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The polite way Simeon smiled seemed tight. Forced. His gaze drifted from you to Mammon, smiling despite the aggressive energy radiating from the demon’s body.
“C’mon, don’t play dumb with me. You know why we came to see you, right? I think it’s time we stop playin’ around and have a talk, Simeon.” He shifts his weight, restless. “A real talk.”
Simeon hums, amused. “Seems you’ve got me cornered.”
The calm demeanor does nothing to dissuade Mammon’s attitude. “I hope you’re ready, Simeon. ‘Cause I’m gonna get the truth outta you. Every last bit of it!”
Simeon blinks. Tilts his head a calculated ten degrees to the right as he considers greed’s avatar’s non-threat. “I’d love to help you, Mammon, but I’m afraid I have no idea what you’re asking me.”
Mammon promptly sucks his teeth and rolls his eyes, “C’mon, yeah ya do! There’s been a lot of weird stuff goin’ on, so much that I can’t even keep track of it all!” He holds up a hand, extending a finger with each indiscretion to count them off, “First, you show up in the human world outta nowhere and decide to start a cafe. Then suddenly we’ve got Raphael on the exchange program…and you say you’re here on some sorta short-term exchange or somethin’...” Mammon pauses, shaking his head as if his own words stir new thoughts before he just as quickly snaps out of it. “Still, you comin’ back to the Devildom at all is fishy!”
“Well, you see—”
“If you feed me some story about how you came for the sports festival or somethin’,” Mammon jabs a finger at the older’s chest, “I’m gonna knock ya into next week!”
“That…” They both pause, the silence only broken by Simeon chuckling. “That is what I was going to say, yes…”
Undeterred, Mammon continues, “I can tell Lucifer and the others are real worried about ya, and that’s plenty weird, too. I never see you by yourself at RAD anymore, y’know?”
“Oh,” the angel chuckles again, “Well, it’s hard being so popular…”
Either pointedly ignoring the attempt to downplay his concerns, or not even hearing the jest over the own sound of his internal worries, Mammon shakes his head, continuing, “But when I saw what happened with the chimera, that’s when I knew somethin’ was up. You didn’t even try to use your angel’s blessing to defend yourself when it charged, did ya?” Mammon’s weight shifts rigidly again. “Actually, lemme rephrase that…it’s not that ya didn’t use your powers. It was more like you couldn’t.”
That ever-polite smile Simeon seems to naturally keep in place falters just slightly.
“Well? Answer me, Simeon!”
He frowns with a sigh, letting the facade finally drop. “You don’t need to shout, Mammon. I can hear you just fine.” Despite how unhappy he looks, Simeon still manages a gentle voice, even as he benignly scolds the younger for shouting; gaze darting from Mammon, to you, and back again. After an excruciatingly long moment of silence, he sighs again. “You’re right, I am…” Again his gaze flits back and forth, before his eyes close altogether. “I’m no longer qualified to use my angel’s blessing.”
Your heart skips a beat. Several, in fact, as an icy feeling begins settling in your veins.
“You’re no longer qualified..? What’s that even mean?” Mammon gestures aggressively at the angel, “Does it have somethin’ to do with Michael? That son of a—what’d he do?!”
Simeon’s chin dips, lips thinning into a tighter frown.
“C’mon, Simeon! Say something!”
The silence stretches on again. Your fingers curl tightly in the front of your uniform jacket. You hear the demon take a breath to continue his demands for answers, and quickly force out your voice first. “Simeon, you…”
Mammon pauses, turning to you in time with Simeon lifting his head, finally opening his eyes.
“You don’t have to answer if it’s too hard…”
That at least gets a smile. A smile that doesn’t even begin to reach his eyes, but it’s preferable to seeing him look so pained. “Thank you…” You nod, he continues, “It’s not that I can’t tell you what’s going on. It’s simply that…” There’s that look again, and it takes all your will power to stand firm in front of Mammon. “I’m still trying to process things. So please, I’d like a little more time.”
At your side, you can feel the anger just barely contained beneath Mammon’s surface; the urge to argue him down almost fit to burst. When the demon’s gaze meets yours in a glance, however, he knows he is only a single command away from being magically restrained. So instead, Mammon grits his teeth and concedes.
“I can tell that you’re concerned about me, though. And I appreciate that.” Simeon reaches out, taking hold of Mammon’s shoulder in an effort to calm him. “So thank you.”
