Chapter Text
Katsuki wouldn’t call him and Todoroki close. Not in the slightest. But they did seem to have this… connection, for lack of a better word. Maybe it stemmed from the sports festival their first year or their failure of the provisional license exam and the remedial classes, or maybe it was the internship with Todoroki’s father. Except honestly, it was none of those things. Well, those things certainly contributed to the formation of this bond but it was really all built on one thing: shitty ass parents.
Katsuki had known about Eneadvor’s awful parenting ever since he accidentally overheard (read: eavesdropped on) Deku’s conversation with Todoroki last year. At first, Katsuki hadn’t thought much of it. So what if IcyHot had a tragic backstory, boo hoo, who cares, he just wanted to win. But then that motherfucker had the audacity to throw his match with Katsuki. When he woke up afterward he was ready to rage at the bastard but he faltered when he turned and saw the boy sitting there with his head between his knees taking deep breaths seemingly to calm himself down. Katsuki had opened his mouth to say literally anything when the door was slammed open and Endeavor had walked in like he owned the damn place. Both boys had snapped their heads up to look at him, Katsuki looked back to Todoroki whose expression was carefully blank, but anticipating. Katsuki recognized the face, it was the one he made when he messed up and knew his mom would hand him his ass for it. Endeavor prepared to probably yell when he finally looked at Katsuki, just noticing he was in the room. He instead took a breath and said, in a deep, demanding voice:
“Shouto, we’ll talk when you get home,” and then turned and walked out.
As soon as the door shut Todoroki let out a shaky breath, the closest thing to emotion Katsuki had seen from the boy, well, ever. They sat in tense silence, both waiting for Katsuki to say something, to yell about the fight, but Katsuki couldn’t bring himself to do it, not when he felt that small tinge of sympathy for the kid. He was still pissed as hell, don’t get it twisted but, he gave the poor boy a moment of quiet he knew he wouldn’t get when he got home.
All the sympathy faded when they wouldn’t let him refuse the win. They chained him up and muzzled him like a fucking wild animal, or worse, a villain. He thrashed and yelled and was panicking but no one could fucking tell they just thought he was an ungrateful brat lashing out when in reality he was flashing back to the feeling of sludge filling his lungs and thinking about the scene he knew his parents were watching at home. (And his greatest hero had stood by, placing the medal he didn’t want or deserve in his mouth).
When he was finally let off that damn podium he looked at Todoroki who wearing that stupid blank expression once again, but when he saw Katsuki his eyes turned apologetic (which of course at the time Katsuki mistook as pity) before he was whisked away by his father.
It’s needless to say that Katsuki’s mother hadn’t liked the way he acted on live television that day, they had a huge fight, she smacked him around, told him about how embarrassing he’d been and that he was a failure of a son, and a shit hero blah blah blah. He hadn’t even screamed at her to defend himself, he knew she was right. She sent him to his room and refused to feed him for the rest of the week (which was fine, he was used to it, he knew how to cook for himself, and he wasn’t helpless). The discipline wasn’t new nor did it piss him off that much, what had pissed him off was the fact it was all that half n’ half bastard’s fault! If he had just fought Katsuki like he did stupid Deku then none of it would have happened! So that night he vowed to hate Todoroki forever.
Months later this proved to be difficult.
Katsuki got kidnapped. Fucking kidnapped. By the League of Asswipes. And Todoroki had come to help him escape. He wasn’t rescued. They just happened to be his best option at the time, yeah.
(Okay, MAYBE he’d admitted to being rescued that ONE time when Kirishima wouldn’t stop with his stupid self-deprecating bullshit. But he also knew Kirishima would take the knowledge of that to the grave.)
Katsuki’s mother once again went on a rant about him being weak and unable to protect himself and putting so many people in harm’s way just for him. (He didn’t ask them to help him he didn’t ask for any of it he didn’t mean to be the reason for All Might’s end he didn’t-)
Then they moved into the dorms. And he was honestly grateful. Did he really want to live with the most annoying people he’s ever met? No. But he knew if he stayed another moment in that damn house with his bitch of a mother and coward of a father he would find a way to drown himself in the sink.
