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When he opens his eyes, he doesn’t know where he is. He’s laying somewhere, can feel the warmth of the sun on his skin. It could be a clearing, but it for sure isn’t the front of the Air Force recruiting office in the middle of the night. Actually, nothing looks familiar at all. There’s the sky above him and the sun. It feels off.
Clay runs his hands up his chest, because he vaguely remembers being shot, but there are no wounds. He scratches his head and gets to his feet. His leg feels real too, so he pulls the pant leg up to check, and yes, there’s his real leg. The prosthetic one is gone.
"It’s too early for you to be here," a familiar voice says behind him, sounding reproachful. "How the hell could that happen?"
Clay looks up in disbelief. "Swanny?" He hugs his friend tight. "It’s so good to see you! I never thought I’d ever see you again!"
"I guess ‘See you on the other side’ isn’t just a saying after all…" Swanny says with a shrug, before he grows serious again. "I… I’m so sorry that you were the one who had to find me…" He looks away, shoving his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I was in a bad place and didn’t know what else to do…"
"That was really…" Clay runs his fingers through his hair, and shakes his head as the memory of him finding Swanny’s body comes up again. "That pretty much destroyed me…" he admits. "But I accept your apology, my brother."
"At least the funeral made you and Quinn finally make a move…" Swanny smirks and Clay’s eyes grow big.
"How do you…?" He ended up sleeping with Sonny that night, but how could Swanny know?
"Well, it’s kinda like watching TV on this side…" Swanny says. "But I swear I stopped watching once I realized what you two were up to," he adds with a grin, seeing Clay blush.
"How can I see what’s going on without me?" Clay asks, his ears still red.
"Just focus on your target," Swanny explains, so Clay does.
It’s unbearable to see Sonny like that. Hurting and suffering. Clay’s knees go weak, so he has to sit down. He wants to do something for Sonny’s pain. Anything. Give Sonny a small sign. Show him, that he’s not lost. That he’s just on the proverbial other side.
He closes his eyes and turns away, to ask Swanny something, but Swanny’s gone and Brian is standing there instead.
Clay gets up immediately and throws his arms around him, so relieved to see him again. So happy to be able to hug Brian again.
"It’s too soon for you." Brian says against Clay’s shoulder. "I’m glad to see you, though."
"Swanny already told me that." Clay mumbles, still not letting go. He felt so horrified, watching Brian’s parachute fail to enfold. "I saw you falling and I couldn’t do anything."
"No one could." Brian remembers. "It was just…"
"The worst." Clay completes, before taking in a shaky breath. "Sorry for falling in love again."
"Don’t be." Brian takes a step back, but his hands stay on Clay’s shoulders. "I never expected nor wanted for you to mourn me forever."
When Clay looks up, he sees nothing but honesty and sincerity in Brian’s eyes.
"Besides, you named your son after me." Brian continues. "You can’t get more love and honor than that."
Clay nods. Though his marriage to Stella was more or less a rushed and hasty reaction to the news of Sonny becoming a father, his son was still the best thing that happened to him.
"I named him after one of the best people I know." Clay brings their foreheads together.
"Thanks." Brian kisses his cheek, before he leaves. "See you later."
Clay focuses on his son and Stella again. Baby Brian is clutching the plush seal, the one that Davis gave Clay in the hospital after his first leg injury. Stella cries whenever she sees the baby with it, but doesn’t take the toy away.
They are struggling, but the entire team is there for them. Sonny is there for them, which makes Clay glad, because Sonny needs something to keep him on track.
It takes a while, but Stella and Brian eventually make it to Modesto Coast. Stella even gets her cottage, a teaching position at San Jose State University and her novel, just like she always wanted.
A few years later, when she feels like going out again, she meets a guy, at one of those book parties her editor throws regularly. He’s a decent guy, a children’s books illustrator, who makes her laugh wholeheartedly again, and Clay is glad.
Clay doesn’t know what to feel when Brian enlists. It’s probably the consequence of him having been surrounded by Bravo as a kid and still staying in touch, but yeah…
When Brian doesn’t want to become a SEAL, Clay’s relieved, not disappointed. The Navy pays for his university and medical training, and when Brian turns into a neurologist who works with veterans, Clay couldn’t be prouder.