“It’s not like that.” Mammon snorts, shrugging the hand off, puffing his chest out in a bid to sell the act, “Like I’d be concerned about you. Don’t make me laugh. It’s just that Lucifer and Lord Diavolo know somethin’, but they ain’t talkin’. And I don’t like how they’re bein’ so secretive about it, is all.”
Simeon nods, as if implying he was silly to think otherwise. “I’ll tell you what’s going on when the time is right. So, if you could just be patient until then..?”
The fight has still clearly not left Mammon’s body, but he knows it’s useless to continue arguing any further. Especially when he knows you’re now on Simeon’s side about this. He sighs, shrugging again, and grumbling that he doesn’t have much of a choice before turning to march for the door.
“Mammon…”
He pauses, turning back to look over his shoulder, immediately noting you haven’t moved a muscle. In fact, upon further inspection, you don’t seem to have even looked away from Simeon yet either.
“You go on ahead.”
His eyes flick back and forth between you and the angel—Simeon looks surprised at the request as well. You feel the demon’s desire to argue. ‘Whatever ya have to say to HIM, you can say in front of me!’ you practically hear him protesting in your mind. But when you finally meet his gaze head-on, Mammon scowls, turning away again and closes the door behind him none-too-politely.
Seconds tick by, feeling like an eternity as Simeon waits as patiently as ever for you to find the words you so obviously need to say. He watches the way you pinch the jacket buttons between your fingers as you stare holes into his tie, the gold trim of his waistcoat, the cuffs around his biceps before huffing a small sigh. His hand cuts through the silence, gently fitting along your jaw to raise your face. The fear he immediately notices in your eyes tears at him, yet he smiles through it, reassuringly. “Everything is…will be all right.” His thumb strokes over your cheek, spreading the same warmth as his palm. “I promise.”
Somehow, you don’t feel all that certain about his words, but you nod regardless. You’re worried about him, obviously, and want to help, but you are currently locked in a stalemate. Simeon has already made it very clear he still needs time to work through whatever it is that is going on with him. You’re so used to everyone else always turning to you to solve their issues, but still unable to help the gravitation that seems to suck you right in.
Your chin dips, forehead finding his shoulder, arms automatically curling around his waist. “Whenever you’re ready, I’ll be right by your side to help.”
A pause ripples through him. But he merely laughs so quietly, you barely hear it despite leaning into him, folding an arm around your shoulders while reaching up to stroke the back of your head. “There, there,” he coos lightheartedly. “Don’t worry.”
You puff a laugh into his chest. Here you wanted to reassure him, and he so naturally becomes the one comforting you. Heart aching to find the solution for him, you keep your silence, vowing to be as patient as he needs.
You’ve come to learn a great many things over the course of your life; so many of those things previously beyond your mortal comprehension, to mingling with demons and angels themselves, and yet still none of it prepared you in the slightest for the pain of tempting fate by falling in love with one of those angels.
Irony should have been your middle name. The very thing that had set your fate into motion now resting once again heavy in your heart—yet this time it is not your sin to bear. Humans are free in that way. Free-willed and capable of carving out their own paths, however misguided it may become. Free to do as they please, free to love.
Angels bear no such freedoms. Angels are meant to love all of humanity equally. To protect. To do otherwise is an affront to their Father; to incite His wrath. To disobey is to be cast out from the divine. A death sentence, in most cases.
You’d never want that for him. Despite every fiber of your being crying out for him, you keep your mouth shut. Your hands to yourself. Only accepting the love doled out that Angels can give; you swear to yourself it will be enough, because you’re certain he knows. Simeon is no fool, though oblivious as he may pretend to be, you know the angel must be fully aware of the damnation you would so selfishly drag him through should you ever succumb to the surging emotion you hold locked within your heart. You’re certain he knows this, yet he still is so caring, so warm, so loving—in the way that angels only are.
To love him is to love the moon. The sun. The stars. Ceaseless and unyielding, and always just beyond your reach.
This has made his self-appointed distance all the more difficult to witness. As he has toiled tirelessly to work through the struggle to regain control over his power, you’re forced to sit by the wayside, hoping—praying—there would be something you can do to help.
Saving him had been the least you could do, it had been instinctual really, and you’re not sure why Raphael even felt the need to thank you. But it had been that one crystalizing moment, when practically begging him to find his power, Simeon had frozen. Looked afraid. Mammon’s accusations had flooded your mind, drowning out every other sound: It was more like you couldn’t.
With everything said and done, everyone safe, emotions calmed; your own still flurried inside.
Texting him was more of a courtesy, despite how you phrased coming to his room as a question. It was a subtle command, one that Simeon has absolutely no obligation to entertain, but all the same the relief washing over you was still overwhelming when he pulls open the door after only a few knocks.