And so, that connection came back.
Katsuki had been one of the first people to arrive at the dorms to move in, his mother had insisted that get the shit over with as soon as possible, and for once he couldn’t agree more. When he got there he ran into pink cheeks, she showed him and his parents around the dorms and to his room, she left quickly after saying some shit about wanting to be there when Deku got there.
“Who cares round face, piss off,” he had said to her. She had just rolled her eyes at him, yelling back a cheerful see ya later, blasty!
As soon as she was out of sight his mom smacked him upside the head and said, “Don’t be a disrespectful brat! That poor girl has to put up with you every day, no wonder you don’t have friends, much less a girlfriend!”
He kept his mouth shut.
They continued to unload his shit, and he was so grateful that no one from the goon squad had shown up while his parents were there. When he finally walked his parents out about half an hour later, they stopped in the common room before reaching the doors. It was empty except for Todoroki sitting on his phone on one of the couches, pretending not to notice Katsuki and his parents.
“Well Masaru, we finally got the brat off our hands,” his mother’s tone and expression had played it off as teasing, but Katsuki could read the sincerity.
“Fuck off hag, just go already.”
“That attitude is exactly why those villains decided to take you and why all of your classmates were forced away from their families.”
“At least I get to get away from you,” he grunts out. Her hand pulled back to strike him, he looked her dead in the eyes, unmoving. Her eyes flicked to behind Katsuki, then back to him before she put her hand down and readjusted her stance.
“I expect you to come home on the weekends, Katsuki.”
“Yeah right,” he spat back, knowing she wouldn’t touch him with someone in the room. She turned and walked out the door slamming it harshly. His father looked at him with disappointed eyes.
“You should really watch how you talk to your mother Katsuki, she only wants what’s best for you, she loves you.”
“Bullshit,” he mumbled under his breath, it didn’t go past his father unnoticed. He sighed.
“I don’t understand why you don’t just listen to her, we’ll be in touch, kid.” As Katsuki was making a mental note to block his mom’s number his father went to pat him on the shoulder and he flinched away. While his father has never laid a hand on him, the thought of him initiating a gesture of comfort made him wary. His father just looked sadly at him and then walked out the door.
“Fucking liar,” he exhaled deeply running a hand through his hair. He let his body relax knowing they couldn’t touch him while he was there. Turning around to walk back up to his new room before anyone else showed up he jumped when he saw Todoroki looking at him with a strange expression. He steeled his gaze, daring the bastard to say anything to him before walking to the elevators.
So, it was safe to say that they were both aware of what they had in common. But they didn’t magically become bffs.
They both failed the provisional license exam and had to take remedial classes. Todoroki had insisted they talked while they walked together. So they started to get to know each other. They’d even go out to eat occasionally after a tough lesson and bicker back and forth for an hour or two before returning to the dorms.
Todoroki had called them friends and Katsuki was quick to deny it.
Even with all the denying Katsuki did, it was hard for him to ignore that Todoroki could truly understand him in a way others just didn’t. He didn’t ask why Katsuki got quiet or scoffed around conversations about family traditions, he just steered the conversation towards himself so people would get uncomfortable and stop. He didn’t care that Katsuki sometimes needed moments to pull himself before training with Midnight or Cementoss, but he’d often ask to be paired with him and pull him off to “talk strategy”.
It went the same way for Katsuki. He took note of Todoroki’s somewhat strange habits, ones that would have his friends raising a brow concerningly, and simply filed them away, keeping his mouth shut. Sometimes, someone will make a reference or talk about something and Todoroki will look at him with a confused face, and Katsuki will roll his eyes and silently text him an explanation.
They were able to be comfortable around each other, which is probably what started it all in the first place.
“How do they just,” Todoroki hesitates, shifting anxiously where he sits next to Katsuki on the steps, “do that.”
