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It’s been a tiring week.
Not only is it more than 90 degrees outside, but the air conditioning in their house has busted.
He and Jake made it work, of course. A simple look inside their local store got them an okay sized fan they used in their room when sleeping.
But it was pretty weak, not that either minded. But, it was kind of inconvenient when it was almost 100 degrees outside.
And as their day ended, finally able to settle in for the night, Jake hesitated. Which didn’t go unnoticed by Godot.
Jake always wore long sleeves to bed, he was normally always cold, so it wasn’t unusual.
But today was particularly bad, they were both covered in sweat and the fan only helped a little.
Godot watched Jake carefully, watching as he seemed to figure out a conclusion.
“Jake?”
He stopped, looking over to meet Godot’s visor covered eyes.
“Yes, honey?”
“You’re hesitating? Why?”
Jake stopped, eyes moving from one side of the room to the other. He didn’t say a word.
“Jake?” Godot had to admit, his patience was never high, and he was growing a tad bit irritated. Jake knows he’d never judge him for anything.
Again, Jake reminded silent, but his body language changed.
Self consciously, he had grabbed his wrist, stroking the skin down from his palm.
Godot wondered…
“Jake, do you mind showing me your wrist? You seem to be in discomfort by it.”
He knew that it was cruel, calling his husband out like that, especially considering the visual recoil at his words.
But Godot never liked to poke at the subject at hand.
It’s one of his rules.
Jake stepped back moving his wrist closer to his chest. Godot’s eyes unknowingly narrowed at Jake’s actions, trying to focus on his wrists.
“It-It’s nothing!” He stammered moving back closer to the wall. “It’s fine! I’m fine! Nothing’s wrong!”
Godot did not believe that at all.
By now, he’s up. Staring at Jake with furrowed eyebrows.
“Jake.”
Again, Jake stepped back, avoiding eye contact at all cost.
“I said that I-I’m fine! Just-“ He stopped bringing the wrist holding the one on his chest up to wipe his eyes.
Godot was seriously starting to worry. He shouldn’t. He couldn’t. But he couldn’t help it. He wanted to help Jake. He wouldn’t - couldn’t - loose Jake.
He was walking now, stopping a few feet away Jake.
“Jake. Talk to me.”
Jake shook his head, whispering a few words under his breath. Godot frowned. He didn’t understand, what was his deal?
He took a few more - cautious - steps, but Jake just shook his head more violently and stepped back farther to the wall, his voice more clear now that Godot was closer.
“I’m sorry.”
Why was he apologizing?
“I’m so so sorry. Please.”
Eventually, he was cornered. Hugging himself as Godot boxed him into the wall. The ‘I’m sorry’s’ were almost silent now, said like a chant of sorts.
What is he hiding?
“Jake. Hey it’s okay.” He was horrible at this. Comforting was not his strong suit. But, his heart was ahead of his brain and his husband’s actions were far too concerning.
Again and again Jake shook his head, more sorry’s falling from his lips.
Was he crying too?
“C’mon Jake, work with me here.” Against his better judgment, he was getting slightly irritated. He didn’t like the stubbornness, it ticked him off.
“If you don’t tell me I’ll have to look myself-“
“NO!”
Godot stopped. Any and all movements halting.
He had to admit he was impressed. Jake hardly rose his voice. But his tone - it didn’t carry anger. It carried fear.
Why fear?
The tears fell more and now Jake was shaking everywhere, hugging himself.
“Every-Everything is fine.” A sob. “Nothing- There’s nothing-“
Words weren’t forming anymore. Just cries and sorry’s.
Godot knew that this should be where he stopped. To let Jake sleep on the couch for the night, to get over himself.
But he couldn’t do that.
Wouldn’t do that.
He’ll apologize later. He had his next course of action planned and he’ll face the consequences later.
With swiftness and a surprising soft grasp, he grabbed one of Jake’s wrists and pulled it to his own body.
Jake was stunned for a moment, before his cries continued. He thrashed and squirmed in an attempt to pull his wrist away from the hand on it, but Godot wouldn’t let go.
Not yet.
Not until he finds out the truth.
A few ‘let go’s’ And ‘stop’s’ were said but Godot wasn’t listening. His grip tightened as he moved his other hand to grab the sleeve.