“Hi there,” his smile is as bright as ever, “Please come in.” Only once you’ve stepped a few feet inside and he’s closed the door does he continue, “I’m glad you could stop by. You said there was something you wanted to talk to me about?” Simeon’s eyes search your dire expression, still smiling in spite of it. “Well…I can probably already guess what it is.” You watch him carefully, deciding he’s being far too cheery, all things considered, as he gestures to the furniture on the far side of his room. “Go on, have a seat. I’ll make some tea.”
You do so without hesitation, sliding into the plush chair and staring into the unlit fireplace as you wait in silence. Still silent, you drink the tea, stealing glances at Simeon sat across from you until the cups are well empty.
“How’s Luke doing? Is he enjoying himself at the House of Lamentation?”
You set your cup on the small table off to the side of the chair and sofa. “Sometimes he seems a bit sad…and lonely.”
“I see.” Simeon mirrors your gesture, setting his cup next to yours. “It’s been about a week now since he was first invited to stay there, right? He still hasn’t come back, so he must find it comfortable being there.” Simeon laughs quietly, and you think he can somehow read your thoughts about Luke practically becoming your shadow in the house. “So, is what you’ve come to talk to me about what I think it is?”
You purse your lips, wanting the tension to be deflated before digging your heels in. So, you crack a smile, leaning your elbows on your knees. “Well…I was hoping for a little snuggle time..?” Eyebrow wiggle included, for added silliness.
Simeon, however, blinks quickly, “With me? Well, I…” The faintest dusting of red shadows his cheeks as he chuckles, “I’d like that too, actually.”
Wait. Now you blink. What?
“All right,” his arms open wide, serious about your invitation into them. “Come here.”
You hesitate, but only for a split second, before pushing yourself to your feet and moving over to him. After lowering to sit next to him, it’s easy to thereafter lean into his shoulder as you have so many times before. Simeon’s arms naturally fold around you just before feeling the press of his cheek atop your head.
He takes a deep breath, relaxing there in his seat, as if holding you has remedied every little thing ailing him. “I’m so happy I have you. It’s the one thing that keeps me going day in and day out.”
You’re now very glad he’s allowed you to hide your expression from him, even though he can probably feel the heat rushing to your face.
“You wanted to brighten the mood some, huh? Planned to wait until I feel ready to talk about this?”
You nod, trusting feeling the motion against his shoulder would suffice as answer enough.
“And I take it you’ve figured out that I can no longer use the power of my angel’s blessing?”
“I’m worried about you,” you admit to his neck, arms locking around his waist.
“I know…” His hold tightens just a bit. “That’s why I felt so bad. I knew I needed to face the truth, but I was confused, and I didn’t know how. Solomon and the others noticed something was wrong and confronted me about it. But this is the first time I’ve actually spoken about this by choice. You’re…” You think you can feel him trying to pull you even closer, despite the fact you’re leaning bodily against him already. “You’re special to me, and I care about you… So,” Simeon’s hold suddenly loosens, hands shifting to your shoulders to gently push you to sit back up. His eyes search yours, and it’s all you can do to not get lost in the view of the sky in them. “I’m going to be honest with you. And only you.”
You nod needlessly, knowing he’ll tell you regardless, but unable to help encouraging him even now—being told you’re special to an angel is too heady to ignore.
“I…I can’t use the power of my angel’s blessing anymore. Because I’m…not actually an angel…” He can see the confusion etching into your face, seeping into your eyes as your mind races through possibilities. “What I’m trying to say is…I’m a human now.”
You don’t realize you’ve been holding your breath until your lungs begin burning. There’s a roaring in your ears. Thunder, maybe. What does he mean?
“Are you all right?”
You hear his voice distantly, not actually registering he’s speaking.
Simeon readjusts his hands on your shoulders, turning you a bit more towards him. “You’re just sitting there staring off into space. Did my news hit you that hard?”
“What…” Your gaze snaps up to his again, “What did you say..?”
“I’m not an angel anymore… I’m a human, just like you.”
Your mouth falls open, too many things spinning in your mind all at once to pick just one thing to say—if any of it would have been coherent anyway.
“I’ll go ahead and take it from here.” Lucifer’s voice is followed by the click of the door shutting behind him. You hadn’t even noticed him entering.
“Lucifer…” Simeon smiles again, rising to his feet. “So you really came.” Then moves to stand next to him. You stay seated, watching as Lucifer’s features soften for the briefest of moments.