“Do what?” Katsuki follows the other boy’s eyes to where they are set on the rest of his class hanging out in front of the dorms.
“The,” he does a vague hand gesture, “touching,” Todoroki supplies helpfully. Katsuki stares at him for a second then looks back to where their class is, his eyes are immediately drawn to his friends. Kirishima is sitting with Mina’s head in his lap, running his hand through her hair (Katsuki represses the spike of jealousy that threatens to spill into his expression), his eyes drift up to where Kaminari has his arms around Kirishima's shoulders dangling there, looking at something on the redhead’s phone. Sero sits to the left of Kirishima with Mina’s legs across his lap, and Jirou sits on his right, leaning back to smack Kaminari in the head after he said something stupid. Shinsou walks over to the group and Kaminari immediately straightens up and tackles him to the ground, Katsuki snorts. He then looks back to Todoroki who is staring longingly at his own group of friends who are in a similar situation, lying all over each other, laughing.
Katsuki sighs, he knows this is gonna be one of those moments, where Katsuki has to explain to Todoroki that they were fucked up.
“We never learned how,” is all he says after a few moments of silence. He rests his elbow on his knee and puts his cheek to his palm, back to watching his idiot friends with a new emotion coming over him. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Todoroki turning to him and tilting his head in confusion like a lost puppy. Katsuki rolled his eyes and turned to the boy who was sitting about 5 feet away from him.
“Did you know that it’s normal for parents to hug their kids, like often, sometimes every day?” He watches as Todoroki grimaces at the thought. Katsuki snorts.
“Exactly, that’s my point, we were raised very differently than all of these fuckers, while they were getting hugs and forehead kisses and getting told how much they were loved, we were getting smacked around being told how useless we are. So they got used to it, the idea that touching could be loving, that words could be affectionate or whatever, but we see someone close to us raise their arms for a hug and get prepared for a fight, it made us seem closed off when we’re really just defensive. Not to mention none of our fucking friends know how to keep their hands to themselves, it’s gross honestly, but it’s normal for them, it’s their way of showing that they care I guess,” Katsuki cringes inwardly. Gross, feelings.
“But,” Todoroki starts, Katsuki knows what he wants to ask before he asks it.
“They don’t think you want it, or that you’d like it, that’s why they don’t try with you, they don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Katsuki honestly doesn’t even know why he explains it all to Todoroki, maybe he just wants that look wiped off his face.
“But I do want it,” he pouts.
“Obviously, you’re touch-starved as fuck, anyone with eyes can see that.”
“Touch-starved?”
“Oh my god, yes, it's exactly how it sounds. You went your whole life without the casual touch most people experience, so obviously you’re gonna crave it.” Another moment of silence passes.
“Do you?”
“Hah!? Of course not, I don’t need hugs n’ shit. I ain’t soft.” He huffs, eyes subconsciously shifting to a certain redhead who now has his arms around Mina’s waist, hugging her tightly. He looks back to Todoroki who’s giving him a look that says stop being like that, I know you’re lying.
“Fucking whatever okay, sometimes, with certain people , I guess it would be nice to I don’t know,” he gestures vaguely at his classmates.
“Cuddle?” Todoroki asks and Katsuki gags.
“Ew gross don’t say that ever again, but yeah I guess,” he scrunches his nose in disgust, “but I’m not like you, I don’t like touch, I don’t want it like you do, but I-“ he pauses, looking back to Kirishima, “I want to want it, but only with one person, everyone else can fuck off.”
“Why don’t you just, ask him,”
“Why don’t you just ask them,” he mocks.
“I don’t want to make them uncomfortable, I just assumed they didn’t touch me because they didn’t want to, and I'm worried if I ask it’ll be weird.” Of course, Todoroki answers seriously and in a way that would make a normal person feel sad for him.
“Since when have you cared about acting weird?”
