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Hanbin had no idea how he got himself in this situation.
The situation being the following:
Hanbin had barely slept the last few nights after the Boys Planet final where, instead of packing his bags and going back home to his normal routine of college, helping out at the cafe and occasional dance classes; he ended up securing second place in the debut lineup and moving to a whole new place with eight other boys.
If Hanbin thought the night of the final was a swirl of emotions, he hadn’t been ready for everything afterwards.
Having your group formed to debut was one step closer to achieving his dream but getting the group ready enough to go up on stage was a different story.
It wasn’t like any of them were bad, the contrary actually. They were the best that got out of the survival show despite some people’s cynical opinions.
But they were not ready for the overload of work they had coming their way.
To add up, Hanbin was picked as the leader of the group. Which was an honor more than anything. But also one more stone on his back to carry.
Packed schedules, meetings, interviews, photoshoots, dance practice, recording sessions.
Everything was happening fast and at the same time.
And then it stopped for a while.
The debut went well, the album did great and they got two music show wins out of it.
Sure, there were bad things too. Things he kept locked inside and refused to talk about no matter how much anyone tried to pry it out of him.
He wanted to focus on the good parts. The part where they all cried together at the dorm after they got their first win. All of them tired, God they were already so tired, but it felt good and it was a reward for their hard work.
The part where they visited Japan and they all sneaked out during the middle of the night to explore and, somehow, they didn’t get caught by their manager nor did anyone recognize them.
The parts that made them feel complete and whole.
And then their first comeback came around.
Another repeat of everything but this time they were ready. They learned from the mistakes of their debut and they showed exactly why the nine of them won .
But, of course, that meant the sleeping was back to being less than usual and although they were ready to some level this time around, they were also struggling.
Struggling because it shouldn’t be allowed for a human to only sleep 2 hours a night, if that.
Everything was building up fast not only for Hanbin but for the other members too. He could see it in the way everyone was talking less at the dorm and quietly went to bed after their schedule. No one tried to lure the others out of their room to watch movies or play games like before.
Hanbin was getting scared they were already burning out.
Which was how he ended up locking himself in a bathroom during one of their photoshoots.
Crying, to be clear.
It felt selfish, in a way. He was hiding to cry out his frustrations while his members were pushing through their hardships out there.
Sometimes he just couldn’t help it.
He had always been too in sync with his emotions, after all.
He sat on the edge of the toilet lid with his forehead pressed to his knees as he just let the tears fall. It wasn’t one of the worst breakdowns he’s had, it was actually pretty mild.
All he had to do was let the tears come out quietly, compose himself and get back out there like nothing happened. Easy!
Or, it would have been easy if Hao hadn’t decided to look for him.
Because of course he would look for Hanbin.
They were always together from the moment they met during Boys Planet to now.
They had built a home around each other to the point where whenever the other wasn’t near, it didn’t feel right.
Some call it codependency. Hao calls it spidey-senses.
Hanbin just calls it love.
So, Hao came looking for him and found him pink cheeked and with tears streaming down his face.
He said, “Oh, baby.” with so much love and adoration in his voice that Hanbin had no other choice.
He started sobbing like the world was ending.
Because, yes, he was a baby.
But he was Hao’s baby.
“What’s wrong, my love?” Hao asked as he crouched in front of Hanbin’s shaking form and cupped his cheeks.
Hanbin, scrunched face, teary eyed and most definitely snotty nosed, could only shake his head and make grabby hands at the older man.
Hao, bless his soul, pulled the younger of the two until he was sitting on his lap in the middle of the bathroom floor.
It was disgusting and Hanbin knew Hao would complain about it later when he was sure the younger one wasn’t in distress anymore. But, for now, all he cared about was him and that made Hanbin preen and cry harder.
“Last time you cried this hard was during Boys Planet.” Hao mumbled against Hanbin’s hair as he squeezed him closer.
Hanbin let out a pathetic whimper in an attempt to laugh.
Hao kept going, “You still look extremely cute when you cry. But now it makes my heart hurt more than before.”
“Telling me your heart hurts will only make me cry more. Is that your plan?” Hanbin whined against his shoulder as more tears came. He made sure to bite Hao through his sweater when the older one started laughing at his whining.
“No, I’m just remembering.” Hao giggled, pressed a kiss to the side of Hanbin’s head, “It was very similar to this. Of course, before you would never sit on my lap this easily.”
