara and one or two other things if she could, but she didn’t really have much else. Although that would probably change rather soon as well. Hunter uncovered her small mirror on top of her dresser, opened the drawer, and took out her kajal. Before moving on to what she had planned, she first refreshed her under-eyeliner; she still wanted to look dramatic regardless of gender, she thought with a smirk. Then she began to draw the wings.

It did not look anything like she planned.

As it turned out, drawing even and clean wings was a surprisingly difficult task. It looked much easier when she watched Willow do it, like she wasn’t even trying. And she did that with liquid eyeliner no less. Either way, she removed it and started anew. Within a couple minutes she reached an… acceptable result. It had the desired effect of feminizing her eyes and face, but it would be evident that she hadn’t done it often to anyone who looked closely at it. Just as she decided to leave it on, the doorbell rang.

She could hear Darius and Alador happily greeting Willow downstairs as she made her way into the hallway, asking how her weekend out was. She couldn’t really make out much of what Willow responded to that, since she spoke a decent bit quieter than Alador and his dad, but she would see her in a moment anyway. Hunter nervously made her way downstairs and greeted her as well. Willow was absolutely ecstatic to see her again and made no secret of it, promptly falling into her arms.

“Oh my God, I missed you so much Bee” she said with her face still buried in Hunters shirt.

Bee. She thought about it for a moment but realized that the nickname never bothered her at all, and now she understood why. Of course, it still did when the others said it, but only because they used it in a teasing way. But in general, it was certainly more of a feminine nickname than the others she’d heard. Which is probably why it never caused dysphoria for her.
“I missed you too” she replied, smiling back at her.

It wasn’t even a full three days, but she really did miss her so much already. Alador and Darius decided to leave them both to catch up, and silently took their leave to the kitchen.

No doubt Willow would’ve noticed the significant improvement in Hunter’s mood if it weren’t for it being smothered by her equally noticeable nervousness. She would probably assume that the thing that bothered Hunter prior to the weekend was still bothering her in the current moment, and she wouldn’t be entirely wrong with that assumption either, since ultimately the stressor still fell under the same umbrella as it used to, even if the actual issue was different. Not to say the old issue of gender dysphoria was now resolved, it certainly wasn’t. It just wasn’t her primary focus. But maybe she was wrong, and her nervousness wasn’t noticeable at all.

Willow squeezed tighter for a moment before finally releasing her from her embrace.

“You still seem nervous. The thing from before the weekend is still bothering you, isn’t it? I don’t know if you still don’t want to talk about it, but if you do, I’m here”.

Okay, it was noticeable. But for once that wasn’t at all an issue. She did need to talk about it after all, so there’d really be no reason left to mask at this point. Hunter returned her question with a bit of a smile.

“Yeah, I think that might actually be a good idea” she replied.

For a moment a small sense of surprise could be seen on Willows face, as she was clearly expecting another ‘no, I’m fine’, before disappearing again. The surprise seemed to also be followed by relief, albeit a very small amount of relief, since she was glad that she could help with whatever was going on, but also got the sense that it was a big deal.

They made their way up the stairs to Hunter’s room, where they then sat down on his bed next to each other. The silence between them, which was usually calm and peaceful, was now deafening and uncomfortable. The tension in the room was palpable, as neither of them knew who should speak first. Willow finally decided to break the silence, and complimented her eyeliner, hoping to alleviate said tension.

To a degree it kind of worked, firstly because they were now actively in a conversation, even if it was an awkward one, but also secondly because she said what she said. She complimented her eyeliner; a step Hunter took towards becoming more feminine. And her compliment seemed entirely sincere as well. Of course, being okay with eyeliner on your boyfriend didn’t exactly mean you’d be okay with having a girlfriend instead, but it was a very small step in the right direction.

Hunter took a deep breath and started talking.

“So, where to start. You were only gone for one weekend, but weirdly a lot has happened since then. Well, to be fair, a lot of it was in the works for a decent while before then, but it was more of a confusing mess without rhyme or reason. And now I think I’ve kind of understood it. What’s bothering me, I mean.”

She noticed herself talking around the point, still having difficulty getting out what she wanted to say. She expected as much, but that didn’t make it easier. Either way, what had to be said had to be said; here goes nothing.

“So basically, I’ve been kind of getting severely depressed, and a lot of that came from jealousy. And I couldn’t really understand why, until I kind of had an epiphany in the middle of the night yesterday. And then I talked with Raine and everything kind of became clear as day” he continued.

“So anyway, the reason for the depression the jealousy, the insomnia, and seemingly everything else… is gender dysphoria. Willow, I think I’m trans. I think I’m meant to be a woman”.

A brief silence settled in.

“So that’s why you’re wearing eyeliner then” she said and started laughing.

She really didn’t seem at all bothered by the situation which puzzled Hunter quite a bit. This was a huge deal, but she seemed to be so care-free about it, simply laughing at the fact that she was now wearing eyeliner. Of course, this was loads better than if Willow reacted with a more troubled and serious demeanour, no doubt. But ultimately this was something serious, and Hunter really needed to know what this actually meant for the both of them, what this meant for their relationship.

“So, um… you’re not mad? You’re okay with this?” Hunter asked carefully.

“Am I okay with this? Of course I am, I’m more than okay with all of it. Bee honey, I’m so glad you’ve found what’s bothering you, and I’ll be happy to do whatever I can to help you be your true self. And if that means supporting you as the hottest woman of the boiling isles – and human realm – then I’ll do that with utmost joy.”

Well that was probably the best response she ever could have hoped for. In just one moment, all of her worries seemed to flow out of her as tears started forming in her eyes. For once, they weren’t tears of pain or sadness, but tears of happiness, of finally understanding herself.

Willow reached over and pulled Hunter into a tight, warm embrace, just as she started crying too. They held each other that way for several minutes until both of their tears were dried on their cheeks. The feeling of having this over with, of having all of this off her chest, was wonderful. She could take whatever the world had to throw at her, and she’d overcome all of it.

After years of hardship and pain, it was time for her to live.

Upon asking Willow about their relationship, about what it meant for them now, she again responded with a light laugh. As it turns out, Willow was almost exclusively interested in women to begin with, Hunter was pretty much the only exception to that rule. If it weren’t for her, she might have even considered herself a lesbian. And now she probably was.

Again, a huge boulder off Hunter’s chest. This – all of this – could not have gone better in any conceivable way. Even if someone won the lottery 15 times consecutively, Hunter knew that she would still be luckier, because she had Willow. And she was so glad she didn’t have to choose between being herself and being with her, because that was a decision reserved for her in hell. With all the things having gone wrong in Hunters life, since seemingly the moment she was born as a grimwalker to her loss of Flapjack, it was a delightful feeling to finally have a stroke of luck.

The conversation thereafter was a lot calmer, and the tension in the air was entirely alleviated. They talked for what felt like mere minutes despite being hours, only noticeable as such due to the picture of the sun peaking above the horizon outside her window. Part of the following conversation, as one might expect, was of course her name. Before she could protest, Willow was bouncing name ideas off of her while she came up with some herself. Hunter would claim that she didn’t think choosing a name could be so difficult, but she did assume as much going into it. It was what people would call her, for the rest of her life. And titan knows how awful it feels if it’s not the right one.

As the conversation continued, the sun continued her way between the trees of the forest, and as dusk approached, the room was flooded with golden rays of sunlight. She basked in the warmth of it, cherishing the shared moment of serenity and peace with Willow. And in that moment a name crossed her mind, and before it left her lips, she already knew it was hers. It felt right, like home.

Amber.