“Since you decided to take every chance you get to point out how weird I act, Bakugou,” Todoroki snarks, he pauses for a moment thinking, “but I guess since we have this thing in common that makes us both weird.”
Katsuki huffs, “I’m not like you. I’m perfectly normal.”
“Yes because normal people gag at the word cuddle.” He can almost feel how hard Todoroki rolls his eyes.
“Shut the fuck up, whatever, you get the point. I can’t just go up to Kirishima and say ‘hey can you just start touching me I might freak out but you need to keep doing it so I can get used to it,” Katsuki shifts uncomfortably on the steps. They’re both still looking at their respective friend groups.
“What if-” Todoroki starts before abruptly stopping. Katsuki turns to him and recognizes the expression, it’s the one he wears when he thinks the thing he’s about to say is too forward, or too weird. Katsuki can appreciate the effort the boy has put into not being so blunt, but at times he just seems... insecure about his thoughts, so Katsuki just sighs.
“Just spit it out, Icy Hot,”
“Whatifwetriedit,” he says so quickly that it's almost an unintelligible mumble, but Katsuki hears it and stiffens. What the hell, he thinks, and he’s about to say as much before he stops, catching a glimpse of bright red out of the corner of his eye. His group of idiots has all shuffled to laying on the ground, arms and legs thrown around each other, Kirishima in the middle of it all. His eyes are closed, and his head is tilted slightly to the sky. The sun shines against his skin, it makes him seem somehow brighter than before, and Katsuki can feel the ugly green crawl up his throat. Maybe… maybe Todoroki is onto something. If Katsuki can somehow relearn touch then he won’t embarrass himself in front of Kirishima, not that physical affection isn’t already embarrassing. Maybe he can get over that too. Honestly, Todoroki is the best option for the job, not only because it’s mutually beneficial, but because Katsuki may actually respect him (but he’d die before ever saying that out loud).
The boy next to him, worried about the lack of response, just starts to ramble, something very out of character for the usually near-silent boy, “That was weird. Sorry. I was just thinking that if I- if we had some practice with it then we could get used to and because its a problem for the both of us it seemed like a logical solution but I get that you definitely wouldn’t want to do that so I’m sor-”
“Shut the fuck up, god you hang out with Deku too much. Don’t apologize. It-” he hesitates a moment, “it makes sense,” he admits through gritted teeth. When Todoroki doesn’t say anything back Katsuki looks at him, only to be met with wide eyes and a slack jaw.
“Tch, you’re gonna catch flies, moron,” the other boy's mouth snaps shut.
“I just- I didn’t expect that. I thought you might yell at me for saying something so stupid.”
“Yeah yeah, well I’m just surprised that you had a good idea for once.” They’re pulled into yet another silence, this one bordering on awkward.
“So-” half n half starts and Katsuki is not having it.
“Fuck it,” he says then stands up and walks over to the other side of the steps and sits right next to Todoroki, when he notices their shoulders are touching he scoots away an inch, leaving a comfortable gap, but keeping them close. They don’t say anything as they continue to watch their class. Katsuki is hyper-aware of how close they are, he’s stiff and motionless.
“You’re tense,” Todoroki says after a minute.
“Yeah well this is fucking weird,” Katsuki relaxes a bit, crossing his arms over his chest, his elbow knocks the other boy’s arm and he quickly jerks away, uncrossing his arms and shoving his hands in his lap. Todoroki gives him a curious look but doesn’t say anything. They sit for a few more moments before he speaks again.
“I like this,” which makes Katsuki snort.
“Fucking why? We’re just sitting.”
“I don’t know. But the proximity is comforting, feels,” he pauses, “intimate.”
“Gross,” Katsuki shudders.
“And yet you're still here,” Todoroki hums. Katsuki doesn’t respond. The closeness is weird but it's not uncomfortable, not like Katsuki thought it would be. He’s thinking of leaning a little closer, letting their shoulders touch when a loud voice pulls him from his thoughts.
“Woah Bakubro, since when were you and Todoroki so close,” Denki all but yells.