Godot had to admit, the roughness in his tug was unexpected to even him, but if it got the job done.
By now, Jake had given up. His entire body stilled, besides the shaking and crying. Godot eyed Jake for a bit, taking in his face.
His eyes were reddened with tears, his widened eyes looked at everything but him.
Godot didn’t pay that any mind. Now that Jake had finished his resistance he could focus on his current task.
His eyes moved down to the wrists of his husband, eyes narrowing.
Along his arm were perfect cuts. Some deep, some not. Some he could see, some he could not. His own breathing stopped for a moment, shock evident in his body language.
“H- Godot ple-please let go.”
This time, he did. They stayed there in silence, Jake’s sobs interrupting it every once in a while.
“I can- I’ll sleep o-on the couch. I-It’ll be fine.”
Godot shook his head, watching Jake finally look at him - confused.
“That’s unnecessary.”
“…”
Jake stared at him, seemingly speechless.
“You…don’t find that disturbing? Disgusting?”
“Why would I?”
Jake seemingly tried to see past the visor, maybe to look for something in his darkened vision.
“You don’t mean that-“
“I do.”
He paused again, speechless. Godot still had a strong grip on his wrist, and he made no movement to remove it.
Instead he moved in closer, putting his head on Godot’s chest.
And he started to cry again.
And Godot let him, putting his own head on Jake’s. He removed his hand from his wrist, instead letting it slide up to his palm and intertwining their fingers.
Godot shouldn’t do this. Can’t. But there’s a certain fire in his stomach and a increase of his heart as he holds Jake close, rubbing his thumb against his knuckles.
A urge to protect? Help? He didn’t know.
Should he care?
He shoved those thoughts away, placing a gentle kiss to the top of Jake’s head, which made his husband look up at him.
His eyes narrowed under the visor. He hated the tear stains on Jake’s face. With little thought, he moved his hand to stroke the oncoming tears away, lips tugging up at Jake’s squeeze of their hands.
Jake’s own lips curved into a small smile and Godot’s stomach fluttered.
It was divine.
He was divine.
Gently, he lifted their joined hands, removing his own from the hold. His hand moved up to hold Jake’s fingers as he lifted his wrist closer to his face.
He moved his head to look at Jake, who was staring at him in awe.
That encouraged his next movements, as he turned back and leaned down to kiss one of the scars planted on Jake’s wrist.
Jake shuddered as Godot kissed up his arm, face covered in pink.
When his arm was covered in non-visible kisses, Godot looked back up to Jake, who had a hand over his face.
Godot frowned.
No.
That won’t do at all.
Slowly, he reached up to grab Jake‘s other hand, moving it from his face.
For a moment, they were silent. Jake’s face was flushed and he held so much sadness in his eyes.
He needed to help.
Jake was so sad, he could tell.
A deep, burning desire to help - to protect - Jake was crawling up Godot’s skin.
Lovingly, he stroked the scars with his hand, in reassurance, smiling when Jake let out a small sigh.
The hand he was holding released and he moved instead moving it to Jake’s cheek, holding it.
Jake smiled his own hand holding the one on his cheek.
And finally Godot had the courage to lean down and connect their lips.
To Jake - this was just another kiss they shared.
To Godot - it was a new sensation. A feeling he pushed down when he agreed to date the other. A wonderful fire started to burn in his stomach, the flame he stomped out, buried the ashes in an attempt to forget. A feeling he hadn’t wanted to acknowledge.
Love.
Godot was in love.
And it feels so good to admit it.
He refused to let the kiss end. Not until they both needed air, and even then, Godot would’ve been just fine with it being longer.
“Wow…I don’t remember the last time we kissed like that.” It was a quiet sentence, soft spoken while Jake caught his breath.
“Jake…”
‘Darling’ is what he wished to used.
“…are they anywhere else?”
Jake looked away the best he could while Godot still had his hand on his cheek.
A few minutes passed and Godot was about to drop the question entirely, until Jake spoke.
“My other arm. And that’s it I promise.”
Godot nodded, thumb stroking the cuts gently. He removed the hand on his cheek, grabbing Jake’s hand with his own, intertwining their fingers.
“Then, my love…”
Jake’s face lit up at the name, a healthy pink making its way to his face.
“Allow me to take the pain away.”