Chapter Text
In a store in an outdoor shopping center, an emerald dressed in a Hawaiian shirt and board shorts looks out the window. "Crime, no matter the society, it is ever a problem" said The Emerald "but that's why people like me exist. I am a hardboiled detective, hardboiled like an egg that has also been hardboiled! Don't worry people of Showne, West Keystone, for I am here!"
"Will you please stop monologuing?" a pink zircon groaned. "But I'm booooooored" Emerald PI complained.
"You wouldn't be so bored if you actually took on the cases you've been rejecting ever since you set up shop here in this shopping center" Zircon pointed out.
"Those cases were all lame! "Do a background check on this guy" "My ex-husband hasn't been paying child support" and other such crap!" said Emerald PI "where are all the gunfights and drug dealers!?"
"Maybe look into what a private investigator actually does before you decide to become one" said Pink Zircon "but seriously though, our rent is coming up next week, if we don't take on enough cases by that time, you're finished. I can only smooth things over with the Landlord for so long!
Just then, the bell above the door rang, and in came an elderly gentlemen with a moustache and glasses. "I feel this chill in the air, as if all hope had gone from the world" said Emerald PI "oh! If it isn't Mr. DeMayo, our landlord!
"Very funny. I want my rent money, "Detective", that is, if you have it" said Mr. DeMayo. "Oh, Mr. DeMayo sir, please, allow me...!" Zircon stammered.
"Sorry, Ms. Zircon, but your boss owes me and I cannot let this slide anymore" said Mr. DeMayo. "Come on, surely there's another way we can settle this..." Emerald PI began unbuttoning her shirt.
"Not even if I wasn't still married" said Mr. DeMayo "I want my money! You have until the end of the month give me one month's rent and I'll forgive the rest of what you owe me. That's one more chance than I've given my own good for nothing son. And if you can't come up with that money, you'll have to run your busyness out of a cardboard box!"
Mr. DeMayo stormed out of the room. "Did you hear what he just said!?" Zircon answered. "Yeah...can't believe someone actually slept with that wrinkly old dude" said Emerald PI.
"No! This is our last chance to stay in business! You can't just sit around doing nothing anymore spending whatever you make from alimony on frivolities!" said Zircon.
Emerald PI looked at a picture of an middle aged man with blue eyes "Ah! Marty...our marriage could have lasted longer if you lasted longer in bed. Momma needs someone who can keep up with her!"
"Would you please stay focused! It's time to get yourself in gear and get to work!" Zircon rushed to Emerald PI's desk. "Hey! What're you doing! That's my gaming PC! I use that for gaming!"
"Well, now it's a work pc, you're gonna use it for work!" "Wait! I left some tabs open!" Emerald PI warned. Zircon's eyes widened in shock and horror "What the fuck is wrong with you?"
"Hey! None of that content is illegal!" Emerald PI said defensively. "Legal or not, still, what the fuck?" said Zircon as she closed the tabs "ugh! and look how disorganized this desktop is! And have you not heard of defraging?"
"Jeez, nag nag nag, you're my accountant, remember? Isn't it your job to keep me out of the red?" asked Emerald PI.
"It involves cooperation from you in order to make that happen, ugh, I can't stand how disorganized you are!" said Zircon.
"Well, don't worry! I've hired the cheapest form of labor there is, an unpaid intern!" Emerald PI proudly announced "He should be coming in today!"
In walked a dark haired man, around the age of 30 "Hi, I'm Kevin. Look, I'm only here because my Dad wants me to work at his company because he's tired of me laying around the house or some shit. But, first he needs me to get work experience, so I figured here would be the ultimate blow off job."
Zircon looked at The Detective "Yep, this seems like the type of person you'd hire..."