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Renato has never lived without Thalita, and he can't begin to imagine a world without her.
He's just a little under 5 years younger than her. From the moment he was born to the moment they made the worst mistake of their lives, and flew that kite, however long ago, he cannot remember a moment without her.
Even now, as he's grown older and they've both begun to lead their own separate lives (and, inevitably, come back together again) he just can't imagine it. A world where she dies, or is just too busy with her own life to spend time together like they used to, or, simply, a world where she no longer wishes to speak with him.
(Some part of him, especially here, especially now, hopes he goes around the same time as Thalita. He just doesn't think he could handle it, a duo being reduced to a single. He knows he couldn't handle it.)
A lot of the other survivors talked about being in a state of shock when they realized this was their life now, and there's no guarantee even that they'll ever escape. They're not wrong. It's not like he and Thalita could evade the effects of understanding intimately that this hell, (for a lack of better words) and the people in it are all you have now. But having her there helped, he knew it did, it had too. Being thrown in the deep end, in brand new uncharted territory, with people he doesn't know, (and, if he's being honest, still doesn't know all that well) in a place so very far from home? From everything he's ever known and loved?
Well, he doesn't know if he would've made it.
Renato has never lived without Thalita, and he has to start imagining a world without her.
"You can't mope over this forever you know?" Thalita calls.
"I could- and I'm not moping I'm just…" He trails off, and manages to look his older sister in the eyes for just a moment. "You died , and I watched- I just stood there!" He can hear his voice getting a little shrill towards the end.
She practically hand waves it off. "I'm not the only person who's died here. This isn't even my first time dying!"
She's right. He can remember pretty well the first time she really, truly died. He couldn't find a way to comfort her, because how in the world do you help someone who just came back from death? He just stayed by her side for as long as he could. Apparently, that was enough.
He'll never forget the first time he died.
It's different with this though. It's the first time he's seen, and watched her die. Witnessed something as horrible, and brutal as death befall someone as kind, dedicated, and wonderful as his sister.
And he did nothing.
It makes him sick to think about.
"And I don't like how you said that. 'Watched' 'Stood there.'" She air quotes, and Renato knows his sister is about to get annoying when she decides to pull out the air quotes.
"What, as if you were single handedly going to take down a vicious killer? Be serious, It never would've happened. You would've gotten yourself killed, and then we'd both be moping about it." She finishes, feeling like her point was made sufficiently.
"It has to be better than dying alone." He mumbles, barely audible enough for Thalita to pick up on it.
She sinks down, and stares across at her brother. "It is better than dying with you. God, Renato, if you died next to me- or god forbid, trying to save me? I-" she sighs, and promptly cuts herself off before she can say too much.
"I don't want you beating yourself up over not dying. You know how happy I am that you made it out alive, right? Right?" She adds a second time when he doesn't immediately nod.
"Let's just drop this, okay? Drop it and go borrow Kate's guitar."
"You know it's not 'borrowing' if we keep taking it from her without permission, you know?" She grins.
"Alright, geez, go steal Kate's guitar!"
Thalita would do anything to keep the people she loves safe. She's pretty sure that's the thesis of her entire life up to this point.
From a young child to an adult woman, Thalita has always been surrounded by the most wonderful, caring people she could ever ask for.
Even Renato! Annoying, fiercely independent, too clever for his own good, little brother Renato. The same Renato she flew kites with for the first time just a little before her 18th birthday. Renato Lyra, who would stay up with her as she contemplated what she even wanted to do with her life, because modeling just wasn't what she thought it would be.
Renato Lyra, who is currently trapped in hell with her.
It's a bad situation to say the least.
She'd do anything for Renato to leave, he doesn't deserve this. Neither does she, or really anyone here. But Renato especially doesn't deserve this.
She'd never hear the end of it if she said this to his face, but he's barely an adult! He should be in some nice college studying whatever major he finally settled on. He should be cleaning and helping out in the kite shop with Uncle Inacio. He should be flying kites and getting weirdly competitive about it. He should be playing music and volunteering and single handedly lighting up a room like he used too!
He shouldn't be watching people die.
He shouldn't be watching her die.
He shouldn't be dying.
And he shouldn't be beating himself up! Over what? Not being butchered? As if him dying a brutal death is somehow better than her?
(She gets it though. It's just instinct to want to protect your sibling from everything thrown at them, despite what Laurie might argue. Whenever she has to watch Renato die, or wait to see if he makes it back from a trial they entered together, or see him stumble out of the fog with that look of pure exhaustion and terror? It's hard not to wish she could take his place. It wouldn't do any good though, everyone suffers regardless, and she can't bear it.)
But they dropped it, and Renato just stole Kate's guitar.
She asks him to play a song, and starts humming out a tune he instantly recognizes. He criticizes her choice, and asks why this song, cause she's heard it at least a dozen times at this point and “You have to be getting sick of it.” But she isn't, and she is the one who just died, so he has no choice but to play.
It really is a beautiful song. Someone, maybe their Uncle, maybe a teacher, it doesn't really matter, taught Renato at some point. Thalita can't exactly remember when, but he's been able to play it basically ever since he picked up a guitar.
There aren't any lyrics, there often aren't with Renato's songs, but the melody more than makes up for it. It carries the song, and for just a moment, everything feels normal. Whenever one of the other survivors overhear it, they always mistake it to be a melancholy song, but they just don't get it.
It reminds her of home. It reminds her of her parents, and her friends, and her uncle. It makes her think of every stupid argument she and Renato have ever had, and every time they've just been so proud of each other, and so proud to be their sibling. It makes her yearn for the sandy beaches of Brazil, for her friends, for kite flying.
And for just a moment? It almost feels like home.
That's the power her brother holds. Even in hell, he can manage to make the unfamiliar feel safer just by being there with her.
‘I'm just so happy we're still together,’ and almost as soon as she thinks that, she feels guilt and shame chill through her body.
She can feel tears starting to well up in her eyes as Renatos song finishes, and she knows he can tell because he gets all quiet and for a moment, all she can hear is the campfire crackling between them.
“..Thalita?” He asks, shifting uncomfortably. “Are you- I can stop playing, if you want?”
She frantically shakes her head, and starts laughing “No, no- it's not your playing, I swear!”
Looking up towards her brother again, ahead smiles. “It's just been a while since it's felt so much like home..”
Renato just slowly nods, as everything goes silent again, and both of them are sent back to the brutal reality that this isn't a home.
But Thalitas never been someone to let an uncomfortable silence sit for long.
“We're gonna make it out of here. You got it? I don't know how- or when it's gonna happen, but we're getting out.”
They both manage a smile, “Alright, I'll hold you to it.”
“Good.”