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The camp was finally settled. Since they went into the Underdark it was hard to feel safe in any place. They couldn’t take away the feeling that murderous creatures could be lurking in every corner. On the surface, people would go out to explore the land without anyone really worrying. In the end, they were all more than capable of taking care of themselves. But not here. Artus wouldn’t let no one in camp wander around alone. Lae’zel scoffed at their worries.
"Tchk. You think I am not capable of killing anything skulking around?"
Artus raised an eyebrow.
"I know you're perfectly capable of defending yourself, but here is different. I don’t think I have to remind what happened to us just a few hours ago."
"We killed it." Lae’zel deadpanned.
"Gale killed it. You were paralyzed, remember? What if there are more spectators around? We can’t get separated." They replied. Gale took the mention of his name to proudly intervene.
"They’re right Lae’zel. I killed that thing." He stated, grinning. Artus pierced him with their look, trying to tell him that he was not helping. Gale cleared his throat and put a more neutral face. "They’re also right in that we shouldn’t wander away alone. Is harder to surprise us all."
"Fine. But I expect everyone to respect that rule then." She said eyeing Astarion. He was the one that walked off camp at night more often than anyone. Not surprisingly, he usually wandered off to feed on some beast in the woods.
"Oh, don’t look so accusatory, you know I need to-." Artus stopped him mid sentence.
"No. Nobody leaves this camp alone. That’s my last word." Astarion looked at them with a pout. They knew that he needed to feed on something, and that’s why they got to his side before he could retreat to his tent. ‘"Mind a private word?" Astarion looked at him almost exasperated.
"Fine."
Everyone went around their business while Artus accompanied Astarion to his tent. They were slightly behind him and couldn’t see his expression, but they saw how his body seemed to tense.
"What is that you wanted to talk about, darling?" He said with that silky voice of his, completely changing his tone from just moments ago. Artus looked at him trying to find in his eyes what his voice was hiding.
"… You know you don’t need to go out to search for anything to feed. You can just ask to feed on me again anytime." Astarion briefly gave them a look that they would qualify as distrustful, but it quickly turned to his more guarded piercing look.
"I know my sweet, but we hardly want you bloodless in, according to you, such a treacherous place, right? You need to be in full form." Artus looked at him with disbelief.
"I’m a paladin. I can cure myself from that. Like I did the first time. And you know it." Astarion's body stiffened more.
"Well, I don’t need you to keep me fed, you know? I've survived fine until now." He said, his voice more strained.
"I know, Astarion. But I don’t want you to wander alone. Besides, I don’t think you will find much to feed around here. I don’t mind if you do it again." You also were very happy the first time you fed on me went unsaid. Now Astarion looked truthfully baffled. He remained silent for several moments. When Artus was about to say something, he answered.
"Well… Ok. I’ll let you know if I need to feed. But I’m not going to die of hunger if I don’t feed some days." Artus looked at him worried, but before they could say anything he continued. "I’m not going to leave the camp. I promise."
Artus felt bad, because they didn’t fully believe him. "You truly promise?"
"Yes. Don’t worry beautiful, I’ll go to your bedroll to suck on your neck soon enough." He smirked. Artus knew him enough now to know that those sweet words were hiding something. But they didn’t want to pressure any further.
"Alright… See you tomorrow then." They said, glued in the spot, looking at Astarion hoping he would trust them enough to be honest with them.
"Good night darling, sleep tight." And with that Astarion turned around and entered his tent. Artus left out a sight and, after a moment, went to his own bedroll.
---
Artus woke up with a start from a restless meditation. They thought it had been hardly two hours since they settled down. All lights in the camp were out. Of course, they had a bad feeling. They hated themselves for acting like this, but they stood up and went towards Astarion’s tent. How could they complain about Astarion not trusting them if they weren’t capable of believing him either?
"Astarion?" He called when he arrived at the front of the tent. There was no answer, but maybe he was asleep? No, they couldn’t risk it. They started opening the door of the tent, warning one more time, just in case. "Astarion, I’m coming in."
Their suspicions were confirmed when they found that there was no sign of the vampire inside. They let go of the fabric of the tent with a pull.
"Stupid dumbfuck." They muttered, going outside the camp before they could think better about it, their pace fast. "I’m going to kill him if he’s not already dead."
