Chapter Text
To think that Maren believed miracles were a myth.
She encountered two today.
Miracle one was that they were able to scrub the floors and bathroom clean until their knees ached and their fingers cracked with dryness. Maren had inhaled so much chemical fumes she was sure she was going to pass out. But she kept going. How could she stop when the blood still stained her fingernails? There was enough caked up to stay there forever. A subtle reminder.
The second miracle was Lee, he was slightly grazed by Sully’s knife. A complete shock to them both. Meanwhile, Sully had succumbed to his injuries, stabbing (Maren’s doing) and strangulation (Lee’s doing).
They finish the job and when it gets dark they bury Sully and his bag in the woods. They don’t talk, they don’t look at each other. They are running on fumes. It’s on their way back when Maren throws up in one of the bushes. The chemicals and his rotting flesh make her eyes water.
Stepping back into the apartment, Maren notices that everything slowly hitting Lee . Maren is taking off her clothes and putting them in a trash bag, tomorrow they'll burn it. Maren loved that shirt.
Meanwhile, Lee is just staring at the floor. A place where he was almost killed and he had grasped the ponytail of baby sister so tight.
Maren stands in his line of vision, gently caressing his cheeks, she coaxes him to look at her, his green eyes are so glassy but no tears come out.
“Clothes, she says, Lee nods, and she pushes the shirt off his shoulders, pulls his arms through, and tosses it in the bag. He unbuttoned his jeans and tossed them too.
She reaches for Lee’s hand, pulling him toward the bathroom. They finish removing the rest in the bathroom, and Lee turns on the shower. The water is warm, but it won’t be for long. So he steps inside, his body hunched over a bit as the water engulfs his hair and face, Maren just stands, rubbing her naked form. Lee looks at her and reaches out, gently pulling on her arm, she’s pulled inside, and Lee moves to give her some room. She washes herself, seeing the grime of the last 24 hours gurgling down the drain. Like the ache in her stomach.
Settling in her space, slowly getting clean but she felt Lee’s hands slowly wrap around her, his nose gently tickling her neck. She slowly leans her head back, “I wanna wash your hair, he murmurs,
“Okay.” she replied
She feels a soft kiss on her shoulder as he reaches to get her shampoo. On any other night, this would have been a part of their routine. He engulfs her hair with a sweet scent of raspberry, he makes sure every curl is touched. His hands are scratching her scalp and Maren hums. She leans back against him and he sighs, welcoming her warmth as the water is getting cold. When her hair is cleaned she washes his hair. She gets on her tippy toes to get the hairs that are in his face.
She treats him with the most care and he falls even more in love every time.
They dry off and change their clothes. Bed is waiting for them but they don’t go to sleep. Maren tosses and turns, meanwhile, Lee just lays there. The lights are off, and Maren can see him, the outline of his face. The way the chest is rising and falling.
Twenty minutes later, Lee’s up again.
“I’m going for a walk.”
Maren grabs the side of the covers, and lifts it in order to get up.
“Just stay, you rest.” She watches as he sits on the side of the bed. Reaching for his worn out sneakers he tucks under their bed. Once he gets them on, Maren places a hand on his shoulder. She squeezes it, staring at him. He looks right back,
“Be safe.” She whispers.
“Got it.” He replies, before standing and heading out.
Part of her wished she made him stay in bed. He had a long horrible day. But maybe he needed space. He needed some time to be alone, to get better.
Days passed and she didn’t see any change in him. He just slept, for hours on end. He only got up to eat or go to the bathroom. His eyes were red and he was more fidgety than usual. She couldn’t blame him. How can you get up and see the spot where he found out his baby sister is dead. Every. Single. Day.
She was barely functioning herself. She did her work, went to classes, but she barely did much else.
One night Lee crawls into her arms after dinner, his curls tickling her neck, she melts at the simple gesture. She misses his warmth, she strokes his hair. They haven't been this close in days.
“If I ask you to go somewhere with me, would you go?” Maren nods.
“Yes.”
“I wanna go back home, " he whispers, “Visit my mom, he sucks in a breath, “She probably has no idea about Kayla.”
Maren remembers Lee mentioning that Kayla was supposed to stay with them for the week. She was supposed to be back home by Sunday. It’s Wednesday. They’ve been dancing around this for almost a week.
“You want to go back? " Maren says, “You ready for that.”
Lee shakes his head, he sighs, “I’m not but she deserves to know, you know.”
“Imagine if it was me.”
Maren doesn’t want to think about that.
“Please don’t say that.” She whispers, the pain is almost too much to think about. Lee searches her eyes, he gently caresses her cheek. He pulls his hand back.
“I can’t keep ignoring it, I’m going fucking crazy.” His voice breaks.
“Okay, Okay, she breathes, “We can go.”
They leave the next morning. The sun is not even up yet, Maren packs a small bag, her journal, a few shirts and pants. Lee does the same. She sees a blue and white ribbon tucked underneath the mattress, she pulls it out, and stuffs it into her bag. It was Kayla’s.
She cleaned it when Lee was out for one of his walks. They barely had anything to remember her by. Her heart aches because of it. Once they get settled in their truck, Lee takes the wheel first.
“I’m not even tired anymore.” Lee says as he puts the truck into drive. Maren knows he’s lying, sure he’s been sleeping but he’s still mentally exhausted.
“You don’t have to lie to me.”
“Mare.”
“I’ve been reading and there’s two ways-.”
“Don’t believe everything you read.”
Maren crosses her arms, “You don’t have to be an asshole.”
Lee sighs, he bites his lip, he looks at her but says nothing.
Maren falls asleep. It’s light outside the next time she wakes up, they are in the parking lot of a gas station.
Lee appears back at the car, a brown bag in his arms.