“Hah?! What the hell are you talking about Dunce Face,” Katsuki is immediately on the defensive.
“We’ve never seen you sit that close to, well, anyone!” Mina chimes in. Apparently, while he was lost in thought the entire fucking class decided it was finally time to go inside, so now they’re all staring at him and the boy beside him.
“I can’t sit wherever the hell I want!” Katsuki yells at the same time Todoroki replies,
“It’s because we’re best friends,” in a completely serious tone, causing Katsuki to sputter, and the rest of the class to laugh. When he looks up his eyes catch Kirishima, who has a strange expression, but it goes away quickly and he replaces it with a wide smile and small laugh that make Katsuki's heart flutter. He quickly looks down before getting up and stomping inside, he vaguely hears Deku asking Todoroki if he and Katsuki are really best friends, but he is out of range before Todoroki answers.
When he gets to his room only a few minutes later he takes out his phone and hesitates. He paces the length of his room a few times before grunting in frustration and tugging at his hair. It's stupid really. It’s stupid that he's so broken that he can’t get a hug like a normal person. And it’s even more stupid that he thinks doing this thing with Todoroki may actually help him. He texts Todoroki.
me: come over after dinner. tell the nerds you’re going to bed or whatever.
halfie: k
me: don’t fucking ‘k’ me
halfie: k.
A few hours later he’s sat at his desk glaring at the door like it's about to attack him. When he finished his dinner about 30 minutes ago Todoroki had been almost done with his meal. Which means he should be knocking at his door any minute now. He feels his leg start to bounce without his consent. He’s not nervous. That would be dumb. Why would he be nervous? All Icy Hot is going to do is come over and touch him a little bit. Sit next to him with their shoulders touching. Maybe put a hand on his arm. Possibly grab his hand and-
There's a soft knock on his door. Katsuki jumps up and pulls the door open, grabbing the boy by the shirt and pulling him in. He looks into the hallway to make sure no one saw them and closed the door behind him.
“You aren’t holding my fucking hand,” he spits out. Todoroki’s brows furrow.
“Okay? Were you thinking about holding hands with me?” He asks.
“Fucking no,” Katsuki shoves past him and sits on the bed. They stare at each other for a moment. Katsuki has no idea what he’s doing, and when he looks at Todoroki, he realizes that the other boy doesn’t either. Katsuki sighs.
“Just- just sit down,” he gestures next to him. Todoroki does, but Katsuki jumps away when he feels their thighs touch. He looks over to find Todoroki judging him.
“Shut up. You just surprised me,” he huffs and forces his body back to its original spot. Their sides barely brush, but from shoulder to knee they are touching. They sit in silence. Katsuki… Katsuki doesn’t know how he feels. He doesn't think he’s ever been this close to another person before. There were a few times when he was little that Izuku had tried to hug him, but even back then it’d felt weird and he'd shoved him off. He remembers Izuku frowning and running back to his mom, who picked him up and held him to her chest, whispering that some people just didn’t like to be touched. When the boy looked back at him, Katsuki swore he saw pity in the boy's eyes as he told his mother that he didn’t understand because hugs were amazing and that they always made him feel better. Katsuki didn’t understand either. He didn’t get why Inko would carry Deku around and squeeze him tightly. Why he always wanted to hold Katsuki’s hand. He figured it was just because Deku was weird and a stupid baby.
Now look at him, unable to do something as simple as touching another human being. Who’s the weird and stupid baby now?
He feels pressure against his thigh. He looks down and notices that Todoroki is pushing their legs together. Katsuki takes a deep breath.
“How do you feel?” Todoroki nudges his thigh a bit more. Katsuki doesn’t know. The contact is strange, but he doesn’t feel bad. Not yet at least.
“Weird,” is what he chooses to respond with, “you?” He looks up from their touching legs to the other boy's face. Todorki breathes in, then out.