“Of course. I said I was in my message, didn’t I?” His attention then turns to you. “I’m sure you remember how you ended up with that ring, correct?”
You realize his gaze has dropped to your hand.
“I’m referring, of course, to the Ring of Light you’re wearing,” he clarifies with a nod. “You need the Ring of Light to stabilize your innate “ring”—the name we gave to the power that dwells within you.” He watches as you grasp the ring, twirling it around your finger one full revolution. “Originally, the plan was to sever that “ring” using the Night Dagger, after thrusting it into my body to restore its power. However…” Lucifer regards the look in your eyes when your head snaps back up at the mention of nearly being forced to stab him. “You ended up using the Ring of Light to control it instead. That ring was supposed to have been lost, until it found its way to you.” Still at the demon’s side, Simeon shifts in place. Lucifer doesn’t acknowledge the uneasy movement. “The truth is that Simeon took the Ring of Light from the Celestial Realm without permission. Isn’t that right,” he turns his head, locking eyes with the former angel, “Simeon?”
“Ah,” Simeon smiles weakly, laughing in spite of himself, “you got me. I can’t hide anything from you, can I..?” With a sigh, he nods, looking back at the way you stare up at him with swimming eyes. “It’s true. As punishment for taking the Ring of Light, I lost my angelic powers.”
Time seems to grind to a stand-still. The world itself freezing around you as you slump back against your seat. In contrast, your mind races at light-speed with his words; whirling with the implications, and the meanings, and the reality. “This…” Slowly, carefully, guiltily, you look up again, unsure how Simeon can even stand the sight of you. “This is all my fault…” you murmur, breathlessly.
“No.” Immediately, Simeon is there, kneeling in front of you, pulling your hands into his, “Don’t be ridiculous, this isn’t your fault at all.” His thumbs glide methodically to and fro over your knuckles in absence of reaching up to cradle your face despite the tears he can see beginning to gather. “Please. I don’t want you saying things like that. We all did what we had to do. It’s nobody’s fault.”
“But…” Your eyes dart behind him, above his head; as if you can still visibly see his wings and halo that have now been taken from him. The realization that he had gone through this alone, silently reckoning with the aftermath without so much as hint to how distressing his secret truly was, crashes down on you harder than any other force you’ve ever felt before. You’d been right there. Seen him smiling in spite of it all, and still had no idea.
“We all did what he had to do,” he reiterates softly.
“I’d say the real problem is that “human Simeon” is being forced to live in either the human world, or the Devildom.” Lucifer sighs, arms folding over his chest, “It’s dangerous.”
Simeon shifts, looking up over his shoulder at him. You continue staring at Simeon, studying his profile and the way he doesn’t seem shaken in the least—at least, not anymore. Your line of sight only breaks when he stands to face Lucifer as they continue speaking.
“He does everything for a reason.” Simeon makes a motion to himself, indicating his newly imposed humanity, “Even this.”
The noise Lucifer makes sounds quite vexed, clearly having a dissenting opinion, but chooses to hold his tongue to save himself that headache. Instead, he reaches out a hand towards him. “We will find a way to get you back to the Celestial Realm, Simeon.” The former angel reaches out as well, their hands closing around each other’s forearms in a show of trust. “Together.”
“Thank you.”
“We’re here to support you,” you finally find your voice again.
Simeon turns his smile back to you, all fondness and gratitude. “You really are something. When I first met you, I thought you were just a regular human, but I couldn’t have been more wrong.” He seems relieved you’re coming back to your senses. “I can’t even begin to tell you how reassuring it is to hear you say that.”
In this moment, you don’t feel even close to deserving his recognition. For all your talents, the innate power, it still took Simeon sacrificing his angelhood to save the three worlds; to do what you couldn’t.
He must have been able to see the remorse in your eyes, sinking back down to one knee and covering your hands again. Smiling.
Why is he still smiling?
Lucifer watches silently, regarding the way you drag your gaze up from Simeon’s hands, almost hesitantly meeting his bright eyes, and decides against suggesting you and he leave now. Well, decides against suggesting you leave, anyway. He’s already by the door, holding it open to let himself out when speaking again; calling your name for your attention. “Don’t linger too long,” he holds your gaze for a long moment, “I’m sure Simeon would like to rest.” His gaze moves to Simeon, the two seeming to share a silent exchange before Lucifer then slips through the doorway, closing the door behind his exit.
“Are you…,” your voice is barely above a whisper, “are you okay? Really?”