He opens the truck and hands her the bag, she looks inside, she sees small pretzels, granola bars, some banana nut muffins and oranges .
“I forgot to eat breakfast.” He replies.
Maren puts the bag down in between her legs and watches as Lee leaves to pump gas. She reaches into her bag and pulls out the ribbon.
Lee is at the pump looking at the cars on the highway. Maren approaches him, but she can tell he’s still quite distant. His eyes are always somewhere else, it looks like his thoughts are drowning him.
“Lee, she says,
“Yeah.” She pulls Kayla’s ribbon from pocket.
‘This was Kayla’s, Maren instantly feels awkward…. naked, like she should’ve kept this a secret but she can’t go back now.
Lee just looks at her,
“Um, I cleaned it, and thought you and your mom should have it to remember her by.”
Then there’s a click. He looks at the monitor. The gas tank is filled.
He pulls the nozzle out and puts it back in the holder. Maren reaches and gently places it into his hand. He runs his finger over the strain, he gently tucks into his pants pocket.
Lee leans over and kisses her forehead,
“Thank you, she melts, she gently pulls on his sleeve, holding him there. She presses her forehead against his, he sighs, she searches his eyes, his green eyes are glassy,
“Are you sure you want to do this?” She asks.
He’s quiet, pondering for a moment.
“Yeah.”
She nods. He nods back.
She leans in to kiss him, but he pulls back.
“Sorry”, Maren whispers.
“You’re being selfish, Maren.” The little voice in her mind taunts.
So she tucks her hurt feelings back into the deep dark corners of her mind.
They hit the road again, gazing at the farmland, the cows, chickens and horses. Maren sees a few brick houses, log cabins and thick green grass.
She ponders what life would be like in one of those houses. She’d plant flowers in the garden, and maybe some trees. Her and Lee would travel into town and buy some clothes or some furniture to fill up their home. On the weekends they’ll watch the sunrise and make love until the afternoon. It’s a silly daydream but the sediment matters. She looks over at Lee, who has his face in hand, meanwhile his other hand is on the steering wheel.
He catches her looking at him.
“Thank you for coming with me.” He says, he takes her hand. She watches as he slowly intertwines their fingers. His knuckles are still slightly red from the scrubbing. He takes their hands and he presses soft kisses to the top of hers. She gives him a small smile.
“So what’s our story?” Maren asks, “Does she even know about me?”
Lee gives her a small shrug, “I think so, Kayla probably told her that we’re together.”
“What if she doesn’t like me?”
Maren sees a frown form on his face.
“Baby, she’ll like you.” Lee replies, giving her hand a squeeze, “How could anyone not like you.”
“Lots of reasons,” Maren’s voice speaks again.
“We met one night at a diner, you defended some mom who was being beaten on by her husband, I admired that and asked you out.”
Maren smiles, “Kinda similar to our actual story.”
“Yeah.” Maren watches as the empty roads turn into fenced neighborhoods. She had a feeling they were getting close.
“What about Kayla”?
“Car accident, burned her body so bad she’s unrecognizable.”
“Your mom will believe that”?
“I’ll make her believe it, Lee says, “There’s no body to bring home anyway.”
They veer down some streets, some back roads, and she remembers seeing the golden grass that almost consumes his aunt's house. Once they pass it, it’s boarded up and she can see the grass is slightly overgrown.
Lee’s house is different. It’s larger than she suspected. It's a two-story home with two to three windows, the white paint is a bit faded and you can tell it’s been painted over a few times. In the front yard, there’s a tree swing and a mini porch. She sees The far side of the house has a wide triangular roof, reminding Maren of a pointy hat. meanwhile, the opposite side has a sun room.
Lee parks in the gravel driveway, Maren saw there was a small car in the driveway.
Lee checks his watch, “Mom just got home from work.” He gives Maren a look, it’s solemn and vacant. It scares her how much how well he can hide his emotions. He gets out. Maren follows him onto the porch. He knocks on the door, there’s a brief silence. They hear footsteps. Then a lady appears in front of them, she stops at the screen door.
“Lee.” The voice says. A second later, the door is pushed open and Maren can finally see the lady fully. Lee’s mother is wearing a green dress with small yellow flowers at the bottom. Her brown hair is shoulder length and Maren imagines that’s what Lee’s hair would be like if it wasn’t red. She has dark green eyes and her face is slightly wrinkled but doesn’t look very old for her age.
“Hi Mom, Lee says. Maren sees Lee give her a look over his shoulder.
“Mom, this is Maren, Maren, mom.” Lee instantly looks uncomfortable, she can see the goosebumps appear on his arms.
Has he never brought a girl home before?
Maren gives a small hi. Lee’s mom gives her a small nod, before saying,
“So this is why you never want to come home, huh.”
Lee rolls his eyes, “Mom, we’ve talked about this”
“ You never settle down, you never give anything a chance.”
“I am, Mom, Maren is my chance.”
She looks at Maren, her eyes peer at her, and pushes the screen door open for them.
They step inside, but Maren stands at the door. Lee’s leading his mom down a long hallway. He’s rubbing her back, like he’s comforting an animal about to be slaughtered.
Maren wants to puke all over their yellow and green house mat.
“Lee, where has your sister been, she was supposed to be home by now, why isn’t she with you.”
Of course, she asks questions. Questions that any mother would ask when their sixteen-year-old daughter goes off alone.
In some way, Maren wishes her own mother cared that much to ask. Her thoughts are invaded by a sound. It takes her a second to register it’s screaming. A painful suffocating wail that she hopes she never has to make. It just keeps going and going, and Maren tries to cover her ears, it doesn’t work. Losing her husband and now her only daughter, how can you even handle that.
Before Maren can answer her own thought she’s out the door, kneeling into the dirt, struggling to breathe.
Lee’s mother screams ringing in her ears.