“Good. I like it. Being close to someone like this, even a little bit,” and Katsuki gets it, he understands really. Because there is a slight warmth in his chest at just sharing a space with someone. His space.
“Can I-” Todoroki trails off with a shake of his head. Katsuki nudges him with an elbow.
“Just spit it out.”
“Can I lay my head on your shoulder?” His voice is quiet, more so than usual. Katsuki sucks in a breath.
“Y-yeah. Whatever.” He looks away, so he’s not entirely prepared when a weight lands on his shoulder. He tenses, and so does Todoroki, but he forces himself to relax quickly. He feels hair brush against his neck and it sends shivers down his spine. How can something so small make him feel so much? Todoroki shifts and he can feel breath against his collarbone. In fact, he can feel the way Todoroki’s entire body moves as he breathes. He realizes that they’ve started to breathe in sync. In. Out. In. Out.
It’s when Todoroki shifts once more that he realizes the height difference probably makes his shoulder uncomfortable. So in a moment of bravery, he leans towards the other boy, pushing his head further into his shoulder. He has nowhere else to go; he gently lays his head on top of Todoroki’s, leaving absolutely no space between them. Todoroki sucks in a surprised breath but makes himself comfortable against Katsuki’s side.
They sit like that for a while. The sun sets quietly as if nothing else is going on in the world; they just exist in the same space. They breathe together and don’t say a word. Katsuki doesn't think he’s felt this calm in the presence of someone else. Other than Kirishima of course. But he and Kirishima have never done this. It feels so nice with Todoroki, maybe one day soon they can.
His eyes start to drift closed when he hears the door to Kirishima’s room open and close. He soaks up the touch for a moment longer before sitting up. Todoroki hums, and when he looks up Katsuki notices that he's rubbing at his eyes.
“Did you actually fucking fall asleep?” He snorts.
“Yeah,” Todoroki mutters sleepily, “you’re comfortable.” Katsuki chokes.
“Okay, sure. Whatever you say. I’m going to sleep soon, so…” he stands up quickly and gestures at the door. Todoroki makes his way to the door, but he stops for a moment and looks back at Katsuki.
“This was really nice,” he says. Katsuki nods. “Let me know if you want to do it again.”
“I- maybe. I don’t know,” He was so comfortable only moments ago, but now he feels his face begin to flush as embarrassment kicks in.
“Okay,” Todoroki half smiles, “goodnight,” he waves. Katsuki goes to step back into his room when he hears Todoroki say “Hello Kirishima, good night to you as well” which causes Katsuki to whip his head back out the door where he sees Kirshima peeking out of his room, smiling politely at Todoroki. He turns to Katsuki and raises a brow.
“Don’t look at me like that. He came over to ask me some stupid question. We aren’t friends or anything,” Katsuki huffs. Kirishima snorts and rolls his eyes and Katsuki hates that it makes his stomach do weird things.
“Whatever you say, man,” he looks at Katsuki suspiciously for a moment, which makes Katsuki shift and hope his face isn’t red. Kirishima shakes his head as if clearing a thought.
“Anyway, if you’re not planning on going to bed for a bit I thought maybe we could watch some more of our show,” Kirishima smiles easily and Katsuki is so…
“Fucking fine, let me change and I’ll come over,” he mutters.
“Awesome,” Kirishima beams which leaves Katsuki genuinely stunned for a moment. He turns to go back into his room grumbling “our show” to himself. When he looks in the mirror after changing his ears are still red. He huffs at his reflection and grabs a pillow to head to Kirishima’s.
That night, while Kirishima is giggling at something, he leans in to nudge Katsuki, who is wholly surprised when he doesn’t jump at the touch. He dares to lean into Kirishima’s side, he's staring hard at the laptop screen, but he can feel Kirishima’s eyes on him. Eventually, he turns away and pushes their shoulders together. Katuski feels the corners of his mouth twitch.
When Katsuki gets back into his bed he texts Todoroki.
me: let’s keep going
halfie: okay
:)
me: shut up