“Oh,” seemingly emboldened by Lucifer’s absence, Simeon doesn’t hesitate to lift a hand, placing it against your cheek, as gentle as his voice, “I’m fine.” His thumb grazes a slow path beneath your eye, as if hoping to prevent any tearfall, “I suppose there have been times when I’ve felt down, but I’m managing.”
“Why?” you whisper fiercely, afraid if you give any volume to your voice at all, you may scream.
“You very well know why.”
“Yes, but…” Your hands grasp at his that remains in your lap, squeezing. “But there must have been some other way. Something I could have—”
“That’s enough, now.” It’s all very reminiscent. Simeon’s hand drops down to cover yours still clinging to his, much like he had when you were futilely struggling with Lucifer to toss away the dagger. “We were out of time, and you know as well as I that Lucifer would not have hesitated.”
“I just needed a little more time…” Your head drops, hiding your broken expression. “I could have found another way…” Your hands squeeze more tightly still. “I could have saved him. I could have protected you, Simeon…”
He huffs a small laugh as his hand caresses the back of your head, petting you. “There, there,” that same, soft tone he always uses to soothe those in distress, “everything is all right.” When you don’t respond, when he notices the tremble of your shoulders, the tiny sound you mostly manage to choke back, Simeon takes a deep breath and gently guides you forward to rest your head against his chest. His heart beats steadily, calmly; thumping just a bit quicker when you fully embrace him. Your arms wrap around his waist, clinging in the hopes you never have to let go. Returning to stroking your hair, he loops an arm around your back as well. “You’re not to blame for anything.” The motion of his hand is somehow as equally reassuring as his voice. “I did what I had to do. It’s what I wanted to do.”
“If I was stronger…” Your voice comes out muffled, thanks to speaking into his chest, “If I was able to control my powers, you wouldn’t have had to…”
“I’d say Lucifer’s life is worth more than a pair of wings, wouldn’t you?” You’re unable to see his smile once feeling you nod, but you can hear it in his voice. “And the three worlds are more important than a halo?”
“But I,” you suddenly sit up, and Simeon leans back to narrowly avoid a rather unceremonious meeting of his chin with your head, “should have been the one to save the three worlds!” Gathering up two fistfuls of his waistcoat, you give Simeon a quick shake, as if it will better emphasize your point. “I didn’t want anyone to be hurt! I didn’t want anyone to have to sacrifice anything else!”
For a moment, he looks stunned, but the expression melts quickly away as he smiles again.
How is he always smiling?
Simeon’s little laugh shakes his shoulders a bit, reaching up to cover your hands with his, making no attempt to pull them off his waistcoat. “You,” he laughs again, “are so beautifully human.”
“Wha—”
“We all have a duty to maintain balance between the three worlds, if we are capable of doing so.”
“If I didn’t need so much help to control my power—”
“And I wanted to save you, as well.”
Your jaw snaps shut.
“It just so happened to work out for me that bestowing you the Ring of Light allowed me to do so.”
“But now you’re—”
“Given the choice, I would do so again. And again.” Simeon’s thumbs trail back and forth over your knuckles in a familiar motion. “In every world, in every reality, I would make the same choice a thousand times if it meant saving you.”
Had your wits been about you, you might have stopped him there. Stopped that blasphemous line of thinking—exactly what had caused such turmoil and strife in the Celestial Realm all that time ago. He can never admit, aloud, that you—a singular human—are any more important than the rest. Not if he ever wishes to return home, as was Lucifer’s promise.
Only now does he pull at your hand that dons the aforementioned ring; lifting and holding it up in the space between your faces. His gaze drops to it, studying the Ring of Light shining there on your middle finger. Simeon tugs your hand closer, bows his head, and presses a lingering kiss gently against your ring finger; the finger he had originally slipped the Ring of Light over.
When he cuts his eyes up to you, it feels as though the air is punched from your lungs, leaving you breathless and gasping quietly, “Simeon—”
And just like that, he lowers your hand, smile soft and innocent, and nary a hint of anything other than just that. “No more of that kind of talk, okay?” You find it ridiculously hard to catch your breath. Nodding is the only thing you can manage as he sighs happily, “Good.”
Maybe you imagine it, the feeling of Simeon’s thumb pressing just slightly into your ring finger, as he elegantly moves to his feet, releasing your hand once backing away while offering to brew you another cup of tea.
Your fingertips trace over the Ring of Light, and over the still-warm space next to it, before pulling the ring from your hand and then carefully slipping it back on the original finger he had chosen to place it. Simeon can never openly love you unlike an angel. But through his calculated gestures, and his sacrifices, you feel it all the same.