Hanbin leaned back on Hao’s lap to meet his eye, his arms still wrapped around his shoulders so as to not get too far away.
“I was shy. And I still did a lot , Mr I-Won’t-Confess-First-No-Matter-What.” the younger man pouted as he finished and Hao pressed a quick kiss to his lips.
“Well, it worked out!” he cheered with a smile, “You only turned completely red and didn’t stutter, not even once. I think that’s a win.”
Hanbin couldn’t help but laugh at his hyung’s cheery smile.
It had, somehow, worked out.
The ‘somehow’ being because neither of them was willing to confess first until Hanbin just gave in, to Hao’s pleasure.
They kissed for the first time in the laundry room after Hanbin, much like right now, had a breakdown. That time it had been over his own insecurities and not being able to properly show them during the show.
Hao had squished his cheeks, said his face was like clay and called him cute. Hanbin had laughed at the time because it was such a ridiculous situation to be in.
Never, in a million years, would he imagine being in a laundry room with the man he had a crush on as he cried his eyes out.
The kiss had been out of instinct.
Hao was holding him close, standing between his legs as Hanbin sat on top of one of the washing machines.
Hanbin had snuggled into the older man’s neck before leaning back and just – kissing him.
Nothing out of this world. Just a peck.
But Hanbin felt his whole body burn and crash right at that moment.
Hao had blushed prettily right back at him and smiled gently before kissing him once more and clearing his face with his own shirt.
After that, it became a complicated game of what-are-we-? in Hanbin’s brain and an opportunity for Hao to one up his flirting.
Hanbin had always been a bit shy by nature and adding to the fact this was a new world for him (falling in love, that is) he couldn’t bring himself to do more than small touches. Holding Hao’s hand, fixing his hair, kissing his cheek.
In return, Hao would flirt hard and make Hanbin turn different shades of red and then act like he wasn’t affected when he would pout any time Hanbin wouldn’t hold his hand.
It was, all in all, a confusing time.
Hanbin confessed to Hao at the convenience store with one boiled egg shove inside his mouth.
Hao was taking pictures of him and calling him cute and touching his hair like he loved him and Hanbin just couldn’t take it anymore.
He asked through a mouthful of egg and red cheeks if Hao wanted to be his boyfriend. Debut or no debut. He wanted them to be together no matter what the outcome would be.
And Hao smiled, kissed him on his egg filled cheek and then straight on the mouth and said:
“I thought you’d never ask.”
And here they were now.
Different place, same crying person.
“I guess it is a win,” Hanbin said, sniffing hard and rubbing at his wet cheek with the back of his hand.
Hao patted his waist and dropped a kiss against the corner of his mouth.
“Would you like to tell me why you’re crying now?”
The younger one sighed and let himself fall back against Hao’s shoulder with a whine.
“I’m just tired. I feel so selfish for crying over it since I know all of us are tired but I really couldn’t hold it in anymore. I just wanted to have a crying session, go back and act like nothing happened but-”
He paused, pressed a kiss against Hao’s neck and continued;
“You showed up. Once my crying button, always my crying button.”
Hao hummed gently as they held each other in silence for a while. In the back of his head, Hanbin counted the seconds they had before their manager came looking for them.
“Would you think I’m selfish if I couldn’t help but cry?” Hao asked
The younger one shook his head as he sat up to look his hyung in the eye once more.
“Never, hyung. Be it you or any of the others. I would prefer you let it all out than keep it inside.” Hanbin said with certainty.
Hao smiled fondly as he said, “Then don’t think that of yourself either. We are all doing our best but we are still human. The same way you’re there for me during the hard days to give me a hug and tell me I worked hard, I’ll be here to make you laugh when you cry and kiss your tears away. There’s no need to hide in laundry rooms anymore. You’re not alone in this.”
Hanbin bit his lip hard to avoid the new wave of tears incoming and nodded vigorously at Hao’s words.
“Okay, hyungie.” he whispered.
Soon enough they got up from the bathroom floor, Hao whining quietly to himself over getting his pants dirty and Hanbin rolling his eyes fondly at his early prediction.
Hao cleaned Hanbin’s face and in return Hanbin helped him fix his outfit from the wrinkles it got.
As they heard their manager call out for them, Hao pressed one last kiss against Hanbin’s lips and entwined their fingers.
“I love you, hyungie.” Hanbin confessed quietly between them.
Hao smiled, the one smile he has just for Hanbin only.
“I love you too, eggy.”