They didn’t know where to go, he could have been anywhere around. Astarion wasn’t the kind of person to leave an obvious trace after him. But they wandered into the dark, hoping that they would find some trail. They went down a path that they hadn’t crossed before with the rest of the party. At the end of the descend, there was a cave in the side of the path. Maybe he had gone inside searching for some small animal hiding in the rocks? They wandered in. They were more thankful than ever for their dark sight, having forgotten completely to take a torch before leaving the camp. In general, the Underdark was illuminated by the bioluminescence of its lifeforms, but the cave was in complete darkness.
They heard an arc tighten before an arrow came flying to where they were, narrowly dodging it. It was followed by a form jumping on him with a dagger. It was Astarion.
"Astarion!!! It’s me!!!!!". They screamed, falling to the ground while holding Astarion’s arms so he wouldn’t stab them. The moment they could see his face properly, he looked completely off, as if moved by fear or anger. "Astarion!!" They yelled again, and that seemed to snap him from whatever state he was in. He stopped making force and let the dagger down, sitting on top of Artus.
"Gods, Artus. I- I’m sorry, I thought you were- someone else." He sounded distressed.
"It’s alright, I’m fine… Are you ok?"
"Yes- Yes, sorry. The darkness confused me I think… I didn’t mean to harm you." He took a long breath, but otherwise did not move from Artus' lap.
"Could you let me up?"
"Oh! Yes, sorry darling." He said while clumsily getting up. Artus eyed him carefully and got up too.
"Where were you? You promised you wouldn’t leave the camp." They said, crossing their arms.
"I know, I know. That’s why I was- collecting some supplies for the camp! So I would apologize for lying." He moved to retreat a bag he had left behind before attacking them.
"I would prefer that you didn’t lie to me directly…" Astarion was coming back looking inside the bag.
"At least look at what I got for you!! I’m sure it will make it up for this little lie." He said almost playfully. He was acting strange, regarding that he just tried to kill them and that Artus was rightfully mad at him.
They looked inside and saw a bunch of different mushrooms with many different shapes and colours. In truth, these things could be useful, yes. If not to cook dinners, at least some could serve Gale to prepare some potions. They touched inside, moving aside some of the fungi to see better what else was inside, when they spotted a small transparent mushroom. They touched it out of curiosity when he spotted the milky substance inside it. They let the bag fall down suddenly.
"Fuck!!" They yelled, anger and worry crawling in their voice at the same time. "Astarion, those transparent things are poisonous!! Fuck, I touched them…" Then he eyed Astarion. They noticed his eyes were almost completely dark, pupils blown wide. They could feel the numbness start to crawl up his arms.
Astarion’s reaction was nothing but a chuckle.
"I was never the kind of person to go out on adventuring and knowing everything that I could or could not touch." He kept laughing. Shit, he was stoned.
"We should- we should go back to camp before I-" They were already starting to feel the numbness in his head.
"I don’t think is that serious right? Or are we going to die for touching this stupid cute mushroom?" Astarion asked, still amused.
"It’s- not. Judging by the amount of it, it shouldn’t go any further than dizziness and potentially some hallucinations… Maybe that’s why you thought I was someone else." The mention of that seemed to disturb him again. "That’s why we should go back… We are not save he-here." Their eyesight was starting to waver.
"Or…"- Astarion started- "we could stay in this cave until the effect goes away. It seems empty and definitely sounds safer than wandering outside in our state." Artus wasn’t sure if that was the best strategy, but they suddenly couldn’t find the strength to argue against it anymore.
"Yeah- you probably right… We could sit here for a while."
They sat next to each other, leaning against the wall of the cave, their shoulders brushing. They stayed in silence for a bit, Artus getting used to the sensation of numbness. Nothing seemed that worrisome anymore, why were they so preoccupied before? But still, they wondered.
"Can I ask you a question?" Their voice, although low, resonated throughout the cave walls. Astarion snorted.
"Yes, but only if I can ask you a question back." Ok, so they were playing games now.
"Alright." They said with a smile in their mouth.
"Shoot it then." Artus looked at him. He was very close. He had let his head fall against the wall, his eyes were shut, his hair slightly moving with the small air currents of the cave.
"Who did you think I was before? You looked angry… scared." Astarion stilled at the question and opened his eyes, a furrow forming between his eyebrows. He remained silent for what seemed like ages. Artus felt anxious. You upset him, they thought, wishing they could take away that distant look from him by holding his hand. But they didn’t move and waited for Astarion to answer, whether he would respond to the question or not.
"I thought you were- Well, I have already talked about him with you. You know, the person that carved this infernal in my back and kept me enslaved for two centuries. I thought he had come here to take me back with him." He said it in such a lighthearted way right now. It made them feel disgusted, but not towards Astarion.
"I would never let that happen." They answered immediately.
