Chapter Text
Josh turned over and stared at the illuminated numbers of his alarm clock once more. 11:59. He was shaking.
3...2....1...
12:00.
The clock switched over and nothing big happened, but Josh was still shaking. He was officially 18 and later today, granted he got some sleep, he was heading first thing to get registered.
Josh isn't really sure when his obsession started; it was maybe when he first asked him mother about his father's name tattooed on her wrist. He would ask her over and over to tell the story of how they met and how they were soulmates. He thinks maybe it was when his older cousin found their soulmate while they were out together and Josh was almost left behind in their rush to be together. Josh started to get antsy earlier last year especially, when Patrick's soulmark showed 'Pete' in bold lettering on his shoulder. Patrick was beyond embarrassed and only told Josh at first because he wasn't even sure himself if he was bisexual yet.
Patrick also hadn't been old enough to register himself, so he wasn't even sure if his soulmate would like guys too, but rules were rules. Josh was hoping he'd be a lucky one and get his soulmark before his 18th and then be able to immediately start looking, but his skin remained a blank canvas.
12:14. He should sleep. In the daylight he'd be able to go and register himself. He'd been practicing the way he wanted his name to look for years, wanting it to be perfect for his soulmate. He knew that when he finally signed the ledger and received his ID card his name would appear on his soulmate and all he'd have left to do was wait for them to register themselves.
Of course, some people chose not to register at all. Sometimes orientations didn't match up, or they lived miles away or states or countries (though rare, it did happen). Josh felt his heart race as the thoughts of 'what if' seeped in again and he shoved them off, hoping for some rest before the big day.
______________________
He had been one of the first few people in line before the doors opened at the registry offices. He was still shaking, if not worse than before, but Josh was determined.
He filled out the appropriate paperwork, gave his other identification, and waited. And waited, and texted him mom to assure her he was okay and he'd be home soon, and he waited. 9:53.
"Joshua Dun." He jerked up from his phone and stood, walking quickly towards the attendant. They led him down the hall and into the records room. The ledger stood before him, the attendant was a smiling young woman with the name 'Victor' and tight script on her neck.
"Alright, big day huh?"
Josh nodded and stared at the book on the table.
"First off, just first names as is tradition." She rolled her eyes, obviously annoyed by this as much as anyone else that went looking, "Please write clearly as there is only one shot at this."
Josh stared back at her, trying to remain calm, "Please sign your legal birth name, here is your pen and your number, once you are finished please return this to the front desk and good luck, Mr.Dun."
The haughty attendant handed him the heavy pen and left him in the room. He stared at the next available blank space on the ledger book and raised his pen.
j
"Shit." It was lowercase, he had already fucked everything up, his hand kept shaking as he wrote.
os
H
Josh stared in horror at what he'd managed to do, he was planning on 'Joshua', but after that? josH would have to do. He lifted the pen and watched the ink burn red before seeping into the page in a faded black as though it had been there for years.
He hastily left the room, dread filling the pit of his stomach. He returned his pen and turned in the number and waited in the designated area, only he wasn't sure how long this time. Eventually his number was called and he was given his ID badge with the same 'josH' signature he'd written before upon it. He slid it into his pocket instead of proudly displaying it as he had intended, and rushed into his car and headed home. He made it a few feet inside before he realised he was crying.
"Josh, is that you hone-" Josh's mother stopped in her tracks as she rounded the corner and saw him standing in the entry. "What happened?"
She rushed over and pulled him into a tight hug, "I just-I had been practicing so long mom and I-I messed up my own name."
She pulled away, looking shocked, "What do you mean? Did you misspell it-"
"No, God no...I just..." He had managed to stifle his tears and pulled out his ID badge. His mother just smiled lightly at him.
"Maybe it'll make it easier to find yours?" Josh hadn't thought about it in that light and almost felt better about his mistake. "Now c'mon, I didn't get to make the birthday boy breakfast and you need to eat."
He let his mom lead him to the kitchen, trying not to think too hard about things.