Sonny is a completely different story. When he isn’t at Stella’s, he volunteers between Bravo’s regular missions, whenever a team is one man short.
He almost blows himself up on a few of those missions, and runs into houses full of tangos, or does other things that are this level of stupid. Often without a proper plan, protection, or backup.
At some point, Bravo corners him on the plane, reminding him that they aren’t ready to lose another brother.
Clay watches Ray telling Sonny that he’s fed up with Sonny’s death wish and won’t accept any of Sonny’s explanations or, as Ray calls them: excuses.
Sonny tells Ray that he understands, but the only thing that keeps him from total self-destruction is when tangos shoot at him. Clay calls him his fuck up again, but keeps watching.
Watching how after Jason talks to Blackburn, Sonny gets sent to McLaughlin once again, so he can spend some time with his daughter and, in Jason words: remember why he should stay alive.
That helps. At least from what Clay can see. Sonny still works as much as he can to keep himself busy, until he can see Leanne again, but he becomes a little less reckless, until he quits Bravo a few years later.
Clay sees friends setting up dates for Sonny with all kinds of people. When Sonny meets them, he is his usual ridiculous and charming self and looks so good that Clay’s hands itch and tremble to reach out to touch him.
Clay bites his lip helplessly because of how bad he wants to kiss Sonny, but can’t. He expects to have to watch the dates kiss and touch Sonny, but that never happens.
Instead, Sonny flinches whenever his date wants to do as much as hold his hand. He kisses them on the cheek, and never meets them for another date.
Time passes differently on the other side. If it passes at all. He isn’t sure what to call what’s going on, but Clay sees Sonny on his father’s ranch. When Emmett Quinn dies, he leaves the ranch to his granddaughter and Sonny decides to take care of it until Leanne is old enough to be in charge. And Clay likes it. Sonny is good with horses and the animals are good for Sonny. Clay also likes the gray streaks in Sonny’s beard and on his temples.
A very young woman comes up to him, takes Sonny’s hand and leans into his side. Sonny kisses the top of her head and Clay is taken aback for a moment, before he realizes that he’s watching Sonny and Leanne. A grown up Leanne.
"This is crazy!" Clay whispers to himself, partly relieved and partly heartbroken.
He doesn’t want Sonny to spend his life alone, but Sonny seems to be okay with that. He often talks to Clay at nights, when he can’t sleep. Completely unaware of the fact that Clay is listening, answering, on the other side.
When Sonny dies, a few years later, it’s of course his heart. It stops beating while Sonny is out there, on the other side of the ranch, repairing a fence all alone, without telling anyone where he is or what he’s up to.
And of course Clay is the first one Sonny sees on the other side.
"I knew you’d end up as an angel!" Sonny says, when he opens his eyes.
Clay could tell him that he isn’t an angel. That there are no angels because this isn’t the religious heaven all churches are trying to make you believe in. This is just the other side, where they are pretty much everywhere, because they are atoms, but it can wait. He pulls Sonny up to his feet and into his arms.
Sonny feels perfectly real and solid against him. When they kiss, it’s as passionate and needy as always when they finally get alone time after a mission. When all they want to do is reassure themselves that the other one is there, safe and sound.
"Why did you stay alone?" Clay whispers, stroking Sonny’s beard slowly.
"How’d you know?" Sonny asks, moving his palms over Clay’s broad shoulders.
"I had time to watch," Clay admits, curling his fingers in Sonny’s neck.
"You watched?" Sonny asks again, his hands on Clay’s arms.
Clay shrugs. "I missed you."
"I missed you, too." Sonny leans in closer.
"So, why?" Clay whispers softly.
"Oh, you know..." Sonny shrugs. "I hit Jackpot once. Going back to consolation prizes just didn’t make much sense to me." he adds, nonchalantly.
"Sonny…" The way Clay says his name, makes it sound the most precious and the most important, before kissing him again.
And because they’re atoms and stardust now, they have all the time in the universe to spend together.