Chapter Text
“Mafuyu… Do you love me?” Mafuyu stopped dead in her tracks, what was left of her mask cracking clean in half at the question. For some reason she couldn’t breath, the walls seemed to close in on her at the sight of Shizuku tearing up. She looked down, unable to meet her gaze, eyes settling on Shizuku’s hands clenching at her skirt, white-knuckled and trembling. “Did you ever love me?”
She should just lie. It’d be so easy. Put on a concerned look, walk up to her, take her hand in her own, and just say “Of course I do.” She should play the part she had been cast in, the part she had so readily agreed to. Let the pantomime continue until the bonds between them naturally grew threadbare.
And yet… Some part of her couldn’t bear to do that to Shizuku. Wasn’t she done with playing the good girl? Wasn’t that all behind her now? Wasn’t it time to be true to herself? What had been that night in the rain been for if not to finally be honest with herself and those around her. And yet…
“ I’ve done it since middle school, it calms me down… ” Even cracked and shattered, she pieces the mask back together, held together by dust and tears. The one thing that still kept her crumbled heart safe. Her peers pass by, sight unseen to them. But she found herself bare to the person before her now.
“I-” Mafuyu’s voice failed her, a sudden lump strangling her and refusing to let any sound out. A moment of silence passed between the two, filled only with the faint and discordant sound of laughter from the field across the way and the ticking of the clubroom clock. That agonizing ticking, slowed as the blood seemed to rush to and from her head. She could see Shizuku slowly start to tremble; she could feel her own hands starting to shake. “I… I don’t know… I’m sorry.”
“I…” Shizuku’s voice cracked and Mafuyu felt something she hadn’t known existed inside her snap as well, her stomach suddenly tumbling in freefall. Looking up slightly, she could see the tears starting to roll down Shizuku’s face. Sudden anguish surged through her veins.
She wasn’t quite sure what was compelling her to move forward, only that she knew she needed to do something, anything, or else what had her perfect facade been for? What had the past year been for? What had her own leap of faith been for? What? What? What? What? The questions screamed at her, only to be silenced by the choked sob coming from the girl wilting away before her.
Instinctively, by reflex, she raised a hand to cup Shizuku’s cheek, just like how she had always done, just like how everything she read said it should be done. And yet… Mafuyu still couldn’t meet her eyes, only able to look at the collar of Shizuku’s blouse; now stained with a mix of sweat and tears.
Thwack.
Recoiling, Mafuyu finally looked up as Shizuku slapped her hand away and ran past her out the door of the clubroom, the sound of held-back sobs echoing after her. Slowly the thud of her sprinting away faded to silence, the ambient noise of the field outside filling the air again.
The back of her hand smarting, she took a shaky breath, her mind a jumble of thoughts that she couldn’t force an order to. At best, she was glad that it was late and that the rest of the club had left for the day. Well, she thought she was glad at least, something that resembled relief tingled at the edge of her awareness.
Her breath came in short bursts, seemingly out of her control. Bracing herself against a nearby wall she let herself slide down as her legs seemed to lose all their strength.
“What do I do now…”