Astarion laughed bitterly. "You don’t know what he’s capable of, darling."
"He doesn’t know what I’m capable of. He will never take you back. I promise you that."
"Don’t make promises you are not sure you will be able to keep." He stated, and Artus had to actually laugh.
"Says the person that couldn’t even keep the promise to not wander off the camp. " Astarion laughed back at that. A real laugh. It sounded strong in the cave. Maybe it would awaken some dangerous creature. But they couldn’t care more at that moment. They looked at his amused face.
"I like it when you laugh. It sounds beautiful. You look beautiful." They let out without thinking much about it. Astarion scoffed.
"That makes me think of my question." He let his head fall to Artus' shoulder.
"Which is?"
"Why do you like me so much."
Artus felt heat rising to their cheeks and ears.
"Am I that obvious?" They said, thinking right away at the fact that they just told him he looked beautiful when he laughed. That ought a snort from them.
"You just called me beautiful."
"That’s just the truth. Anyone with sight would say the same." They tried to justify.
"You have left the camp alone despite your own warning to search for me."
"To be honest, I would have done the same for anyone in the camp." Astarion smirked.
"True. But you are also willing to let me drink your blood. And no, don’t tell me ‘anyone would do the same’. You know that’s not true. And I just want to know why. I want to know what you want in return so I can know how much I owe you." Artus furrowed his brows and looked down. That’s why he was so reluctant to accept their help? Because he thought they wanted something from him?
"I don’t want anything from you, Astarion. I told you, I just want to help you."
"You’ll have to excuse me, but I don’t believe that. Everyone wants something in exchange for what they give. It’s ok if what you want is sex, you know? I can see your desire. I saw your desire when we slept together that time."
And that was true, they desired him. But they didn’t want to help him because of that. They cared about him. They wanted him to desire them too, and give only what he wanted. They didn’t like the implications of what he just said.
"I don’t want you to have sex with me because you owe me . And if that time you did it because of it I would prefer not to do it again." Astarion hit them in the shoulder with his head.
"Don’t be silly, I also desire you. But…" He remained silent. After a minute, Artus broke the silence.
"But…?"
"You must want something from me! You can’t just give me your blood for nothing." He said, kind of frustrated.
"The only thing I want in exchange is your happiness. You looked happy… that night when you drank from my blood. I’d like to see you like that again. And I like thinking that I can make you happier somehow." Astarion lifted his head again from their shoulder to look at them.
"Then… why? Again, why do you like me so much? I can only give you my own burdens… and nothing else. I have nothing else."
Artus took a moment to look at his crimson eyes. They didn’t look piercing now, but open, vulnerable. They tentatively lifted their hand to press it against Astarion's cheek. Astarion, far from resisting the touch, leaned his weight on it.
"Would you ask the astronomer why they love the stars when they can’t give them anything in return? The stars are far, untouchable, burning. That doesn’t stop them from admiring their beauty, to dedicate their life to them, to wait every day with impatience their vision again."
Astarion looked at him with parted lips, seemingly without words. They would give anything to kiss him now. But they wouldn’t, unless he wanted. They remained silent like that, if it was just some seconds or hours, they would only know when the dizziness passed. It was Artus who finally broke the silence.
"I hope that answers your question."
Astarion let out a loud laugh.
"I don’t know. I’m not a star, I’m a person, you know." He teased. He put his head back on Artus ' shoulder, snuggling closer than before.
"You know, I could argue that you are, indeed, a star." They answered amused, burying their nose in his soft curls.
"Darling, I’m a vampire. I would be ashes in seconds if I happened to emanate the light of a star." That brought an idea to Artus.
"Do you think I could cast daylight on Cazador to kill him?" Astarion shot up to look at him incredulously and suddenly burst into laughter. They both laugh for a while, tears gathering in their eyes because of it, the danger of the outside long forgotten.
"Gods. I"- Astarion started, trying to catch his breath-"I would definitely love to see that."
"Consider it done then." They said, wrapping an arm around Astarion shoulder and bringing him back to their side.
They didn’t know if it was the dizziness, the tiredness of all the day, or the cold skin of Astarion pressed against them, but the next time that they opened their eyes was to the sound of someone screaming their names.
"I’m going to kill them. Insisted so much on not leaving the camp alone to just make a love escape!!!" They could distinguish the voice of Gale.
"Well, they weren’t alone." Shadowheart stated.
They got up and came back to the rest of their companions, arguing about the night and discussing the coming day. If Astarion walked a little closer to them, if they looked at each other a bit more now, it was something between the two of them.