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"I don't want to talk. Go away." Buried in blankets, he mushed his face deeper into the pillow. "Shut up, yes you do." He felt his partner burrow under the covers and roll next to him. "Come here." Unwillingly, Bailey allowed himself to be pulled into an embrace. "I don't like you right now. Why are you here?" Instead of anger, it was exhaustion that he voiced. He was too tired to be thinking, and Nimbus knew it. "Because I thought you needed cuddles. If you don't, I can leave..." Bailey felt him start to pull away and quickly grabbed his hand. "Don't." This pissed him off a bit, that he was a big hypocrite and that Nimbus was right, not that it mattered right now. Bailey just wanted some company after what happened. Nimbus chuckled and leaned back in. "You've been laying here for a while, you know that?" He spoke softly, which made Bailey feel even more guilty when he retorted back, "You think I don't know that? I'm not an idiot." But oh, how he was. He messed everything up, he had no idea what real anymore, and his idiot still loved him somehow. It was all a big mess, and he didn't know how to fix it. He didn't know how to make everything better.
They laid there together, Bailey didn't know for how long, but at least he was with his idiot. Soon enough, tears started streaming down his face. Neither of them spoke, but Nimbus wiped them away with the gentleness of someone who cared. If only Bailey deserved that care. He turned around to sob into Nimbus' chest, and listened to him coo comforting words as he cried. When the tears did stop at last, Bailey made an attempt at speaking again. "I- uh..I...I'm.." "Yeah?" Nimbus whispered patiently. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did this to you. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I'm the one who needs comforting. But he couldn't say that. Not out loud. As much a he wanted to, it was never going to happen. They would just be a continuous cycle of Bailey hurting Nimbus, Bailey pretending to be the victim, and Nimbus forgiving him until he learned his lesson and left. "I'm... I'm just.. I'm just really tired." He internally sighed. If only he could say sorry and let Nimbus know just how grateful he was for everything. A kiss on the temple just hurt him more. "It's been a bad day. We'll recover." Nimbus’ soft voice washed over him, like another blanket, just layering another sheet of denial above him. You'll recover. But I won't. You have the ability to recover. I don't. I'm sorry, love.
He woke up with Nimbus sleeping peacefully beside him. How did I ever land someone as wonderful as you? Without getting changed, Bailey headed to the bathroom. He splashed his face with cold water. It didn't make him feel any better, but it woke him up at least. Dripping, he trudged down the hall. As he stopped in the dining room, he could see Nimbus had cleaned up the mess he made. Again. Bailey checked the fridge to see if the rest of last night's dinner was still there, and when it was, he tossed it in the trash. It was something special he had made for Nimbus, but since it wasn't...well-liked, he might as well get rid of it. Maybe it wasn't the best decision on his part. He should've guessed it would be a bad idea to make it and yet he didn't. This wasn't the worst thing he had done to Nimbus, but it was up there. Honestly he had no idea why Nimbus still stuck around. Did he feel obligated? Like as if Bailey was holding him prisoner? Was he guilt tripping Nimbus? Hopefully not. As bad as he was at making good choices regarding Nimbus, he'd never intentionally hurt him. Not that intention ever helped.
He didn't have anything else to do, so he wandered around their house, looking for something to make things better. He entered their office, full of tablets and paper and all sorts of references. This was his favorite room. It was where he and the best person in his life could sit together and chat while still being productive all day long. Sometimes he felt like this was really the only place where he was able to say the right things - and not mess up like usual. "Bug?" His partner's voice caught him off guard. He put his arms around Bailey's shoulders and leaned down. "Hey..." He muttered. "Is something up?" "Oh, well, I was actually gonna ask you that darling. You've been standing in the doorway for twenty minutes." Oh. It seemed losing track of time was something of a new hobby of his recently. "I was just...thinking. Do you want me to make breakfast?" Nimbus didn't say anything for a second, and Bailey could feel his hesitation. Because of last night. Because of his stupid mistakes. "I'm alright, but thanks for offering! I was gonna go out and get some gift wrapping stuff after lunch today, do you wanna come?" Bailey thought about it. As much as he wanted to be with Nimbus, it was probably a bad idea for him to go out. Just another opportunity for failure. He shook his head. "No thanks."
They fixed up some sandwiches for lunch and ate in silence. Nimbus smiled the whole morning, so maybe he wasn't as upset as he originally thought. But no, that was just Nimbus. He hadn't forgotten, or moved on that quick. Smiling was just easy for him. Bailey wished he had the courage to tell him how pretty it looked. Last night…he didn't want to think about it. He didn't want to think about how he ruined their perfect day by making a dinner that disgusted Nimbus so much it was instinctively thrown on the floor. He didn't want to think about how he got upset and acted like Nimbus was the one who hurt him, and then stormed off. Keys clinking together and a kiss from Nimbus alerted him that he was leaving. “I'll see you in a bit, okay? Don't forget to get ready for the day while I'm gone!” Bailey looked down and realized he still hadn't changed his clothes. “I will..” He watched Nimbus rush out the door waving, and rush off. “I love you…” He trailed off, watching the car pull out the driveway.
~
When Nimbus got home, the first thing he saw was Bailey crouched down in the hallway. Carefully, he set down the bags and walked over to Bailey. Before he could say anything though, Bailey turned his head in the other direction and asked one, simple question. “Why?” “Why what?” Nimbus was mostly confused, but a bit worried too. Was Bailey still upset about last night? He seemed to calm down after a couple hours like always, but he was getting worse lately. Bailey's hand twitched slightly as Nimbus reached for it but didn't pull away. “Why do you stay? Even after what I've said and what I've done?” Nimbus sat down beside him and thought. It was a question he had been expecting for a long time now, but he didn't think it would happen now. He chose his words carefully. “Well- um, I-I know you, Bailey. And I know you make mistakes. You just- you uhm…you just…You're not doing well right now, are you?” Bailey shook his head. “I stay because I love you, and yeah- bad things have happened. I think that if we- if we work together, and- and try, they won't happen again.” He was trying to be reassuring, but he was scared he was just upsetting Bailey more.
“Nimbus, it doesn't matter how much we, or I, try, I'm still gonna make mistakes. I'm still gonna make mistakes and they're going to keep getting worse and worse. Just go before I hurt you already.” Nimbus was rather taken aback. This was already more than Bailey ever talked to him about, but the fact that he wanted Nimbus to leave was surprising. “Bailey…” “No, Nimbus,” He interjected. “I- I really think something bad is going to happen. Worse than everything else. And I don't think I am going to get better, Nimbus, I really don't. I love you…and I don't wanna hurt you. Not like I hurt all those other people…” Not knowing what to say, Nimbus just wrapped himself around Bailey. What could he do to reassure his bug, to make him feel any better? Yes, he had definitely done some bad things, but Nimbus didn't think Bailey had it in him to hurt him, even if he did. On better days, Nimbus had seen the good side of Bailey. The one that smiled, the one that tried his hardest to be the best person he could. “Bailey, can I…propose something?” His partner mournfully nodded. “We don't have to start out big, but can we at least try to get better? Mistakes are going to be made, that's just gonna happen, but…maybe if we work on it a little at a time…they'll start to happen more infrequently, and we can focus on the good things, okay?” A quiet little “Okay…” answered him back. Maybe things would get better. Maybe both of them could be happy together.