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A confrontation, that’s what it always feels like… Harsh criticism of his self while looking at the mirror, a shape that is so familiar yet, doesn’t feel like his own. He looks into his own eyes as a second figure appears in the reflection of the mirror, way more Joyful than he is, taking his clothes off and leaving them on the basket while leaving a fresh set piled on the side to wear later. Noticing the other staring from the reflection, he looked back at Randy with pity in his eyes and a great amount of understanding in a little shy smile. As they are the same, in some ways or another, no words need to be said, the struggle is shared.
That mirror, cruel yet truthful, taking over a good porting of the bathroom wall and letting them see each hateful curves, wrong parts that shouldn’t be there, that somebody else would appreciate way more than them. Wishing that their hips, their chest and the rest would just go away was always a nice daydream. Being born in the wrong body feels like a nightmare.
“You have been looking at yourself in the mirror for a long time already… “
“And you have been doing the same… “
“Yeah… heh, I am getting a lil bit chilly here already”
Jeff went ahead and stared at the shower, starting the hot water and letting it run for a little bit, testing it with his hand. The sound of it running was always a nice distraction from his dysphoria, maybe it was the same for Randy. They stayed silent for a couple of minutes as the water warmed up to a pleasant temperature for both of them. Having Jeff there was comfortable, despite him being, well, a weirdo, he made him feel better about all of this, about himself, about his identity.
“Come here, is this warm enough for you?”
Jeff’s question took Randy off of his thoughts, his eyes were glued to his reflection for who knows how long. As he finally broke eye contact, he let his hand slip into the water and answered. It was warm and comfortable, not too hot to be burned by it, perfect to fog the mirror in a matter of seconds if let be.
“Yeah”
“Then in you go! I’m getting cold out here”
“I’m going I’m going, sheesh… heh”
Getting a little shy now. Yes, they have seen each other naked, like, a lot already. Jeff likes to be naked when he can. They had gone into the thermal waters together before and had even gone skinny-dipping at night in a lake. But this felt a little more private… Maybe it was just because his reflection in the mirror had made him self-conscious. He wasn’t sure anymore.
Stepping inside the bathtub, mentally thanking his mom for buying those anti-slipping mats. Standing inside and watching Jeff joined before moving the curtain and covering them from the rest of the world. He started the shower and stood still, enjoying the warm water running down his skin, letting out a sigh of relief, which he hadn’t noticed he had been holding in his throat.
“Randy… are you alright?”
Oh, that question… That question he isn’t sure how to truly respond to.
“No… I… I don’t think so”
He looked down at the bottom of the bathtub as he felt Jeff’s arms wrap around him, feeling Jeff’s almost insignificant breasts rest on his back. He’s envious. Envious of Jeff’s body, which had been changing in a more masculine manner unlike his own. He wishes he had noticed sooner, that he had the courage to say that he’s not a girl earlier than he did, that things were different, better. Jealousy was common, and he hated that about himself. It’s hard, he knows it’s not his fault. He was scared back then, but he knows this is the best treatment his family can offer, let alone afford, Testosterone patches are expensive as is. All these thoughts tormented him ever since the mirror started to be wicked, ever since he started hating his gender.
He slowly rested his head on Jeff’s shoulder, welcoming the warm embrace with a painful expression on his face. Breathing in slowly and out, the last thing he wants is to fucking cry about it. He’s already done that, and he’s over that phase. Silence and an overwhelming sense of comfort and understanding were being shared, calming down from those moments of despair.
“... It’ll be alright, It’ll get better. You are doing great…”
Sappy, comforting words helped him relax his shoulders and face. Sympathy is what Woods brings, that’s what he needs for… himself. The mirror is not at fault, what’s cruel are his eyes and his thoughts, and Jeff knows better than anyone, as they are the same.
“... Heh, are Testosterone shots worth it?”
“Yeah- BUT GOD I hate those needles to the hip-”
“Pff… How fast are they?”
“Well… The injections are fast but… after my appointment, I feel like I’m on top of the world”
“Hmm… Maybe I should go get shots instead of patches…”
“I recommend them- hell, I can get you to the clinic to check some options and dosages”
“Bet”
Yeah… This is good, This company is good. This is not a war with himself, this was simply a Shower.